


amissa caritate

by iraincensus



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2019-08-25 17:54:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 59
Words: 125,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16665487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iraincensus/pseuds/iraincensus
Summary: The Reapers are defeated, but nobody knows how.Shepard wakes up in a hospital and has lost much of her memory. Seriously injured and alone she tries to understand what happened.Her last memories were in front of the Omega 4 portal.She, her friends and especially her boyfriend have to deal with this situation.I set some general tags, but probably won't renew them with every chapter.





	1. evigila

Litavis Shepard opened her eyes with a painfully distorted wheeze. Everything she saw was white. She had to blink a few times before her vision cleared. That wasn't the Normandy. She heard a hectic peep. Immobile as she was, she tried to see anything out of the corner of her eye. Hectic steps approached her bed. Someone spoke to her, but she didn't understand a word. At one time her arm seemed to be on fire and the world was dark again. This repeated itself several times. Often enough she did not sink completely into the gracious darkness. She heard noises, felt a machine press air into her lungs and the incredible pain that dominated her body. But that wasn't the worst. She felt alone. So terribly alone. Her life consisted of a variety of light, pain, loneliness and darkness. Every now and then a frightening thought penetrated her. Her crew! She had to save her crew.  
Without any sense of time Litavis could not tell when she really woke up. The pain brought tears to her eyes. She had to leave. As strong as she could, she pulled on the breathing tube. Only terribly slowly she felt the objects sliding out of her windpipe. Coughing, she lay in bed trying to breathe. It was terribly difficult. She suffocated. Alchera's memories reappeared. Breathe! Breathe damned! Shepard screamed at herself in thought. She wasn't in space. There was more than enough air here. But whatever she tried, her chest barely lifted. Suddenly she heard footsteps. Through a grey fog, strange faces appeared in her field of vision. She was pressed firmly back into bed. NO! She had to leave here. Her crew was in danger. Desperately the redhead tried to fend off the attackers. She was so weak. Something was wrong. Her gaze fell on her right arm. Or rather what was left of it. Just below the elbow there was nothing left. A known burning started from the still intact left arm and her world turned black again.  
Litavis woke up more and more often. It seemed to her like a perverse game. The last time she had made it out of bed despite shortness of breath. Only to find out that she had lost her legs as well. Again she blinked a few times to see clearly. She heard something. Something familiar when distorted. Hope germinated in her. That was... She had to get in touch. Had to do something to get her noticed. So again from the start. She could now remove the hose much faster. Litavis waited for the moment when air was pressed into her lungs. She had only one attempt. She opened her lips to scream, but all that came out was a pathetic rattle. Blood was spilling over her lips. Not now. Not shortly before. If she couldn't scream, she had to make it to the door. The fall from bed pressed much of the precious oxygen out of her lungs. Blood filled her mouth and the pain wave made her almost faint. With the remaining hand she slowly pulled herself forward. Somewhere in her head a voice screamed that she had to bleed heavily. The floor beneath her was slippery. But that didn't matter. Everything didn't matter as long as she made it to the door. The alarm of the machines became quieter and quieter. Shepard slowly lost consciousness. Just a little more. A small piece. Her vision blurred. All she noticed now was a hectic white flutter and somewhere in it blue. She raised her hand only a few millimeters. Tried to grab the blue, but her world became dark again.  
This time it seemed to take much longer to wake up again. She was in the bed again. Was she really here? Maybe she had died and now condemned to relive that day again and again. Or she had been captured and one made fun of it to separate more and more from her body until she no longer existed. But then why the pain medication? So it had to be the first one. She was dead. She was dead and punished. Tears rose in Shepard's eyes. Of course she was punished. She was a mass murderer.

"Commander Shepard? Can you hear me?"

An unknown Asari appeared in her field of vision. Bright light hit her pupils and Litavis pinched her eyelids.

"Commander Shepard, if you hear me blink once for no and twice for yes. Do you hear me?

Emphasized slowly the redhead closed her eyes and then opened them again. Confusion was written on the Asari's face, but then she smiled.

"You were hurt very badly, Commander. But don't worry, we'll take care of you."  
Even if the voice of the other sounded very reassuring, Litavis did not believe a word she said. When had she been so hurt? And where were the others? Panic was boiling in her. Had she failed? Had she made a stupid mistake and her team had paid for it with their lifes? Now the hot tears banished their way down.

"Take it easy, Commander. I'll give you something so you can sleep."

NO! NO SHE DIDN'T NEED SLEEP. SHE NEEDED TO ANSWER!!! It was too late. The darkness embraced her again. Whenever Shepard woke up the strange Asari sat at her bed. She asked her simple questions, but Shepard didn't react anymore. They were dead. They were all dead and it was her fault. Joker, Karin, Garrus, Mordin, Jack, Grunt, Thane, Samara, Zaeed, Kasumi, Miranda, Jacob, Tali, Legion, Gabriella, Kenneth, Kelly, Rupert, Sarah, Vadim, Jenny, Thomas, Richard, Zach, Burt... The names and faces dominated all her thinking. Had Litavis always fought the darkness until now, she welcomed it now. Why couldn't she have died too? The doctor seemed to become more and more worried about her condition. As soon as Shepard opened her eyes she was bombarded with questions. Shepard simply closed her eyes every time, hoping to feel the comforting burning in her arm again. So far it had worked well, but today it was a little different. She was extubated. 

"Commander, the operation was successful. Your new lung is working well and the other internal injuries have finally been treated. You will soon feel better. As soon as you are strong enough your limbs will be restored.

The redhead felt a mask put on her. Her new lungs sucked in the air. However, this caused new pain. Her chest seemed to be on fire. The devices to which she was connected began to beep hectically.

"I'll give you something for the pain, Commander."

Finally. You shouldn't reassemble them. She just wanted to die. Even if she were really punished after her death, she deserved it. She had disappointed everyone. Meanwhile Litavis knew that one day had passed with every new look. Since she had her new lung it had been thirty. The doctor argued with a colleague in front of the door. Why it worked Shepard could not understand and she did not try it at all. Only the hope that the Asari soon gave her back her medication dominated her thinking. It took a long time. Why didn't she come back? The faces and the names of her crew completely filled the commander's thoughts again. When she heard heavy footsteps, the redhead opened her eyes tormented. Her breath stopped.

"Ga...r...rus...", it came soundlessly over her lips.

The Turian accelerated his steps and grabbed her hand. He lived. She thanked all the gods whose names just occurred to her. He was alive! Garrus was alive! And if he lived, then maybe the others as well? She did not really notice how she began to cry.

"Litavis. By the spirits, you live."

His talons were driving tenderly through her hair. He sat down next to Shepard on the bed and tried to wipe away the tears as carefully as possible. Litavis needed some time to at least calm down. Asking, she looked up at her best friend.

"Everyone is fine, Litavis. You saved everyone. You saved the whole fucking galaxy."

Pure relief spread to her chest. She had made it. A short smile played around her features.

"James sits outside and waits. I'm about to relieve him."

"W...h...o...?"

Her voice sounded like a hollow whistle, but Garrus understood her nevertheless.

"James Vega. You know, the human Krogan."

Without understanding she looked at the Turian. What the hell was he talking about?

"Litavis, what is the last thing you remember?"

"Bahak... crew kidnapped... harbinger... nothing afterwards."

The astonished and sad look now made her insecure. 

"Litavis... that was 18 months ago."

Shepard's world began to spin. She became terribly dizzy. 18 months? She was missing 18 months? But the Reapers, they had to be here by now. How long had she been here? What had happened? Had everything just felt easier, the new questions almost killed her. Her breathing became more hectic. Suddenly Garrus pulled her in. The commander's head leaned against his chest plates and he just held her.

"Reaper?

"You stopped them. Thanks to you, it's over."

"How... bad?"

"Not now, Litavis. You are still too weakened. When you've recovered a little, I'll tell you everything. But first you have to get well, you hear me?"

"So... bad... so..."

The doctor came back in and smiled satisfied. Shepard hopes Garrus didn't have to leave again. After such a long time she felt safe again. The burning sensation in her arm was not welcome after such a long time.


	2. incubus

The next time her eyes opened, she was alone again. Had she only dreamed all this? Had her tormented spirit played a trick on her? Fearfully her hand groped over the place where Garrus must have sat. She was cold. Hartly Shepard pressed her lips together. It had only been a dream. A stupid hope. Tears shot into her eyes again. The pain hit her again. A whimpering sound escaped her. 

"Commander Shepard? Keep breathing calmly. It should get better soon."

It didn't get any better. It got even worse. Her chest cramped. She couldn't breathe anymore. The redhead opened her lips and struggled for air. Her whole body seemed to be on fire. Shepard felt a mask on her face. All the machines sounded a shrill alarm. She knew the game. Again doctors showed up in her room. Was it perhaps over now? Did her body reject the new lung? Was she allowed to leave? The doctors spoke hectically with each other. Shepard didn't understand them anymore. Black shadows appeared before her eyes. Her hand cramped into the white sheet. But then she let go. Why still fight? No matter what was true, she was no longer needed. Should her entire crew be dead, she had deserved to die. And should the Reapers really be defeated, she deserved the rest. Litavis fainted. It was no merciful impotence like before. Her body seemed to be torn to pieces. It was so hot. So terribly hot. Her body burned. She felt as if she was breathing in liquid fire. Something cut into her side and shredded her organs. Shepard tried to scream, but no sound came over her lips. An unbearable sound roared in her ears. Something filled her airways and the fire penetrated every fiber of her body. Her skin burned, turned black and disintegrated. She saw naked muscles and bones. Her eyes seemed to be pierced by knives. Then came the blackness. Again and again she experienced this pain. With each new time further injuries came. Crushed bones, limbs that were destroyed by the heat. Her body burnt beyond recognition. Whatever she tried, she could not escape this fate. Litavis fell. How often would her mind survive that?  
Suddenly the world became white again. She had to be awake. But there was no relief about it. Shepard pressed her lips together hart. No breathing tube. So everything was fine with her lungs. Her gaze wandered back and forth. She was alone. Shepard's gaze was on the TV. She needed information. Certainty of what had happened, now. Out of reflex, she lifted the stump of her right arm to operate her Omnitool. A resigned laugh escaped her lips. No arm, no Omnitool. It was that simple. Litavis licked her dry lips. Then it was different. There had to be a control panel somewhere. She discovered it on a table. Again the commander escaped a hoarse laughter. 39 inches and yet it could have been at the other end of the Milky Way. She looked around further. Wasn't there anything she could use to reach her goal? Tears shot into Shepard's eyes. The pain suddenly seemed so ridiculous to her. She knew pain, but this helplessness was new. Shepard heard footsteps again. Slowly she turned her head. It was the Asari again. Litavis laboriously pointed to the television.

"No, Commander. You are not ready for it. I have already violated the will of my colleagues by letting your friend join you. We are worried about your amnesia. You must be patient."

Shepard twisted her eyes. She needed information. She had to know what was going on. Only then did she realize something completely different. Garrus had been here. He had really been here. Relief spread to her again. Nevertheless she pointed again to the television. Suddenly other doctors came in and began to examine her. The bastards treated her like a piece of meat. The specialists talked about her all the time, but not to her. Despite all the pain, Litavis became angry.

"I... can... hear... you... scumbags..."

The amazed looks would have made her smile if she wasn't so weak. The young Asari doctor smiled. Again one of the white coats approached her.

"Don't... touch... me... Chakwas... I want... Chakwas... or... Michel..."

"Commander, we need you..."

"Chakwas... or Michel... out."

Her gaze remained iron. None of them took her seriously. All but her nurse left the room.

"Very good, Commander. I'll give you your meds now and take care of your wish."

The commander flinched as the burning grabbed her arm again. She didn't want to sleep again. She was afraid of it. Shepard tried to fight against sleep, but she lost that fight.  
This time her body was not torn. But she would have preferred it. The roaring was there again. But even worse were the screams. The cries from thousands of throats calling her name. Sometimes despairing, sometimes accusing, sometimes sad. For half an eternity Litavis was trapped in this darkness.  
Finally she could open her eyes again. This time she was not alone. Someone held her hand. The red haired woman laboriously turned her head. What the hell did that mean? WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING HERE?

"Kai...dan..."

"Litavis, you're awake. How are you?"

"Out..."

"What? Litavis, I..."

"Go away..."

"But I..."

"OUT!"

He dared to come here? After Horizon, Alenko dared to come here and hold her hand? He had given her a clear rebuff. He who knew her the best. Angry she looked up at him. When she had needed him, really needed him, he had left her. She had returned from the dead. She had returned to him and he had thrown her away. If there had been only a little strength in her body, then she... yes what? She didn't have many possibilities anymore. When he grabbed her hand again, Shepard activated her Biotic. Her head seemed to burst, bloody tears ran down her cheeks and an iron taste lay down on her tongue. But Kaidan flinched in pain. That had been worth all the agony.

"GET OUT!"

Heavy steps came through the door. Her eyes were blurred. She could barely see.

"You better go human, now. My fight master does not want to see you.

"But..."

"She doesn't want to see you. So go, or I'll make you go."

Shepard took a deep breath. Only when she heard the door again did she wipe her eyes.

"Grunt."

"Shepard."

"I'm afraid... the fight master thing is over."

"Ha! You kicked the reapers' ass. You kicked the genophage in the ass, you kicked the illusive man in the ass. There will never be a better fight master."

"What do you mean, ... I... kicked the... genophage... in the ass?"

"A cure, Shepard."

"Okay, Grunt. Tell me. Not only am I missing 60% of my limb, I'm missing memories too. So I start with Tuchanka."

The rough laughter of the Krogan had something reassuring. Litavis listened attentively. Finally a few gaps were filled. Despite the physical agony it felt very good. Her conversation was only interrupted when Grunt gave her something to drink or threw the doctors out of the room. Finally he ended.

"So we lost Mordin."

"Yes, fight master."

"He wouldn't have wanted it any other way."

The Asari came back in and stopped as if rooted in front of the Krogan.

"She's all right, Grunt."

Litavis got her medication again. The Krogan told her that he would guard the door now.

"Woe is there... there... not now... a lot of children... with the name... Shepard..."

Despite the good news, the nightmare kept her firmly under control again and among all these voices she now believed to hear not only Ashley and the deceased of SR1, but also Mordin.


	3. aegrum

The nightmares continued. The painkillers that were supposed to relieve her pain constantly brought her new anguish. Meanwhile at least Dr. Michel was her doctor. Nevertheless, her treatment did not change. Her body had to recover. Litavis didn't want to sleep anymore. She wanted to know more, even if it frightened her. Who else had she lost? Who else had she failed with? Her former crew, Ashley and now Mordin. The Bahak system... how many more had to die? How many billions of souls had suffered? How many had died? Why didn't she get any answers? The doctor did not allow her to talk to Grunt for long. Her mind would not be able to stand that. Her mind could no longer stand it here. Why didn't the doctors listen to her? She had already had to endure a lot. More than many others. Why the hell wasn't she allowed to decide for herself? But she was patronized by everyone. So often she had said that she didn't want to sleep. It was in vain.  
One thing had changed. Her hand was warmer. She was apparently no longer alone. Someone was always with her. She thought she felt different hands. When she was awake, but her body was not responding, she tried to guess who had been with her. Garrus was easy to see. Liara had probably been there too, but Shepard certainly couldn't say that. Moaning she finally opened her eyes again. It seemed brighter to her than usual. The comander's eyes wandered to the window. As always she could only see the sky. It was cloudy, grey, but very bright. And it snowed? Litavis absorbed this information. It didn't snow on the Citadel. Immediately she thought about which planet it was snowing on. She was probably on Earth. The door opened again and the Asari came in. 

"You're making progress, Comander. Your next operation is coming soon. You will feel weaker again afterwards, but the production of your body must be tackled quickly to achieve the best possible result."

"What... is being done?

"The specialist can explain this to you better tomorrow."

Great, again no answers. They hissed and sucked in the air as the well-known burning grabbed her arm. She looked at the doctor imploringly. She didn't want to sleep again. Please don't. Not back into the darkness. Not the screaming again.  
She walked through the darkness. It was hot. She was sweating. From every direction marker-shattering cries resounded. Litavis knew that any attempt to escape was futile. She continued calmly. If she stopped, she would fall. Shepard found the feeling of falling even worse. So she forced herself to continue quietly, just keep going. Deeper into the darkness. From time to time a bright light shone from afar. The redhead had given up on running. Shortly before she reached it, it disappeared. Always. There was not much she could do here. Just waiting. Run and wait. The screams became louder. They would continue to rise. So long, until she tried to cover her ears, which would bring nothing. If she thought she could no longer stand it, it would become quiet. So quiet that she would hear her own blood rushing. Then the worst would come. The screams of families and friends. She would relive all her losses. Shortly before she broke she would wake up again. Just hold on. There was nothing more to do. Just hold on. Become awake, fall asleep again and hold out again. That was her life now. Every day from the front. If only her body were not so weak. She could wake up more time. That could help.  
It took a long time. This time she was in this place for a very long time. Much too long. Suddenly she was bathed in blue light again. Her body was torn apart. Especially her right arm was a single torture. The skin turned grey. Shreds came off and grey, burnt muscles appeared. Like a husk, it shot through her head. Tears formed in Shepard's eyes and she screamed. She screamed in pure agony. Something cut into the already maltreated flesh. A hot blade cut into her elbow, cut flesh and bones. Shepard heard muffled voices. Finally it was over. She felt nothing more. Everything around her disappeared. Nothing existed anymore.  
Fluttering, her eyes opened. It was still snowing. Either she hadn't been away long or it hadn't stopped at all. Her gaze turned to the ceiling again. This time the pain came back immediately. The center was the stump of her right arm. She lacked the strength to move her head. Phantom pain. That's what they called it. There was nothing that could hurt. After all, a large part was missing. 

"Shepard, you are awake.”

Surprised huge Litavis their eyes open. Quickly her eyes scurried to the right. Her lips opened trembling, but no sound came out. That was Miranda.

"Quite calmly, Shepard. Everything is fine. You survived the operation well. Your new right arm looks great. I restore you. Like before. Don't worry about it. We'll all take care of you."

A gentle hand drove over her cheek. So a new arm. That probably explained the pain. When her body was restored she didn't have to sleep so much anymore. The sleep was worse than the pain could ever be. Fearfully Litavis's eyes widened. Miranda pulled up a syringe.

"No fear. Those are only your medicines, so that you can sleep. You already know them. I am sorry that it burns in such a way.

A painfull sound came over the lips of the Rothaarigen. Please do not. Please, please, please not. She didn't want that. She couldn't do that. Her limit had been reached. PLEASE!

"Shepard, what's going on? You'll feel better afterwards. You know by now that you can trust me."

The commander's eyes were anxiously stuck to the syringe.

"Does it hurt that bad?"

Litavis closed once the eyes and looked at Miranda then directly.

"Once for no... will it make you sick?"

Again a no.

"Okay... then... nightmares?"

Yes. Yes, damn it. Terrible dreams that tore her soul to shreds.

"Wait a minute, I'll get another medicine. Maybe that's better."

Snorting, Shepard dulled her eyes. Wait a minute? No, she'd get up and take a walk. Very bad joke, Miranda. Finally the dark-haired came again.

"We're trying this now. If it doesn't get better, we'll try something else. We'll find a way for you to recover. If necessary, we'll put you in an artificial coma."

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. The burning was much worse this time. It didn't matter. The prospect of a dreamless sleep alone was worth the pain. And this time her sleep was peaceful. When Shepard opened her eyes she felt better. More rested. Miranda examined her right arm. Red scars covered the skin. Almost like a shining tattoo. Litavis knew the picture. The first look in the mirror after her death had been a shock. But in comparison to it...

"Frankenstein's bride..." it came soundlessly over the dry lips.

Miranda looked at them almost already dismayed, laughed then however.

"That becomes already, Comander. We worry about your appearance if it is better for you. How did you sleep?"

"Good..."

"You look a lot better yourself."

"Liar. I saw the arm..."

The dark-haired woman laughed again.

"Oh, Shepard. Don't worry about it. You must now become stronger again. Liara is constantly searching for everything we need to get you fit again and Tali gets the Quarians to turn the whole flotilla upside down. I'm surprised that she hasn't dug up Rannoch yet."

"Rannoch? The Quarians are on Rannoch?"

"Quietly, Shepard. That has time."

"No. Miranda, what happened?"

"Really, Comander. You need to sleep now."

No, damn it, she didn't have to. She didn't have to sleep again, she had just slept. With the renewed burning, Litavis knew that she had lost this fight. She was asleep. This time it seemed like a very long sleep to her. Her eyelids weighed tons. Somebody moved her right arm. That hurt like hell. At the same time she felt a pleasant warmth and a light weight on her left hand. 

"The mobility is optimal. The wound heals well. As soon as it is stronger we can start with the first exercises."

"Good.”

Okay, one voice belonged to the Asari she nursed and the other belonged to...

"Garrus?"

"Litavis, with the spirits, you are awake. How are you?"

"Fucked."

Shepard waited until the doctor had left the room before slowly opening her eyes.

"We don't have much time before they knock me out again. Tell me about Rannoch."

"Litavis, you don't want me to tell you anything. They said that could be dangerous for you."

"Garrus, that's an order."

With a quiet laugh he began to tell her everything. The war between the Quarians and the Geth. The intervention of the Reapers, the rescue of Koris, their joining in the consensus of the Geth, the destruction of the Reaper and finally the peace between Quarians and Geth.

"Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy... sounds good."

Garrus gently squeezed her hand.

"And I thought you wondered more about peace."

"After the healing of the genophagi, almost nothing surprises me anymore."

Tenderly he stroked a strand from her face.

"Garrus, who else have we lost?"

"Shepard, I..."

"Garrus, who else have we lost?"

"Mordin, Legion, Thane and Anderson. I'm so sorry, Shepard."

Tears formed in their eyes. No... no, please don't. Quickly she blinked. 

"It's ok, I wanted to know."


	4. omittere?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapters ready. The fifth chapter could now take a bit longer. There is no lack of ideas, but there is time. I do my best, I promise.

By now, her body had been restored. She had a new arm and two new legs. Unfortunately, that didn't mean Shepard was complete again. Her new limbs hung on her like dead flesh. She had feelings, but she couldn't move the new body parts. It was devastating. She didn't have to sleep all the time, but the constant therapies weren't much better. The pain was unbearable. And all this brought nothing at all. She could not even move a toe. Litavis breathed out furiously. Miranda and Garrus looked regularly after her. Grunt almost did not leave the hospital any more. The young Krogan in front of the door was the reason why the redhead didn't scream in pain. Too gladly the commander would have done exactly that. Her pain and frustration screamed out, but the danger that Grunt stormed in and tore the therapists to pieces was simply too great. Even if it would have increased her mood from time to time. Once again, Commander. Just once more. They've done it in a minute. Not at all. Nothing she had managed. Nothing at all. Her limbs hung down on her like dead flesh. She would have to be patient. Bullshit. Finally she was left alone. She hated being here. Shepard felt isolated. Always the same faces and nobody wanted to tell her anything. Litavis had to squeeze every piece of information out of her friends. Actually only from Garrus. Miranda was too busy with her treatment. Grunt could not help her. He had not been there. He could only tell her about her mission on Utukku. So the Rachni were still out there. She had saved the queen and not Company Aralakh. Grunt had agreed to her decision. The victory had proved her right. The door opened and Litavis got her food. The stuff tasted terrible. What was even worse was the attempt to eat. With her left hand she had fed her ear at the beginning. Now it was still terribly difficult. It took her a long time. Longer than she liked. Shepard was used to eating fast. Often she hadn't had much time to eat and now... what she had done in ten minutes now lasted half an hour. Often enough she gave up resignedly. She had to eat to become stronger, but it was too heavy. Angrily she threw the spoon away. That was degrading. Disgusted, Litavis pushed the food away. A dance with a husk was easier than this. Finally the remains were cleared away. Miranda would be informed of course. This would threaten her then again with artificial nutrition. Litavis didn’t care at all. Her left arm was unsuitable around to eat, swallowing hurt and her stomach was simply no longer used to solid food. When the door opened Shepard already prepared herself for a harangue, but it was not Miranda.

"Liara, nice to see you."

"Shepard!"

Litavis was hugged. Firmly she pressed the Asari to herself. Her friend cried. The redhead felt a wave of gratitude within her. She had forbidden herself to cry since the news of Thane and Anderson's death. Her friend clung sobbing to her. It took some time for the other woman to calm down. 

"Everything is okay, Liara. I'm still here."

"I know... actually I'm here to encourage you."

Now Shepard had to laugh quietly. 

"That was always my job. I have nothing to do here. It's nice that you give me something to do."

Liara retired and took a seat on the chair next to her bed. Quickly the Asari wiped her eyes and clung to her healthy hand. She looked exhausted. Not only tired, but really exhausted.

"How are you, Liara?"

"I am tired. There is so much to do."

"What is everything?

"Shepard, I..."

"Liara, please. I'm being kept completely isolated here. They don't tell me anything. Nothing at all. How can I remember anything when I only see white walls? What's to help me here somehow? My body doesn't obey me, I have pain and all I get is information about my health. I am going mad, Liara. You know me. Without the necessary background I could run amok. I become more and more unbearable. Please, I have to know. I just have to. Leave out the personal, but give me something, anything."

"Okay, Shepard."

Finally Litavis learned something. She learned everything. The jump through the Omega 4 portal, the destruction of the collector base, its detention, the attack of the Reapers on Earth, Mars, the Citadel, Menea, Palavan, Sur'Kesh, the Grissom Academy, Utukku, Tuchanka, Udinas coup attempt, the discovery of a Prothean, Rannoch, Thessia, Horizon, the Cerberus headquarters and then Earth. What had happened to their team, how they had lost whom, everything about the war. Only the end was a mystery to everyone. The commander became dizzy. Her skull almost exploded. She swallowed hard. Meanwhile it had become dark outside. She got her dinner brought and sighed already annoyed.

"Would you leave me alone for a moment? I'd like to spare you that sight and me the shame."

"I could help you."

"Please, Liara. There is not much left of my dignity. Almost nothing, to be exact. Please leave me the last remnant."

"Of course, Shepard."

As soon as she had seized the spoon Miranda came in.

"I know I don't eat enough. It hurts and I get nauseous."

Directly the reproachful look became a worried one.

"Do you need painkillers?"

Did she need that? Yes, damn it. Litavis wanted more painkillers. She wanted more of them. Didn't want to feel the pain of her dead body any longer. Sleep longer again and escape the shit here. Just forget all that crap for a few hours. Above all she didn't want any more nightmares.

"Something for the nausea would be good. And a fork. I'm not a damn kid anymore."

With a nod the dark-haired woman left the room. Before she returned, Shepard had managed to lead this hated spoon ten times to her mouth. Ten bites in two minutes. New record. She would have liked to have thrown the whole tray against the wall. Miranda handed her the needed and disappeared again. After further ten minutes the commander gave up. It was enough for her. Liara came in again and they conversed still for a while, about the work of the Asari. The reconstruction would probably take years. Who would have thought that Tuchanka did not perform badly compared to other planets? Finally her friend had to leave. Litavis looked out into the night and sighed softly. Now she had to sleep. She knew that she was haunted by nightmares every night. The next morning she couldn't remember anything, but she was sweating wet every time.  
This morning it was the same. She woke up sweating. The nurses came in and lifted her out of bed to put it on again. Then she was washed and had her breakfast. Shepard hated every moment of it. She was helpless like an infant. Completely at the mercy of others... Every damn tomorrow she had to fight down the panic and force herself to breathe quietly. At least she was dressed normally again by now. No longer these terrible OP shirts, but her usual N7 tracksuit. It's strange how such small things could become so important. As soon as she had breakfast, the first therapy began. It ran like every time. Nothing happened. Glowing pain, through dead flesh. That was all Litavis had from the exercises. That was by far not the worst therapy. Much more annoying were the psychologists who visited her constantly. The same questions and hollow phrases all the time. In the beginning she had really made an effort. Thought it would do any good, but her head remained empty. Now she was fed up. She had already tried several times to throw these people out. But as always they did not take the doctors seriously. Again anger was boiling up in Shepard. Since there was only one possibility left for her, she took it now.

"GRUNT!

The Krogan stormed in immediately and threw the therapists out.

"Thank you, Grunt."

"Gladly, fight master. Frightening tiny people is fun."

He stopped next to her bed and looked at her.

"I look pathetic. I know."

"You are a human being, fight master. And even Krogan would have hardly survived these wounds."

She would probably only get closer to a compliment from him again. Smiling, she looked after him and sank back into the pillows. Surprised, she looked at him when he came back with a wheelchair and put her in it. It was almost cute how tender he was with her. He set her feet straight and put her right arm on the armrest. He quickly laid the blanket over her and pushed her outside.

"Only lying, makes weak."

Shepard became dizzy. Sitting was very exhausting for her circulation. The thought of coming out once made it all more bearable. Nobody stood in their way. Which, with Grunt, would probably have amounted to a suicide squad. She blinked hard. The snow dazzled. Greedily Litavis sucked in the fresh air. It was cold, bitterly cold, but exactly that was perfect. It all seemed so peaceful. The commander's gaze wandered around. She saw no destruction. Nothing that would remind you of a war.

"Where are we, Grunt?"

"Somewhere in Canada. A small town not affected by the war. An Alliance hospital."

Her lungs were sucking the air deeper and deeper. Clear, fresh air. Simply wonderful. The eyes kept the redhead closed and focused only on her breathing. Often someone would come out and try to bring the patient back in. Nobody could get past Grunt. The commander smiled. Very childish that it seemed like a victory to her. Just enjoy. That's all she wanted to do. This brief moment made Shepard forget the shame of this morning. Slowly she began to tremble.

"Battlemaster?"

"Not yet, Grunt."

Her voice trembled, but this time with relief. Then they had to go back in. Grunt put her back to bed. And silently left the room again. That was the pleasant thing about the Krogan. He didn't talk all the time. He was just there. This trip had put her under a lot of strain. So the commander slept almost the whole day. She was only woken up for dinner.   
This small elation was now a month ago. Litavis resigned from day to day more. There was no progress. Not the tiniest one. Her courage sank. Neither physically nor mentally there was any change. She would have loved to scream. Just screaming. The anger and the despair simply breathed air, but even for that she now lacked the strength. Slowly the question of whether her survival was a stroke of luck appeared more and more often in her head. Psychologists and psychiatrists came by more and more often. Shepard simply ignored them. Miranda kept talking at her. It became meanwhile only a disturbing background noise. Couldn't they just leave her alone? She tried to remember. Something. Anderson. Nobody knew how Anderson had died. She owed it to her old friend. She just had to remember it. His last moments. What if he had given her a message? If somewhere his family was waiting for his last words? What if the danger wasn't over? Hard bit Shepard's lips. Tears of rage burned in her eyes. Don't cry. She didn't want to cry anymore. Miranda came in again and brought her this time the food. That fell her now more easily. No reason to be happy. The dark-haired one stared at her suddenly.

"Shepard, your right pointer finger has moved. That is unbelievable."

"Great, my finger twitched."

"Shepard, this is a hell of a leap forward."

"Oh? Is that it? So I can look forward to that now? That's what my life looks like now? I'm happy about the twitching of a finger?"

"I know that it doesn't seem like much to you. But..."

"You don't know! That's bullshit!"

"You can't give up."


	5. reditio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Faster than I thought, the chapter was finished. I hope you like it.

Shepard gasped heavily. Her whole body was wet with sweat. Her lungs were burning and her hands trembled with effort. Resigned, she stared at the punching bag. It swung uncontrollably back and forth. Panting, the redhead wiped her forehead. She had been secretly leaving her room for a month now. Her right arm was still weak and she had no fine motor skills. But it was enough to operate a wheelchair. At the beginning Litavis had driven through the hospital. She had explored the building and searched for information. Every night she sneaked up on a computer and saw messages. Then her way led her to the training room. She preferred to train alone. All the therapists drove the commander crazy. She was also able to escape the psychologists and psychiatrists. She simply slept through her sessions. Miranda was not very enthusiastic. The discussions with the experts would be important. Bullshit. They did not help her further. Her memories did not come back. Nothing happened at all. She had broken the isolation because she had to. Shepard hoped that the pictures in the news would trigger something in her. She had looked at everything from the war by now. It hadn't triggered anything in her. Even her interviews on Battlespace had not triggered anything. At least physically she made progress. Not as she wished, but at least something. Her legs were still hanging like dead weight on her, but her right arm was starting to do something. Grimly she struck. That brought nothing. After each blow she had to stop. With a partner it would be easier. These idiots didn't let her train the way she wanted. Litavis set off on the way back. Getting back to bed was always a struggle. Especially when her right arm suddenly gave way because he couldn't hold her weight anymore. Panting, she had finally made it. A shower would have been nice, but that was still not possible for her alone. Exhausted, the commander closed her eyes and fell asleep.  
After a short time she was woken again. The food was brought to her and after that her bed was re-covered. Shepard smiled gently as Kashari entered the room. The young Asari took care of her from the beginning. Often enough she disagreed with her colleagues and became more and more successful. Litavis took fresh things directly from the cupboard. With Kashari she entered the bathroom. The redhead was grateful to the Asari for giving her time. It was still hard for her to be dependent on help. Being helpless, defenseless, at the mercy of someone simply caused a feeling of panic. Silently, Shepard was undressed and sat on the chair in the shower. Smiling, her nurse left the room. She was the only one who respected her privacy. Enjoying, the commander closed her eyes. Warm water on her skin was a very pleasant feeling. She reached for the shampoo and started washing her hair. It had become much longer. Shepard didn't know if she liked it yet. After half an hour she was finally ready. The Asari came back in and handed her a towel. She needed help getting dressed again. Again in bed her mood sank towards zero. The idiots were there again. Time for her to sleep.  
Finally it was night again. The redhead got into her wheelchair and drove directly into the training room. Surprised, Shepard looked up. Damn, she was discovered. Now her trips would probably be over. Trouble was rising in her. That could not be true. It had cost her so much effort to fight for this freedom and now it was over. Just like that.

"Kashari, what are you doing here?"

"I thought to myself that you were here, commander. You seem to be feeling better. You are getting stronger. And I've always doubted that the therapies would work."

"And now?"

Laughing, the Asari went to the punching bag and held him tight.

"Now I'll help you. I was always against the isolation and also that they always ignore the wishes of the patients annoys me." 

Laughing Litavis drove to the training device. They trained the whole night. Kashari helped her with the shower after the training. It gave her back a piece of normality. She had always trained a lot and now she could do it again. Every night they met for training. Not only her bodies were now strained. The Asari also took care of her biotic and brought her pictures of people she had met during the war. From time to time they also left the hospital and just walked through the small park. Shepard needed this change. The fact that she did not make any progress mentally burdened her more and more.   
Tired, the redhead blinked. Something had awakened her. Was it mealtime again? Her gaze darkened.

"Kaidan? What are you doing here? Didn't I make it clear that I don't want to see you?"

"Litavis, please listen to me."

"No. You have no right to show up here when I have to listen to you. Get out of here."

"Please. I just want to apologize to you."

"And I don't want to hear that. I have enough to do with myself and I don't see how I can take care of your guilty conscience now."

"I... you are right."

"Good, then go now."

"Can't I stay a little longer? Only briefly."

"What for?”

"You shouldn't be alone."

A dry laugh escaped her. Was he serious? Whatever drugs he took, she needed the stuff too.

"Lieutenant..."

"Major."

"Fine with me. Major, I don't need you here. Go and help with the reconstruction. Make yourself useful."

She turned away from him and closed her eyes. Shepard felt him put his hand on her bed. She stood asleep. She really lacked the strength for that. She couldn't and didn't want to do that now. He still stayed for some time. Shortly before he left he breathed a kiss on her head. Only with difficulty could she hold herself back. What was this guy thinking?  
The next day someone sat at her bed again. Litavis looked at the figure.

"James Vega? What are you doing here?”

"Commander, do you recognize me?"

"No. I've seen pictures and remembered your face."

"Too bad, commander."

"That sounds wrong."

"What?"

"That sounds wrong. Something tells me you've seldom called me that."

"That's right, Lola."

"Lola, hmmm? That sounds better."

"I replaced Grunt. The little one was hungry."

"I'm not quite sure there's any spicy noodles here."

"He'll find something."

"You should not be here. What about your N7 training?"

Surprised he looked at her and also Shepard was astonished.

"You... agreed, didn't you? The tattoo..."

"Lola, you remember something!"

"Yes. Yes, I remembered. Shit, that feels good."

He hugged her laughing. Shepard herself was still much too surprised to react. Miranda came in and looked at them stunned.

"Lola has remembered what!"

"Shepard, really?"

"Yes. It was just there when I looked at James."

"That's great."

"Miranda, if James really triggered this, then I have to get out of here. I need input."

"We could do it with videos..."

"I already tried. That didn't do any good. I have to leave this hospital. Let me be embarrassed. I have to go somewhere, where something is going on."

"Lola is right. She's always good, but she's just the best in the middle of a mission."

Shepard was excited. She was on her way to the Citadel. This was rebuilt and were brought to her old place. Miranda had organized her transfer. Only she should remain on the earth, however, Litavis had never spent much time on the earth. On Mindoir there was no possibility really to cure her, thus remained the Citadel. Something familiar. She had an apartment there. Anderson had given it to her. Gently she began to tremble. A very strong arm lay around her upper body and lifted her slightly. Thankfully, the redhead looked at Grunt. He didn't leave her side any more and of course had come with her. Just like Miranda and Kashari. Grunt was glad to be able to leave the earth. Miranda had to accompany them of course and the Asari had to be moved extra to be able to maintain them further. Finally they had arrived. Their first way led them to the Huerta hospital. Suddenly she stopped.

"Shepard, what's going on?"

"Here I met Thane again... In one of the rooms back there he is... he died there..."

She took a deep breath. She fought down the tears. The pain struck her as it did then. Mourning rose in her. Litavis breathed deeply.

"I go to announce us. Then we'll take you home."

"Grunt, do me a favor and go eat properly. Part of your unit is supposed to be here, too."

"Are you sure, fight master?"

"Absolutely sure. Go ahead."

After they were registered, they made their way to their apartment. Shepard stopped in front of the door.

"Give me a few minutes alone."

"Of course, commander. We'll get some food and then come back."

"Thank you."

Litavis drove through the door and looked around. Nothing seemed familiar to her. She just suddenly had a melody in her ear that she didn't know how she knew. She crossed the entire ground floor, but the memories failed to come back. Suddenly she heard footsteps from the stairs and turned around.

"Garrus!"

The Turian hurried to her and embraced her.

"Litavis, with the spirits. What are you doing here?"

"I was transferred here and don't have to stay in the hospital anymore. The therapy is done on an outpatient basis. Didn't you get my message?"

"No, I did not. Good that you are here."

Shepard laughed quietly. She looked at the Turian. She had rarely seen him in plain clothes. He looked good. Though a little thinner than usual. Gently she pressed him. The commander went into the kitchen. Her neck was dry. She urgently needed something to drink. Resigned, she looked up. The cupboards were much too high. Garrus stepped by her side and handed her a glass. She accepted it gratefully. Litavis had never noticed how high everything was here. Sizzling she sucked in the air. The long sitting slowly got to her.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, just a little knocked out. The long quiet sitting just got to me."

She drove to the couch. That could be difficult. Shepard was just thinking about how she could best do it, when she was already lifted up. He put her on the sofa and put her legs up. 

"Thank you.”

"Gladly.”

Without further ado he sat down beside her and began to massage her legs. That felt great. Somehow familiar. Sighing the eyes closed and relaxed more and more. Slowly the pain subsided. His body temperature was clearly higher than hers. Surprised, she looked up as he took off her shoes and massaged her feet. 

"Your legs are all cold."

"Well, cooler. Not cold. If they were cold, I'd have to go back to the hospital."

After a few minutes he got up and got her a blanket. 

"Garrus?"

"Yes, Litavis?"

"This is my apartment. What are you doing here?"


	6. nota

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nota has written herself. That is why two chapters follow today.

"I... um..."

Is he wanking her eyes? Was he uncomfortable? Did she say something wrong? Why was he so insecure now? Shepard bent forward and tenderly drove over the scarred half of the Turian's face.

"Hey, Garrus. It's okay. Just tell me."

His mandibles twitched. He was completely insecure. 

"The primarch wanted me on the Citadel to help the ambassador. I didn't know where to go and you said I could come here any time. Then I thought..."

"It's okay. You can stay as long as you want. There is enough space."

"Thank you, Litavis."

He hid something from her. The redhead was very sure of that. Just as he always spoke to her with her first name. What happened between them? He had said nothing. Shepard sighed softly. Before jumping through the Omega 4 portal, she had flirted with Garrus. And he had also responded. But... her skull boomed. She didn't know what had happened between them. However, Kaidan behaved differently towards her too. Supposedly she had forgiven him and they had fought together against the Reapers. Only she would be able to believe that she had put her feelings in the background. The redhead held her head. 

"Litavis, is everything okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine. It was probably just a lot. I guess I should just lie down."

Before she knew it, he jumped up and took her back in his arms. Without any problems he carried her up the stairs.

"Um, Garrus... that's really sweet of you, but with the wheelchair it would probably be better if I took the bedroom downstairs."

"I'll carry the wheelchair right up. You should sleep at least one night in your own bed. Besides, the bathroom is bigger up here."

Carefully she was put on the bed. Smiling, she looked at the Turian. It was strange. She gladly accepted help from him. As soon as he came back with her wheelchair, she sat down. He wanted to follow her. But she held him back. 

"Garrus, I don't need any help there."

"Oh... I... um... excuse me."

He quickly left her bedroom. Smiling, Litavis drove into the bathroom. Damn it. That was impossible alone. She urgently needed a help mech. It rang. Miranda and Kashari came in. Shepard stood above at the area and looked down. Smiling the Asari came above and helped her. She had of course already ordered a Mech. Finally she lay in bed. The day had been really exhausting.  
She woke up early the next morning. She turned on the news and fought her way into the wheelchair. It took her ten minutes in the bathroom. Finally Shepard left her bedroom. Now a coffee. Disgruntled, she stopped at the stairs. Damn, she hadn't thought of that at all. What did she do now?

"Garrus?"

"Already here."

He came up from below and just lifted her up again. Within a minute she was down. 

"Thank you, Garrus. Soon I should also get a Mech. Then you don't have to carry me anymore."

"I'm happy to do that."

Smiling, she drove into the kitchen and was astonished. The Turian had moved the kitchen. She could make her coffee without any problems and without being dependent on help. Litavis opened the fridge and was amazed again. Her food was all classified below. 

"Will you eat with me? I have a strict diet plan that I have to stick to. If I don't put on weight again, they'll put me back in hospital."

"Sure."

They made breakfast together and Garrus carried everything into the living room. The table in the kitchen was just too high for the wheelchair. 

"How's your family, Garrus?"

"They're back on Palavan helping with the construction."

"Your sister's leg healed well?"

"Uh... yes..."

"Well, one more reminder."

Shepard rubbed his temple.

"I think it's a memory. My skull always booms then."

He grabbed her hand and pressed it tenderly.

"I'm sorry it hurts. But that your memories are coming back is good."

"Yes it is."

They ate together before Litavis was picked up by Kashari. Only tonight she would come back.   
Shepard spent the whole day training. She was stuck in an exoskeleton and hung in a few ropes. Her legs were moving on the treadmill and she also supported herself. Sweat ran down from her back. Her breath was heavy and her muscles were burning. The other therapists wanted her to stop two hours ago. Kashari let her go on as usual. Finally her arms gave way. She was at the end. Panting, she stood there and wiped her forehead. The Asari took her out of the rack and helped her shower.

"Shall we have some more dinner, Commander?"

"I think I'll go home and eat something there. I'm just too ready right now. Tomorrow gladly."

"Good. Your Mech is there too. He'll accompany you home."

"Thank you, Kashari."

Shepard made her way back to her apartment. The mech behind her already made her nervous. Finally arrived she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Garrus, I'm home."

"Welcome back. Coffee is ready and I've already made us something to eat. I looked at your nutrition plan. I hope that was all right."

"You don't have to go to such lengths."

"That is no effort. I just hope it tastes good".

"I didn't even know you could cook."

"It's enough to survive." 

A picture of Kaidan in her kitchen suddenly appeared in front of her. For a moment she pulled her face in pain and drove to the sofa. The Mech hurried up and put her into action.

"I always have the urge to shoot the thing's head off."

Garrus laughed quietly and brought her plates with her. During the meal they watched the news again.

"Everything okay, Litavis? You're so quiet."

"Yeah... I just realized how much I missed."

"Your memories are coming back, Litavis. Absolutely sure."

"I don't mean that. The war has been over for over a year now. That is, I was in hospital for eleven months and could do nothing at all. Not that I had been a great help..."

"Litavis, you were there. When the news spread that you had been found, alive, the whole Milky Way rejoiced. Only you could survive something like that. You gave everyone hope. You were already a symbol during the war and then you became a much greater one."

"Beautiful symbol. Already battered and defective."

"Don't say that!"

He pulled her tight and held her with him. Did he tremble? Tired Litavis leaned against him. It was good to be held like this. Without noticing she had fallen asleep.  
A week had passed since then. Shepard sat in Apollo’s and waited. She sipped her beer. Nobody noticed her and she liked it. The commander had no training today. She should recover and just today it came very convenient. She began to smile when a familiar figure came up to her.

"Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. Good to see you."

"Shepard!" 

Very carefully she was embraced. Was already cute. She was probably the most careful of all. Tali had always been very emphatic. The redhead pointed to the empty chair. Still nobody noticed her. Quarians seemed to be seen now gladly.

"How are you, Tali?

"Good. I have so much to do at the moment. A main problem is the food supply of some peoples. The Turians are very dependent on us."

"I hope you won't let the others forget what you are doing for them. After all, you don't have to do that. Not that they helped you at any time."

Tali laughed out loud.

"Don't worry, Shepard. I learned a lot from you. We like to help. After all, we are one of the few people who have suffered less from the reapers."

"And now you tell me how you are. Personally".

"I am tired and have a guilty conscience."

"Why?"

"Shepard, you've been back for a year. They found you and I wasn't even there."

"Hey, you were busy. You had very important things to do. Besides, I know I owe you and Liara my new body."

"But... I should have been with you."

"You did what you could. Besides, you are here now."

"Thank you, Shepard. You always know what to say."

"I improvise. When I ask you strange questions, don't be surprised. My memories are still rudimentary." 

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. I'm starting to feel that it's harder for my friends than it is for me."

Again she drank from her beer. They had been talking for almost three hours now and Shepard felt very free with Tali. Almost like with Garrus. She didn't treat her like an invalid. Tali just started talking and didn't care much about her memory gaps. Every question was answered directly by her. Without hesitation and without a guilty conscience.

"Hey, there's Kaidan back there."

Litavis twisted her eyes.

"What's going on?"

"Lost memory. Shortly before the Omega 4 portal, afterwards there is nothing more with me. His excuse that we got along or not, that's all gone. The last memory of him is anger and disappointment." 

"Oh... you really don't know anything anymore?"

"No. The Reaper War is... well. Simply away. Every now and then shreds come up, but otherwise there is only emptiness."

"Oh, then you don't remember any more..."

"Not anymore, huh?"

"I shouldn't tell you. After all, it is your decision. I don't want to dictate anything to you."

"What have I forgotten? What have I forgotten so important?

"Your boyfriend..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not quite sure Shepard's getting that information yet. I write both and then see what I like better and what fits the story better.


	7. nullus angelus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a quick explanation. This chapter contains spoilers. Once the meeting with Kaidan in Apollo and Thanes Memorial. So if you don't want to be spoiled you should read everything in between.  
> \-----------------------  
> spoiler  
> \-----------------------

A boyfriend? She had a boyfriend? She had a relationship? During the war? That was impossible. Well, not really. If she had expected death anyway, why not take that risk? But with whom? Someone she trusted. Jakob and Steve were excluded. One was married, the other definitely not interested in her. Since Tali had spoken of a boyfriend and not of a girlfriend, Kelly, Liara and Samantha also dropped out. But there were still more than enough possibilities. Grunt ruled them out. Javik, the protheant, no impossible. Thane, she should at least remember the beginning. She and the Drell had been good friends, but not anymore. What about Kolyat? But... no, rather unlikely. After the death of his father he had certainly had other worries. After longer consideration she had three more possibilities. Garrus, James or Kaidan. Really great. Whoever it was, she hurt him. By not remembering, she inflicted pain on him. Fucking hell! That could not be true, could it? Litavis racked his brain. That Kaidan was looking for her closeness would therefore be logical. That Garrus lived with her, however, also. Nothing helped. No memories came up. Nothing helped. She had to ask. Tali had to tell her. She had caused enough pain in her life. The man who loved her did not and should not suffer from her. Just as she opened her mouth to ask her good friend, Kaidan stood beside the table. The chance was now wasted.

"Hello Tali, good to see you."

"Hello, Kaidan. How are you?"

"Quite well and with you?"

That could not be true. Now he also sat down. Shepard drank from her beer. She looked out. Somehow it seemed familiar to her. She looked briefly at Kaidan and her head began to boom.

\--------------------

She entered the cafe and discovered Kaidan at a table. Smiling, she walked towards him. She sat down.

"Suprised, this place can still gut supplies for a menu like that."

"Maybe it's better if we don't ask how... or where."

"I'm glad we're taking the time to do this. I could use a sanity check."

"Things have been pretty crazy."

"You know, my life flashed in front of my eyes on Mars. And there weren't enough moments like this, with people I care about."

He looked very depressed. Like he would regret most of his life.

"How are you feeling this days?"

"Feeling up whatever the reapers throwing me. And grateful that I convinced you to sit down for half a second and relax."

"Yeah, I think it's good time for us to have a heart-to-hear. What are you drinking?"

The way he smiled at her now. At least he visibly relaxed. That was good. They also had to relax once in a while.

"If you trying to butter me up it might take a nice steak sandwich, too."

"So..."

She reached for the map and studied it.

"Shot of a whiskey and a good old Canadian lager. Think they have it?"

Unfortunately she had to disappoint him.

"More likely they have Batarian shard wine..."

"At my parents place in Vancouver I drank more than a few beers on their balcony looking over English Bay. Yeah, beautiful view... "

As beautiful as these memories were, they hurt. But Kaidan wouldn't be himself if he gave in to those feelings for too long.

"You know what I though? I feel good about our chances."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Let's me sleep better at night."

And already she was worried again.

"You not sleeping, Kaidan?"

"Maybe a little restless..."

Worried, she looked at him. He avoided her gaze.

"The war isn't the only thing keeping me up at night... I wonder about us."

"Us?"

Now he looked directly at her. He looked straight into her eyes and his expression was full of longing. 

"I love you, Shepard. I always have. I want to understand what this is between us... and make it real. That's what I want. What do you want? ”

He grabbed her hand.

\--------------------  
A light pressure on her hand frightened her. Sizzling, she sucked in the air and pressed her hands against her temples. Tormented, she pinched her eyes together.

"Shepard!"

"Litavis!"

Calming, she raised one hand, but kept her eyes closed. She tried to breathe deeply. Her head was a single pain. Her heart pounded in her chest. The blood was rushing in her ears. Each of them grabbed one of her hands and held it. But Litavis pulled them back again. Touching was just not helpful. The first wave of pain was over and she relaxed. Slowly the redhead opened her eyes. She looked into the worried faces. Actually, she would have smiled encouragingly, but the pain was simply too great. Her throat was dust-dry. Trembling she dumped her beer.

"Calm down. It works again. That happens from time to time. Don't worry."

With her Omnitool she sent her Mech to get something to drink. He came back with a water, two whiskeys and a drink for Tali. Litavis first drank her water.

"Now stop looking at me like that. It works again. I'm used to that now. Not so long, but it'll clear up every time."

"Shepard, does this happen every day?"

"Not every day, no. Whenever memories reappear. Individual pictures, short fragments of conversation, information that I suddenly have, but don't know where from. Not exactly helpful, but progress."

"What did you remember?"

"Kaidan! That's none of our business. Shepard just said what it's like for her. Leave it alone."

"But..."

"Leave it alone, Alenko. I won't tell you. And now let's have a drink."

They spent a few more hours in the cafe until Shepard finally said goodbye. She was much more independent with the Mech. She was happy that Kaidan was still being held up by Tali. He had actually wanted to accompany her, but the Quarian had involved him in a conversation. In the Skycar she was thinking all the time with whom she had had a relationship. Kaidan had confessed his love to her. But... she could... she had forgiven him and...? No. No, she just couldn't imagine that. He had been badly wounded and she had been worried. That was believable. But he had aimed a gun at her. She had had to persuade him first. He hadn't trusted her, so why should she? What if they did with Thane... they had understood each other well. Very well even. They both knew their own death. They had both assumed that they would not live much longer. She had organized a funeral for him. But if Thane had been her partner, the others would have told her something. So it had to be someone else. Nervously Shepard chewed on her lower lip. Why didn't they let her know? She could have screamed.  
She had finally arrived at her apartment. She knew Garrus hadn't arrived yet. So she sank down in a wheelchair. She always tried to stay upright. She was Comander, fucking Shepard. A goddamn symbol. Often enough she was compared to an angel. Bullshit. She had been a relentless warrior. Bullshit, too. She had been a soldier. That point, had been. Now she was nothing more of it. And certainly not a fucking angel. Now that she was alone, she was allowed to give in to her weakness. Litavis was tired. She was all so tired. She breathed deeply. With the help of her mech she took a shower. Exhausted she sank onto her bed. Like every day she saw the news again. But this time something else attracted her attention. There were played video messages on her terminal. Shepard took a deep breath and played the news. That was Thane. She smiled and cried at the same time. It was selfish, but she wished he was here now. He would have told her everything from the beginning. He knew how precious every second was and how... how empty you felt when you woke up. Just like him, she had now resurrected twice. It had something comforting. She was not alone and it was doable. Finally she let herself be carried down again. Garrus had cooked for her so many times, it was time to return the favor. Thanks to her electronic help she also got his food. Fortunately, there were enough recipes on the extranet. Hopefully it tasted good to him. In case of need, he had to season. Shepard also did this more often. Secretly, of course. At least he tried so hard. At least it smelled good. The only thing that surprised her was that many things had to cook for so long. One should think with the teeth that they would also use them. Ah at least the meat, if it really was meat, was only fried very briefly. She could do that. She also liked her steak most rare. It all lasted longer than she was used to. Her fine motor skills on the right had improved, but by far not as good as before. Often something fell down or she had to take a break. Finally she was finished. Shepard kept everything warm and breathed deeply. That had been exhausting. She drove to the fireplace and turned it on. The fire made Litavis feel comfortable. A feeling of security and that she often lacked. Her head began to boom again. Tormented, she closed her eyes. Meanwhile she didn't know whether she was happy about it or wanted to run away.

\--------------------

She looked into the faces of her crew. Everyone had come. It was not a joyful event. Far from it.

„We are gathered here to honor the life of Thane Krios. Thane touched each of our lives in different ways. The Counciler knew him as a hero. The Normandy’s crew him as a brother – in – arms… and others as a father devoted to his son. Though his life took him to very dark places, Thane cared for the better angels of our nature. He once said that he first felt love for his wife when she stepped in front of an assassin to save someone she didn’t even know. And when he knew his death were close, he chose to die doing nearly the same thing, also for someone he didn’t even know. Even when he was terminally ill, he ran through war – torn streets to reach me because he know I needed help. You all know the results of that day. An assassin, a professional criminal, gave his life for his galaxy. And now he can rest. Would anyone else like to speak?”

“What I remember about Thane was his confidence. He told me once about how he remembered everything even every mistake he made. If I did that, I’d be a nervous wreck. Thane kept it under control.”

Gratefully she looked at Tali and then turned to Garrus, who raised his eyes.

„It’s strange, but the last word I’d label Thane with is assassin. We covered each other in firefights. That makes him a partner.”

“Thane’s last stand was important, but let us also remember why Thane left the Normandy to keep his son away from a life of crime. Deeds such as these do not go unnoticed by the universe. They echo in all who hear them. That is why I am here.”

Samara's words couldn't have been more fitting. Often the really important things were the ones you barely noticed. Those that were forgotten. She looked at EDI. Meanwhile she had become accustomed to her body.

„Thane took himself seriously, I trait with which I did not always agree. I tried to make him laugh on several occasions. But what I interpreted as a lack of humor was masking a great effort. Thane was turning his life around in a way few organics do.”

“The day came onto the Normady, all Kelly and I knew about him was that he could probably kill us all with a ballpoint pen. But after you got to know him, there wasn’t any reason to be afraid. He let you know where you stood. Kolyat, do you uh…”

Joker's transition was a bit clumsy, but Shepard gladly cleared her place for Kolyat. Slowly she stepped aside.

„When i was little, I thought my father had it all figured out. He said men must be loyal their friends and dangerous to their enemies. But when he prevented me from… from hurting someone he had chanced. He said enemies and ego are not as important as loved ones. I didn’t want to hear it. I was… lost. I called him a hypocrite in a thousand different ways. I said that he was going soft. Now… I think maybe he did have it all figured out. That’s all I can say. If anyone would like to continue, we’ll be here.”

\---------------------  
Litavis's head exploded. Tears flowed down her cheeks. So much for the topic, she didn't want to cry anymore. Sobbing, she just sat there and tried to catch herself again. It simply didn't work. She could not stop. But Garrus was supposed to come straight from his work. Quickly she carried the Mech up on her. Still dressed she sat under the shower and cried unrestrained. She cried for all her dead. It took some time before she heard anything.

"Litavis?

Damn it. He wasn't allowed to see her like that. Not like that. 

"I'm showering!"

Shepard had to calm down. Now. Absolutely. Immediately. Quickly she undressed and got out of the shower again. Quickly she dried herself, wrapped the towel around herself and drove into her sleep room. Surprised, Litavis stopped and looked at the Turian questioningly.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was worried. You never take a shower at this time.

"I cooked and looked like a pig."

"Oh, you cooked?"

"I did. And if you could leave the room now, I'd get dressed and we could eat. I suppose you're done."

"Oh yes, I am. You can be such an angel, Litavis."

He left the room and the redhead was left alone.

"No, I'm not..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked at the scenes a few times and hope I didn't make too many mistakes.
> 
> Thanes Memorial is a mix of two different savegames. One romance with Thane and one without romance.


	8. fabulae

They ate together and Garrus told her about his day. Everywhere it looked like shit. Reconstruction was sluggish. All species were still working together, but there were no corners or ends. At least it had one advantage, the Alliance had so much to do that they seemed to have forgotten Comander Shepard. She had her peace. She wouldn't be much help now anyway. Apparently, the Turian seemed to like it, or he was as good as she was at secret seasoning. Finally the sniper cleared the table and came back with some alcoholic drinks. He lifted her from the wheelchair and placed her on the sofa. Her best friend turned on the TV. They watched a movie. Litavis smiled briefly as she was wrapped in a blanket. Finally she leaned against the other one. Garrus naturally wrapped an arm around her and held her tight. His film selection was a bit strange, but the commander said nothing about it. Probably someone had given him some advice. She had also watched Tali's favorite movie. Finally the film was over and Shepard was allowed to choose a new one. She chose the 300. The film was ancient, but she loved it. It was exaggerated and just not to be taken seriously. They both laughed a lot. The Turianer held her all the time. One side did it well the other side reported their guilty conscience more and more. The questions were more and more burning under her nails. She could ask him, but... Suddenly Garrus pressed pause.

"Litavis, what's going on?"

"I remember some things today and... it was violent. It was pretty hard on me. And the one memory stopped in the middle of it. I know that this conversation was very important. That I was faced with an important decision and... well I don't know how I decided. Then Tali told me something else, but before I could ask Alenko showed up. Whenever I think I'm getting closer to the goal I'm facing new problems."

"Like in a war."

Now Shepard had to laugh again. 

"Yes, about that. It could be so easy if everyone would just listen to me."

"Hey, you're used to that. You've been screaming for five years, the Reapers are coming. And when they were there, nobody could have counted on it."

"After all, I had two years vacation."

"Only you call your own death a vacation."

"How else should I call it. Ever thought that I really consider that a vacation."

"With the spirits, Shepard. You are really believed to be able to do that."

"Who if not me?"

He pulled her tight and turned the film back on. He seemed almost disappointed by the end. Litavis smiled slightly.

"Dissatisfied?"

"I thought they'd win. More in keeping with the humans."  
"Well. The battle was lost, but the war was won. There is also a second part of it."

"Good, then we'll watch it now, too. However, we would have won."

"Well, Leonidas isn't a Shepard."

"That's probably true. And they didn't have the best sniper."

"I'd love to see you with a throwing spear or a bow."

Laughing she looked at his talons and arms.

"No, you can't do that."

"All right. You might be right."

He made the second film. The whole time they stayed silent. Only now and then they laughed heartily. Many would have probably declared them crazy. After all, the films were definitely not funny. But they both had fun. Finally the part was over. Garrus turned off the TV and put everything away. Just as Shepard was instructing the Mech to carry her up she sat on his arms.

"You don't have to carry me anymore."

"I know, but I want to. Besides, I have to go up."

Somehow that seemed like a bad excuse to Shepard. Of course she wouldn't say anything. Litavis had the Mech bring her wheelchair up. The sniper put her directly on her bed. She stopped him after he had helped her out of her shoes.

"Garrus. I don't need any help. Really not."

"Sorry. I'm so used to helping you out of armor..."

"Where's my armor anyway?"

"Litavis... she is..."

"Oh... if there was as much of her left as there was of me... just forget I asked."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay."

She looked after him. Slowly she undressed and went to sleep.  
Kashari had come up with something new. They were outside the Citadel. In space. Shepard constantly controlled her breathing apparatus. She trembled all over her body. Her hands clung to a strut. This wasn't Alchera. That wasn't Alchera. She wasn't with Alchera. She wouldn't suffocate, she wouldn't burn up. Again and again Litavis had to tell herself that. Her breath was forced to walk quietly. Her hair was stuck in her forehead. The Asari was next to her the whole time. She had already noticed several times that they could go back in, but the redhead had always denied it. With difficulty she finally took the first step. The weightlessness made it much easier. Muscle training was not the goal here. She had to get used to the movements again. Step by step she fought her way forward. Again the commander controlled her breathing apparatus. Her gaze was stubbornly directed at one point. As soon as she had reached this point, she looked for the next target point. They had been out here for two hours now. Finally she had reached the airlock. Relieved, she breathed a sigh of rush as the helmet came down. The trembling stopped almost immediately. She had made it. Completely exhausted Litavis sank into her wheelchair. She was terribly sick. Kashari wanted to call it a day, but the redhead was against it. So they went back to the hospital and there to the training room. After another eight hours, she left the building. The way home seemed to be longer each time and the exhaustion did not make it any better. When she arrived at the apartment, a new message was waiting. Wrex invited her to Tuchanka. She pressed her lips together hard and chewed it. This planet was not exactly wheelchair accessible. Nevertheless, she would have gladly accepted the invitation. She could take a few steps, but would that be enough? It had to be enough. She wanted to see the new Tuckanka. Smiling, she looked at Garrus, who entered the room behind her. Without a word he lifted her up and carried her into her bedroom. Asking Shepard looked up at the Turian.

"Close your eyes and wait."

Since the redhead really trusted him, she followed his wish. It was damn hard. He took off her shoes and training jacket. She didn't know exactly what he was doing, but it felt familiar. She laughed quietly as he pushed her onto the bed. 

"Vakarian, what are you doing to me?"

"You'll see."

Finally he was done. A familiar weight lay on her whole body. Surprised, Shepard opened her eyes. Her armour! She was wearing a new N7 armor. Joyfully she jumped up and embraced her best friend stormy. Now, only now did she feel complete again. That was her. That's exactly what she was. It felt so unspeakably good. Slowly she took a few steps. The Turian was behind her the whole time and finally supported her. Still laughing she looked at him.

"I could kiss you, big guy."

"Promises, promises."

Grinning, she grabbed his face. Tenderly she pulled him down and pressed her foreheads together. The grip around her waist became tighter. She retreated and looked at him. He was still holding her.

"So I can still go to Tuchanka."

"Yes, you can. Will you take me with you? I want to see all the little Shepards."

She began to laugh with a sound. Her legs gave way, but Garrus held her tight. He let himself be infected by the laughter.  
A week later they landed on Tuchanka. The Krogan leader stormed towards them and hugged them tightly. It was nice to see that he was well. She had noticed a big difference as she flew over the area. Something was being built. Really built. It made Litavis smile to see this progress. Slowly she followed Wrex. Her best friend walked by her side all the time and often supported her genuinely. Wrex didn't seem to notice any of this. Finally they had reached their goal and she could sit down.

"Shepard! Look at that. Look what we've achieved."

Laughing, she let the plans show themselves. Urdnot Bakara was also there. Her old friend never stopped talking. Suddenly Litavis heard a noise and began to radiate. A Varren ran towards her.

"Urz! You are alive."

Immediately she scratched the Varren extensively. She was really surprised that he was still alive. But she was very happy. Panting, he sat next to her and put his head on her legs. She would take him with her. That's what she decided. He had been through enough and would do her good. Shepard continued to listen to Wrex's plans. The Krogans had really big plans and she liked it. She could imagine it right. Finally Eve silenced him. They climbed a Mako and drove off. So they showed her all the progress they had made since the end of the war. The ride lasted several hours. Garrus and they kept silent most of the time and just listened. Finally they were back and Wrex introduced them to his children. There were several hundred of them. One was called Mordin and another Shepard.   
The official part was now over. Now they were just old comrades who exchanged old stories and drank. And they drank a lot. Laughing, Shepard looked down. Wrex lay on the ground and snored to himself. 

"He's getting old."

"He's old."

"Drunk by a human and a Turianer under the table. That should be embarrassing to him."

"We are more than that. We are fucking legends, Litavis."

Laughing, Shepard shook her head. They said goodbye to Eve and made their way back. Urz boarded the shuttle without any problems.

"You're taking him with you?"

"Yes, I'll take him with me. He survived the war here and I think he deserves a quiet old age."

"You're probably right."

Back home she was really knocked out. Garrus carried her to bed and helped her take off her armor. 

"Are you okay?"

"Everything hurts me, but I feel good. And you?"

"I drank too much."

She pulled up an eyebrow when he also took off his armor and just lay down on her bed. Almost instantly the Turian had fallen asleep. Smiling, the redhead lay next to him. He was really full when he fell asleep so quickly in this uncomfortable bed. As soon as she lay next to him, a strong arm wrapped around her and pulled her closer. Pressed firmly against him, she fell asleep. Urz lay next to her bed and snored contentedly.


	9. furia

Step by step. Always further. Hands held on tightly to two poles. Every advance was a fight. Every step was a torture. A tremor seized the exhausted body. Rattling breathing filled the whole room. Sweat dripped steadily to the floor. Urz also ran on the treadmill. He adapted to the given speed again and again. One of her feet remained hanging, the Varren briefly pushed his head against it and set the leg in motion again. Kashari was enthusiastic about her patients' new pet. He was the best therapist and the best help you could imagine. Litavis was also very fond of Urz. Since Garrus was currently on Palavan, she was alone. Only her Varen did not leave her side and accompanied her everywhere. As on earth, Shepard went to train at night. The steps became safer and safer. The wheelchair was rarely used. The new permanent companion, next to Varren, was now a walking stick. Panting she sank now nevertheless into the knees. A rough tongue immediately licked the sweat off her exhausted face. A few moments passed in which again only heavy wheezing filled the small room. After several heartbeats, the redhead fought her way up again and staggered into the shower. This was the only place the Varren avoided. Water was simply repugnant to him. Armed with a stick, she left the hospital and drove to the presidium. Two rounds through this area always formed the end of the nightly training. Even though there was no real day-night cycle here, there was little going on around it. Nobody noticed the woman with the varren and the walking stick. The times had changed. Before and during the war she would have been noticed. Well... yes now everything was different. She had already seen Asari and Turians in wheelchairs. After so much was destroyed simply the capacities were missing.   
The Alliance had contacted her a week ago. Today she should meet with a representative. Shepard didn't intend to be hitched to a cart again. Her own health still had priority. No one had listened to her in the past. Only when ashes and fire had rained down on them. Only when all worlds were on fire was she taken seriously. And even then the side scenes had received more attention. Shepard was convinced that she had fulfilled her part. It couldn't be that death was the only vacation for her. The two rounds were over. The next way was the way home. Once there, the commander went to bed. After a few hours she got up again and made herself something to eat. Her pet was still not used to getting something to eat every day. He inhaled the contents of his bowl like every time. After rinsing she changed her clothes. First Litavis wanted to put on her armor. With her many things became easier for her. In action she was simply the best and the armor gave her exactly that feeling. The choice fell on her N7 tracksuit. The decision fell exceptionally again on the wheelchair. She was simply too tired. Urz hurried after her when she left the apartment. But first Litavis visited the Spectre office. Some of her messages she could only retrieve here. Kasumi hadn't been easy to track down, but she had made it. Every member of her team had now found her. Everyone was fine. On the way back to the elevator she met a well-known young Drell. She nodded briefly to Kolyat. He had started at C-security and was in conversation with a superior. Shepard would have liked to stay longer to talk to him, but she had an appointment. Instead of meeting in the ambassador's office, the Apollo was chosen as the meeting place. Why not the casino at Silverstrip? The way wouldn't have been so long. Arriving at the cafe she chose an offside table. Of course she was too early. She ordered a coffee and waited patiently. Litavis was curious if she would send her and what he wanted from her. She had chosen the place so that she could leave at any time. Not that she intended to flee, but she liked a plan B. Or several contingency plans. Urz lay quietly next to her and watched the surroundings. He was an old warrior, like her. In the reflection of the balustrade she saw someone coming up on her. She almost laughed. That had been so clear. Calmly she looked at the dark-haired man.

"Major."

"Comander, I'm glad you came."

"Let's be honest. The Alliance sends a nice invitation and then a subpoena. So why am I here?"

"The Alliance is worried about you."

"Come on, Alenko. Don't bullshit me like that. We both know that's not true. What does the Alliance want from me? And don't come to me with excuses, but be honest with me."

"You should be promoted."

"And sit on some committee to represent the interests of the Earth. The glorious heroine of war. Who could refuse her anything?"

"Litavis, this is a great opportunity. For you and mankind."

"We both know that is not true. The Alliance imprisoned me and released me. Some reasons were good, others were not. I did what was necessary to win this war. I am a soldier. Not a diplomat. The war made me that, but it's not in my nature. I am far from operational and I don't know if I would ever be again. I could also not stand in front of someone and remind them of my great deeds. Probably my counterpart would remember it more than I would. I would be a kind of mascot."

"You'll certainly get well again and your memories will come back."

"You didn't deny it."

"I..."

"I deserve more than that, Alenko. I can do nothing against promotion. If that's what the Alliance wants, they'll do it. But I'm not going to sit anywhere and let myself be used like that. If the Alliance tries, I will resign with immediate effect."

"I understand. I will tell them. I didn't expect anything else from you."

"I'm not asking you to understand..."

"I understand that. I also think they should give you more time."

"You understand me?"

"You washed my head as often as you could, something should get stuck in there someday."

"I'm glad that it was fruitful."

"Now the official part is finished. How are you?"

"So far quite well. Physically the progress is good. Mental... well not really. I still have more questions than answers."

"Maybe it is quite good like that. Don't get me wrong. It sucks when you don't know things anymore, but none of us can even guess what you've been through. Maybe it's a kind of second chance for you."

"Probably rather a third. Once dead and once almost. You should think I've learned my lesson."

Kaidan laughed quietly.

"You should probably. That was almost enough for me dead on Mars. Sorry, I..."

"I remember that, Kaidan. I also remember the visits to the hospital. Well, a few. I guess I'm missing a few. First you are in a coma and then you stand at the window and explain to me that you accept Udina's offer."

"You never trusted him."

"No. That doesn't matter now either."

"You're probably right there. Say, where did you get the Varren from?"

"From Tuchanka. I met Urz for the first time when I was there for Grunt. He liked me. And two weeks ago I followed Wrex's invitation and Urz came running to me. So I just took him with me."

She gently stroked Varren's skull. He felt exactly that he was being talked about.

"So he waited for you the whole time?

"That's it."

"Faithful animal."

"Clever animal."

"Who wouldn't wait for Comander Shepard?"

"Husk? Reaper?"

Now Kaidan burst into a resounding laughter.

"Well, they probably didn't. Listen, I still have to give you the pad here. It says everything about your promotion and what positions they would offer you."

"Then give it to me. I'll read it through, give you the same answer as before, and you've done your duty."

"Thank you. Would you like another drink?"

"Somewhere the sun has certainly already set. With such a reading I take a whiskey."

"Yes, Admiral."

"Forget it, Kaidan."

It had taken her two hours to read the text. Of course Kaidan had to report immediately and had said goodbye. Like every day Litavis had gone to the training. Running was still difficult. Or rather, the running itself was easy. With walking and standing still it looked different again. This caused the biggest difficulties. When she ran she didn't have to hold on. Kashari made fun of throwing small objects at her while running, which Litavis then had to fend off with her Biotic. The Asari called this a replica of a combat mission. Envious. The other woman had never fought before in her life. She didn't even have a clue. This time the commander finished her training on time. She still had something planned. At home the usual routine followed, cooking, eating, showering, changing clothes. Shepard put on her armor with helmet. No one should recognize her. She wanted to try something. Maybe this was a chance. That help was needed was not optimal, but there was someone she could ask. Someone who was almost as fucked up and crazy as she was. The goal was the Armax Arsenal Arena. Her date stood in front of the participant's entrance and looked confused at her walking stick.

"Shit, Shepard. You're stupid."

"Hello, Jack. I don't want to change back to my old days."

"Shit."

"Come on, now, fear?"

"Forget already, I'm responsible now?"

"Exactly. Forgotten."

"Shepard, I didn't want to..."

"Forget it, Jack. I don't need pity. I need a crazy bitch to go in there with me and see if I can get a damn flashback."

"Asshole. Are you sure it's gonna be okay?"

"No. That's why we're going in with your access. I don't want to embarrass myself."

"HEY!

"Okay. I don't want the Alliance to get wind of my condition. So now we're gonna kick a couple of reapers in the ass?"

"You are crazy. Totally nuts. Let's go."

Subject Zero set the parameters for their fight. Elite opponents, Reaper and Brimstone. The redhead put her stick away and had to lean on Jack until the elevator.

"I can run. I don't have to go in battle."

She really hoped that this action would bring something. As soon as the fight started, the two women took cover. It was something else to see pictures of the Reaper units. Now they stormed towards them. And that's exactly what she needed. The adrenaline was flowing through her veins. At the same time, the hands holding the familiar weight of a weapon became calmer. Again and again the trigger was operated. If the opponent was even a hologram the feeling was real. Shooting, running, ducking, using Biotic was all real. Pure life hadn't flowed through this body for a long time. She was born for it. That was what she was made for. Finally the fight was over.

"Shit Shep. New Highscore. Not as high as yours, but I've never been so good. And now what?

"Again."

"Sure?"

"Absolutely sure. I want to kick Ceberus' ass."

"I like that. How hard?"

"The hardest. How am I supposed to remember what when we play kindergarten games here?"

"Just as you like. I go to adjust everything. You stay here."

The units of Ceberus rushed towards them and their vision began to blur. The presidium appeared. The Council. She had to go to the council. Her head began to boom and she became faster and faster. It just didn't matter that her head exploded. It didn't matter that she cried. Her targets were the phantoms. This fighting style. He had to die. He had to. THIS DAMN SON OF A BITCH HAD TO DIE!!! Jack's shouts disappeared in insignificance. The goal was clear. Cover was unnecessary. How much ammunition was left was unimportant. That their Biotic went mad and tore the Holos in the air was unimportant. There was only one goal left. A single target was important and this found its end through her universal blade.

"That's for Thane, motherfucker."

The fight was over and she didn't even notice it. Only in the changing room the redhead sank into her knees.

"SHEP!

Something pulled on her helmet. Tore properly at it, it did not matter. She saw pictures. So many pictures. And nevertheless it was not enough. The pain subsided. Her eyes cleared again and she looked at Jack. Without warning, a fist hit subject Zero right in the face.

"Shut up!"

"I owe it to you since Grissom Academy."

At first Jack's eyes were shocked, but then she started to laugh. Litavis stood up groaning. It had worked. It had really worked. She remembered the academy. Udinas coup attempt and Kai Leng's end. Today was a good day.

"Let's have a drink, Jack. I'll pay."


	10. fidere

Training was over. Today again punctual. The two laps through the presidium were faster now. Urz liked that very much. Just like running on the treadmill. After the two laps in the presidium there was still one lap over the strip. Here it was louder, more lively. But also with more obstacles. It was heavier and lasted much longer, but that was the point. Finally the apartment was reached. The exhaustion was not as bad as before. The next goal was the piano. On her play list she had found Liara's piano piece. The instrument was now used as a fine motor exercise. Every day it took another hour of the day. Today Kaidan would come by. Privately. Not on behalf of the alliance nevertheless Litavis would use the wheelchair again. She knew Alenko and his sense of duty. If they asked him, they would answer honestly. And Shepard couldn't use that at the moment. Not that the fighting spirit was missing. You could also be selfish at times. How could she help if her own life was still a pile of rubble? After some time also the part of the training was over. The whirlpool called. That just relaxed. Hot water worked wonders. The cramped muscles relaxed more and more. With closed eyes the redhead just enjoyed the water. After some time she left the water and dried off. Her eyes fell into the mirror. This body looked as if it had fallen victim to a hungry velociraptor. Over and over covered with red glowing scars. Miranda should probably undertake soon something. Normally she was proud of the scars. They told a story. Her story. However, these scars told nothing. They told purely nothing at all. A forgotten story burnt into their skin. Warm fingers hesitantly drove over the tracks. It was uneven. Sighing, the commander let her hands sink and dressed. Long trousers and a long-sleeved sweater. Cover as much of the destruction as possible. Urz pushed encouragingly against the slightly trembling legs. He growled deeply satisfied when he was cuddled for it. Once at the bottom, Shepard got into her wheelchair. Kaidan should appear at any moment. A guilty conscience spread. Lying to the major like that was not right. But it was necessary. This lesson had crystallized during the war. Doing what was necessary. And this spectacle was necessary. Unfortunately. Finally it rang at the door. The major greeted her smiling. He was loaded with several bags and marched directly into the kitchen. Smiling she followed him. She climbed on one of the stools and grabbed some vegetables to cut it.

"Hey, I actually wanted to cook for you. You can have a drink in that time."

"Like the last time? I remember that you cooked for me and that I survived with difficulty."

"You remember that?"

"Well, individual pictures. And I was suddenly convinced that I should buy spicy sauce."

"Very nice."

Shepard laughed quietly. The dark-haired guy handed her a beer and took the vegetables in the same breath.

"Were you at home with your family again?"

"I was."

"How is your mother?"

"Good, given the circumstances. Next week I'm off. Then she comes to visit me on the Citadel."

"I'm sure it'll be nice. You should spend more time together."

"We should probably. Only now where everything is rebuilt she gets strange thoughts."

"What does she want to look at then everything?"

"That's just it. She speaks only of grandchildren."

Shepard almost swallowed her beer. 

"Grandchildren?"

"Yes..."

"Don't you miss a part for that?"

"What?

"Well, a suitable partner."

"Yes, a girlfriend would be helpful."

"Tell that to your chosen one but not on the first date."

"Why not?

"I'd drive off screaming."

The Canadian laughed quietly and continued cooking. Finally he was finished and set the table in the living room. She gently fought him off as he tried to help her into the wheelchair. Shepard moved alone. She also made the switch from the wheelchair to the sofa on her own. The food was good. Alenko was really good at cooking. Then they just sat on the sofa and watched a game. 

"You predicted the winner."

"Well, I'm Comander Shepard. What do you expect?"

"Where you're right."

She had noticed that it was slowly sliding closer. At first she didn't think anything of it, but finally he sat very close to her. 

"What's that, Kaidan? Are you trying with the grandchildren?"

"What? No! I only wanted to give you the opportunity to lean on when you were exhausted."

"Ah yes. But it is not necessary."

Right away he moved a bit away from her again. It seemed to hurt him. But she couldn't do anything about it. She didn't want this closeness. She had more than enough to do with herself. Of course, the redhead was still trying to find out who her partner had been. On the other hand, she was so broken by now. Physically as well as psychologically. Who else would want her? She did him a favor, whoever it was. She was broken. Even if it got better, she was broken. Shattered. Nobody knew how she would cope with her memories. Shepard was convinced that she would soon have to pay the bill for the last few years. Several years of constant stress. Always on the go. Always ready for action. All her losses and never time to grieve. Neither for their friends and parents nor for their fallen comrades. All this would demand a price. A high price. Shepard was afraid of it. She was best in action. She was afraid that she wouldn't work at all without the help of the missions. That she broke. For her it was already clear that this would happen. She didn't even notice how she became quieter and quieter. Suddenly Alenko sat next to her again and stared at her. He looked into her eyes. What was that all about? Why did he close his eyes now? He came closer. Litavis felt the warm breath on her lips. The Major wanted to kiss her. Shepard literally froze. Suddenly the apartment door opened and Garrus came in. Immediately the dark-haired man scared back.

"I'm back."

"Welcome home, Garrus."

That had been close. She would have loved to have fallen around the Turian's neck now. Kaidan literally jumped off the sofa.

"I'll go then."

She looked after him and sank back into the sofa relieved. She heard the subvocal of the sniper. Was he angry? At least he sounded that way.

"What was it like on Palavan?"

"Exhausting. Very exhausting. The primarch wanted to know everything. How things are going here, what has been discussed, how are you doing?"

"He asked about me?"

"Yes, he would like to invite you to Palavan. I said you wouldn't be able to do that at the moment. Too much gravity."

"You lied to the primarch for me? Thank you, Garrus."

Slowly she got up. Urz came to her and she leaned on the Varren. Arrived at the refrigerator she got them both something to drink out.

"Litavis, that's incredible. I was worried because your wheelchair is next to the sofa."

"Play for Kaidan. I know he'd have to tell the Alliance."

"You don't trust him?"

"Not really. To him as a human being yes. Him as soldiers? No. He's too attached to the alliance."

"I guess that's true. He would feel obliged..."

"Exactly."

Shepard went back to the sofa and sat down. Prompted, she looked at Garrus, who accepted the invitation.

"I was at the AAA with Jack. It brought something. I remembered the Grissom Academy, the coup attempt and Kai Leng's end."

"Litavis. That's great!"

"Yes, it is. I had Kashari get me an access pass. I don't want to participate with my access."

"I can understand that. Should I come with you?"

"Gladly. But not today. When you have time. It might be helpful. At least I seem to get my memories of the combat missions back that way. Not all, but at least a few memories I get back."

"What do you want to remember?"

"Something Tali mentioned. Only maybe it's better that way."

"Better?"

"For him? I don't remember and who knows if I'll ever do that again".

"For whom? What is it about?"

"I forgot something very important and I had no idea until Tali mentioned something."

"I don't ask any more."

"Thank you."

"Tell me, did Kaidan try to kiss you?"

"I'm afraid so."

"You're afraid?"

"I didn't want it. I didn't know how to react at all".

The Turian looked relieved. He told her about the visit to his family. His father would like him to visit Palavan. After all, Garrus was a hero. And some important families were interested in a relationship. Confused, she looked at her best friend.

"Thou shalt marry?"

"Well... at least my father isn't disinclined."

"But you have a say, don't you?"

"I do."

"So you can also say no?"

"I can. Even if my father won't like it."

"At the moment there is a lot to do. How are you supposed to have time for something like that then?"

"He would make a preselection."

"Shit, Garrus."

"Oh yes. I'll probably be a total disappointment to him again."

"I don't believe that. Parents are somehow always proud of you. Besides, you have defeated the Reapers. What more could a father expect?"

"You defeated the Reapers."

"Without you I would not have made it. At least not so stylish. He will probably wait until you have found one that you like."

"Who knows. I go now to sleep. Should I help you with the stairs?"

"No. I'm not going to sleep yet".

"What's going on?"

"I have nightmares again. And sleep therefore rather little. If I fall asleep on the sofa, with Urz nearby, it goes."

"I have an idea. When you're done you call me."

He helped her up the stairs. Shepard put on her sleeping clothes and called for her best friend. He came into her room armed with many pillows. He padded one side of her bed completely and lay down next to her. 

"If you dream badly, you'll wake me, understand?"

"Ok. Thank you Garrus."

She snuggled up to the Turian and closed her eyes.


	11. caelestis Satana

Litavis came home in a good mood. Today the training was cancelled because Kashari visited her family. The Asari had a bad conscience about it. The redhead had had to force her to. Illium had already lured her. Much had happened there. Saving Miranda's sister, recruiting Thane and Samara, and many more. But there was too much to do. Every day the Armax Arsenal Arena called. It went well. Really good. Every time some memories came up. Just a few. Not like with Jack. With Subject Zero it had been whole missions. Now only single pictures. Short passages, but better than nothing. Against the heaviest opponents there were the best results. Meanwhile caelestis Satanas was celebrated as the heroine of the arena. Always a single fight and always a victory. The collapse in the locker room nobody got along. From time to time Urz was there. The Varren had a lot of fun. He rushed over the battlefield and grabbed every husk that came too close. Meanwhile the dance with the weapon was normal again and the feeling was great. The shower called. Afterwards the way led to the news terminal. The fan mail was now forwarded. The fan mail of the AAA was as always very entertaining. A Turian wrote her again and again. The quiet suspicion that it was Garrus sister came up. It was the only message that was answered regularly. Normally cooking would have been on the agenda, but the sniper wanted to go out for dinner. A skeptical look down her body caused a resigned sigh. A tracksuit was probably not the right wardrobe. So change. The dress in the closet was ignored. This body was a walking crater land, dotted with glowing rivers. Turians had an aversion to scars. A sign of weakness. She could understand it. At least now. When she still knew where which of her scars came from, she had always found this to be nonsense. She had been proud of her stories. Every wound she had suffered to save others. But now... So her choice fell on a pantsuit.  
Smiling, the commander entered the restaurant. The Sushi restaurant was rebuilt. At the last visit she had crashed through the ground and found herself in a battle against her own clone. Smiling she went in the direction of the Turian. He had chosen a table further back. Protected from curious looks and enough distance to talk in peace. He knew her too well. She fought her way through the crowd. Her head began to boom again and her vision blurred. She suddenly saw herself sitting at the table, with Joker. Her fall through the floor and then her shooting in the streets. The found weapon whistled again and again quietly. Opponent after opponent fell. But there were too many. Help would not be bad. She spoke with someone. Not with Brooke. Suddenly Garrus was there. He came to help her, as always. Was that a compliment? Suddenly Wrex was there too and they fought their way free.   
The pressure in her head eased and she continued her way. Calming she looked at her best friend and sat down. Worried, he looked at her and grabbed her hand directly. The sniper just looked at her and gave her time to breathe deeply. Shepard always needed a few moments to recover from a flashback and he knew it. The Turian was the only one who understood her. All the others kept asking what was going on, how she was doing, what they could do. Garrus just waited patiently.

"I always forget how painful a memory is for you. I'm sorry. I thought it would be a good idea to come here."

"It's a good idea, Garrus. It hurts every time, but I don't want it any other way. I need that."

"I know it's still not easy to watch it every time and not be able to do anything about it. In battle I could at least pull you into cover."

"Yeah, now you're really great at improvising. In Turian vocabulary there's no taking cover at all."

"I learned a bit from you."

"Oh only a little?"

"All right, a little more. To take cover, what grey tones are, to scream around until somebody listens to you and..." 

"And?"

"Did you forget and maybe you'll remember it someday."

"Ass."

The sniper just laughed and placed their order with the waitress. The redhead looked around in peace during that time. Her head hurt again and single pictures appeared. The casino, the archive, the Normandy. Despite the pain, she began to grin.

"What's wrong?"

"That was the moment the Galaxy ran out of ammo."

"That was stylish."

"That's it."

"It would never have gone through as Commander Shepard."

"I'm not so sure about that. She wasn't so bad at all."

"Significantly worse than you."

"I have the better team."

"You always got the best out of us."

"I hope I never forget that you admitted that."

He laughed quietly. Their food came and they both fell into silence. The headaches didn't really go away, but it wasn't enough to cause her to flash back again.

"My father is serious by the way. He sent me a list of potential candidates."

"Damn it, Garrus. I'm sorry about that."

"So far, I can stall him for not getting a closer look at the list thanks to the work."

"And if you say you have a girlfriend? Would he leave you alone?"

"It'd have to be a pretty damn impressive girlfriend."

"You do have some impressive good friends. If you explained your situation to them, they would certainly help you."

"Do you think so?"

"Absolutely sure.

"And who do you think I should ask?"

"Depends on what you want. You could have the Shadow Broker, a female admiral of the Quarians, one of the strongest bioticians, a designed biotician or a Normandy technician to choose from."

"What about the heroine of the galaxy?"

"She... would probably help you, too."

"Would you?"

"Hey, to hell and back. I've never forgotten that."

Why did he stop now and look past her? Had she said something wrong? Probably. At least as far as she remembered, he had never been very good at the subject. If he hadn't suddenly made a hundred and eighty degree turn, then it was probably just very uncomfortable for him to talk about something like that.

"Hey, big guy. What's going on?"

"Reporter. In front of the restaurant. They're waiting for someone, I'm afraid of you."

"Shit. That can't be true. Is there never any peace?"

"But you also attract anger magically."

"Great. What is the difference between Reaper units and reporters?" 

"No ideas both run after you and want to tear you to pieces."

"Pick it out. Either Reapers don't have a camera, or you can shoot them with impunity."

"Fits both."

Garrus got up and went to the bar. What happened now? Maybe he got them something to drink. Alcohol wouldn't be the solution, but it might be more bearable. Surprised, she looked up as her hand was grabbed and the sniper pulled her with him. 

"Where are we going?"

"To the back door."

"What about the check?"

"Feel invited."

"What a date."

"At least nobody's trying to kill you."

"Not yet."

Once outside, he pulled her towards the casino. There were several exits and the reporters were definitely not allowed in. Shepard found it a bit confusing that he didn't let go of her hand the whole time. Arriving at the casino, the path led up the stairs to the bar. The redhead exploded again. 

\--------------------  
"I was here when Cerberus attacked, and i don't remember seeing you. I think I caught a glimpse of Commander Shepard fighting over by the elevator bay, though."

"Well, yeah Shepard was protecting the Council, but I had my own problems to deal with. You see, I was down by the docking bay near C-Sec headquarters... There were a lot of Cerberus troops. Ha ha! Commander Shepard is chasing the Council. This is our chance! And I am sneaking around. Oh, shit! Cerberus! Of course they recognized me. Ha ha ha! It's Joker! He can barely walk! How's he going to stop us? Ha ha! There was an Atlas and I took it. Like this. It's joking time. I said. And then, boom boom- Ah, we were fools to underestimate Joker! Oh, no! Yes. You were. I hit a group of five. They only screamed. Ah! That’s right! You just landed on the island of doctor me! I killed them all. And that's pretty much how it happened... which is why you should comp my drinks."

"No."

"Aw, come on!"

"I barely believe what they're saying about Shepard. You? I don't think so."

"Okay, trying not to be offended there. Look, if Shepard were here..."

\--------------------

Garrus drew her closer and supported her slightly. Of course, he had immediately noticed that she was stumbling. Slowly he walked on. To the next exit. As soon as they were outside they sucked Shepard's air greedily into her lungs. Probably he had intended to spend some time in the casino, but with their headaches it would have been pure torture. Tenderly he held her tight and just stopped with her until her legs stopped trembling.

"How do you do that in the arena?"

"I always break down in the locker room and wait until it's over."

"Next time I'll come with you."

"Will you catch me then, big guy?"

"Don't I always?"

"You do."

He moved her on. It was strange not to walk in front of him. To let him take the lead now was unusual, but not bad. How Garrus still held her hand. Was he so afraid to lose her in the crowd? Probably he just didn't really trust her legs yet. Why did she have to put on high heels today of all days? Oh yes, so that she didn't feel so small. 

"Garrus, slower. If we look like we're on the run, we're just attracting attention."

"Sorry. I just want to get you out of here."

"I know."

She stepped next to him and just hooked up with him. So she could at least slow him down a little if he got too fast again. So they both walked through the crowd. When she turned around the next corner, her best friend stopped as if frozen. Quickly they turned around and went back. These paparazzi were everywhere.

"I'm afraid we're trapped, Garrus."

"I wish we could shoot them."

"Then at least it would be easier."

"I think they saw us."

"Shit."

He pulled them into a darker corner and stood in front of them. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her tight. Questioning, Shepard looked up and opened her eyes in surprise. Garrus gently pressed his mouth plates against her lips. He kissed her. He kissed her right. Litavis closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Steps hurried past them. It had really worked. Instead of stopping, he pulled her even closer to him. Shepard felt a rough tongue on her lips and gasped in surprise. The Turian took his chance and penetrated her oral cavity. His tongue literally wrapped around her and finally she came towards him. Her tongues loved each other and fought for dominance at the same time. Panting heavily, they separated from each other. With glowing cheeks and glassy eyes she looked up to the sniper. Without another word they went on. Arriving at home they both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Garrus?

"I... Litavis... I'm sorry. I did not want... so... I..."

She walked up to him and put her lips back on his. He immediately pulled her back. That immediately felt familiar. She knew this taste. Her head exploded. The redhead saw them both in her loft. They kissed and he carried her to bed. He had accepted her offer. Hissing, she sank to her knees. That memory was too much that day. Silently Garrus just held her. How had it gone on between them?


	12. inopinata

They didn't talk about what happened between them. Garrus always avoided this topic. Litavis had given up the attempt. It was unpleasant for him. She knew him well enough to know that there was no point in further pursuit. So they both acted as if all this had never happened. Shepard just came back from dinner with Kashari. She now had only two training sessions in one earth week. Her body was completely restored. Except for the scars, of course. The Asari massaged her regularly and gave her lymphatic drains. Miranda worried that further operations would throw her back again. The redhead also did not have any more surgeries at the moment. There was more important than her appearance. Miranda's abilities were more urgently needed in other patients. She herself could wait.   
Kaidan had now visited her several more times as an Alliance representative. Her answer was always the same. Nevertheless, she was now an admiral. After all, she was on leave until she was better again. A lot of awards were waiting for her. Every nation involved in the war wanted to honour her. During a personal visit, of course. That could become a problem. Depending on which planet she visited first... it could be seen as an insult to be the last to be visited. She was rumored not to be physically able to travel long yet. A plain lie, which at least the Krogans saw through directly, but they said nothing about it. If the races were to establish an order, or lend it on the Citadel, no one would be offended. She arrived at her loft and retrieved her messages. The same as always. But then her heart stopped. That could not be true. Garrus could not be reached. Litavis ran up the stairs and ran into his room. As fast as she could she cleared his things into her bedroom. That could give a disaster. She ordered another mattress for Turians and had it brought into the lower bedroom. Fortunately there was enough food. She looked around skeptically. Garrus lived here, too, as could be seen in the apartment. Again she tried to reach her best friend. Again nothing. The ambassador really had to keep him on his toes. Well then she had to go and pick up his family. The two could have called earlier. The commander quickly grabbed her walking stick and set off. Urz accompanied her as usual. In the Skycar she tried to reach the sniper. Resigned she left him a message. She knew Garrus had accepted her offer and had told his family that they were a couple. Unfortunately, Litavis had no further information. So she had to improvise. Arriving at the docks she got out. She had perfected the conscious limping. She leaned slightly against the balustrade and waited. Hopefully Garrus would appear soon. Or at least send her a message. The redhead looked at the passing ships. The last time she had stood here with Steve. In the middle of the war, a precious moment of peace and quiet. That had done her shuttle pilot good. Here in this place they had gone from being comrades to friends. This time her head didn't explode. She had received that memory back a few weeks ago. Once the chains were broken, she could remember them again and again without breaking. The memories of individual persons, however, still remained closed to her. Garrus, Kaidan and James. With the three she bit on granite. Single pictures and scraps of conversation, now and then even whole conversations, but nothing more. It was frustrating. The major sought her closeness, always wanted to do something with her and... well, she felt like he was flirting with her. James flirted with everything that was female. So she ruled him out. Kaidan really tried and Garrus... He was always there. Held her, protected her and then he had kissed her... Sighing she cuddled Urz. What should she think now? Shepard shook that thought off. That had to wait now. There were more important things. A Turian ship docked. It would take some time before the passengers were through the security check. Still no news of the sniper. Urz remained calm the whole time. There was a lot going on now. More and more Turians streamed out of the ship. The gaze of the new admiral wandered searching around. Luckily she had seen pictures of Garrus family. Slowly she approached two Turians. Both of them looked at her in surprise. Hopefully her boyfriend hadn't said that she was still dependent on the wheelchair.

"Officer Vakarian, Mrs Vakarian is very pleased to meet you. Garrus is still at the embassy, unfortunately we received her message only a few hours ago."

Garrus' sister looked at her father in shock. She reached out to Shepard and shook her hand.

"Please call me Solana, Commander. After all, you are with my brother. Even if my father doesn't quite believe that yet."

That would of course explain the surprise visit. Smiling she looked at the young Turian. She seemed to be far more open than her father. 

"This information also came as a surprise, Commander."

"That is only too understandable. Do we want to go then?"

The two took their bags and followed the redhead to the Skycar. During the flight she talked to Solana. Shepard explained everything about the Citadel to her. Finally, they arrived at her apartment. Urz went straight to his seat. Litavis breathed deeply. Of course Garrus wasn't there yet.

"We have two guest rooms. One down here and one upstairs. How you would like to divide it up I leave to you. Upstairs the bathroom is furnished for Turians. Unfortunately this is not down here".

"Why not?"

"Garrus told us that this is Shepard's apartment she got from an admiral. Why should she arrange everything for Turians when she is a human herself? Garrus has moved in with us. Not the other way around."

"It's exactly the same. We thought together about what he needs and wants. We are both really bad civilians. Some rooms are not used by us at all. We are simply not used to so much space."

"I'm surprised you don't have an armory."

"We have a gun closet in the bedroom."

That made Solana laugh. Litavis had really hoped that she would take the bedroom upstairs, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. As soon as the two had settled in, the apartment door opened and Garrus came in. She walked towards him and pressed her forehead against his. Casis watched them both closely.

"Welcome home."

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't get away sooner."

"It's okay. I was there."

He greeted his family now. Hopefully she had done nothing wrong. His father had reserved a table for her. So they withdrew into the bedrooms. Shepard quickly dragged her boyfriend into her bedroom before he could betray himself.

"I'm so sorry, Litavis. I had no idea."

"It's okay. We just have to be careful what we do now. I got all your stuff over and organized another mattress. What did you tell them?"

"Just that we're a couple and we live together."

"Ok. Anything else I need to know?"

"No. The greeting was nice."

"Glad to hear it. I thought it was wrong, the way your father watched us."

"We do not show affection so often. Usually only in the family. I didn't know if that was right for you."

"I told you I'd do it with you."

"Thank you."

"I'll take a shower then."

"Okay. I'll change in time."

Litavis took another pantsuit and went to the bathroom. Luckily she didn't need long in the bathroom. When she came out again Garrus looked at her closely.

"No dress. Back then you often put on that black one."

"A Turian of all people notices that. I am shocked. At that time I still had the legs for a short dress".

"You still have them."

"You saw the scars, didn't you?

"I did. I still think that you can still wear a dress."

"Your father would tip over at the sight."

"Well then, put it on."

Laughing, she really reached for the dress. She turned her back on him and undressed again. She felt a little uncomfortable. He now saw her scarred back. The lower part of her legs was still walking. Her thighs and upper body were the worst. 

"Will you help me with the zipper?"

"Of course."

She slipped into a pair of high shoes and went down with him.

"Remember to support me all the time."

"Of course."

They sat down on the sofa and waited. Garrus rose again and fed Urz. He had become accustomed to their Varren. Solana came to them first. She turned on the TV and switched to the AAA channel. Interested the three watched the fights. 

"They are boring. I had hoped to see caelistis Santana fight. She is great and so nice. She answered my messages. Can you imagine that? Have you ever seen her fight?"

"Regularly. I've even seen her in a real fight. She's great."

"You know her? What is she like?

"I know her well. Very well even. And I've already told you, she's great."

Shepard was silent the whole time. She flattered me immensely how Garrus talked about her. Finally Casis came to them and they made their way to the restaurant. There she held back the whole time. Garrus and Casis talked there all the time about the work. Solana seemed very tired. She was quiet all the time. After a good three hours the eldest seemed to have an understanding and they went back. Arriving at the apartment Litavis took off her shoes first. She went into the kitchen and made a coffee. The father of the two went upstairs for a moment.

"You two really should kiss more often. It's nice that you're holding back so much for us, but Dad thinks it's strange. Humans do show their affection more often."

"Sol... we..."

"We're both soldiers, Solana. Neither your brother nor I are like that. Just before others we rather hold back."

"Oh so. Nevertheless you should be a little more open. Not that our father still comes up with stupid ideas. I go to sleep now. The flight was quite exhausting."

So Solana disappeared into the guest room. Perplex the two looked at each other. 

"Could be harder than I thought."

"We'll manage."

She gently embraced her best friend. Who would have thought that she would need acting lessons? The redhead sighed softly as she was drawn closer. His warmth was very pleasant every time. As soon as she heard footsteps from above, she put her lips on Garrus mouthplates. Casis certainly didn't like the human way of kissing. But the sniper all the more. Suddenly she felt his tongue on her lips again. The plan to leave it at this short gesture, she threw quickly over the pile and met the strange tongue only too willingly. Garrus' grip around her waist became firmer. He almost brutally pressed their bodies against each other. She gasped briefly and he let go again. Shepards entire body tingling pleasantly. Everything around her became unimportant. There was only the intense play of her tongues. With a slight throat they finally startled and separated from each other. With glowing cheeks she finally turned away and dedicated herself to the coffee machine again. Her boyfriend carried her coffee into the living room. For himself and his father, he took Turian brandy with him, while she grabbed a whiskey for later. On the couch she snuggled up to Garrus. They didn't have to play that. It was like that every evening. His warmth did her scars good and he knew it too. The conversation about the work went on. Shepard just listened. She already knew all the stories about her best friend. He told them to her every night. 

"And what are you doing right now, Commander?" 

"Admiral, Father She is now Admiral."

"It's okay, Garrus. I guess I'll always be Commander Shepard. I think it sounds better somehow, too."

"You deserve this promotion, Litavis."

Smiling, she looked up at him, but then turned directly to his father.

"I am on leave at the moment. The restoration of my body took a very long time and mentally I am still far from ready for action."

"Mentally?"

"I have many memory gaps. Probably because of the wounds. As soon as I get access to something I forgot, now..."

"It has strong physical effects."

Gratefully she looked at Garrus. He really tried to help her. Just before his father it was certainly not easy.

"What effects?"

"It's none of your business, father."

His subvocals made a deep growl with this sentence. Shepard shuddered slightly. She could hear that much better now than before her second recovery.

"Sorry."

"It's all right."

"It's already late. We should probably go to sleep now."

She and Garrus cleaned up while Casis said goodbye and went upstairs.

"Sorry, Litavis."

"It does not have to. He was just a cop. They can never stop asking."

"Yeah, but you're not in the dock here."

"I am his son's girlfriend. Of course I'm sitting in the dock."

Laughing quietly, the Turian lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom. Arriving there he carefully opened the zipper of her dress. Litavis took her pyjamas and changed in the bathroom. When she came back he was already in bed. Since he slept with her regularly they had changed their mattresses. Shepard had had to get used to the very soft ground. As soon as she was in bed, the sniper pulled her in as usual.

"Is everything really okay for you?"

"Yes, it's all right."

"I mean... I guess we'll have to kiss more often now."

"I can imagine worse."

"Very reassuring."

"Do we have to pay attention to anything else?"

"I don't think so. Only that we should probably cuddle more..."

"And you should kiss me next time. The last two times went out from me."

"I can do that."

"But he won't get suspicious if he doesn't hear us moaning at night, will he?"

"I... you... um..."

"That was a joke, Garrus. If necessary, we'll have to run a few porn movies."

"That was a joke too, wasn't it?"

"Whatever makes you sleep better."


	13. cicatricis

Litavis went through the Citadel with Garrus' family. Casis especially wanted to see the Embassies and C-Security. Thanks to her Spectrestatus she could take the two everywhere. Solana was more interested in all the hustle and bustle. She wanted to go to the Armax Arsenal Arena all the time. Her father had little regard for this. They had been walking around for three hours now. Garrus sister supported them meanwhile. Finally the eldest had an understanding and they sat down in a bistro. Sol had insisted. Casis now listened them out about the coup attempt. He wanted to know everything exactly, especially the attack on C-Sec interested him. Of course she could only tell him about the result. As detailed as she could, she described what had happened. The Turian seemed to be impressed by her approach. 

"Would you have shot your comrade?"

"Unnatural, but if it had been necessary, I would have."

"Amazing."

"I am a soldier, Officer Vakarian. The fulfillment of the mission has top priority. If he had left me no other choice, I would have eliminated him, just like Udina. I'm very glad I didn't have to."

"I see. My son said that you pursue your goals relentlessly."

"Not always to your liking. I am a spectre and I have much more possibilities. Nevertheless I try to keep to the laws. Whatever I think of you." 

"So Garrus told you about my opinion about Spectre?"

"Directly when we were chasing Saren, yes."

"You don't have a problem with that?"

"Why should I? I never intended to become everybody's darling. Like I said, I'm a soldier."

She drank her coffee and saw Kaidan from afar. The Canadian came straight at her.

"Excuse me, Admiral. A word."

"Of course, Major. Excuse me, please."

She got up and went off with the dark-haired man. She could feel Casi's gaze in her back. The older Turian watched her closely. 

"What is it, Kaidan?"

"The nations seem to be slowly uniting. They now want to make your honours on the Citadel."

"A problem would now be solved."

"Yes, the problem would be solved. But the Alliance wants to slowly reinstate you."

"Kaidan, I..."

"I know you don't want this. I understand you. I try as much as I can to dissuade her."

"Thank you."

"You're not surprised at all?"

"That you have seen through the game? No. It was actually clear to me that you would not fall for it for long."

"Then why did you do it?"

"To give you the choice. I know how attached you are to the Alliance. I would have pushed you into a conflict of conscience. I wanted to avoid that."

"That's what I thought. Thank you for that."

"I'm glad you understand."

"I understand you. I also understand why you don't want to go back. You have done enough. More than enough. They should just leave you alone."

"They won't do that. They can't do that either. But first I need a break. I must become clear over some again. I can't really live with all these gaps in my memory. I want to know everything again before I go on the next mission."

"You still have gaps?"

"Yes. I have no idea how I defeated the Reapers. I don't know how Anderson died and I'm still puzzled about many things in my private life."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What is missing you then?"

"A lot of our conversations, for example."

"Only ours?"

"No, also with others."

"So you mainly have gaps in your private life by now?"

"Yes. It's not exactly easy."

"I believe that. Can I help you somehow?"

"I wouldn't know how. The flashbacks come as they want. Some I can trigger, but the others..."

"Hmmm... that's bad."

"It is."

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thank you, Kaidan. I should go back then. Garrus' family is waiting for me."

"All right. I'll see you."

He hugged her briefly and Litavis made her way back. She didn't get the chance to sit down again. Casis pushed for departure. Garrus should come home right away. He had now also taken a few days off. Arriving at the apartment, Shepard went upstairs. Afterwards Kashari came by to massage her. She wanted to change for it. As soon as the redhead was finished, she heard voices from below.

"Your girlfriend hugged another man."

"There is nothing there. She can hug whom she wants."

"You have nothing against it?"

"As long as she only hugs, no why should I."

The new admiral came down the stairs. Smiling she looked at her best friend. He came up to her and pressed his forehead against hers. She returned the gesture gently and looked up at him afterwards.

"Shall I take you straight to training?"

"No, Kashari comes here. Then she takes the Mech directly with her again."

"Okay. When?"

"In about two hours."

Together they went into the kitchen and started cooking. They were already a well-rehearsed team. Garrus' father watched them again the whole time. Sol, on the other hand, tried to help them both somehow. After some time they were ready and ate together.

"Do you do that more often?"

"Cooking together? Yes. If he comes home soon enough. Then we cook together. Otherwise I cook, or when I come home later, he cooks for me."

"You really pay attention to each other."

"Of course, Sol. With a girlfriend like that, I'll have to make an effort." 

Shepard swallowed hard. She had to keep telling herself that this was just a play. The fact that Garrus now gently grabbed her hand didn't make things any better. Tenderly she returned this gesture. As soon as everyone was full Garrus cleared the table. There it already rang at the door and the young Asari came in.

"Hello, everyone. Are you ready for the massage and lymphatic drainage, Commander? Um... Admiral. I don't think I'll get used to it so quickly. I'm very sorry, but for me you will always be Commander Shepard," Kashari smiled rather embarrassed.

"That's all right. I'm still introducing myself as a commander."

Smiling, she let her best friend carry her up the stairs. She simply ignored the questioning gaze of the Asari. The Turian took the matter, with the more physical contact, now very seriously. As soon as she was alone with Kashari she explained everything to her. The Asari found this idea very sweet. The massage was as always very painful. Her scars were terribly sensitive. Each touch was a single torture. Sweat covered her whole body and Shepard could only with difficulty suppress a whimper. Her breath accelerated and her eyes became glassy. She knew that the Asari would like to apologize to her all the time. The heartbeat of the redheads accelerated. After an hour and a half it was fortunately over. With trembling hands she dressed again. Exhausted, Shepard just sat on the bed. Suddenly Garrus sat next to her and pulled her tight.

"I've never seen you right after that."

"That's why I always stay in the room half an hour longer. I look like shit."

"Bullshit. You have pain. There that is nevertheless completely natural."

Carefully he pulled her wide legged on his lap. He pulled her tightly to himself and warmed her up like this. The sniper knew that warmth was good for her now. Sighing, she leaned against her best friend and closed her eyes. She felt that both of them were being watched. But she just didn't care. Litavis felt the hard mouth plates on her lips. Her hands lay on his neck and gently stroked him there. His tongue penetrated into her mouth again and she welcomed her only too gladly. Slowly they separated again. 

"I should take a shower, I stink."

"I think you smell good. Reminds me of all the fights we survived."

"And I thought you were gonna compliment me."

Laughing, she got up and went to the bathroom. The shower was really good. Her tense muscles continued to relax. Finally Litavis only left the bathroom with a towel. Surprised, she looked at her best friend, who was still in the bedroom. 

"Is there anything else?"

"My father wants to meet some former colleagues and I'm supposed to come with him."

"And you don't want to?

"I think he has ulterior motives."

"You mean he wants to set you up with a daughter?"

"I think he wants to ask me about us."

"And Turians don't have it with lying. Then get his colleagues to talk. So he doesn't even get to it."

"Good idea."

"If anything happens, write me a message. I'll come save you then."

"Sounds good."

He watched as she slipped under the towel and her underwear. Slowly he stood up and stopped in front of her. Carefully he reached for the piece of cloth, but Shepard held it tight.

"Garrus..."

"Come on, Litavis. I've often seen you without armour."

"That was before a Tresher Maw chewed on me and spat me out again."

"I got a rocket..."

"And I have a Reaper beam."

"Ok, you won. But what are you afraid of?"

"I..."

Slowly she dropped the towel and looked in another direction. It was unpleasant for her. Her body looked terrible. Slowly he stretched out his hands and waited for her Okay before he touched her. Shepard was always surprised at how tender he could be. Although she felt uncomfortable, his warmth made her purr. Eventually he pulled her right back to himself. 

"You are still the same beautiful woman as before."

Was his father nearby? Why else would he say that? She had heard nothing, but there was probably no other explanation for it. He kissed her again, before he simply left the room. Confused, she looked after him and dressed. When she came down Garrus' sister was sitting alone on the sofa.

"Solana, they didn't take you with them?"

"No, Dad wanted to talk to his son alone."

"The two are impossible. Let's both go out too."

"Where are we going?

"To the AAA. We'll watch the fights live."

"Oh yes."

So they both went out and entered the arena.

"Shepard, where are we going?"

"In the participant's area. You wanted to be down there with me so bad."

"You are caelestis Satana?"

"I am. I used the arena for training."

"On the one hand, I'm terribly embarrassed that I raved so much about you in front of you. On the other hand, I like my brother's girlfriend better and better."

Laughing, Litavis set the parameters for the fight and the two went to change. Solana really blossomed in the fight simulation. Unlike her brother, she loved her shotgun. Shepard made the young Turian easy at first and only supported her. The fight hadn't been bad, but well below her average. Directly she started the next fight and this time she took the lead. Sol obeyed every command and her result was much better.

"Now I know why Garrus always listens to you."

"Not always. But on missions, definitely."

"May I ask you something, Shepard?"

"Of course."

"You and my brother..."

"Yes?"

"Don't you have sex?"

"Please what?"

"Excuse me. Is that a personal topic for humans?" 

"Yes, pretty much. But how do you come up with that?"

"Well, we live until the wedding with our parents or the parents of our partners, and sex is just part of a partnership."

"You're right about that. Only... through all my wounds it has been hard lately. Even now... I am completely covered with scars. With too much pressure they hurt hellishly. I can hardly breathe then".

"Sorry, Shepard. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's okay. If your father asks you the same question, you can explain it to him."

"You saw through me."

"I have practice in it."

"Should we pick up Garrus? I know where my father wanted to go with him."

"We don't have to. They should also spend some time together."

"But we should."

"What's the matter, Sol?"

"I don't know. But it's strange that I shouldn't come with them."

"Well then, let's go."

The way was not so far. Shepard knew the bar. There were really pretty dancers here. Already when she entered the club she discovered the table where her best friend was sitting. He did everything not to stare at the Asari dancer in front of him.

"What is my father thinking? I am so sorry, Shepard."

"Don't be. He can look at others with pleasure. That doesn't bother me."

"Really not?"

"LOLA!"

Shepard turned around and started laughing.

"James! What are you doing here?" 

"My unit is going to Palavan the day after tomorrow for training. And so today we take our chance to relax again."

"Sounds good. Oh James, that's Solana Vakarian."

"Nice to meet you. Don't you two want to celebrate with us, Commander?"

"Shepard is admiral now."

"Shit, Lola. Your drinks are on me."

"If that's the case, we're happy to accept the invitation, James, of course."

So the two women joined the N7 recruits. Of course she was recognized immediately. But James dealt with her as usual. They drank a lot. If Garrus father had noticed her, she couldn't say, she didn't care. They spent some hours with James Unit and often enough they were toasted loudly. Solana took each round with her and was finally quite drunk.

"Come on, Sol. I'll take you home."

The Turian nodded weakly and hooked up with Shepard.

"Hey, can I watch the game with you tomorrow, Lola?"

"If you bring beer, James."

Laughing, she made her way home. Just as they were passing the table of Sol's father, Garrus jumped up and helped her with his sister. Casis followed them silently. They put the young Turian to bed. 

"Everything okay, Litavis?"

"Oh, as if the puppies could keep up with me."

"Everything else would have surprised me too."

"James came by tomorrow. He wants to watch the game before he goes to Palavan."

"You're inviting other men into your home, Admiral Shepard?"

"Why not? James has fought the Reapers together with us and is now in training for the N7."

"Well..."

"Whether I invite a comrade or you drag your son to a strip club, what's the difference?"

Smiling, she went up the stairs and wanted to be ready for bed. Shortly after her, Garrus entered the room. He seemed kind of dejected.

"Hey, big guy. What's going on?"

"I... I didn't want to go to the club..."

"Don't worry about it, Garrus. You can go wherever you want. I only wanted to slow your father down a little."

Only now did she realise that she was still standing there without a top. The door opened and Litavis quickly fled into Garrus' arms. The Turian took off his shirt and really pressed on her. Only then did he flash angrily at his father and begin to growl. Immediately the elder closed the door again. They should probably lock soon. The heat of the other body was pleasant. 

"Your skin is still very soft."

"Garrus..."

As she was, he carried her to bed and pulled her into his arms. She snuggled up to him and closed her eyes. How he held her. Litavis just felt safe.


	14. abscisio

Shepard laughed out loud. James had really come by. Besides the beer he had brought Kaidan and Steve with him. They had watched the game and the redhead had predicted the winner again. Since the men had bet again and she was again not allowed to participate, they played poker now. James had really undressed Kaidan and Steve, but he had a lot of trouble with her. Finally he went all in and grinned at her. Of course the admiral went with him. A dirty grin lay on her trains. James had a straight flush. He stretched out his hands at the chips, but Litavis hit him on the fingers. She slowly turned her cards over with relish. One after the other. Finally there was a royal flush on the table. She sipped her beer and listened to James ranting. They had the apartment to themselves. Garrus was out with his family. They played some more games and finally sat down in front of the TV again. The major had wanted to cook again, but they had ordered pizza instead. They spent the whole day together. Finally James and Steve said goodbye and she was left alone with Kaidan. She looked radiantly at the Canadian as he pulled an antique game console out of his pocket. Immediately a hot battle broke out between them. The screams and moans of their characters could be heard all over the apartment. They both didn't care. Shepard hadn't felt that free in a long time. She didn't have to worry about anything, she didn't have to think, and her most important decision was which attack to take next. As time went by they got better and better. It took something to get them used to the game again. But maybe it was the constant consumption of alcohol that was the reason. Laughing she caught Kaidan when he stumbled on the way to the bathroom. Still grinning, she brought him to the door. She never expected to see the Major like this. Slightly stumbling he came out again. Shepard directly grabbed him under his arms. Back on the sofa she laid the dark-haired man down and made a coffee. As soon as she was back and had put the cups down, Kaidan suddenly pulled her to himself.

"Why Garrus?"

"What?"

"Why Garrus, why not me?"

"Kaidan, what are you talking about?"

"Why are you with Garrus and not with me?"

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes, I am."

"Kaidan, I..."

"Why, Litavis?"

"Kaidan, I'm not with Garrus. We are doing this for his father. He wants Garrus to get married and he doesn't want that."

"So, aren't you with him?"

"No, I'm not..."

She wasn't, was she? Even though it was always faked, it felt real from time to time. Her best friend was always there. He took her in his arms and left her alone when she needed it. He held her tight, gave her security... The kisses they shared... it felt so real. Meanwhile they slept in the same bed. Every night the redhead snuggled into his arms and there she was safe. Safe from the nightmares that had plagued her night after night. The Turian was very attentive. Any change in her immediately caught his eye and he reacted. Despite all her scars, he called her beautiful. He was not afraid of her sight. On top of that, he had been sitting at her bedside for days. They were not a couple, but every now and then it felt that way. Litavis was ripped from her mind as warm lips lay on hers. Frightened, she retreated.

"You are drunk, Kaidan."

"You are right. I'm sorry."

Shepard quickly got up and handed the coffee to the Canadian. The feeling had been familiar. Of course it was. After all, they were once... well... what had they actually been? A couple? That would probably be too much to say. But close to it. What did she delude herself? They had been together. Kaidan had loved her and she too had feelings for him. At least until Horizon. Everything had changed there. It had hurt her. And again Garrus had been there to catch her. Quickly she drove the thought away again. That led to nothing. Smiling, she looked at the major who was quietly slurping his coffee. He didn't try to get any closer. After some time he stood up staggering. Quickly she caught him again.

"I should go."

"I'll bring you. You can't make your way alone anymore."

So she went outside with him and took him to the taxi. Litavis really got in and brought Kaidan to the front door. The swaying didn't stop the whole time. So the path led her to his bed, where Shepard gently laid down the major.

"Stay with me."

"Sleep, Kaidan."

"Only this night..."

Sighing, she covered him up and breathed a kiss on his forehead. Before he could reach for her, she disappeared home. The taxi took her back. But not in her apartment, but in the AAA. Too many thoughts were circling in her head. She had to let off steam. Fight after fight was won. For a change also one, without firing a single shot. Close combat in combination with Biotic. It was exhausting and the whole body began to tingle pleasantly. The Biotic had not triggered this feeling for a long time. Hot and cold showers overcame them. At that time she had felt this feeling more often. It had taken many years of training to control herself. Now she welcomed it. It was nice to know that her destroyed body was still capable of it. But now she urgently needed a cold shower. As fast as she could, the redhead made her way home. Unfortunately the cold shower had to wait. Her roommate and his family were back. Like every time since his family was there, he came up to her to kiss her. This time he put his mouthplates on their lips. She leaned slightly against the Turian. Shocked, Litavis gasped as she was suddenly lifted up. The sniper ran up the stairs with her so fast that she really had to hold on this time.

"Garrus, what's the matter?"

"You smell excited."

"I'm doing what?"

She got warm. Heat rose in her face, she turned red. Shepard had always realized that Turians had a very fine sense of smell, but that he could smell it so well was embarrassing to her. She quickly looked in a different direction.

"You smell excited, Litavis."

"Oh..."

"I didn't want my father... are you embarrassed right now?"

"Yes, damn it."

"It doesn't have to be."

Sighing, the redhead looked briefly at her best friend before she shook her head and wanted to turn around. The sniper grabbed her and pulled her tight. His face rested in her neck bend and he took a deep breath. Shepard stopped as if frozen. Her heart beat violently in her chest. She swallowed hard.

"Garrus, what are you doing?"

"You smell so good."

"That's what's going on, that's embarrassing, not better."

"I'm sorry."

He just wouldn't let her go. His heavy breath made her shiver more and more. Damn it. He kissed her. Moaning, Shepard opened her lips. Garrus' rough tongue entered her. Her legs gave way and the Turian held her tight. Litavis gasped against the strange tongue in her mouth. Her hands lay in Garrus' neck and she massaged the sensitive spot just below his fringe. The vibrating of his chest chased down another shower through her body. Breathing heavily, she finally detached herself from him.

"I should really take a shower now."

Discontented, he finally let her go. Under the cold shower she looked at her hands. A slightly bluish shimmer emanated from them. She should have been more careful with the new implants. Inside, an unbridled heat raged. She seemed to melt. The water became colder and colder, but the burning remained. She breathed deeply. Control. She needed control. The redhead turned off the water. She couldn't get out now. The whole family would smell her. Only with a towel she went back into the bedroom. Like a few days ago, Garrus was still in the bedroom looking at her. Directly he pulled her back to himself and buried his face in her neck bend. What did he do with her? He pulled the towel away. Shepard didn't care that she now stood naked in front of him. She didn't care that he saw all her scars, none of which bothered him. The sniper lifted her up and carried her to bed. As soon as she didn't feel his body any more, she started thinking again. This was a mistake. What if she suddenly had to remember again? She couldn't just use Garrus like that. Not her best friend. If she would at least remember her one night. But... was this really so wrong? After all, the initiative came from him, not from her. Again his mouthplates hit her lips and she moaned softly. As soon as his weight depressed her, she moaned painfully. Under the pressure some of her scars opened. Garrus immediately withdrew. Her blood stuck to his top. Without further ado, he took it off after retiring. Again he bent over her, but this time he caught his weight. His rough, long tongue speeded over her bloody belly. Litavis moaned hoarse. Again and again the cheeky tongue jumped over her trembling muscles. She bit her lips hard not to groan loudly. What did he do with her? He penetrated her oral cavity and Shepard tasted her own blood. The iron taste had never bothered her. Again her hands lay down on his neck and massaged the sensitive spot. His whole body vibrated through his purring. Her action shifted to the sides of his neck, where the skin was much softer. One of his talons went to her right breast. Tenderly he stroked the nipple, which became directly hard. Only slowly he separated again from her lips and licked over the other nipple. Shepard's fingers slipped to Garrus' waist. She kept stroking the soft leather. His purring became louder. 

"Your smell is driving you crazy, Litavis."

He eluded her fingers and continued to lick her chest. The redhead bit her lips hard. Her breath accelerated more and more. Her body slowly lifted towards the tongue. She longed for attention all over her body. Garrus' tongue caressed her nipples more and more. Slowly the sniper moved down again. His tongue dipped into her belly button and made her shiver. The Turian knew very well what he was doing. The leg muscles of the redheads contracted. The sniper knelt over her and his talons lay on the inside of the trembling thighs. With gentle force he pulled the limbs apart. Litavis groaned longingly as the rough tongue glided over her damp gap. Quickly she bit her fingers to muffle her own sounds. Her best friend pressed his tongue harder against her rift and penetrated her. Her cunt was already pulsing. The blue tongue slid along her entire rift. Panting heavily, she threw herself into the hollow back as he hit her clitoris. Her teeth sank hard into her own flesh. The Mandibles flickered contentedly. The rough tongue now glided over the sensitive spot again and again. The clitoris continued to swell. The circling movements drove Shepard further and further into madness. Suddenly his tongue penetrated deep into Shepard. The pressure on her fingers tightened. The rough tongue continued to penetrate her cunt. She got wetter and wetter. The deep vibration of his subvocals made her groan hoarse. Without problems Garrus hit her G - point. Litavis free hand cramped into the sheet. The Turianer's tongue moved slowly in a jerk. She moaned with every new hit. He penetrated deeper and deeper into her. His pointed teeth pressed against the soft flesh. The blows of his tongue became faster and firmer. Inside, a tremendous heat built up. Shepard easily tried to push the man away, but he intensified his actions even more. With a muffled scream she bit herself bloody. Her muscles tightened around the Turian's tongue. Still trapped by her orgasm, she only got the edge of her hand as her best friend grabbed her fingers and hungrily licked the blood. With glassy eyes her free hand reached into his crotch. His plates had separated completely and she could feel his excitement well. Her fingers exerted light pressure. Without another word he took off his trousers. Gently her hand drove over the hard, wet dick. With a deep growl she was pulled at him. He pressed their mouths hard against each other. 

"Litavis... I want you."

She could only nod. Hard he grabbed her and turned her on the belly. Her hip was grabbed and she was on all fours. Shepards breath faltered. The Turian placed himself behind her. His hard plates pressed against her butt. The whole body of the redhead trembled. The rough tongue on her back made her groan. The tip of Garrus' penis pressed against her wet entrance. Slowly her lips opened and received the hot phallus. Groaning, his name left her mouth. Suddenly the door opened. Litavis flinched and looked back. The sniper had fallen from bed in shock. She reached for the blanket and covered her nakedness. Angrily, she sparkled at Casis.

"OUT!"

Solana pulled on her father, who was clearly drunk.

"I told you we were disturbing. Now come on. Damn it."

As soon as the door closed, she turned around and announced her best friend. He slowly straightened up and sat next to him. 

"From now on I only call your father Coitus Interruptus."

Laughing he wrapped his arms around her.


	15. rivalis

Admiral Litavis Shepard stood at a table and breathed deeply. A lot of new medals were emblazoned on her chest. All the nations of the Milky Way had honored her. Everyone wanted to talk to her and of course officially invite her. A good one had it. Admiral Hackett had promised her the Normandy. She was happy to finally return to her ship. She sipped her drink and let her gaze wander. Again a few emissaries approached her and she exchanged some words with them. It's been going on for five hours. Most of them were hypocrites in their eyes. For years she had warned, screamed and even begged, but hardly anyone had listened to her or her team. And now so many had always been her secret supporters. There were the most entertaining Volus they wanted as advertising faces. Next she found herself between some Elcor. There was no flattery here, only a simple thank you and of course an invitation. The redhead was already struggling with high gravity. There would probably be a solution for that. She didn't really want to visit a planet crawling on all fours. Afterwards this was still taken as an insult. As soon as the Elcor had said goodbye the Hanar appeared. Slowly the conversations and the envoys repeated themselves. Finally she walked calmly through the crowd. Maybe she had a better chance to escape. After a few moments the admiral felt persecuted. This attempt had also failed. For another hour she surrendered to her fate before she discovered a way to escape. As fast as she could, she walked towards one of the tables. Kaidan stood there all alone. Her gaze glided briefly to Garrus. Unfortunately he stood together with his family, Councillor Sparatus and Primarch Victus. There she would never have her rest. Thus the Major was her best chance for some rest. So she walked directly towards him and stood with him. Immediately he stood tight and saluted before her.

"Admiral Shepard."

"Only Shepard, Kaidan. Please. As long as nobody wants anything from me, I'd just like to be Shepard again. If emissaries should rush towards me again, you may call me Admiral and send me reports. But as long as it's just Shepard."

"Is that an order?" he grinned at her.

"Yes, Major. That's a damn order."

"Well, then... how are you, Shepard?"

"I wish I wasn't here. A dance with Kalros would be more relaxing than this." 

"But Shepard, she beat a Reaper. She doesn't deserve us to set Shepard on her neck."

"So you think I'd win?"

"She beat a reaper. You thousands. The statistics speak for themselves."

"We beat the Reapers, Kaidan. Not me. We."

"Maybe, but you did the decisive blow."

Why did he have to put her on this podium now? She had done her duty. Like any other soldier in this war. She had survived with a lot of luck. Many others did not. They were to be honoured. Their names should be on everyone's lips. That was probably the burden of the survivors. The dark-haired man watched her carefully and smiled encouragingly.

"I heard you're getting your ship back?"

"Yes. For all my visits throughout the Milky Way. I am looking forward to coming home again."

"You are a soldier through and through. Who describes a frigate as his home?"

She had to laugh quietly at it.

"I can think of a few. It gets strange when a part of the team is missing."

"Who is missing?

"James, Tali, Liara, Garrus, Javik, you."

"I could come with you..."

"You're a Spectre, Kaidan. I think the council would mind if one Spectre did the CO for the other."

"Forget the council. If you want me there, then I'm there. And if they don't like it, I'll take a vacation."

"Sounds good. So Kaidan, when the Alliance has set my itinerary, do you want to come to Normandy?"

"It would be an honor, Admiral. We have also received new reports from the Omega Nebula apparently take the pirate activities... okay. They are gone."

"Thank you, Kaidan."

"Gladly. The circles around you slowly, like the vultures."

"And I'm not even dead."

"No, you're not and I'm very happy about that."

"Me too. Good in this environment rather not, but generally already."

"Shepard, when I was with you the other day..."

"Your game console is still with me, yes. Don't worry, I've stowed it safely."

"Oh, thank you. But I don't mean that..."

"Blackout?"

"Not at all."

"Oh, I thought so. You were very drunk."

"I was, sorry."

"It's okay. That happens."

"Litavis, would you have dinner with me?"

"We eat together more often, Kaidan."

"I don't mean that."

"Are you asking me out on a date right now?"

"I really have to be out of practice if you have to ask. Yes, I want to go out with you."

"Kaidan..."

"Of course, not until Garrus' family's gone. It's really great what you're doing for him."

"I..."

"If you don't want to, just say it. I can handle it."

"Give me time, okay? I want to get this trip over with first and..."

"And see if the Normandy will trigger any more memories?"

"Yes. There's just so much I don't know anymore. If one of my memories suddenly overturns everything... it wouldn't be fair to you."

"I understand. You shouldn't feel forced to do anything. You have to do enough things that you don't really want. I don't want to belong to it at all".

"You don't, Kaidan. Really not."

"Glad to hear it. What do you think if we leave here?"

"Do not tempt me. I think it might bump into some when the person of the day steals away."

"Who would have thought that we would miss disasters that require your immediate intervention?"

"That's when I hear you."

Most of the event they both spent together. Only when the duty called unconditionally and obtrusively did she briefly move away from the table. Finally, the event continued to disintegrate. Only the Turians some of the alliance and they both were still there. Hackett approached her and told her that she would receive her itinerary in the next few days. With a nod she said goodbye to him. The other officers followed the admiral. Kaidan looked pretty exhausted. He was certainly kept pretty busy. 

"If you're tired, go home."

"It's all right. Besides, you'd be all alone here with the Turians."

"But now there is no other people left who could feel offended by the attention."

"Nevertheless. I... oh... Hi Garrus."

Smiling she looked at her best friend. The looks that the two just threw at each other were strange. 

"Hello Kaidan."

Unlike the major, she could hear the Turian's subvowels very accurately and it sounded like a threatening growl to her.

"What were you two talking about all this time?"

"I'll be Shepard's CO when she gets back on Normandy. Your duties keep you here."

"No. I have direct orders to accompany her if Litavis wants me there."

That growl again. This time clearly more threatening than before. Maybe just an imagination. Or she simply misinterpreted it. Only... Garrus' whole attitude was somehow offensive. Yes, almost aggressive. How he stared at the Canadian.

"Do you want me to go with you, Litavis?" 

"Hey, what would Normandy be without my favorite Turian?"

Almost triumphantly he looked down on the dark-haired man. She couldn't imagine that. The two tried to stare down.

"Everything that makes Shepard happy is fine with me. Well, almost everything."

"That's why I'm coming with you."

Okay, she had to do something. Absolutely. Because if it wasn't an imagination, the two of them went straight for each other. And she really didn't want to see that fight. Good, a small part would find it interesting to know who would win, but only a small part. 

"How is your mother, Kaidan? Does she still annoy you with the topic?"

"She is doing well. Thank you for asking. And yes. She will probably not stop that quickly. After your journey I invite her to the Citadel. She would certainly like to get to know you."

"If she would like that, I would be happy. But not that she understands the wrong."

"No fear. I'll explain it to her a few times beforehand. Until she understands it for sure."

"Good. I don't want to get into trouble there."

"Don't be afraid. I will do everything in my power not to bend you."

"We should walk slowly, Litavis. The Primarch must remain until the Guest of Honour leaves."

"What? And with us it's rude when the Guest of Honour just disappears. There should be instructions for such occasions."

"It should be."

She said goodbye to the Turians and explained the situation to them briefly. Smiling she said goodbye to the Canadian and left the hall together with the sniper. Garrus Mandibles flinched slightly. Again, he glanced at Kaidan as they passed him. Shaking her head, she just walked on. Litavis was looking forward to getting out of her gala uniform. She had always hated this thing. With all the visits she would definitely wear her armor. The recognition value was also much higher. People wanted to see Commander Shepard and they would get Commander Shepard no matter what the Alliance said. Relieved, Litavis got into the passenger seat of the Sky car. She let Garrus drive. His objection that the guest of honor should not drive himself had finally worked. Only on the back seat she would definitely not sit down. Surprised, she looked at the Turian when he started the car.

"What about your father and sister?"

"They'll follow. Father wanted to discuss something with Sparatus and Sol stayed there to brake and spy on him."

"To brake?"

"I don't know what he wants to discuss with him. Solana always assumes something bad."

"She just knows him."

"I guess that's true."

"How long are the two actually going to stay?"

"Three days. Then their return flight goes. Do they bother you?"

"No. I just wanted to know. If I had to sign off on my itinerary, it would be good to know when to go."

"Why were you standing with Kaidan the whole time?"

"Because he was the only one in this room who didn't want anything from me. And you stood with the Primarch all the time. It would have looked as if I preferred the Turians."

"And you're sure about that?"

"With what?"

"That Kaidan doesn't want anything from you..."

"At least nothing where my answer would lead to envy among nations."

"So he wanted something from you after all?"

"Yes, he wants to go out with me."

"What did you say?"

"I told him I didn't have time right now and I don't want to make a decision right now."

"You did not say no..."

"I didn't say yes either."

"Do you want to go out with him?"

"Garrus, I just feel like I'm being interrogated."

His mandibles twitched, he looked at them skeptically and his subvocals made a strange noise. A mixture of growling and... sighing? Shepard didn't know how to describe it. She had definitely never heard that before. Finally arriving at her apartment, she went upstairs and undressed. Without further ado, the redhead got into her whirlpool and closed her eyes. Just relax. All the time she thought about the behavior of her two friends. It had been deeply strange. The looks they threw at each other... That was not normal. Not at all. Shepard kept her eyes closed when suddenly the door opened. It could only be her best friend. Then she opened her eyelids in surprise when his hand suddenly found itself in her hair. He had sat down on the ground with enough distance to the water.

"I'll never understand how you people can enjoy this."

"And I will never understand how you can so avoid water. It's really pleasant."

"If you say so."

"When we're on Kahje, it's best to stay on the Normandy."

"No, I'm definitely coming with you."

"Okay. I'll buy you some water wings."

"Water... what?"

"A swimming aid for children. I don't want you to go down."

"Very funny, Litavis. Really very funny."

"I'm just worried about you."

"Yeah, sure."

Sighing she sank a little deeper into the water. The head massage that Garrus now let her benefit from elicited a pleasant sigh from her.

"Can you pick me up at the hospital tomorrow?"

"Of course. Do you have therapy again tomorrow?"

"No. A procedure."

"WHAT?" 

"Since the scars always open Miranda has decided to operate on me again. Is half so wild. I'm not even put under anesthesia."

"You're awake?"

"Yes. It's spinal anaesthesia. I go in the morning, get the operation, wait until the anesthesia subsides and can go again."

"I'll be with you all day."

"You don't have to. Your family is there. You should be with them. I can do it."

"You belong to my family, Litavis. They didn't let me come to you for months. I will never leave you alone again".

Smiling, she grabbed his hand and pressed it tenderly. Slowly Shepard stood up and wrapped herself in a towel.

"I order us something to eat and then you go straight to bed. At least you have to be fit for tomorrow."

Garrus went downstairs. As soon as she was dressed she followed him. Tired sat down on the sofa. The Turianer came directly to her and sat next to her. She leaned right against him. Standing around and smiling politely was more exhausting than fighting angry Krogans. His family finally came in and sat down with them. She kept out of the conversation as usual. She was also quite tired.

"I'll leave you alone tomorrow. Litavis has an appointment at the hospital tomorrow and I'll accompany her."

"What is this appointment, Shepard?"

"Just a small operation, Sol. My scars keep breaking open and I want something done about it."

"Oh. When are you coming back?"

"Tomorrow already. So I could stand a little beside myself tomorrow."

"Then my brother can really take care of you tomorrow."

"Of course I will do that. That's why I'm going too."

After dinner, the redhead went straight to bed. The sniper followed her only half an hour later and went to bed next to her. He pulled her tight. Satisfied, she pressed against him.  
The next morning, Shepard sat in a hospital bed and waited. Garrus sat next to her and held her hand. She was supposed to be more nervous, but she wasn't. Her best friend was more nervous than she was. Kashari came in and explained everything again. She would be awake all the time. First they would look at her front, then at her back. So about halfway through the time she would be sitting. She had to sit down for the rest of the day. And actually the next week as well. Finally she was given a light sedative. As soon as she was driven out of her bed by some caretakers, the Turianer followed her. When he was told that he couldn't keep up he growled darkly.

"I am her husband. I'm coming with you."

Litavis had to laugh quietly. They were left alone for a moment in the operating theatre.

"Husband, yes? Since when?"

"I said I'd stay with you all the time."

Miranda came in and smiled.

"Congratulations on the wedding. But I'm a little offended that I wasn't invited."

"Me too, Miranda. Shocking, I missed my own wedding."

"All right. Garrus, you should go wash up. As an exception, you can come in, but only if you're sterile."

Shepard looked at the dark-haired woman smiling.

"Thank you, Miranda."

"It's okay. See you inside."

Finally she was pushed into the operating room. Litavis got her anesthetic and waited. She laughed quietly when she saw Garrus in his elevator. A good one had it. She saw him once without a visor. Calmly he sat down next to her head and stroked her hair tenderly. Miranda test some times whether the red hair still felt something and then began with the intervention. Quietly Shepard crunched with the teeth. Her hands clenched easily to fists.

"Everything okay?

"I lie motionless on a table and get cut open. I am dazzling."

"That's why I'm here. I won't let them mess things up."

"Very reassuring. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for that."

"Hope Miranda doesn't mess up my abs. "

Laughing quietly, the Turian began to massage her head again. Most of the time the admiral was silent. From time to time she felt a slight pull. The Turian had grabbed her hand and held it all the time. After two hours she was halfway there. Her belly was masked and she was put on. Garrus walked around the table and held her additionally. The redhead leaned her head against his chest. Time passed terribly slowly. Finally it was done and she got a bandage. Back in her bed, she turned to one side and closed her eyes exhausted. When the door opened she thought Garrus was back. But in front of her stood Major Alenko with a bottle of whiskey.

"Hey, Shepard. Why didn't you tell her yesterday that they were operating too much? I would have been there."

"Kaidan, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to pick up my game console from you, Garrus' sister told me that you were going to have surgery today. So I checked all the hospitals."

"You're crazy."

"I'm worried."

"You don't have to. I'm fine. I can go home right away. Garrus is just doing the paperwork."

"Oh, well then I'm just in time."

"Yes, you're coming."

The door opened again and Garrus came in. He took her hand in a demonstrative manner. 

"I call us immediately a taxi. Then we can go home."

"Sounds good. Slowly I'm hungry."

"I have a Sky car here. I can drive you."

"Sounds good, thanks Kaidan."

Slowly she got up. When the dark-haired man wanted to help her, Garrus just lifted her up. She was now really sitting on his arms and this time she didn't care that everyone was staring at her. Litavis was just too exhausted. Carefully the Turian put her on the back seat. It didn't take long, fortunately for her. Slowly she fought her way back outside so that the sniper could carry her again. In the apartment he set her down very carefully on the sofa.

"I'll make you something to eat right away."

"Leave it alone, Garrus. I'll take care of it. Shepard likes my food."

She hadn't even noticed that Kaidan had come with them. But she was grateful for it. Then the Turian didn't have to leave her. Even though the new wounds were pounding, she was terribly cold. She felt a blanket on her body. Gratefully she looked at Solana. 

"Me and father are all on the road today. So you have the whole flat for yourselves. As soon as he is finished. I will be upstairs then, then you will have your rest here."

She already disappeared with that. Litavis just cuddled on to her best friend. The two men were silent the whole time. Her stomach growled quietly.

"I'm almost done. I decided on something fast."

He brought her the plate and Shepard began to eat. Her hands trembled slightly. The pain slowly increased. The two men looked at her skeptically.

"Guys, could you stop staring at me like that? I am in pain. You don't have to stare at me like that."

Quickly they turned their eyes away. Now she could eat in peace and then take her medication. Kaidan cleared everything away and sat down in one of the armchairs. 

"Can I help you any more?"

"Go on. I'll carry Litavis right up so she can rest."

"Good. I'll go then. If anything should happen, please let me know." 

The Canadian stood up and smiled encouragingly. At that moment Solana and Casis came down the stairs. Like every time his father came closer, Garrus kissed her. The redhead saw exactly the look he was casting to Kaidan. She leaned weakly against the Turian. As soon as the three had left the apartment, she looked at her best friend.

"What's the matter, Garrus?"

"What do you mean?"

"The kiss, the looks you give him and your subvocals... it sounds to me like you're growling at him."

"Maybe I do."

"Why? Are you mad at him?"

"No... it is..."

"What is it?"

"What if I was jealous?"

"But you have no reason to be." 

"Didn't I?"

"No, you didn't. Although it would really flatter me."

"Oh, so you'd like that?"

"A little."

Grinning broadly, she looked at her best friend. She began to tremble again, when another wave of pain came over her. Directly he looked at her anxiously and stroked gently over her side. He lifted her and put her across his lap. Now she could lean against him with her shoulder. Exhausted, Shepard closed her eyes.

"Should I carry you to bed?"

"No. I can't lie down right now anyway. How am I supposed to sleep that night?”

"Is it going just that way?"

"Yes. That's how it goes."

"Then you know how to sleep that night."

"Garrus, you can't sit here with me all night like that. That's uncomfortable for you, isn't it?”

"I can and I will. Don't try to talk me out of it. You can't do that."

"I have already talked you out of many things.”

"That's true. But always only deadly shots. Never anything that was really right."

"And this would be right?"

"But so something of.”

Then she could say nothing more. A pleasantly warm feeling spread inside her. The Turian turned on the TV and they watched some movies. Clearly later his family came back. Shepard took a stronger pain medication and stood up. 

"Let's try the bed. If I lie on my side it should work."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes.”

Without another word he lifted her up and carried her upstairs. In the bedroom he let her down and helped her undress. In some places the bandage was bloody, but that was normal. Exhausted, the redhead lay down. She turned to Garrus and closed her eyes. Asking, she looked at the Turian as he laid his hand on her ass. 

"What are you doing?"

"I always hold you in my arms. Now I can't do that. Somehow I have to notice whether due nightmares are going on".

"And then you have to put your hand there?”

"Why not... stop. Human. Interspecies misunderstanding. Where should I then now..."

"Leave her alone. I can live with that explanation."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"No. First I found it strange. But with your explanation it's logical."

"Good. If you want, you can also touch me. Then I notice it even better if something is not right with you.

Grinning, she stretched out her hand and put it on his waist. The Turian flinched slightly. She knew how sensitive he was there. Satisfied, she closed her eyes. Shepard didn't get much sleep that night. Again and again she woke up. Her best friend lay sleeping next to her. She was afraid that the smell of her blood would not let him sleep. Fortunately he never woke up. The next morning she tried to get up carefully not to wake Garrus. But that was totally wrong. As soon as she moved away from him, he opened his eyes. 

"Slept well?"

"I do, what about you?"

"It worked.” 

Slowly Litavis sat up and began to unwind the bandage. She was to change it every day. Relief spread through the stricken body. The wounds looked good. She could apply Medigel to her stomach herself. The sniper helped her with her back. He also put the new bandage on her. Shepard had to smile when he helped her put on the bandage. She let herself be carried down without complaining. Garrus sat her down on the sofa and made breakfast. Every time she wanted to help, he refused. 

"May I get up again today?"

"No. You should rest. I will see to it that you do the same. And if I run after you all day."

"You really need a hobby.”

His family came to them and they ate together like every morning. Casis had plans for today again and Solana wanted to meet some friends. Her best friend twisted his eyes when his father wanted him to come with him.

"Litavis was operated yesterday. I certainly won't leave her alone."

Shepard smiled slightly and leaned closer to the Turian. Checking, she looked at him, but remained silent until his father went into the kitchen to get them something to drink.

"If you want, you can go with him. I can ask Kashari or Kaidan if they have time.”

"Absolutely not. I said I would stay. It would be even nicer if someone else would take care of my girlfriend.”

"Just a suggestion."

Casis handed her a cup and sat down again. Checking, he looked at his son and at her.

"This Kaidan, is this the one you almost shot?"

"Yes, that's him."

"He seems to have understood. Otherwise he would not be with you so often.”

"That's true. The Major and I also served together for some time. That connects.”

"He's also her ex-boyfriend," Garrus growled.

"He was your partner?

"Yes and no, Sol. To say he was my partner is to say too much..."

"But he thinks so."

"Then I probably shouldn't have told him about your operation yesterday."

"It's all right, Sol. I like spending time with Kaidan."

Again the sniper growled darkly. Shepard grabbed her friend's hand. She pressed her forehead against his and the rumbling stopped immediately. He was really jealous and to her shame she had to admit that she liked it. After dinner, Casis said goodbye. Solana, on the other hand, remained sitting with her for a while.

"I've never seen my brother so jealous."

"Really not?"

"No. Well, apart from you, he only had one serious relationship."

"Oh?"

"As far as seriousness could be spoken. Compared to you two, that's nothing. I've never seen him like this before. He really loves you".

"Sol! Don't you have to go on your way?"

Laughing, the young woman said goodbye. Perplexed, the redhead looked after her. Did the sniper play his role so well? Or was there really more? Checking, she looked into the kitchen. He would have said something, or done something. On the other hand, if it wasn't played, it would also explain his behavior.


	16. conditiona

Shepard's gaze slipped through the Combat Information Center. She was back on her ship. She had the Normandy back. She took a deep breath. Finally she was back home. She went to the galaxy map and chose her destination. Palavan. The next way led her into the cockpit. Joker and EDI were a well-rehearsed team. Hackett had used the Normandy the last time. Now she belonged to her again. EDI had changed. She had become... more sensitive. Strange to use that word on an AI, but that's how it seemed to her. The team was the same as during the war. Except for James and her friends who belonged to another species. She had already made her usual round. She had spoken personally to everyone in her crew. For a long time, the redhead had been sitting in the life support systems. How many hours had she spent here with Thane? She drank tea and just talked. Litavis avoided going into her cabin. The whole ship hadn't triggered any memories. Now only her loft remained and she was afraid of it. The last memory had been so violent that she had collapsed and lay on the ground until Garrus found her and spoke to her. Shepard really didn't feel like it. So she went to Dr. Chakwas and let her check on her surgical wounds again. Afterwards they both drank a bottle of Icebrandy. Smiling she helped Karen on one of the plank beds. The admiral had retrieved her messages and was now on her way to her best friend.

 

"Hey, Garrus. Sol wrote to me. When we're on Palavan we shouldn't dare to take a hotel. We are both cordially invited. She wrote you that, too, but doubts that you will react to it."

 

"And that's why she writes to you?"

 

"I am your friend. Of course she writes to me. We write to each other regularly. That's why I also know that your father refuses all inquiries concerning you. We seem to have convinced him and he probably likes me more than I thought."

 

"Thank you again for that. You didn't have to do all that. I did not intend to visit her either. After all, we would have to pretend again as if we were in a relationship."

 

"It doesn't matter to me. Do you have a problem with that?"

 

"No! Not at all. I have to do something on Palavan, too."

 

"What then?"

 

"You may have thought of food for me, but the mattresses here are really not for me."

 

"Oh... I have a Turian mattress. Sorry, I thought you would..."

 

"I'd like to sleep with you as usual. I thought only here on your ship it would be unpleasant for you."

 

"Why should it?"

 

"Well here you are a superior again."

 

"Fortunately I am not yours."

 

"That's right. Shall we go to your cabin, then? I guess you haven't been there yet."

 

"You just know me too well."

 

His Mandibles flinched slightly and he followed her outside. In the elevator, Shepard began to chew on her lower lip. Nevertheless she entered the room with firm steps. Almost immediately her head began to boom again. She saw herself sitting here with Liara, talking to Tali, Samantha using her shower. She stumbled easily. She saw Diana interviewing her. Garrus caught her and held her. She had so hoped to get more memories back. She had so hoped to finally find out more about her partner. But nothing... Lightly the admiral shook her head. Her sight became clear again.

 

"You look disappointed."

 

"I am still missing parts. Important parts."

 

"Shit."

 

"You take the words out of my mouth."

 

Trembling she went to the bed and sat down. The Turian went before her on the knees and took off her shoes. She could not bend down well yet. After a few moments she got up again and went to the bathroom. After a short shower she went back to bed in her sleeping clothes. There the sniper pulled her into his arms.

 

"We still have hours before we reach Trebia Orbital. Just get some rest. Palavan should be exhausting. How long are we there?"

 

"Three days. Well. We arrive, are of course officially received. I rush from one event to the next and then come sometime at night to your family. The next day it's similar. And on the third day we leave again."

 

"I say yes, it will be exhausting."

 

Sighing, she closed her eyes. Even in her sleep she could feel her head explode.

 

\--------------------

 

_She was in the shower. But she couldn't really relax. The jump through the Omega 4 Relay was imminent. She quickly dried off and dressed. As soon as she left the bathroom Garrus came in. He seemed very nervous._

_"Hey, I brought wine. Best could afford on a vigilante's salary."_

_Encouraged, she smiled at him, but instead of him relaxing, he stormed to her stereo. Well, his choice was interesting. Slowly Shepard shook her head and walked towards the Turian._

_"If you were a turian, I'd be complementing your waist or your fringe. So... your, uh, hair look good. And your waist is... very supportive. Hopefully that's not offensive in human culture. Crap. I knew I should have watched the vids. Throw me a line, here, Shepard."_

_She should really interrupt him._

_"Whoa! Consider me seduced, smooth talker. Now shut up and stop worrying."_

_She turned off the music and smiled at him again._

_"I just... I've seen so many things go wrong, Shepard. My work at C - Sec, what happened with Sidonis... I want something to go right. Just once. Just..."_

_She came closer and stroked his wounded side of his face tenderly. Slowly he leaned forward. She knew this gesture and returned it. Finally her foreheads touched and he gently stroked her arm. He stopped calmly until the Turian withdrew._

_"I... um... so that was..."_

_She stretched herself up and put her soft lips briefly on his hard mouthplates._

_"A kiss. I know."_

_"Your way to kiss is... well... missing lips."_

_"But you have tongues."_

_"What?"_

_Again she leaned forward and touched his mouth plates. Her tongue slipped over the rough leather. As soon as he was surprised and the air was drawn in, she penetrated his oral cavity. Again and again Shepard's tongue banged against the Turian's tongue. Slowly he came towards her. The long blue tongue wrapped itself around the pink one. Finally he pushed her back. The commander gasped in surprise as he lifted her up during the kiss. Quickly she wrapped her arms around his neck to have some hold. As soon as they separated, Shepard took a deep breath._

_"Will you let me down now?"_

_"Oh. Sorry."_

_He let her down, but pulled her closer to him. He buried his face in her hair and took a deep breath. Her hands wandered to his hip and remained there. He purred softly. Solidified, however. Apparently he felt uncomfortable._

_"We don't have to do this."_

_Instead of answering her, he pressed his mouth back on hers and conquered her kingdom with his tongue. The Turian exhaled pure dominance and robbed her of her breath. Shepards grasped at his hip became firmer and he growled up darkly. There was no other way to say it, he was a natural. The redhead sighed discontentedly as he lifted her up again. She quickly wrapped her legs around his waist. Garrus grasped much harder. Panting, the redhead looked at her best friend. She let her tongue glide over the soft skin on his neck and was rewarded with a deep purr. So he went to bed with her. There she loosened her legs and stood in front of him again. His hands stroked along her upper body. Helplessly he looked at the redhead. Shepard grabbed the hem of her top and lifted it slightly. Grateful for the help he grabbed it and pulled it over her head. Now he seemed to be even more insecure. Litavis reached back and opened her bra. That look. Apparently this had been a stupid idea. But two warm hands on her breasts made those thoughts disappear immediately. Carefully Garrus kneaded the soft flesh. As his thumbs touched the light elevations, the commander's breath became faster. Immediately concentrated his do themselves on their nipples. As soon as they were hard, the Turian leaned forward and licked over one of the hard elevations. Shepard moaned quietly. Looking for support she clung to his neck. The vibration in his whole body became stronger. Apparently she had hit a good spot. So she massaged the spot slightly. Searching, the woman's hands glided over her partner's top. He opened the concealed fasteners himself and she could pull the fabric from his shoulders. Never would the redhead have expected the strange look to please her so well. The silver plates that covered his chest, the darker, muscular arms, the well-formed back armour. Litavis stretched up and licked over the uninjured Mandibles. A deep rumble escaped the Turian. His claws found the waistband of her trousers and literally dragged her down. Had he been insecure before, he now emanated pure dominance. With one arm he lifted her up and pulled the trousers even deeper with the other. With a dull sound she landed on the bed. Suddenly he stood completely naked in front of her. Shepard's eyes lay spellbound on the big blue phallus. It shone wet. She swallowed hard. It was clearly thicker and longer than that of a human. Slowly she sat up and took off her shoes. Before she knew it, he pushed her back onto the bed and lay snarling on her. The Turian put her legs on his pelvis spurs. Now he had her in the perfect position. But the redhead tensed her muscles and turned around with the man._

_"I'm not a Turian, Garrus."_

_He seemed to become clearer again and looked at her. She grabbed his hand and led her to her cunt. Carefully she got him to insert one of his limbs into her. Almost shocked, he looked at her._

_"So tight... Shit, Shepard. I almost..."_

_She quickly forbade him to say another word with a kiss. She slipped off him and just looked at him._

_"It's okay. I just need more preparation than you seem used to."_

_He sucked the air in deep and slid her body down. Surprised, she looked down and moaned hoarse the next moment. His mouth plates pressed against her wet rift. His long rough tongue slid into her opening and made her moan. The long tongue pushed harder and harder into her inner self. Garrus seemed to turn his tongue inside her. Litavis moaned loudly as the Turian hit her G-spot. Her world turned faster and faster. A known heat spread inside her and her muscles contracted steadily._

_"Garrus... I... hnnn..."_

_Fortunately, he understood them and withdrew. Again he lifted her lower body. This time she didn't devalue him. His wet tip pressed against her entrance. The Commander's hands lay on Garrus' arms. She just needed it. With a firm push he penetrated her completely. Shepard threw himself into the hollow back and gasped for air. The enormous tail stretched her painfully. The Sniper growled darkly._

_"Litavis... so tight... so good..."_

_She sucked air into her lungs. Slowly the muscles relaxed. The Turian moved his hip. His jolts were deep. The redhead bit her lips hard not to scream loudly. Finally she moved towards the sniper. Her hip moved circling towards him as his bruises grew stronger. Again he hit her G-spot immediately the muscles of her cunt contracted and her partner growled loudly. He bucked harder and harder towards her. His name left her lips again and again. A known heat formed in her lower body. The contraction pulled him deeper and deeper into her body and milked him. Shortly before her climax he withdrew jerkily from her. Her disappointed cry mingled with his relieving rumble. Her body was covered with his sperm. Resigned, she sank back into the pillow. The next moment she moaned again. The Turian penetrated her completely with a single powerful blow. The sniper pulled her up so that she sat on him with her legs apart and stabbed her firmly from below. Shepard's fingernails dug into Garrus' arms. As well as she could, she bucked hard at him. Her salvation was so close. Trembling she grasped between her trembling thighs. She found her clitoris and massaged it violently. The entire body of the redhead twitched uncontrollably._

_"Litavis... not yet... with the spirits... please not yet."_

_But it was too late. The wave of orgasm beat over her. The heat flowed through her whole body and the Turian had to support her, so much her back stretched through. Panting heavily, she sank against his shoulder. He now held completely still and stroked her back. After a few breaths Shepard moved again on the hard dick._

_"Litavis?"_

_"I'm not a Turian, Garrus. Already forgotten? And now... more. Give me more..."_

_"Thank the spirits. Anything you want."_

 

\--------------------

 

The beep of the alarm clock made her jump. Shepard's vision was still blurred and the headache remained. With glassy eyes she looked at her best friend. He immediately turned off the shrill sound and looked at her anxiously.

 

"EDI? Reduces the speed. Shepard had a flashback and needs time to recover. Get her some more time before we reach Palavan."

 

"Roger that, Officer Vakarian. Should I tell Dr. Chakwas?"

 

"No, she just needs some rest."

 

"Understood. Activate private mode."

 

Shepard guessed more when she really saw Garrus sit up. He put a pillow on his lap and bedded her head on it. With circular movements he massaged her temples and forehead.

 

"Take a deep breath. We have time."

 

Her heartbeat calmed down slowly. Litavis cleared up, but first she closed her eyes again. She just lay still and enjoyed his attention. His subvocals were purring the whole time. The Turian only stopped massaging her when she was completely relaxed.

 

"Will you tell me what you remembered?"

 

"The first time you spoke to me by my first name."

 

"Ah... OH!"

 

Dirty she grinned up to him and sat up. Was her best friend embarrassed now? He seemed at least like that. Without another word the redhead stood on put on her armor. The alliance had first instructed her to wear the gala uniform with all the medals. Thanks to Kaidan's objection that she was not quite fit yet and that she would support her armor, they had moved away from this idea again. Prompted, she looked at the sniper who was still sitting on the bed. Silently he stood up and got ready as well.

 

"Litavis... when... so... uh... what we play for my father..."

 

She walked up to him and breathed a kiss on his scarred side of his face.

 

"I have no problem with that, Garrus. Nothing has changed. Nothing at all."

 

The Turian smiled with relief. It had taken her a long time to understand his facial expressions. Meanwhile she found it easy. Like Kaidan had stared at her for the first time when she said the sniper would smile. Maybe he just showed it to her. After a stop in the arsenal she entered the cockpit. The Major looked at her confused.

 

"With guns, Shepard?"

 

"Without them, I feel naked. And especially the Turians should have no problems with that."

 

"Garrus goes with you?"

 

"Sure. He is my interpreter. You surely remember the awarding of the medals. That should not happen to me again. Especially not during a state visit. Before we fly to Kahje we pick up Kolyat from the Citadel. I don't like to go properly prepared for a mission. You know that, don't you?"

 

The dark-haired man laughed quietly and only nodded. So the topic was over for her. She entered the airlock with her best friend. One last time she breathed deeply and stepped outside. This would be a damn exhausting day.

And that's exactly how it was. She had felt she had met hundreds of important people. Apparently each clan had sent an envoy to tell her how much its members had contributed to the victory. Without Garrus she would have lost the overview quickly. Now the two of them stood in front of the Sniper's home. It was already late. The door was opened and Solana embraced Shepard stormy.

 

"There you are. Come on in."

 

They entered and greeted Casis. Sol immediately pulled her into her brother's room. She had bought her some things. Smiling, the redhead looked at the blue tracksuit. Same blue as Garrus clan signs. The young woman had bought some clothes and toiletries for her, so that she felt comfortable with them. Smiling, the admiral put on the silver tank top and the blue trousers. The blue jacket completed the outfit. So they came down the stairs again. Her best friend stared at her in disbelief before he approached her and pulled her into a passionate kiss. That kiss was really Hollywood ripe. Slowly he pulled her up again.

 

"You should wear blue more often."

 

"After your reaction, I should definitely do that."

 

Solana had still cooked for them. Like on the Citadel, they ate together. Shepard really had a problem. Garrus sister had confused salt and sugar. But she had gone to such lengths. So she ate and drank a lot. The Turianer seemed to notice that something was wrong and gave her more and more. Casis wanted to know everything about today. Litavis used the time when the family was talking and looked through the data the Primarch had given her. It was the daily plan for tomorrow and some invitations from respected families. Confused, she looked at the names.

 

"What's the matter, Shepard?"

 

"I received some invitations. But they seem to be private invitations. Not officials."

 

"Let's see."

 

Solana looked at the list and opened her eyes in surprise.

 

"Oh! brotherheart, you're getting competition. All these families have single sons and Shepard would be a very good match. You really have to watch out now."

 

The dark growl of her best friend sounded very threatening. Asking, she looked at Sol.

 

"They hope I marry one of their sons?"

 

"Exactly that. It's not uncommon with us. We marry for political reasons and enter into bonds for private reasons. To marry the heroine of the galaxy would increase the reputation of the whole clan. Not to mention the family."

 

"Oh, great. There is no such thing with us. We only know the wedding. No commitment rituals."

 

"So you're only getting married for private reasons?"

 

"Meanwhile, yes."

 

Garrus stood up from the table and cleared everything up. This conversation seemed unpleasant to him. He put everything away and looked at the admiral.

 

"Tomorrow will be very exhausting again. We should go to bed."

 

"Sounds good."

 

She grabbed his hand and wished the others a good night. In the bedroom she undressed without hesitation and got into bed. Satisfied, she snuggled into the arms of her best friend. He pulled her tight and buried his face in her hair. Deeply he inhaled her fragrance.

The next morning the alarm went off very early. Garrus stood up directly. Litavis blinked overslept. Slowly she got up and put on her tracksuit again. Together they went down. The other two were still asleep. So they made breakfast together. Often enough the Turian had to hand her things. Here everything was too high. Finally she sat down on the worktop. Now she got everywhere. The blue-eyed man finally stood in front of her and reached into the cupboard behind her. Smiling, the redhead looked up at him. They heard a door open and she was pulled closer to her best friend. Now she almost sat on his hip. Hungry he kissed her. Were Turians really like that? Or did they just serve a cliché that Casis had? Slowly they separated from each other.

 

"Is the first appointment so early?" the older Turian wanted to know.

 

"No, we have to go back to Normandy first."

 

"Why that, Admiral?"

 

"Because we don't have a bathroom for humans, Father."

 

Solana came into the kitchen and seemed depressed.

 

"I'm sorry, Shepard. We didn't even think about that. Maybe a hotel would have been better."

 

"Nonsense, Sol. I like being here."

 

This seemed to reassure the younger one. They had breakfast together and then got ready.

 

"Sol, do you want to come with me?"

 

"To the Normandy? Is that possible?"

 

"I am Spectre and Admiral. Who wants to forbid me? If you want, you can accompany us all day long."

 

"I would meet the Primary?"

 

"Yes."

 

"I'll get ready right away."

 

Laughing, she looked after her and shook her head. On the Normandy Litavis disappeared directly into her cabin. Luckily she never took long to finish. She set off with the two siblings. First on the agenda was a sightseeing flight over Cipritine. The Primarch was proud of the reconstruction. The admiral made every effort to follow the instructions. All she saw were the destroyed areas. Of course, what they had achieved so far was amazing, but the air quality was a disaster. The researchers of the Turians would work on it. But that wasn't necessarily a priority.

 

"Earth had a similar problem a hundred years ago. Of course self-inflicted, but the countermeasures that were taken could also help here. I will make a request to the Alliance."

 

Perhaps her interference was not desired, but the Primarch thanked her. At the same time, despite the situation, he offered help to Earth. The rest of the day was the last. Lots of emissaries and lots of information. In the evening she had a meeting with the primary.

 

"Admiral Shepard, they've received more invitations and even some wedding requests."

 

"Oh... I guess I'll have to explain a lot soon that we humans have other customs there."

 

"I understand. I hope this doesn't offend you."

 

 "No. Of course not. It's unfamiliar, but I got a little smart."

 

"Good. Should I pass on the invitations and requests anyway?

 

"Sure. I'll think about something then."

 

"Good. I suppose an inquiry might surprise you."

 

Unfortunately, he didn't go into it any further but went back to the business part. Towards evening they were on their way to Casis. The whole time she looked at the messages. In front of the door she stopped as if rooted.

 

"Oh..."

 

"Litavis? What's the matter?"

 

"I... um... well... I have a request from you."

 

"WHAT?"

 

Immediately her best friend stormed through the door. Solana laughed quietly. Apparently Garrus knew nothing about it.

 

"FATHER! HAVE YOU GONE MAD? YOU CAN'T ASK SUCH A QUESTION?"

 

Casis had never experienced such an outbreak with his son before and Solana also seemed amazed that he reacted like this.

 

"SHE EXPLAINED YESTERDAY THAT IT IS DIFFERENT WITH HUMANS! WHAT SHOULD SHE THINK OF ME NOW?"

 

The next words were unfortunately not captured by her translator. But the clicking and growling sounded angry and threatening. Without further ado, she reached for his hand and pulled him into his room.

 

"Hey, big guy. Calm down again."

 

"No. Nothing is good. Nothing at all. What is he thinking?"

 

"That we are a couple and he accepts that."

 

"What?

 

"He didn't just make a wedding request for you, he made a commitment request for you, Garrus. Maybe he felt compelled to move because of all the requests and wanted to signal his approval."

 

"He has what?"

 

"Here. Look at it."

 

She stepped next to him and showed him his father's message. Unbelieving, the Turian read each line several times. His arm wrapped around her hip and pulled her closer to him. He still couldn't seem to believe it.

 

"I'm so sorry, Litavis."

 

"It doesn't have to, Garrus. Rejoice that your father supports you so much. Maybe he also sent the requests before we were here."

 

"Could be. It is nevertheless unpleasant. I never wanted to put you in such a situation."

 

"In what kind of situation then?"

 

"In one of those here."

 

"That's no problem at all. Don't worry about it. I find it actually quite cute. Shows nevertheless, how much your father stands behind you."

 

"That you remain so calm in the process."

 

"I think if my boyfriend wanted to marry me, he would ask me himself."

 

"Litavis..."

 

"Are you all right?"

 

"Yes... thank you..."

 

"No problem at all. I guess you should go straight to your dad."

 

"I guess I'll have to... when I've calmed down completely."

 

They both changed. Exhausted, Shepard sank onto the bed and stretched out. The Turian took off her jacket again and massaged her shoulders. The higher gravity probably hurt her more.

 

"How am I supposed to explain my behavior to him now?"

 

"You are telling the truth. That you were worried, I would understand it wrong. And that everything would then be over."

 

"Very close to the truth."

 

"The pure truth. So you don't get any problems."


	17. diffidentia

Garrus wasn't thrilled that she left him on the Normandy. Shepard had decided to take Kaidan and EDI on Sur'kesh. Talat should be very interesting. Outwardly calm she stood in the shuttle bay. Steve checked the Kodiak. The UT-47A was definitely ready, but Cortez preferred to check everything three times. She liked his way. Her lives depended on him and if he played it safe, so much the better. 

"I don't understand why you don't take me with you."

"I have angered Dalatrass Linron. They invited me, but I don't know how the reception will be."

"All the more reason to take me with you."

"And who will get me out if I have to?"

"So you're counting on the worst?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. I just wouldn't be thrilled if suddenly some salarians appeared on my ship and nobody noticed. I need you up here, big guy."

"I see. Still, it doesn't feel good if I don't cover your back."

"You do. Only from a distance."

"Why are you taking EDI with you?"

"Because she thinks even faster than a Salarian."

"That's right. And Kaidan?"

"Because hopefully he'll remind her they're dealing with two Spectres. Even if the Council wouldn't do anything, it would at least be angry."

Now her best friend was silent. She briefly touched his shoulder and then boarded the shuttle. The bad feeling remained. In her head Litavis had a list what she wouldn't do. Eating and drinking was at the top of the list. In a tragic accident Admiral Shepard died after a stay on Sur'kesh. The circumstances of her death are still unclear. That would really be a story. She had been able to understand the objections of the Dalatrass. She too had been worried about the behaviour of the Krogans, but Wrex and Bakara had everything under control. So far there has been no reason for any concern. And her good friend still had a few years ahead of him. If there were any problems, it would definitely not be hers anymore. 

"Steve, as soon as you drop us off you'll fly back to Normandy."

"Understood, Shepard."

She sat next to Kaidan. Actually, she should be happy to finally see a planet that wasn't destroyed by the Reapers. Only the pale taste remained. The dark-haired man looked at her anxiously. She was not alone with her mistrust. At least a sign that it wasn't paranoia.

"What do you expect?"

"No dagger between the ribs, but who knows."

"Do you really think..."

"I don't know, Kaidan. I have angered a Dalatrass. And we all know that in reality I have not angered just one. There could be hundreds, thousands. Or I just paint the devil on the wall and she stands there alone with her opinion."

The Canadian nodded only slightly. She hadn't calmed him down against her habits and that was probably unusual for him. The redhead wanted him to be careful. Finally they landed and got out. Shepard waited until her shuttle was back in the air. She let her eyes wander. Sur'kesh was a beautiful planet and Talat was great. Her face brightened a little as a familiar face met her.

"Major Kirrahe. Actually, only catastrophes bring us together. Should I worry?"

"No, Admiral. Not at all. We seem to meet for a cheerful occasion."

"I'm very glad to hear that."

He led them along the path. Again and again Shepard's eyes scampered back and forth. Like on Palavan they were cheered. Kaidan seemed a little uncomfortable. She would have liked to have James with her now. He would have really enjoyed it and made no secret of it. Maybe that would have lifted her mood a little. 

"You're expected inside, Admiral."

"Thank you, Major. One more question."

"Sure."

"How bad is it going to be?"

The Salarian smiled encouragingly.

"Not at all, Admiral. Your success gives you security."

"Soothing. Should we manage to meet again because of a happy occasion, I would be happy if we had time for a longer conversation."

"Likewise, Admiral."

One last time she took a deep breath and entered the big building. That would be a run on the gauntlet. It wasn't that bad after all. Nevertheless Litavis was glad to be back in the shuttle after a few hours. Tired, she drove through her hair and leaned back. Back on her ship she went into the communication room and talked to Hackett. The help for Palavan was already rolling in and the Turians in return offered everything they could spare. So it had made a difference. Sur'kesh was now behind her. She went to Mass and made herself a coffee. Kaidan came to her and sat next to her.

"What's next on the agenda?"

"Thessia, then Rannoch and Tuchanka, a short stop on the Citadel and then... let's see. I don't know the whole plan by heart."

"You're probably just glad we left right now."

"You could say that."

"Did this journey bring you anything? Memories, I mean."

"A few. Not those hoped for."

"I'm very sorry."

"It's okay. You could do me a favor."

"Sure. What do you need?

"Some Turians are very interested in marrying their sons to me. Please let the Alliance find out how I can refuse without offending anyone."

"Oh... of course. Has something so strange ever happened to you?"

"You find it strange that someone wants to marry me?"

"What? No, no, no, no, no! Jesus, Shepard! That's not what I meant! God! Of course not! I... I... meant only..."

Laughing loudly, she looked at him and shook her head. Just teasing him was so much fun. His face on it was just gorgeous.

"You like to tease me."

"But you also make it too easy for me."

"Some things probably never change."

"Good to know".

Kaidan got her another coffee and they talked for some time. After a few hours Shepard returned to her loft. She read her messages and smiled. On Thessia she would see Liara and Javik again. The two would accompany her on the rest of the journey. She thought briefly about whether the Prothean could help her with her problem. But Litavis quickly rejected this thought again. Javik was not a prime example of empathy. She also couldn't say what physical effects this would have on her. Afterwards she collapsed and fell out again for months. She could not afford that. Exhausted, she took a shower. The running water had always calmed her down. Back in her cabin she was still alone. So she sat down on the sofa and read more reports. The situation on the different planets varied. On some she was catastrophic, on others the war had not raged so much. The redhead was still not sure what to expect from her. The cooperation of the peoples went relatively well. Better than expected, but worse than it could be. She called Kashari, who was currently taking care of Urz. Her Varren was fine. She would have loved to take him with her, but last time on a ship she was very unhappy. That's why she had left him on the Citadel with a heavy heart. The redhead was slowly tired, but without Garrus she wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. She went down again and sat down at the bar. Her best friend was certainly in the middle of calibration and had forgotten the time about it. She had spoken to him shortly after her return, but he had been absorbed in his work ever since. Sighing, she went for a drink. It was already late and the whole ship was silent. After a long time she went through her memories again. Maybe she noticed something now. She started when the Reapers attacked Earth. Kaidan's behavior on Mars, Garrus' greeting on Manae, Kaidan in the hospital, the lunch in Apollo... None of this helped her. Much spoke for a one-night stand with her best friend. But something in his behavior spoke against it. And Kaidan... now the major had made quite clear what he felt for her. But that didn't mean that she had returned his feelings. Shepard would have loved to keep hammering her head against the wall. She took another beer and slowly turned around as the door opened. The Canadian looked at her in surprise.

"Can't you sleep?"

"Not really."

"And you also have problems?"

"Yes, I have a headache again."

"Not good. Do you need anything?"

"No. I know that. It'll go away again, I've already taken my medicine."

"Good. If anything should be..."

"You care all the time and for everybody. It's all right. Stop worrying."

"I can't. You know me, don't you?"

"I know. It's just in you. I was really glad that you thought of yourself for a while."

"Were you?"

"Yes. Although you could have been a little more selfish."

Surprised, she looked up at him.

"That is my seriousness. Just take care of yourself for once. Do what you want. Only what you want".

"Easier said than done."

"Try it. When this is over, take a vacation and just do what you want."

She found herself in his arms. With a soft sigh she sank against him and let herself be held easily. It was strange to hear such words just from the dark-haired one. She stopped with him for some time.

"We should get some sleep."

Nodding, she said goodbye to him. Shepard lay awake for a long time. When Garrus came to her she stood asleep. Carefully he pulled her to himself and warmed her. Finally she could sleep.   
The next morning the Turian tried to sneak out. The admiral let him. For some reason he now walked out of her way. At least that's how she felt. She threw herself into the reports all day long. The redhead also researched how to get a handle on the Palavan situation. This air pollution could cost many lives. The Reapers continued to rage, even though they were defeated. Thessia, the former crown jewel of the galaxy, was in an even worse condition. At least here the Salarians helped of their own free will. She would soon be able to see for herself. Desperately she looked at all the reports. Had she just felt good, this feeling suddenly disappeared. She prepared herself for outdoor use. Kaidan and Garrus were waiting for her in the shuttle bay. They remained silent the whole flight. Alenko smiled at her again for encouragement. As soon as they had landed they were greeted by Liara. The redhead pressed her good friend tightly. Javik greeted her with a handshake. Wearing her gloves, she immediately grasped the prothean' s hand. Together they made their way to the reception. Thessia had really been hit hard. Nevertheless, it was amazing how much the Asari had achieved so far. Thanks to Liara's efforts they maintained a close connection to Earth. Litavis made some notes in her mind. Things that were needed and that could be made available to humanity. They were on the road all day. In the evening they were shown their quarters. The departure was planned for tomorrow. Still in their armour, Litavis took a seat on the sofa.

"How are you, Liara?"

"Quite well. But as you can see, there is still a lot to do. I'm using my remaining resources to help wherever I can."

"You never take a break either, do you?"

"I will accompany you now. This will be my break."

"I mean a real break."

"I told you there was so much to do."

"And I'm telling you now that you're getting hectic, like a human being. You have time, Liara. You can do a lot, but not when you are burned out. So slow down. Promise me."

"Okay, Shepard. You're right. I'll try it."

"Just try?"

"I'll do it, okay?"

"Good. I hope so, too."

"You just did what I've been telling her since the end of the war, Commander."

"We'll see, Javik. We'll see."


	18. non me derelinquas

Tuchanka. Finally a planet where she didn't have to worry about her behaviour. She left the shuttles with all her team. Even Joker was there this time. Radiantly she walked towards Wrex. He greeted her wildly. Something was going on here though. A restlessness seemed to have attacked some Krogans. Checking she looked around.

"What's going on, Wrex?"

"A Tresher Maw was spotted near some clutches. Don't worry about it. Grunt will take care of it."

"Where is he?"

"Back there. The kid and his team will do it. Shepard? Shepard?"

"Start without me. I haven't had a conversation in a long time."

Wrex's loud, roaring laughter made her smile. She walked unerringly towards the younger Krogan. He just yelled his team together. Apparently they were new recruits. She looked at the pile with a pattern.

"Grunt! You don't want to tell me that these baby pyjaks want to dispute my goals."

The tank birth whirled around and stormed towards them. He embraced her so tightly that her armour crunched.

"Shepard! What are you doing here?"

"Crushing a few worms. A change from the Reapers."

"Shouldn't you let yourself be celebrated?"

"And let me miss this fun? Are you crazy?"

"HA! Now you'll see how to fight."

Grinning she climbed the Mako. Garrus and Kaidan followed her. She took a seat in one of the seats and controlled her weapons. She didn't know if this was a good idea. Grad didn't care either. After some time the Mako stopped and they got out.

"Kaidan, stay with the recruits. We'll take a look."

"Understood, Admiral."

Grunt and Garrus followed her. Litavis pulled her saber and listened. They had driven past the buildings, with the nests. No trace of their destination. Grunt angrily scolded and stomped around. That gave her an idea. Litavis sent Garrus to some rocks. A natural sniper's nest. Next, she ordered Kaidan to let the Makos criss-cross the plain. That was supposed to lure these cattle out. With a loud hissing their opponent appeared. Now the party could begin. Shepard opened fire. To her surprise, a second Tresher Maw appeared. The Makos should take care of that. She quickly moved around the opponent and took him under constant fire. Her salvos were only interrupted by biotic attacks or when she had to reload. It took a long time, but eventually the target collapsed. The redhead quickly controlled her ammo. The other team had clear problems. The Mako, controlled by Alenko, held up quite well, only the shooter was overwhelmed. Annoyed she only twisted her eyes. Grunt still had a lot to do. So the tank birth and she advanced further. Also the second opponent fell. Satisfied, Shepard put her gun away and turned to her team.

"You've got a lot to do with those puppies, Grunt. They are really helpless."

"Yes, fight master."

"If you ever have a Shepard in your unit, I hope they're better. Otherwise, I'll have to get another name."

"Ha! That's not going to happen, fight master. Every Krogan named Shepard gets an extra education from me."

"Good. I doubt I can still see that, but it's good to know."

They climbed into the Mako again and Litavis sat down next to Kaidan, who had cleared the driver's seat. Since Palavan Garrus kept away from her. She left him. It hurt, but it was his decision. She wouldn't talk to him about it yet. Maybe he just needed time. As soon as they were back, Grunts unit directly announced that he, the Turian and his combat master had killed two Tresher Maws on foot. Grinning broadly, she stepped up to Wrex and looked at him. 

"There. I had my fun. Now we can move on."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a Krogan."

"Oh, Wrex. I am something completely different."

"And what?"

"I'm Commander fucking Shepard."

"Ha!" 

She went with him through the newly built city. Everywhere there were Krogans who wanted to take a look at the Normandy crew. They were loud, but amazingly peaceful. 

"And, what do you say to the new city, Shepard?"

"I like Normandya very much."

"What?"

"Don't you like the name? Shepardia... Litavia... oh now I have it. Mordinia!"

Bakara began to laugh with a sound. She seemed to like her suggestions. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, looked at her perplexed before he also started to laugh.

"Absolutely not Mordinia. Never. This city needs a strong name. A very strong name. This is where our future begins. The future of the Krogans."

"I could come back to you now, Wrex."

"No. No, not arguing with you. This human kind does not suit me at all. We could do it this way my people..."

"Forget it, old man. Could be embarrassing for you."

"Sheparrrrrd."

"Wrex."

They reached a large building and entered. As on their first visit, they were shown the plans for Tuchanka. Bakara explained with devotion what they had in mind and how far they had come. Afterwards there was of course another sightseeing flight. She sat alone with Wrex and Bakara in a shuttle.

"How does it look on the other planets, Commander?"

"Fucked. If I'm honest. Sur'kesh is fine, but with the other planets it looks different."

"What about the Earth?"

"We are still there. Humanity has a lot of experience with reconstruction. The colonies have bigger problems."

"What is wrong with them?"

"Labour force. Most of them are currently concentrating on the earth. There the colonies come naturally too briefly."

"Send us ships, and you'll get some strong Krogans."

"What?"

"You heard me, Shepard. If you ask me, the galaxy can lick our ass. The Asari didn't do anything for us, The Salarians... let's leave the subject and the Turians were just for healing because they needed us. We owe them nothing. But we owe you everything".

"Wrex, the Krogans have done more than enough. You fought on earth. You followed me to fucking hell."

"To win a war that also threatened us. I'm not stupid, Shepard. It was only thanks to your resistance that the Reapers didn't end up here. If the earth had fallen and your insane plan had not worked, we would all have perished. In addition, you would have helped me with the remedy if we had come to you earlier."

"Unfortunately, it was not possible before. Would have become interesting..."

"Grunt told us what the decisive blow to the Reapers cost her, Commander. Wrex is right. We owe you a lot."

"We have to show the men how to do it."

Laughing, Eve hit her on the shoulder. After the landing Wrex invited them all to drink something. He had got extra Alien - alcohol. He proudly showed the others his and Eve's children. Before the redhead knew it, she suddenly held a little Krogan in her arm.

"Suits you, Shepard," laughed Kaidan.

"I think a Krogan would be too much for her."

"What's that supposed to mean, Wrex?"

"Well..."

"I already took care of a krogan baby, and he did really well."

"What? Who?"

"Grunt!"

Again Wrex laughed resoundingly. His eyes fell on Grunt, who was talking to Liara.

"Urdnot Grunt, son of Shepard. He wouldn't be able to save himself from mating requests."

"By the way, neither could I. New requests keep appearing on my Omnitool."

"What do you have to do two Tresher Maws on foot? Not to mention the reapers."

"Great. Turians want to marry me, Asari want to be like me, Krogans want to fuck me... what's next?"

"Lovetolls Hanar?", Alenko suggested.

"Slowly I really wish the Reapers back..."

Garrus, Javik, Joker, Kaidan and Liara were drunk. Together with EDI and Steve she brought her crew back to the Normandy. She brought Kaidan to his quarters and laid him on his bed. She skilfully took off his armor and covered him up. She briefly stroked his hair and then went back to the shuttle bay to take Garrus to her loft. She also took off his armor. Unlike Alenko, her best friend lay naked in front of her. The pictures of her night appeared before her inner eye. Quickly she pulled the blanket over the exposed body and left the room again. First she reported to Hackett and then took a shower. Tomorrow they would leave for Rannoch. Actually they had wanted to go to Rannoch first, but there were problems with the mass portal. As the redhead left the bathroom, she saw a naked Turian running through the room.

"Looking for something?"

"You. I woke up and you weren't there."

"You get used to it."

His mandibles twitched restlessly. He had well understood the tip. She walked past him and went to bed. As soon as he lay down next to her, Shepard closed her eyes. Again he pulled her to himself. A lump formed in her throat, but she lay still. What was wrong with Garrus? Had she done anything wrong?  
The next morning she woke up earlier than the Turian. She got up, got ready and left the loft. The mass was still completely empty. The redhead made herself a coffee. Surprised, she looked up as Kaidan staggered out of his quarters. He sank on a chair, groaning. Silently she went to the medical bay and got some pain medication. Without saying a word, she handed them to the dark-haired man along with a cup of black coffee. Calmly she sat down next to him. 

"How do you do it? You drank more than all of us and you've got nothing."

"Good genes."

"I want them too."

Smiling, she sipped her coffee. They fell into silence again. Slowly it seemed to go the Canadian better. He got up and got them another cup of coffee. As soon as they were emptied, he looked at them, checking them out.

"And today we're going to Rannoch?"

"Yes. Will be strange."

"Why?

"I've gotten in touch with the Geth. They're setting up a decontamination area. So we'll be wearing our armor all the time, with helmets. I don't want to bring a single bacterium to the planet. The Quarians have struggled for so long to get out of their survival suits. I don't want to throw them back there."

"Then we'll wear survival suits."

"Exactly."

"Good decision. Becomes really interesting. When are you taking with you?"

"You, Garrus and Liara."

"Only Wrex missing."

"And Ashley. Then the ground crew of the SSV Normandy SR-1 would be complete."

Kaidan grabbed her hand and gently pressed it. Litavis saw in his eyes that he would have preferred to hold her in his arms. But he let it go. Little by little the others came to Mass. The admiral went into the War Room and wrote her reports there. Garrus was still asleep and she didn't want to wake him. Admiral Hackett also wanted to talk to her again. The exchange between Earth and Palavan was in full swing. Alliance representatives had already made contact with Eve. She stayed in the room for several hours before returning to her quarters. Surprised, she looked at her bed. Garrus was still asleep. More cautiously, she touched his forehead. He was hotter than usual. Shepard informed the doctor directly. The Turian woke up during the examinations. He remained silent the whole time. On Litavis he made a very weak impression. Karen found that he had an infection. Similar to the human flu. In a few days he should be fit again.

"EDI, inform the Quarians that we must postpone our visit. We have an infection on board."

"Roger that, Shepard."

She briefly considered whether they should go back to Citadel, but rejected the idea again. It wasn't that bad. Chakwas left her some medicine for the sniper. She went to Mass and made her best friend a pot of Turian tea. Armed with it she went back to him. Carefully she put him on and let him drink something. As soon as Shepard had put the cup away, he pulled her into a firm embrace.

"So nice and cool."

"Do you need anything? A damp cloth to cool down perhaps?

"No water..."

"Okay, okay. No water. Anything else?"

"You're cool."

"Aha and now?"

"Cuddle..."

He really didn't seem well. Quickly the admiral slipped out of her shoes without top she lay down next to him. She gasped briefly as he put his head on her chest. He was really hot. Soothingly she stroked his head. A smile formed on her face. He purred like a cat. As soon as he slept again she fought her way out under him. She dressed again and got him some thermal packs. She draped them around the Turian. Then she sat down on the couch and took a book. As soon as the sniper stirred she went to him. He slept for hours now. It was a strange picture. His people needed much less sleep than a human. Suddenly he became restless. The redhead sat down next to him on the bed. Soothingly she stroked his chest.

"Litavis..."

"Easy, Garrus. I am here. I'm with you."

Directly he became calmer. Quietly the admiral began to hum a song. Turians communicated with their subvocals. Often enough he gave her a calming purr. Every evening for a while. Unfortunately she lacked this ability. Nevertheless, it seemed to work. Only when he was calm again did she go to Mass. There she began to cook a soup for him. Kaidan suddenly stood next to her.

"You cook?"

"Garrus is sick."

"And you take care of him?"

"Of course."

"I envy him for that."

"What?

"Hey, he sees a side to you that few know."

"Didn't you recently say I would take care of everyone?"

"Yes, but not like that."

"Then get sick. Maybe I'll take care of you then."

"Is that an offer?"

"Maybe."

With the soup she went back upstairs. It took some convincing until the sniper ate. Then she instilled him with his medication. He still had a high fever. She shook out the pillows and made him lie down again. 

"You should get some sleep."

Annoyed he twisted his eyes. He rolled up and closed his eyes. But he rolled back and forth the whole time. Resigned Garrus finally sat up. His chest raised and lowered faster than normal.

"I'm too warm."

Sighing, Shepard undressed and lay next to him. Immediately he cuddled back to her. She turned to him and kept stroking his head. Satisfied she noticed how he slowly fell asleep again.

"Don't leave me, Litavis..."


	19. nuntius

Garrus was still sick. She spent hours at his bed. Finally she had asserted herself and now changed a damp cloth on his forehead every hour. When Shepard was sure that he was asleep, she wrapped wet towels around his legs. Again and again she touched hot, naked body. The medication seemed to help, but he was still very weak and he kept getting fever attacks. Litavis left the room only to get them something to drink or eat. Eventually the Turian became restless again. Did he have nightmares? The gentle touches calmed him down again. Massaging his arms or his neck had become routine. It provided relaxation. Mordins diagrams had found use again. For hours the admiral had looked through these documents and learned them by heart. She had become an expert in Turin anatomy. She drank a sip and continued reading her book. Shepard was just sitting next to Garrus. He had his head bedded on her bare legs. Straight he was awake again and just listened to her voice. Reading to him was almost as good as humming to him. His hand held hers and he looked at her with feverish eyes. Slowly she put her book away and massaged his neck again. His purring became louder and louder until it ebbed away. Again he had fallen asleep. The red haired woman typed again on her Omnitool. She was in contact with Solana. She was worried about her brother. Turians were rarely sick. But if it could become violent. At the same time she was happy that his mate took care of him. She had sent her some recipes. Garrus's favourite dishes, which he liked to eat when he was ill. They immediately flew to Omega and bought everything they needed. Carefully the admiral lifted the sniper's head and got out of bed. She dressed and went to Mass. She quickly prepared the food and returned to her quarters. Garrus was awake again and looked around searching. His mandibles twitched to a kind of weakened smile. Silently she sat down on the edge of the bed and handed the bowl to him. He ate very slowly. Apparently he liked it. Tenderly she stroked the scarred half of his face. As soon as his hands trembled slightly, she held the bowl for him. Slowly she lifted the bowl higher so that he could eat faster. As soon as the bowl was empty, she put the it away and handed him his medicine. She was about to get up as he pulled her onto his chest and purred deeply again. She gently stroked him until he slept again. She went into her work area and took care of her duties. The Alliance had already been informed and took care of everything. The other races had already been informed that their journey would be a little delayed. Shepard didn't know what the official version was and didn't care. It was very late again when she finally finished her work. Before she went to bed, she changed all the towels on Garrus' body again. As soon as her body touched the mattress the Turianer was already hanging on her. Every hour the admiral rose and changed the wraps again and again. Early the next morning she got up and prepared breakfast for her best friend. Today he seemed a little better again. His fever seemed to have dropped further. The sniper sat upright in bed and seemed to be waiting for her. Litavis handed him the food and drank only a cup of black, strong coffee herself. She simply couldn't eat at this time of day. The lack of sleep slowly took its toll. She was just terribly tired, but she could sleep later. If he was better, she could rest. Confused, she looked at him when he suddenly got up. As soon as he swayed, she stood up and put his arm around her shoulders. So Litavis supported her best friend. They took a few steps that seemed relatively strenuous. Shepard was silent all the time, she knew too well how annoying every word could be. Even the best of intentions. His breath was clearly strained. So she just stopped with him and waited. Minutes they just stood there. Hopefully nobody came in now. It certainly looked strange how she stood here with a naked Turian. Finally he hit the road to the bed again. Carefully she dropped off her best friend and handed him something to drink. Greedily he emptied the cup and closed his eyes exhausted.

"I stink..."

"Bullshit. You smell like a flower."

"Really?"

"Yes. Like the Amorphophallus titanum."

"And how does it smell?"

"Like you right now."

"You have stinking flowers on the earth?"

"We do. They have strange names, too."

"Okay you have me. What does Amorphophallus titanum mean?"

"Literally translated? Unformed giant penis."

Quietly he started to laugh and shook his head.

"You people are killing me."

"You're just jealous."

"May be... may I use your shower?"

"You want to shower? Really shower, with water?"

"If you had my sense of smell, you wouldn't ask."

"Sure you can."

Litavis stood up and helped the Turian into the bathroom. She quickly realized that he wouldn't be able to do it alone. So she took him to the sink and waited until he held on to it.

"I guess there's nothing about the shower."

"Yes. Wait a minute." 

She pulled herself up to her panties and put her arm around his waist again. Together they climbed under the warm jet of water. Quickly she handed him her beloved sponge and her shower gel.

"I hold you".

Calmly the redhead stopped and just held Garrus while he was washing. After a short time she reached for the sponge herself. She wrapped her left arm around his hip and started washing the back of the sniper. She simply ignored the soft growl of him.

"I now lean you back against the wall."

"Okay..."

As soon as she was sure that he could hold his weight, she squatted in front of him and washed the muscular legs. A quake ran through her best friend's body. The higher she got, the stronger it got. His Subvocals emitted a very deep tone. Just ignore it. 

"Litavis..."

Asking, the person looked up. Very slowly he seemed to tilt forward. The admiral jumped up as fast as she could. Her hands dug into the sensitive hips of her opposite to support him. With a deep rumble he sank against the smaller body. Shepard swallowed heavily. His fully erect dick pressed hard against her stomach. She quickly loosened her grip a little. Silently she just stood there with him. Only when the water became cold did the redhead move her arm to turn it off. Damn, Garrus was really steady. Goose bumps formed on the woman's body. Just yet she could suppress the impulse to press closer to the Turianer.

"Sorry..."

"Don't be."

She fished for a towel and began to dry the Turian. Ignoring the erect penis as much as possible. As soon as she was finished, she tied the towel around his hips and brought him back to bed. She quickly took off her wet panties and slipped into fresh clothes. 

"Should I leave you alone for a while?"

"No..."

Shepard went back to her work area. She turned her back on the Turian as best she could. Maybe she should go after all. It was understandable that he didn't want to rub her nose in. 

"I go to get something to drink. Do you also want something?"

"Another tea, please."

"Of course."

Quickly she left the room and drove to the crew deck. Quickly the admiral intercepted Doctor Chakwas, who was about to go to Garrus. She claimed he was asleep. Steve came to her and pulled her to the poker table. There he sat with Kaidan, Gabby and Ken. Smiling, she entered the game. Two hours later she had brought her crew to despair. Then she went up again.

"Sorry, Steve wouldn't let me go and I had to stop Karin from paying you a visit here."

"Thank you."

Litavis handed her best friend the tea and some soup. He looked much better than he did this morning. Carefully she touched his forehead. He was still warm, but the fever seemed to have dropped considerably.

"Where did you actually get the recipes from?"

"From Sol. I asked her about it. After all, I wanted you to get better fast."

"You asked Solana about that?"

"Yes. I told her you were sick. After all, she is your sister. And she directly gave me the recipes for your favourite meal. She also seemed excited that I didn't run away screaming from a sick Garrus."

"If we don't have to go to the hospital, our families will take care of us or our mates."

"Friends don't?"

"If they have no other choice. But they wouldn't cook for us."

"Turians are strange."

"So it's different with humans?"

"Yes. You cooked a lot for me when I couldn't do it alone."

Now the sniper fell into silence. Had she said something wrong? Or... Stop. Wait, he had cooked for her and that seemed to be something very special for his people. Now she could also understand Solana's questions during her visit. Also that Casis had been watching her the whole time. Did that mean...? Again these abnormal headaches. Panting she grabbed her forehead. 

\--------------------

"Shepard, I admit I was worried about you on that dig side. Things got pretty hectic. Not used to feeling like that, you know. That's what... like me into a nervous wreck... Nobody better hurt you. It's all I'm saying." 

"Never do that again." It came angry, as well as worried by Garrus.

\-------------------

Again, it wasn't much. Too little. Her vision clarified and she found herself in the arms of the Turian. With a resigned sigh she sank against his chest. He again ejected this soothing purring for her. Again it had been only fragments and not even all sentences were complete. Shepard would have loved to scream. The door opened and Karin came in. Quickly, the redhead got up and made room for the doctor. Apparently the worst was over now. Nevertheless, he should rest for a few more days.

"Then you probably can't see Rannoch yet."

"Damn it. It would really be too risky."

"You will probably still get the opportunity to do that. We wait another two days, then it goes on. As long as you stay on the ship that shouldn't be a problem."

"I could also stay here."

"Forget it. I won't leave you alone on Omega."

"But your duties..."

"I said no! I almost lost you twice to that place, Garrus."

She turned away from him. Shepard's eyes were burning. She didn't want to cry. She didn't even know why she just felt so lost. The thought alone caused a painful knot in her chest. When the sniper wanted to pull her on, she devalued him. Not now. She couldn't hold back the tears if he held her now. 

"You will never lose me, Litavis."

"Promise nothing that you cannot keep."

Now he pressed her tightly to himself. The admiral swallowed hard. She hid her face in his neck bend and forced herself to breathe calmly.

"There is no Shepard without Vakarian."

Now Litavis had to laugh quietly. He was right. Garrus was so right. He just let himself fall into bed with her to the side. He simply pulled her off and pulled her firmly into his arms.

"Then I won't stay on Omega."

"Good."

"And should I ever be sent here, then you have to come with me."

"Agreed."

"And now sleep something. You're missing a few hours."

Satisfied she snuggled up to her buddy and closed her eyes. Shepard was really exhausted. Before she knew it, she was deeply and firmly asleep.  
The redhead stood still while she was being decontaminated. A Geth stood with her in the specially equipped building unit. He just sprayed her again with a liquid. Her team members were in other cabins and underwent the same procedure. 

"Shepard Commander, please lift one foot."

"Of course, Armada."

Now he treated her sole. The same thing happened to the other side. She had been in this room for half an hour. It would probably take even longer, but that was all right. She wanted it that way.

"I'm scanning you now."

"Agreed."

"It's still interesting that you just work with the Geth."

"Legion has shaped my vision."

"You trusted him."

"Not from the beginning. But with time, yes. I was ready to work with him, even if I didn't understand him often."

"You always regarded him as an individual."

"Yes. It was hard to understand that I communicated with many Geth. Understanding him as an individual was easier. At least in the end I was right."

"Is his name really on the plaque on your ship?"

"He belonged to my crew. Of course his name is there. I also mourned for him. He was a friend. I think the concept is hard to understand."

"It's hard. But whatever you have done, after the end of the war it is easier for us. Still complicated, but easier. We're done, Shepard Commander."

"Are you sure? I don't want to be a risk."

"Perfectly safe."

Shepard stepped out of the area and looked around. She was a little disappointed that all Quarians wore their suits. She had really hoped that the survival suits had become superfluous. So the admiral waited for the rest of her team. Armada stopped next to her. This Geth was a kind of deputy and would attend the meeting. The admirals approached her and greeted her. 

"Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay, Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay, Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib, Admiral Han'Gerrel vas Neema, Admiral Daro'Xen vas Moreh, Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, it's my pleasure."

"Admiral Shepard, the joy is all ours."

They followed the admirals to a shuttle. She had hoped to be able to talk to Tali alone, but Xen was there. Like on all the other planets, it happened here. A sightseeing flight and afterwards the plans for the future were described. Rannoch, it went well. The Quarians and the Geth were absolutely excellent. Only Tuchanka and Sur'kesh were able to keep up. Finally there were some questions about the council and the galactic community. The Quarians now had a home planet and wanted ambassadors on the Citadel. But they fell on deaf ears. That was nothing she could change.

"Shepard, do you have an idea?"

Why did Tali have to ask now? She just made it her problem. Skeptically she looked at the plans.

"Every people with an ambassador contributed something to the community. As well as they can. At that time the Quarians lacked the resources. Not any more today. I'm afraid you'd have to invest some resources to get a chance to get a embassy. At the moment everyone is busy with the reconstruction. Enquiries are often overlooked. But it may take a long time before this gesture is registered. I'm only talking about a possibility here, not a safe way."

"What could we offer?" 

"Everyone knows Palavan was hit hard. Food would be a good option here. You still have your farm ships. You can produce more than you need. You have ships that you can make available as transporters, you have great technicians that are needed everywhere. That would only be what I spontaneously think of."

"And you think that would help us, too?" 

"I don't know, Tali. I would try it."

"Can't you do something, Admiral?"

"What do you think I should be able to do, Admiral Xen? As I said before, everyone is busy with reconstruction. If their own people suffer, it will be harder for politics."

Tali finally changed the subject. In the evening they returned to their shuttle. Still all admirals were gathered and some Geth. Not once could she talk to her friend alone. To say goodbye, she pressed the young Quarian woman to herself.

"When you have time. Write me who. Please, Tali. I just have to know. Please."

Litavis boarded the shuttle and waved goodbye. So he really hoped for news soon.


	20. aequalis

Back on the Citadel. They stocked up their supplies and had the ship checked again. Since the mass portals had been damaged the ships had to endure much more. Everything was tried of course around the portals again completely to repair. They worked, but there were still problems and nobody wanted to take a risk. Shepard was just sitting in Sparatus' office. He had invited her and Garrus to talk to them about the visit. He had received an offer from the Quarians. They had offered Palavan food. But the ambassador had considered. Inside, Litavis sighed and looked over at Garrus. Was that his seriousness now? He remained silent? This obedience to authority suited Turians but not him. She pressed her lips hard on each other. So much for her resolution not to shout all down anymore. 

"Why do you want to refuse?"

"We can do this without help."

"Really?"

"Admiral, we can feed our people ourselves."

"I was there, Ambassador. I have seen it. Yes, you can feed your people yourselves. No one will to die of starvation, but that does not mean that no one will be hungry. And you do not yet know how air pollution will continue to affect you. It would be unwise to refuse this offer."

"Our honour..."

"Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer."

Now Sparatus remained silent. He just looked at her and finally looked at Garrus. Her best friend said nothing. Nothing at all.

"We would owe them."

"They want a embassy. No council membership, just a embassy and they would be entitled to it after the war. There are not many intact planets anymore. We all need Rannoch and what they want is not much. Don't turn down any chance."

"You should become an ambassador, Admiral."

"I didn't know you had a masochist in you, Ambassador."

They stood up and said goodbye. Shepard sighed inwardly. So much for a few hours off. She would have liked to visit Kashari, but now she didn't have the time. In addition, the young Asari was now working with security. So she made her way to the docks. Many refugees were still housed here. There was simply no place where they could go. Mainly they were colonists of the different species. The sniper went directly to the Turians while she went to a C - Sec checkpoint. Already from a distance she recognized the young Drell.

"Hello Kolyat."

"Siha."

Litavis flinched inside. Thane had called her that. She probably wouldn't get used to it so quickly. But good. If the young Drell wanted to call her that, then he should. She smiled slightly when Kolyat quietly answered a question from an Asari girl. Calmly the redhead looked at him. He wore Thane's jacket. It would be strange to have him around. Maybe it wasn't a good idea after all.

"Shall we go, Siha?"

"Yes. Have you packed yet?"

"Yes. I'd just like to get something to eat first, if there's time."

"Of course."

"Will you accompany me?"

"Gladly."

Silently she followed the young man. Shepard felt exactly how many eyes followed her. She also heard the whispering, but ignored it. Also in the café many looks rested on them. The waiter came and took Kolyat's order. The redhead also ordered a little something. Would the dish she chose soon appear among Shepard's favorites on the menu? 

"How are you, Siha?"

"Quite exhausting. I'm playing diplomat again."

"You master this role."

"I don't feel very good about it."

"Why not?"

"It just doesn't suit me. I'm not bad at it, but I'm overcome every time with the urge to grab my opponent and to beat the mind into him." "Why not? 

"I can well understand that. But you are successful and very convincing, as I know from my own experience."

"Do you think so?"

"Yes. You brought me to my senses and you also influenced my father."

"I didn't do that much with him at all".

"You listened to him. He could rely on you. He could last do that with my mother. And you have changed him more than you believe."

"Do you really mean that?"

"Yes. First, we worked out an escape plan for you. I believed him everything and we knew that we would need you. But before I could plan any further, he stopped me. He said you'd rather beat us up than thank us. Besides, he would have got the order from you to take care of me."

"It was not an assignment. It was a piece of advice."

"Diplomacy, therefore."

Quietly Shepard started laughing and shook her head.

"Friendship and diplomacy are two different pairs of shoes."

"That may be. Yet you're good at it."

"You sound like your father, Kolyat."

They ate together and then went to Normandy. Hart had to swallow Litavis when young Drell decided to go to life support like his father. How he sat there... with this jacket... Quickly she went to her quarters. As a distraction she read some dossiers about the Hanar and the Drell. The visit to Kahje worried her. Hanar were very easy to insult. Even if it was not intended at all. They would only come into direct contact with specially trained Hanar, but who knew what she could do wrong on the way. The redhead chewed her lower lip nervously. That was really not her world. Hour after hour she spent in her work area reading. It was already late when she went down. For now, she had to remember to eat. Too much work and hated too. She had just sat down and started eating when suddenly a cup was placed in front of her.

"I thought you'd like some tea too, Siha."

"Thank you, Thane. Kolyat, Kolyat. Oh damn it. I'm sorry."

"It's all right."

"No, it's not. It's just... heavy. I always drank tea with your father, too. We spent hours in life support drinking tea and talking."

"Oh... and now I bring you tea, sleep in the life support system and wear my father's jacket. I'm sorry, Siha. ... my father also called you that. I'm making it really hard for you."

"It's okay. I'll get used to it again. Every now and then I just forget that it's been a while."

"Your memories are back again, aren't they?"

"To large parts yes. But there's enough that I still miss."

"And that seems to be very important to you."

"It is."

"It is hard for a Drell to understand. Memory loss is something we can't understand."

"It is also difficult to understand the tu-fira. Is not necessarily pleasant".

"I believe that."

He sat down next to her and drank his tea quietly. So they just sat next to each other.  
The next day Litavis entered life support and stopped. Kolyat sat at the table. Two cups stood on it.

"I'm glad you have time, Shepard."

"Sure, Kolyat. What is going on?"

"I have a request."

He pointed to the table. She sat down and looked at the chessboard on the table. She began to smile easily. Traynor would certainly be a better teacher than she was. Nevertheless they began to play. She explained to him every figure and the possible moves. They played until they arrived at Kahje.  
Relieved Litavis breathed out. They left Golden Shoal. She hadn't been that exhausted for a long time. She had had to consider every word carefully. Fortunately Kolyat had been there. He had given her a hint or two. Talking to the Drell had been much more relaxed, even if they only called her Siha. Back on the Normandy, the redhead went straight to bed. Garrus was already waiting for her there.


	21. timere damnum

Had the destruction of cities and the devastation of planets always taken her breath away, this almost brought her to her knees here. Lenos, once the capital of Irunes, was now a ruin. Wherever Shepard looked, nothing was whole. This house of cards had not only collapsed, it had been thrown into a shredder. Kaidan next to her was clearly gasping for air. She knew why the Volus showed it to her. They needed help. They needed help urgently. If it looked the same on their colonies, this people was finished. They had to do something. At least she would do something. Shepard would never let the Reapers win another victory after all. The Alliance would help. It had to, and if hell froze for it, she would do the same. No matter how. Thessia had hit it hard, Palavan had hit it hard, the earth had hit it hard too, but this? Only who should help here? Who could help her? With the pressure suit it was already difficult for her only to move. How could people work here? There would be any way.

"I would like to land."

"That's not a good idea, Earth - Clan."

"I know. But I must."

"We can't guarantee your safety there, Admiral of the Earth Clan."

"I know, Doran."

They landed nevertheless on a free surface. Shepard laboriously got out of the shuttle and looked around. No stone was left standing on top of the other. It was one catastrophe.

"Kaidan, you stay here. EDI, please come with me."

They moved quite a bit away from their starting point. The admiral swallowed hard. She was glad to wear a breathing apparatus, she could not even imagine the stench here. Remnants of Reaper units still lay everywhere. 

"Give me an assessment, EDI. What can we do?"

"Hard to say, Shepard. Even if the Alliance were to send people, the conditions here would be unfavorable. They would hardly be able to make a difference."

"What about Mechs?"

"That would be a possibility. With special equipment, they could work here." 

"Send an inquiry directly to Admiral Hackett. How could it be that we didn't notice?"

"This mass portal was the most severely damaged, the Volus report about their colonies, not about Irune and..."

"And it didn't matter. Everyone has enough to do with himself."

"Correct. I'm sorry, Shepard."

"It's not your fault, EDI."

"Shall we go back?"

"I just have to do something. You go ahead."

"Got it."

For a moment she looked after her before she reached for her Omnitool. She wouldn't let the Volus die miserably. No more victory for the Reapers. Not a single one. That had also been her plan to take a vacation after the trip. The whole fucking galaxy wasn't saved, as everyone claimed and as she had believed until now. It was time to break new ground. And in that she was probably the one with the most experience. As ironic as that was. As soon as she had received her answer, she returned to the shuttle.

"The Earth Clan sends the Vol Clan 6000 workmechs and another 5000 if they are modified. Furthermore, I have spoken with Armada. The Geth clan is ready to send 1500 technicians and 500 farmers when the Vol clan is ready to work with them."

"The Geth, Earth Clan?"

"The Geth - clan, Doran. They are now independent AI. So they are 2000 individuals willing to help the Vol-clan. Irune limits the possibilities of help very much."

"What do they want for it?"

"Nothing.

"This is..."

"Hard to believe, isn't it? The Vol - Clan can certainly come up with something."

"Thank you, Shepard. If that's really true, then your visit has done more than we had hoped."

"I'm trying to do more, Doran. I hope the Vol - Clan is honest from now on and above all louder, on the Citadel."

"We will. Our next goal..."

"I'd like to get back to the Normandy. There's nothing I can do here."

"I understand."

Again on the Normandy she stormed first into the communication room. First she spoke with Armada, then with Hackett and then she struggled not to shout the advice together. The same answer as every time. Also from her own ambassador. Angrily she left the room and stormed to the galaxy map. It was risky, but when the council didn't listen to her again, it was different.

"Um, Shepard? Wouldn't our next target be Dekuuna?"

"Would it were, Joker. But I'm visiting an old friend."

"Are you crazy, Shepard?"

"Wasn't I always? Now take me there."

She went into the War Room and sealed it. Litavis knew there was madness. Absolute madness and she didn't need anyone to tell her that now. Everyone would advise her against it and whether it worked was still in the stars. She didn't even know if her goal was there at all. She set her Omnitool to private mode. Each contact attempt to her was now only a short flashing. No more and no less. Stumply the redhead brooded over all the reports. All the time she juggled the numbers back and forth. It could work, only whether the peoples were ready for it, that was on another sheet of paper. Until now, all thoughts were obsolete. 

"Shepard, we're here."

"Thank you, EDI. Where are the others?"

"In their quarters. I've arranged the arrival so that we'll arrive in the middle of the 'night'."

"The way to the shuttle is clear?"

"Positive."

"Good. I'll be on my way then."

"Shepard... let me come with you."

"This could be pure suicide, EDI."

"I know. But unlike you, I'm surviving the loss of this body."

"All right, all right."

As fast as they could they moved to the shuttle bay. Unnoticed they both left the Normandy. After the landing Litavis looked around skeptically. So that was it. Suen. The home planet of the Rachni. At some distance Shepard discovered a tunnel entrance. Together with EDI she descended deeper and deeper into the interior of the planet. She heard the clacking of many legs. She took a deep breath. The redhead would have loved to draw her weapon, but she didn't want to provoke the Rachni at all. Finally they reached a large cave. There a... Asari awaited them? Shepard had seen her before. On Illium.

"Commander Shepard. We kept our promise after the war."

"I know."

"Then why are you here?"

"The nations need help."

"From the Rachni?"

"Of all."

"Why should we help?"

"Because otherwise we would let the machines win."

"You feel responsible for the nations?"

"Yes."

"Like me for my children. You almost died for the galaxy." ´

"Not for the first time, and I fear almost not for the last time."

"We tell you the same thing as many other nations. My children will help. Our friend will contact you. And now go. The children become restless. Guests are rare here."

"Thank you."

Quickly they went back to the shuttle. Their heartbeat calmed down only after they had left the planet.

"Do you think the council will approve, Shepard?"

"No. I don't think many peoples will accept their help either, but the Volus don't have a choice."

"Are there any others?"

"The humans did not experience the Rachni war. They might feel less dislike."

They came back to the Normandy unnoticed and their way led her back to the communication room. She informed the Volus and the Council. Completely exhausted, Shepard returned to her loft. She screamed painfully as she was pushed hard against the wall. She spasmodically gasped for air. Shocked, she looked at the Turian. His claws drilled into her skin.

"ARE YOU TOTALLY STUPID????"

"Garrus..."

"NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YOU CAN'T FACE THE RACHNI ALONE!"

"First, I didn't face them and second, I wasn't alone."

"DAMN IT, LITAVIS! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! YOU MUST NOT DO THAT!"

Sizzling, Shepard sucked in the air as the claws penetrated her skin and left deep, bloody streaks on her arms. Garrus quickly withdrew. In panic he looked at his bloody fingers. Powerless, he sank to his knees.

"I won't survive... losing you again..."

Gently she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed his head against her breast. Blood ran down and dripped to the floor. The redhead just stopped like that with her best friend. He wrapped his long arms around her waist and just held her tight. She didn't know how long she stood there with him, but eventually the Turian rose again. His long, blue tongue glided over the fresh wounds. It burned unpleasantly and made her shudder. The redhead bit her lips hard. That really hurt. As soon as it stopped bleeding he applied Medigel to the wounds. Without saying another word, she went to her bathroom. The top was gone. Exhausted she sank, under the water jet, against the wall. She could understand him, but that was just too much. She was K.O. Litavis had actually only wanted to go to bed. Now she was too upset for that. Her best friend had yelled at her. Of course out of concern, but nevertheless... he had never yelled at her before. Why did that now bother her so much? The admiral struggled laboriously up and dressed. Silently she walked past the sniper and left her loft. She wanted to be alone now. Most of her crew were still asleep, but someone could show up anywhere at any time. She withdrew into Jack's old quarters and sat down on the crates. Tired, the redheads closed her eyes. She was so tired.

"Shepard?"

Surprised, she opened her eyes. She must have dozed off. She found herself in Kaidan's arms.

"Nothing happened to you."

She pressed firmly against him. No reproaches. No questions, nothing. Skeptically she looked at him when he just lifted her up. She didn't like that at all. They were in his room and she was laid on his bed. 

"Get some sleep. I leave you alone. You need a break. You were on your feet for two days. Just sleep".

She began to tremble slightly. Sleeping alone was still impossible for her. She was dreaming badly all the time. She woke up screaming every time and felt even more exhausted than before. Garrus had the gift of keeping the nightmares away from her. How could she sleep without him now?

"Do you still have nightmares?"

"Yes."

"I sit down back there at the desk. If you need anything, I'll be nearby. Okay?"

She just nodded and rolled herself up on the bed.


	22. auferre

She understood why it had taken the Reapers longer to destroy Dekuuna. In large parts there was nothing here. No cities, no settlements, just nothing. The visit here was different. The Elcor wanted to honor the entire Normandy crew. Had their intervention saved a few lives. But something else. There was absolutely nothing she could do here. This people had suffered the greatest losses. An evacuation had not been possible and they had received no help. The number of Elcor had shrunk drastically. Litavis did not know how many of them still existed, but they were damn few. She only hoped it looked better on her colonies. She breathed deeply. One luck they could not recognize her face through the helmet. It was hard for her to do anything at all. Shepard forced herself to stay calm. An emotional outburst wouldn't change either. The Elcor didn't even really expect help, or she missed the clues. If there was a request, she hoped EDI would understand. After only five hours they were taken back to the Normandy. Her hosts didn't want to overwhelm her. With gravity, every step was an incredible effort. The redhead was completely exhausted when she was back on her ship.

"EDI, have I missed anything? Did the Elcor ask for help?"

"No, Shepard. There's nothing we can do."

"Damn..."

"Are we going back to the Citadel, Shepard?"

"Not yet. Set course for Khar'shan."

"The former homeworld of the Batarians? It was destroyed."

"As far as we know. I would like to know if there is anything that can still be saved. We fly to each of their planets. They need a home. And since their remaining fleet is busy serving as shelter for the refugees..."

"The Alliance wants us to go straight back."

"I may be an admiral, but I'm also a spectre. Course for Kite's Nest."

"Understood."

The admiral drove down to the shuttle bay. She had a punching bag hung up here. Allegedly for training reasons, but she had already realized before the beginning of this trip that she would need something to beat her up uninhibitedly. So she withdrew into her corner and actively did something about her frustration. Just to clear her head.

"Commander?"

"What can I do for you, Javik?"

"You get out of my way."

"I'm getting out of everyone's way right now."

The Prothean remained silent. Litavis knew that she avoided him more than the others. On the one hand she just didn't want to be touched by him and on the other hand... she couldn't put it into words. Javik was the one who enjoyed the victory over the Reapers the most. Who was now finally free. He had fulfilled his guilt towards his people. He could now work and do what he wanted. Was she jealous? Jealous because he was free of all obligations? The only one in this damaged galaxy?

"It doesn't feel like a victory, Javik."

"But the Reapers are defeated. You did what seemed impossible. You ended this war."

"Did I? Somehow the feeling of victory is missing. Everywhere I go, I see destruction, ashes and death. It is as if they are still winning."

"They are gone and you are still there."

"But how much longer?"

"Long. The primitives have a chance. Thanks to you. You became the Avatar of Hope for the whole galaxy, Commander."

"Hope can be cruel, Javik. I'm actually just waiting for the next big bang."

"What do you mean?"

"Every race suffers and has problems. Everyone needs something that someone else has. Right now it's all give and take. What happens when a party suddenly says no? Be it because they can't, or because they don't want to? At least from the humans I know that already for less a war was instigated. So, when do we start fighting each other? Is it because of resources, or because of space or because of the ego? At the moment no one is able to make war, but when... when do Krogans and Salarians attack each other? When does the galaxy remember that the Salarians have held back troops and how do they react? What happens when suddenly voices are heard that everything started with a Reaper and the Geth? What if the fear of undiscovered Cerberus agents is sprouting and everyone is under general suspicion?"

"You're scared."

"I am. We may have won the battle against the Reapers, but if you ask me, the war isn't over for a long time."

"My people would have..."

"Your people would have had the same problems we had right now. We may be primitive in your eyes. But we have defeated the Reapers. So what would have happened to your people if at some point we hadn't wanted to play the good servants anymore?"

"As if you succeeded..."

She drove around and sparkled angrily at him. She was angry and scared. He just had to give her a reason and she would strike. He would still be lucky. Now she would like to tear him apart in the air.

"You're right to be worried, Commander."

So a change of topic. Well, from her point of view. Apparently, the Prothean had realized how thin the ice was on which he was standing. Litavis turned around and beat the bag again. Unfortunately, the desired effect failed to materialize. She didn't relax. She didn't get a clear head either, the only thing it brought her were aching hands.

"Do the others know about your fear?"

"No. They shouldn't either. What good would it do if they saw that the Avatar of Hope was full of doubts?"

"Revenge is easier..."

"I'm glad you feel the same way. It's just sick..."

"That I have lost my entire world, am the last of my people, and yet you envy me?"

"Empathy? I am impressed, Javik. Now do you know why I'm avoiding you?"

"Yes... you shouldn't, Shepard."

"I feel helpless and then I get angry. Your nature then unfortunately makes you a good target, Javik. That would be unfair."

"Then be unfair, be angry. I can handle it."

"What does the oak bother if the sow rubs against it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't care if a primitive insults you?"

" Humans are primitive. You're an exception, Shepard."

She quickly retreated when the Prothean wanted to touch her. Without understanding he looked at her and let his hand sink. Was he hurt? Bullshit. Javik didn't. Nevertheless she sighed quietly and got a bad conscience.

"I still lack memories, Javik. I cannot allow them to come out through your touch. Who knows how I react. Every time my head seems to explode. When things get really bad I get nosebleeds and my vital signs go crazy. I can't afford to break physically or suffer an emotional breakdown."

"I see. Shepard. I'm not gonna touch you."

"Thank you..."

Javik made a wide bow around her and held the punching bag. With a slight smile Litavis began to beat the training device again.   
They had now flown off Kite's Nest completely. All the planets of the Batarians were... a heap of rubble. Shepard had refrained from landing on one. Already during the overflight she was more than aware of the extent. At last you flew over the former homeworld of the Batarians. EDI scanned the whole environment.

"Shepard, I'm getting life signals."

"What?"

"It's 2001. We found survivors."

" They've been here the whole time? Unbelievable. What do our supplies look like, EDI?"

"More than enough."

"Everything we don't need to pack up. Food, medicine, blankets, just make everything ready to drop."

"Got it."

Immediately it became hectic on the Normandy. Her entire crew ran around hectically. Everything they could spare was packed. She would have liked to have landed there, but the risk was too great. On top of that, her face was probably the last thing the people down there wanted to see. So she hurried back into the communication room and breathed deeply. A hated face appeared in front of her. Balak. How she would like to shoot him.

"Shut up and listen. We found batarian survivors on Khar'shan. 2001 to be exact. Their constitution is unknown. We drop relief supplies, but that's only a drop in the ocean. There are too many to take with them."

This asshole just kept her quiet. How she would like to have him now... not now. Take a deep breath. Another face appeared in the holo. Governor Grothan Pazness.

"We lack the means to send help, Admiral."

"What?"

"We want it, but it is not possible for us. Our fleet... well..."

"EDI, which ships are nearby?"

"The SSV Benjamin Davis is two sol days away, Shepard."

"Call them. They're performing an evacuation."

"Who gives the order?" 

"Admiral Shepard or Spectre Shepard, whatever keeps them out of trouble. Get the shuttle ready, we're landing. Governor, you're gonna have to talk to your people. They won't believe me."

Shepard went to put on her armor. She had ordered Javik, Liara and Garrus to the shuttle. The fewer human there, the better. They quickly set up the transmitter that carried the politician's message. They stayed the two days with the survivors. Shepard did not sleep the whole time. As soon as it got dark, she kept watch. These people had been through enough. The evacuation went smoothly. Back on her ship she informed the council and the Batarians. She had to sleep now. In her loft she let herself fall onto the bed with her armor. The redhead knew that she would wake up screaming in a few hours, but that was her smallest problem. She was just tired. Exhausted, she closed her eyes. Just sleep.  
A few hours later, she opened her eyes. She wasn't wearing her armor anymore. Sighing, she pulled the blanket higher and snuggled closer to the heat source. Overslept she blinked. Garrus... he lay beside her and held her in his arms. Since his breakout they had avoided each other. The redhead quickly closed her eyes again. A rough hand kept stroking her back. Her best friend was awake, she knew that. She was just enjoying its closeness. It was too beautiful to get up again now. 

"Litavis?"

"Hmmm..."

She squeezed even closer to him. Shepard didn't want to talk now. She was still tired. This journey was dragging her strength. Physically, as well as mentally, she was done. Recovery would not be attainable also on the Citadel. There was a lot to do. So much for the holiday plans. She could not afford not to do anything. The galaxy still needed her. No more as a soldier, much more as a guard. Someone who cared and made sure that nobody was forgotten. That wasn't at all her cup of tea. Nevertheless she would probably do it. She would need an office and staff. Her dream cast was her crew, but that wasn't up for discussion. She got sick at the thought of leaving her ship again. She had to talk to Hackett. He could probably help her. 

"Litavis?"

"Garrus?"

"Everything okay?"

"No... I... there's a lot to do. Too much."

"There are enough people who can take care of it."

"But they don't seem to do it."

"Then we will probably work together more often soon. I at the ambassador and you in the war against bureaucracy."

"Nice. Very nice..."


	23. cosmittere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why doesn't anyone tell me that I call Garrus' father wrong all the time? I am ashamed.

Litavis hurried through her newly furnished office. New reports arrived almost every hour. Hackett had accused her of the Normandy. Half her crew was currently on shore leave. The other part had undertaken tasks in her new office. EDI analyzed the new reports, Traynor helped her and sorted them by importance. Shepard had to smile when Liara also got herself a coffee. Secretly, this was now the new headquarters of the Shadow Broker. She had occupied an adjoining room. There were things she was not supposed to know and that was her right. It was Liara's thing. At that time she devoted herself fully to the reconstruction. The rest was none of her business. And being able to access Liara's sources made things easier. Sighing she looked at the plans in front of her. Everything was missing. She massaged her temples. None of this was easy. If she sent fleets out for procurement, it meant the Alliance would interfere everywhere. How could it change anything when everyone was smelling a conspiracy? As so often, she chewed her lower lip. An idea came to her. She had to increase her team. She needed someone from every race. Turians, Asari, Salarians, Volus... all of them.

"Liara?

"What do you need, Shepard?"

"Agents. I need one of every nation. I need a trustworthy Elcor, a Volus, a Drell, a Hanar and... a... Batarian... I will ask the governments. But I want the list to be controlled."

"For the other races too?"

"Yes. My wishful thinking would unfortunately be inappropriate."

"Probably... do you think it'll be all right?"

"I think I get screaming all the time. But that wouldn't be anything new."

"That's true. You think that will help?"

"I hope so. It's at least worth a try. At the moment I can only send the alliance back and forth. I like it, but..."

"It always has a flavor."

"Exactly. Even if I do that with a Spectre order, it still remains a human enterprise."

"We try it. Let the lists be sent to you and I'll examine them. You want also, not Citadel people to include?"

"It concerns the whole galaxy. At least we won't exclude anyone. Just hold me tight now and then when I want to beat somebody's brains in."

"I will. But it becomes very entertaining."

"Thank you, Liara."

Like every time this week, she came home very late. Urz had spent the whole day with her in the office and now went into his basket. Surprised, she looked around. Garrus sat with his family in the living room. Damn it! Had she forgotten anything? She quickly looked at her Omnitool. There really was a message from him. His father was a possible candidate for her team and wanted to talk to her personally. That's why they came by for a spontaneous visit. That could not be true.

"Hello. Sorry I'm late. Unfortunately I couldn't leave earlier".

"It's okay. You have a lot to do."

The sniper stood up and hugged her briefly. Litavis sat down at the table and had a drink. Solana asked her some questions about the trip, her impressions and about her new job. She was really curious. Too bad she hadn't been suggested. She drank her cup of tea and then rose.

"If you'll excuse me. I'm pretty tired and tomorrow starts very early."

The admiral went upstairs. After a quick shower she went straight to bed. She lay awake for some time and read some more reports. The Quarians had already sent three possible candidates. They were very grateful for this opportunity and to their amazement they were accompanied by Armada. The Geth were the first to respond to her offer. They justified their choice by insinuating that Shepard had a familiar face. That was cute. Smiling, she looked at Garrus as he entered the room.

"I'm sorry, Litavis. They were suddenly standing in front of the door."

"It's okay. I know them by now."

He lay down next to her and pulled her over as soon as she had put her pad away. He seemed worried. At least he seemed very insecure.

"What's going on, big guy?"

"I wonder if Sol can handle it alone, or if she's moving to the Citadel too..."

"You're assuming your father gets the job?" 

"I... um... actually I do."

"Really?"

"Because not? He also assumes that."

"We will see. He's not the only candidate and I doubt he'll get along well with this kind of work."

Now he was silent. The admiral finally fell asleep.   
The next morning, as usual, she and the sniper made breakfast together. They ate together and she set off. Urz followed her immediately. Arriving at the office, a Geth was already waiting outside the door. She stopped as if struck by lightning. This Geth seemed to wear an N7 armor.

"Legion?"

"No, Shepard Commander. I apologize for the confusion. According to information gathered, it was noticeable that all organic peoples like to wear a common costume for identification. I assumed that this would increase the acceptance of your team members." 

"Oh, Armada. No, the thought was good. I am grateful for that. I think it has the desired effect. Come in, I'll show you everything and introduce you to others."

Armada joined EDI very quickly. Together they processed the data even faster and Traynor got into a lot of trouble. This would hopefully change soon. Shepard was just thinking about which envoys she could accommodate in which rooms when Castis entered the room. Apparently his appointment was now.

"Officer Vakarian, sit down, please."

"Thank you, Shepard."

"This is Admiral Shepard. I'd like to make one thing very clear. Here in this office, mine and your son's connection have no business. You don't get any special treatment here and if I decide for you, I am your superior here. Understand?"

"Yes, Admiral."

"All right, Officer Vakarian. I assume you've been informed of what we're doing here?" 

"Yes, Admiral."

"It would be good to have a former cop with us. The angle would interest me and would be extremely helpful. But... I mainly work with my Spectrestatus here. I don't overstep any laws but I stretch them. If smugglers are the only possible contacts, I use them. If I get information from the broker, I use it. If criminals offer me their labour and I don't find them too despicable, they get impunity from me and I use them. I even accept offers from the Rachni. You have to deal with that here. If you can't do that, say so."

"Will I have time to think, Admiral?"

"Of course. There are other candidates I will talk to. My decision will not be made today".

Suddenly the Geth came in. Castis' gaze was full of rejection, but he caught on very quickly. Maybe he wasn't as unsuitable as she had thought.

"Shepard Commander, we have ordered the position of a destroyed fleet. It was smugglers who crossed the Reaper path. According to the manifest available to the Shadow Broker..."

"Show me."

A quick glance was enough for her. They would definitely not find any survivors anymore. But if they could only recover some of the equipment... the E-Zero alone was worth it. Plus the other metals, some mechs, enough tech. Again only a small part, but everything was valuable at the moment.

"Ships nearby?"

"None."

"EDI, connect me to Kaidan."

"Shepard, what can I do for you?"

"Are you free right now, Major Alenko?"

"Oh... of course, Admiral."

"I am accusing you of the Normandy. You get a salvage order. Collect everything you can find and bring it to the Citadel."

"Got it."

"And, Kaidan..."

"I'll take care of your ship."

"Take care of my crew. Good luck."

"Thank you, Admiral."

"I guess we'll be alone with Kelly Chambers for the next few days, Armada."

"Understood. I'm analyzing more data."

She looked at the Geth and looked at the Turian again. He seemed to be impressed.

"Very efficient, Admiral. What happens to the salvage?"

"It will be handed over to the Council. Unless we receive a direct call for help. We store a part of the goods ourselves in order to be able to provide quick help. The last E-Zero delivery for Aephus came from us. We could provide a part ourselves, the rest was organized."

"That was you?"

"Fast, uncomplicated help. That is our goal, Vakarian. That's why I'm doing this. The bureaucracy is too slow."

"And now there are only three of you?"

"Actually, there are four of us. The reason why I'm increasing my team. I need more people and it would be nice if the rumors that the alliance was appropriating everything finally ended."

"Let me help you, Admiral. Even if we come to the conclusion that I'm wrong here. Let me help until your team gets back."

"Gladly. I'll show you your place of work."

So now Garrus' father took over Traynor's duties. Not optimal, but she accepted any help she could get. The redhead also rummaged through all the reports. Suddenly there were three Quarians in front of her desk. Shit. She had forgotten all about that.

"Captain Kar'Danna vas Rayya, Veetor, Kenn? You're the Quarian candidates?"

"You remember us, Admiral?"

"Of course. Tali's former captain, Kenn, I know from Omega and Veetor from Freedoms Progress. Sit down."

She didn't have much time for courtesies, but the Quarians seemed fortunate to understand. Here she found the choice really hard. Each of the candidates had their strengths. Kar'Danna's word had weight with the Quarians. He was calm and experienced. As captain he could handle stress. Kenn was full of energy. He had a lot of energy and was a brilliant technician. Veetor was calm, very prudent and had worked with humans for a long time. So he knew their peculiarities.

"I would love to keep all of you here. But unfortunately that doesn't work. Kar'Danna, you would make an excellent ambassador and I fear the Council would not accept that."

"I thank you for your trust and understand your objection, Admiral. Should we really need an ambassador, I will use your word as an argument for my candidacy".

"If you want, I'll even give it to you in writing. Kenn, Veetor, I would like you to work here for a few days to get a better insight."

The two men agreed happily. Armada showed them everything and so they all plunged back into work. Late in the evening she, Urz and Castis were back in her apartment. Sol and Garrus sat on the couch and watched a movie. The 300 had really become the favorite of the sniper.

"We're back."

"Welcome home."

Her best friend stood up, wrapped his arms around her hip and pressed her forehead together. Smiling, she looked at him and leaned briefly against the warm body. Shortly she breathed a kiss on the scarred face half and went to shower. Freshly dressed she went down again.

"Your mate is quite amazing. What she does with her team."

"I've always told you that."

"Why didn't you cook for her?"

"Because I never know when she'll come home."

"So what? Didn't she always cook for you too?"

"Did she..."

"And were you always home on time?"

"No, father."

"Then off to the kitchen. Don't fuck that up, Garrus. I'll never get a daughter-in-law like that again."

"Didn't you ask me the other day why a human being of all people?

"I did. And I quote you now. She is not a human being, she is Shepard. Damn it, Garrus. I should suggest to the Primary to make her an honorary citizen of Palavan."

"Then you should hurry. Wrex and Eve intend to do the same. They even want to name a town after her."

"Grace the spirits if you lose this woman, Garrus."

Shepard had heard everything and she was warm. She quickly ran back into her bathroom and looked in the mirror. She was red. The admiral threw cold water in her face and forced herself to a few calm, deep breaths. As soon as she could control herself again she went down the stairs loudly. But that was no longer necessary. Her best friend was alone. 

"Sit down, the food will be ready soon."

She quickly fetched a beer from the fridge and sat down at the bar. Hungry she swallowed the food. The Sniper had the spices now clearly better under control. It was so damn delicious.

"What have you done? My father loves you".

"Just like your sister."

"My whole family has become a slave to you."

"And now?"

"I guess I'll have to marry you now."

"Pah! Must? You must? That is probably the height. Forget it, Vakarian."

"Don't you like that?"

"If you tell me it's compulsion. No. I'd rather have Kaidan's kind."

"What would be his kind then?"

"He would beg me on his knees."

"And that would work? I will remember it."


	24. cataplus

Her new team stood. To her astonishment, everyone worked really well together. There were hardly any problems. Every now and then she had to intervene, but it went surprisingly well. Very well even. At least in the office. The other nations were still holding back with the support. The Normandy was still the only ship she could count on. They all kept the found resources to themselves. They gave something, but not enough for a long time. So she didn't give any more information. Kaidan was now in continuous use. She felt bad about hitching him all the time. After all, he did not belong to her troupe. Shepard had to think about something. Grumpy she walked up and down her office. That could not be true. Why was that so difficult? She felt like before the war. She screamed and nobody listened to her. Castis looked at her anxiously. She had actually chosen Septimus Oraka, but he was not made for office work. 

"Admiral? What's going on?"

"We miss ships, Vakarian. No matter what I do, nothing comes. I have the feeling that I have lost time not only in my memories, but also in real life. It's like before the war. I understand that they don't want to give me command over an entire fleet. But what would it cost them a ship? I don't keep the goods at all."

Resigned, she let herself sink into her chair. That was a scream. The only ones who sent ships were the Geth. She couldn't send Geth everywhere. Again new reports came in. 

"And what if you used other ships, Admiral?"

"What is it, Officer Vakarian?"

"You said you were using everything you could get. Put together your own fleet."

"Which could inevitably be seen as a threat."

"Not necessarily. You get the ships and we get the consent of our ambassadors."

"That could work."

"If you then find captains to represent your cause, the crew is no problem. There are enough people who have enough of the tactics of the governments and would volunteer."

"I just see ships in front of me on which Turians, humans, Asari, Drell, Quarians, Geth and Salarians serve together. What an idea."

"That would be interesting."

"Almost to..."

Shepard fell silent in the middle of a sentence. That would be a possibility. Why hadn't she thought of it earlier? Kaidan came in and told her about the latest rescue. Litavis didn't even notice him. In her head thousands of thoughts circled. Was that a possibility? Probably the only one she still had. Oh how wonderful... How desperate was she? Simple answer. Very much.

"Admiral?"

"Shepard?"

"I know where I can get ships. Vakarian, the office is yours until I get back. Get me the amen of the governments and keep the shop running. If there's anything urgent, ask the Geth for help. Kaidan, get the Normandy ready, we're going on a trip."

"Understood," it came synchronously from the two men. 

Shepard hurried home and got her armor. She was already expected on the Normandy. Directly she entered the new course. Litavis was nervous. Restless she stood at the galaxy map and stepped from one foot to the other. 

"Where are we going, Shepard?"

"The only person I haven't heard from about ships is Kaidan."

"And who is that?"

"Aria T'Loak."

"Shit, Shepard! Omega? You're looking for ships in Omega?"

"First I ask friendly."

"And if that doesn't help?"

"Then don't stand in my way, Major."

Never before did the flight to Omega seem so long to her. At the station she looked around calmly. So much had happened here. She had met Zaeed and Mordin, baited Morinth and met Garrus again. And all that before the war. During the war she had recaptured this asteroid from Cerberus with Aria. This is exactly what the Asari would remind her of. Before the Afterlife there was as always a long queue. When the doorman tried to stop her, she lifted him from his feet with a slight biotic attack. She didn't have time for this childish stuff. In front of the second door stood a face very familiar to her.

"Hello, Bray. I would love to talk to Aria."

"Shepard. People don't agree whether you're alive or dead."

"Dead people live longer, Bray."

"I'll take you to Aria. But your companions have to wait downstairs."

"Kaidan, EDI, you wait at the bar."

So she followed the Batarian. The club was still well attended. Nothing more reminded of Cerberus takeover. All traces had been erased. Aria was again the sole ruler over Omega.

"I heard you saved a few Batarians, Shepard."

"Not enough, Bray."

"Still amazing with your past."

"Do you mean the slave hunters now, or that I blew up the Alpha Portal?"

"I'm talking about the robbery. The portal was necessary. Otherwise, there would be no galaxy at all."

"The Yahg would still be there."

"What a future. It is also said that the relief supplies are organized. For everyone."

"If you want something done right, do it yourself, Bray. I try everything, that's why I'm here."

"You need something from Aria?"

"A part of her ships. Without ships I can do nothing. And if I do nothing, then nobody does. I don't like being defeated by an opponent. I'll do a devil and let a dead enemy fuck me."

"Good luck, Shepard. I really hope you convince her."

They had reached the top of the stairs. The Asari sat on her sofa like before the war and looked at her coolly. Litavis quietly had her palpated. They saw her weaponry after all. So what were these guys looking for? She finally took a relaxed seat next to the other woman.

"I see you're still alive, Shepard."

"I can only answer that."

"I don't suppose you're just going to pay Omega a visit?"

"No."

"So you want something from me."

"Ships. You have put together a very pretty fleet. On the one hand your own ships and then still the whole mercenaries, who now all listen to you... You don't need the whole ships at all. I don't even ask for many. I'd be satisfied with ten."

"And why should I just give you ten ships like that?

"I don't want to give them at all. I just want to borrow them. And why? Because I so nice question."

"Oh, Shepard. Nothing in life is free."

"Not even death, Aria."

"Are you threatening me, Shepard? Now that you just mentioned who's behind me? Have you forgotten already? I am Omega. And my rule was, never mess with Aria."

"But, but. What makes you think I'd threaten you, Aria? And where you already mention it... behind me stand the Geth, extremely grateful Krogans and also the Rachni. One word from me and the alliance comes along. I think that the Turians would also like a piece of the Omega cake. You are Omega, but I am fucking Shepard. And as for your rule... the sovereign messed with me, Saren messed with me, Heretics messed with me, the collectors messed with me, Cerberus messed with me, and the reapers messed with me. Can you see the red thread?"

First the Asari just stared at her in disbelief before she started to laugh. Her men simply looked at her perplexedly. This sound didn't often seem to be heard from her. Relaxed, the redhead leaned back.

"I like you better and better, Shepard. You get your ships. I'll even give you fifteen if you make sure the Council leaves Omega alone."

"Agreed."

"Of course, one of my men would have to be there to monitor my ships."

"Of course."

The redhead said goodbye and left the afterlife with her friends. Bray waited outside for her and told her that he would bring the ships to the Citadel in two days and then act as a contact. He really always got the fucking jobs. Again on the Normandy, Litavis felt liberated. Now she needed suitable captains. She already had one. Bray. So she could make the Batarians happy without having to audition for hegemony again. Oraka could certainly lure them over a ship with his command. Jondum Bau and some other Spectres had already offered their help. Kirrahe would be another possibility. She needed Liara for that.   
They arrived only the next day again on the Citadel. She did not go home, but directly to her office. She hoped that her team had succeeded in getting the Okay of the Nations. She entered the rooms and stopped surprised. Her whole team wore N7 training jackets. Now they really look like a team. 

"Shepard Command, the latest reports are on your desk. Miss T'Soni has made a list and your request to Allianz has been answered positively. Officer Vakarian will keep you informed."

"Thank you, Armada."

First she got a coffee before she went to her desk. Castis approached her directly before she even sat properly. She actually wanted to go through the reports first, but good. It seemed urgent. Litavis pointed to the chair and looked at the Turian calmly. 

"How did it go, Admiral?"

"We have fifteen ships. I'm already looking for captains. Some candidates have already been determined."

"Very good. We have the agreement of all nations and are already looking for crew members."

"Wonderful. I'm not used to it anymore that something works smoothly."

"Did you actually sleep and eat something, Admiral?"

"A little. I can sleep when I'm dead."

Castis left her to her duties again. She paid Liara another visit and then studied all the reports again. Shepard had completely lost her sense of time when Kaidan suddenly stood in front of her. Confused, she looked up at him. 

"We're going to eat now, Shepard."

"I have..."

"There's no point in you breaking down here. One hour, that's all I expect."

"Okay."

She left Castis to lead again. With the Canadian she went to Apollos. She enjoyed the time with him. To spend another quiet hour was pleasant. They talked all the time before Shepard went back to work. Only in the evening did she go back home with the older Vakarien. Garrus was not there, so Solana had cooked. She ate together with them.

"I applied for an apartment, father. We can't just move in here. That is unusual for humans. Unfortunately, the processing of the application can still take some time."

"You can stay as long as you want, Sol. I don't mind that. And since your father and I usually come home very late, Garrus and you are not alone for that long."

"Thank you, Shepard. But as soon as we have the opportunity we move. After all, you have to adapt quite a bit since we've been here. Already three weeks..."

"What's your point, Sol?"

"Your scars are gone..."

"Okay, Sol. What do you think about my libido?"

"I... well... Humans get into heat every month..."

Now she began to laugh loudly. She even fell from the chair. Tears ran down her cheeks and she hectically gasped for air. The performance alone was so amusing. Garrus came in and looked at her confused. No matter what she tried, she just couldn't get up. So he just lifted her up and held her in his arm.

"What's the matter?"

"So I have no sensitiveness... your sister has a dangerous half-knowledge paired with too many pornos. She has accused your mate of falling into heat every four weeks."

" Humans don't fall into heat, Sol."

Finally she had calmed down again. Shepard breathed deeply and wiped away the tears of laughter. 

"I could get pregnant every month, Sol. But I don't get horny all the time."


	25. spes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Describing clothes is not my strength. Just imagine Ada Wong's dress from resident evil 4. In blue and without golden butterflies.

The office was a turmoil. They had discovered many new, promising places. Forgotten camps, hidden military posts, crashed ships. That was so damn much. The Normandy had just returned. The crew needed a break and the ship had to be repaired. Their ships had arrived and to her amusement Bray had them painted black and red after his visit to the office. Everyone should know to whom this fleet was subordinated. Aria had sent her damn good ships. They were fast and could stand their own ground in battle. The crews were just waiting for the new captains to get started. That was also necessary. They had distributed almost all their goods. All they had left was the last load of the Normandy. Again the redhead looked at the list. 

"LOLA!"

She looked up and began to radiate. Stormily she was embraced by James. He had completed his N7 training and she had requested him immediately. She knew and trusted him. She also wanted to know where he was being used. He belonged to her crew. That would never change. 

"I heard I was supposed to get a ship from you. So I get..."

"You won't get the Normandy, James. But another ship. You are still a puppy and have to prove yourself first. If you did that, you might get the Normandy."

"Sounds fair. It's nice to have my trainer back. In contrast to your command, the training was child's play."

"It's nice that you learned something. Here is the list with the ships and the corresponding crew. You can choose one. They don't have names yet, I'll leave that to you."

"Wow. Thanks, Lola."

He sat down on a free chair and went through the list. Today the first captains would arrive. Litavis hoped they would appear soon. Little by little their new team members arrived. They stood in line in front of their desks and listened to their new orders. Everyone had chosen a ship and was ready for action. 

"Kirrahe, any questions?"

"No, Admiral. The 'Hold Line' is more than ready."

The name for his ship was not surprising. She handed him his order and turned to the next one.

"Jondum Bau?"

"The 'Spectre' is operational, Shepard."

"Zaeed?"

"Shit, Shepard. The 'kick ass' is more than ready."

"James?"

"The 'Lola' will live up to her name, Shepard."

"Sa'li D'kydri?"

"The 'Siano' is ready."

"Bray? Let me guess, your ship is called 'crap details'."

"I have to rename the ship. The name is better. We are ready."

"Very good. You know your orders. Dismiss." 

She looked after them and sat down again. Six ships were now on their way. That was a beginning. Maybe the seventh ship would start tomorrow. Finally she could move something again. She stepped on the map. Every find was recorded. A real competition had broken out between Traynor and Armada. Who found more. Oaka stormed in. He and the Centurion got a direct target. Seven ships were now on their way. A colorfully mixed bunch, which acted for the well-being of the whole galaxy. It went nevertheless. Why didn't the others manage that? 

"You were supposed to be an ambassador, Admiral."

"God forbid, Officer Vakarian. I would want to hit myself in the face all the time."

The days were now always the same. Always the same tasks and the same daily routine. But at the moment that was all right. They had an effect. That was all that mattered. Garrus' father seemed to worry about her. He often brought her something to eat and tried to relieve her as best he could. He always stayed until the end and... yes he seemed to have other thoughts as well. He kept pointing out to Garrus that she was doing a lot with Kaidan. He was supposed to pick her up now and then or at least bring her something to eat. Litavis found that very cute. Even though she felt a little sorry for the sniper. Finally she rose. She and the Major wanted to see the refugee shelters. Their help had also gone there. The Canadian waited for her outside the door. The refugee camps still seemed overcrowded. These people had nothing. They could not afford any better shelter. Those who still had families with possessions were lucky. The clinic down here they had increased. Kelly came here regularly and took care of the refugees. New containers were also delivered. No nice accommodation, but better than nothing. There was only one problem, their popularity increased. Even though she tried to pass everything on anonymously, everyone knew who was organizing this. They passed a painted wall.

"That's you..."

"Bullshit. It's an angel."

"With a machine gun and your face."

"What?"

She stepped closer to the wall and looked at the picture. It depicted a great angel. He seemed to be the only light source in the picture. The background was dark and seemed to be debris. The angel, on the other hand, shone in the most glorious colours. The wings seemed to shine golden. The red hair and the bright green eyes formed a contrast. The face looked very feminine.

"I don't look like that, Kaidan."

"I put my hand in the fire for it. That's you."

"Let's go."

Instead of going back to her office, she went out to dinner with Kaidan. She didn't like this development. She didn't want to be glorified. The title, heroine of the galaxy, was already too much for her. But that was clearly too much. She had to think about something. Maybe her team members should be involved more often in the distribution. They would see other faces. That should help. The dark-haired man managed to keep them away from work for two hours. She went back to Liara first. She could probably help her with the new problem. Her team did not understand her there. They were full of pride. They did something, why shouldn't anyone know? Litavis understood them too. But the hype about her person was just too much. It had become late again. Smiling she looked up.

"Hello, Javik. Your ship is ready. You have no Geth in your crew either. For once."

"Thank you, Shepard. It surprised me that you wanted to give me command of a ship."

"I need people I trust. You've already led teams. You can do that."

"And what if I decide to keep the stuff?"

"I'll rush you with the Normandy like a wild animal and hunt you down."

"That's what I like about you, Shepard. My ship, the Spes, is ready."

"You call your ship hope?"

"I found it very fitting."

"Whatever you mean. Here are the coordinates. Liara will be in constant contact with you. Actually, the Geth will take care of that, but then she gets on your nerves personally."

"Great... don't you have another machine lying around here?" 

"At the next mission I can ask a Geth to accompany you. If you promise me not to throw him out of the airlock."

"I'll try it with Liara."

"Good luck, Javik."

This time she made her way home alone. Castis had something urgent to do. But before she really went home she made a stop in the Armax Arsenal Arena. Here she could let off steam. Not that her muscles atrophied with all the office work. After three laps she returned to the loft. She quickly took a shower. The others were apparently on their way. Just as the redhead was sitting at her computer, she heard the door open.

"Father, Sol, this is ridiculous."

"It's not, Garrus. This Kaidan goes out with her every day."

"This is not a date. They only eat together."

"It would be your job to take care of her. Instead you leave it to someone else. Damn it, Garrus. He cares more about your mate than you do."

"And that's why I should go out with her today?"

"Your sister has searched the entire extranet for human customs. Apparently women like that."

"And the new clothes? Since when do we value that? It will seem strange to her."

"Brother, do you remember how you reacted when she wore the color blue? You can wear black there, can't you?"

"Listen to your sister. She's the pro here."

"Exactly, listen to me. You should bring her flowers, too."

"Litavis doesn't like flowers."

"Then jewellery."

"She doesn't like jewellery either. He only hinders her in battle."

"How about a ring then?"

"Have you gone mad? You supposedly did some research. Then you also know what a ring would mean."

"Oh... you are right. Bad idea."

"And the last time I had dinner with her, we were followed by paparazzi."

"That's why I chose a restaurant with separees. You are safe there. And C - sec will drive away all reporters in the vicinity. Now, my son, stop acting like that. This woman deserves a little more commitment. You clearly take her for granted. Humans stand up... what's it called, Sol?"

"Romanticism!"

"There you hear it. Just try it."

Poor Garrus, poor, poor Garrus. His family really hurt him. Somehow it was very entertaining. She looked around the corner and quickly stole up the stairs. The three didn't have to know that she had listened to everything. She sat down on her bed and turned on the news. After all, she now needed an alibi. Smiling, the admiral looked at her best friend. 

"Hey. I was about to go down and cook."

"You don't have to. My father wants us to go out."

"Okay. Sol always wanted to go to the sushi restaurant."

"No, Litavis. We should go out. Just the two of us. Sol has seen that human couples probably do it that way."

"Oh... but Turians don't do that. Then what makes her think so?"

"My father..."

"He really loves me."

"He's addicted to you. If you don't want..."

"Sure I do. Sure I do. Why not? We eat, talk, as usual. Only in uncomfortable clothes. I'll get ready then."

Broadly grinning she disappeared into the bathroom. If Sol really had done some research, then she should be doing the full program now. Even if it wasn't really her case. Shepard quickly loosened her braid. Her hair had really become too long. She had to cut them urgently. But for a date they were probably optimal. Finally she even put on make-up. Her best friend had probably never seen her like this before. She didn't really like the color blue, but she decided for a dress in this color. It was a halter neck in Chinese style. A long slit on the right side went up to the hip. In case they were hunted again. Now another pair of high shoes and she was ready. What an effort. Slowly Litavis came down the stairs. Garrus stared at her. It was unusual to see him in this black tunic, but she liked it. As soon as she had reached the bottom, he came to her and kissed her. Fortunately in his own way. Wiping his lipstick off would probably take longer. 

"You look great, Litavis."

"You too, Garrus."

He handed her his arm and she hooked herself directly under him. This way they strolled to the waiting taxi. Arriving at the restaurant they were both amazed. Castis had really tried hard. As soon as they sat in a separate room, the admiral looked around. Very noble. Everything here screamed for a date. They were immediately brought wine and told that the menu they had ordered was ready for them. Her best friend seemed that everything was very unpleasant.

"What's the work, big guy?"

"It works. There are fewer and fewer requests for help."

"That's good."

"No, it's not. It is not the case that help is no longer needed, it is no longer expected. It simply takes too long and...'.

"And what?"

"Votes against the council are getting loud."

"What?"

"Questions are slowly being asked, Litavis. Questions that no councillor will be happy to answer."

"What kind of questions?"

"How all this could happen. People are dissatisfied and helpless. They get angry. There were a few leaks and old recordings came out in public."

"Garrus, don't let it all come out of your nose."

"The Sovereign, your warnings, your screams and that you even begged in the end the council may finally believe you. Everyone now knows what the Council has done. What they have done, namely nothing. In the eyes of my people, Sparatus has failed. The whole hierarchy has failed. And the worst thing is, they are still failing. We need strong leaders at this time. Victus does what he can and is still highly regarded, but..."

"But?"

"My people look up to you, Litavis. That you alone organize relief supplies..."

"I'm not doing this alone. Just like I didn't end the war alone. I had and I have a damn good team."

"That you built yourself up alone. Nobody believes any more that the council supported you somehow."

"Shit, Garrus. I just want to help. I don't want admiration. Nobody should worship me. I'm just doing my job."

"And in the eyes of many you are the only one who does it. And these consequences the council now gets to feel."

"Consequences? I thought it was only talked."

"Mainly. Not from the Volus. They rush forward. After the war, each Volus donated 5% of its income to the Council to speed up reconstruction. They have frozen their payments, Litavis. The new ambassador of Volus was looking for your office today. They want to give you the money. No longer to the Council. And the small fat man has influence. When other ambassadors hear about it, they will prefer to give their voluntary contributions. What do you think?"

"I need a bigger warehouse..."

"That's not funny, Litavis."

"I was serious, Garrus. I need a bigger warehouse. I need more people, more ships..."

"What about the council?"

"Not my problem. They're somewhere at the bottom of my list. They dug their way through this hole. Not me. I have better things to do than to play their personal fire brigade again. The galaxy goes first. There is no room for personal vanities. Should it become more serious, I think about it again. But at the moment I lack the capacities for it."

"You are right. That's why I submitted my transfer."

"You have what? You... you want to go back to Palavan?"

Why did this thought alone put a stab in your heart? She almost felt sick if she only thought about it. He wanted to leave? Of course... Garrus was a doer. She had wondered anyway why he had endured so long. He could make a difference. He would go because he had to. She began to tremble imperceptibly. Why? Suddenly her hand was grabbed and held.

"No. I want to go to you. I want to go back... to your team."

"To me? Garrus, you hate this work. It's all just paperwork. After one week at the latest you run amok."

He crossed their fingers into each other and looked at them firmly.

"It doesn't matter. I want to see you, Litavis. Tell me you want me."

"You already know what that sounds like, don't you?"

When the waiters came in, they both startled together. God, they were like teenagers. That was bad. Because the rest of the food he asked them about the work. What would await him, what progress they were making, what their plans were. Whenever a corridor was cleared, the sniper grabbed her hand again and Shepard had to admit she liked it. At dessert she finally had to smile.

"I think your father's up to something."

"Why?"

"I had oysters, asparagus, chili, artichokes, avocado, figs and now for dessert strawberries, chocolate and vanilla."

"So what?"

"Each of these foods is said to have an aphrodisiac effect."

"With the spirits, father. What is he thinking?"

"Don't worry, Garrus. It's very tasty."

"I'm so sorry, Litavis."

"It does not have to. I'd find it strange if you were a human being, but with you Turians it's just part of family life."

"So people don't do that?"

"Few and not so obvious."

"Do you still want to go somewhere? We could go to the casino and have a drink."

"Sounds good." 

As soon as the bill came, Garrus grabbed it right away. She didn't even have a chance. She was certainly better paid than he was. But if he absolutely wanted to invite her.

"But then the drinks are on me."

"Agreed."

When she arrived at the casino, she sat down at the bar. She ordered them something to drink directly. No matter what it looked like outside, there was always a party in here. Garrus stood next to her and also let his gaze wander.

"All the female Turians take you off with their eyes. You would certainly have good chances, big guy."

"Do you think?"

"Sure."

"Not interested."

"What? Don't you like any?"

"I'm already here with the most beautiful woman."

"Crazy."

"Want to dance?"

"Did they shit you in the brain? You know, I can't dance."

"Could be fun. Come on."

"No."

"I lead."

"Again, no."

When he grabbed her hand, her head began to boom again. Sizzling she sucked in the air. Directly he let go and supported her. Immediately the pressure eased.

"Litavis?"

"It's okay. It's over. The memory didn't come through."

"Oh."

"You seem disappointed."

"No. A bit wouldn't have been bad, would it?"

"No..."

He tried not to dance with her that night. After a few drinks they went home again. As soon as she was through the apartment door she took off those terrible shoes. Grinning wide, she looked at him and opened his top. 

"What are you up to?"

"Your family took such an effort. I thought we'd give them reason to hope."

Still grinning, she pulled the cloth from his shoulders and let it fall to the ground. Garrus seemed to understand. His Mandiglbes twitched slightly before he opened her dress. Halfway up the stairs she also dropped this garment. Quickly the sniper ran after her. At the top he simply opened her bra and let it sink to the ground. He surprised her again and again. In front of the bedroom he suddenly grabbed her panties. This time she was fast enough. She fought him off and took off his pants instead. 

"Unfair."

"Not at all. You have plates, I don't."

After she was finished in the bathroom the admiral cuddled up to the Turianer like every night. Tenderly she stroked his scarred shoulder. His people didn't like scars. They looked incredibly good to him. Her fingers stroked higher and gently touched the scars on his face. Slowly she followed his clan signs.

"Litavis."

"Sorry. Is that unpleasant?"

"More like the opposite."

"Shall I stop?"

"No. Go on."

Lovingly she continued to paint the signs until Garrus had fallen asleep.


	26. proditio

It had come, as Garrus had said. The Volus provided her with capital. And others had followed her example. Nevertheless, they managed that their situation houses never overflowed. As soon as they had something, it was distributed. Aria had thundered an opportunity and seized it. She had sent her even more ships. Now she had thirty fully equipped ships under her command. For this she bought E-Zero from Omega. Of course the price was a bit higher, but the deliveries were always on time. Many disillusioned people manned her fleet. A really colorful bunch. She was just visiting the Bachjret district with Armada, Garrus and Castis. Before the Reaper attack there had been almost only houses here. It was the last district to be rebuilt. At least until now. With the money and other resources they had begun to create new housing. Work was progressing well. Which was probably no wonder, since every healthy refugee helped. From time to time they had more workers than material. 

"Officer Vakarian, could you ask C-Sec if they could check here more often?"

"Are you afraid there might be thieves, Admiral?"

"I fear for the lives of the thieves. The people here are building something. They have hope again. How will they react if someone attacks their hope? I don't want to see dead people just because someone is stupid or desperate enough to steal a screw."

"Will do. Do you want someone particular here?"

"Kolyat Krios. I know him. He is calm and prudent. Meanwhile."

They entered a just finished house. A few Geth still worked in here and took care of the technology. It's strange how quickly they were accepted by ordinary people. The authorities found it much more difficult. This building offered space for almost two hundred people. 

"Armada, how many refugees with children do we have in the refugee shelters on the Citadel?"

"7819. Including the newly formed families, Shepard Commander."

"How many with small children?"

"1914, Shepard Commander."

"How many with babies?"

"415 Shepard Commander."

"How many buildings are finished and how much space is in them?"

"There are 3 buildings in working order. Space for 626 people."

"Please send the list to the whole team. Garrus, the families with the babies are moving the next few days. Organize that, please."

"Copy that, Shepard Commander."

"Will do. I'll put a team together and take care of it."

Her best friend disappeared and hurried back to her office. With Armada and Castis she walked further through the streets and looked at the progress.

"Why do you still call Shepard Commander? Wouldn't Shepard Admiral be more right now?"

"I don't understand the question."

"She's not a commander anymore. So the name is incorrect. So why are you doing this?"

"No data available."

"There's no point, Officer Vakarian. I know the game. No data available or I don't understand the question is equally important, it's none of your business. I assume it's easier. They got to know me as a commander. I interacted with them as a commander. The name is a fixed quantity, the rank doesn't matter. Should someone come up with the idea of suddenly renaming the Normandy, she will always be the Normandy. I'll always be Commander Shepard. Sounds much more familiar to my ears, too."

"Sounds logical, Admiral."

They finished their round and returned to the office. She had to laugh quietly. Grunt had joined her team. He was convinced she needed a bodyguard. He also liked to drive the unworthy out of the door. It was Dominic Osoba, and Sparatus. So half of the council. Litavis quickly activated her camouflage, a gift from Kasumi, and entered the office. When she arrived at her desk, she drank her coffee in peace. In the meantime, a Volus was also standing in front of the door. Grunt let through without her okay, but nobody but her team.

"The fight master says the Volus can get in. I don't know anything about you two."

The Volus were now more often here to visit. This time they needed metals again. They had developed new alloys. With this they wanted to thank the Geth for their help. Thanks to them it looked much better on Irune. She gladly provided some goods for it. Additionally the Volus told her that some companies had bought ships and they wanted to make them available to her. She accepted gratefully. Her salvage team was well set up, so they had started to make travelling between the planets easier again. Just the colonies were isolated. She probably had to recruit a few refugees again.

"Grunt, let the gentlemen in."

"They don't have a cake with them, fight master."

"Even with cake you wouldn't let them in."

"HA! That's right."

As soon as the two council members had sat down Castis came along. He was for the fact that there should always be a witness.

"Admiral Shepard, we managed to colonize some more colonies. But the colonists still feel insecure. The construction is going well, but we can't deliver the necessary goods all the time. The alliance secures the area, but deliveries are not possible without further ado. We can't fly directly to the settlements. This means that the colonists have to carry everything by hand. The Mechs at our disposal all have other tasks. The last ones we had we sent to Irune. And the production lasts of course."

"There were more Mechs sent to Irune?"

"Yes, Admiral in total it's now 20000."

"A moment."

She went into the new communication room and asked Doran first. Then she transmitted the call to Wrex. More than satisfied, she returned to her desk and was able to tell Osoba that she could offer the muscle power of 200 Krogans. They only had to be cared for and should get a place in the colonies to learn how to act with humans. Of course, the gratitude of the human councillor would be a nice bonus. One dispatched. The man thanked many times and left her office again. Waiting, she looked at the Turian.

"On Palavan there are problems..."

"Like everywhere."

"A revolt is feared."

"What? A revolution? On Palavan? What's going on?"

"Dissatisfaction with the hierarchy."

"A little more precisely.

"We are making progress, but only small ones. Hardly perceptible. The greatest measurable success is better air quality. And that came after your visit."

"And what should I do now?

"Calm them down."

"Very funny. And how?

"Tell them that we do everything in our power..."

"I will not lie to your people. I can tell them that the Primarch does everything he can.

"But the council..."

"No, Sparatus. I know that it is difficult, I know that it seems almost impossible, I also know that you are bound by laws. But I also know very well that you have not done everything in your power. If that were the case, I would not be sitting here now. Every councillor had the welfare of his people in mind. Understandable, but wrong. The war has shown us that we cannot survive alone. A few remembered and did what they could to act accordingly. You let them down and now you get the receipt. There's nothing nice about it and I won't do that either. I fly to Palavan and I will try to help, but never come back with that excuse. I have here refugees, also from your people, who are digging around with their bare hands in the rubble, since the beginning of the war to ten, or even more sleeping in containers, to beg everything they need and still help without asking. These people are just rebuilding the Bachjret district, these people are manning ships to secure resources, or rebuilding itineraries, these people are working here in this office, in the warehouses, as volunteers in the hospital. They do everything in their power. Never dare to face me again and claim that the Council has done everything. If you had, maybe we wouldn't be in this shit."

"I..."

"No. I said I was going to Palavan. That's all we have to talk about. I have to work."

Angrily she looked after him. Such impudence. Sit down here and make that statement. She heard a quiet laugh behind her. Since when was Garrus there again?

"That was long overdue, Shepard. No blow would have been more effective."

"You know my biotics, Garrus. It would have been more effective."

"Also so satisfying?"

"That's not what it was all about. I'm just still trying desperately to beat brains into those heads. Slowly I think I've gone mad."

"You're not, Admiral."

"The definition of madness is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. So I'm insane after all."

"What are you up to now, Shepard?"

"I'm going to Palavan. A rebellion is the last thing we need now. It would hurt more than we can foresee. Any ideas?"

"Just show that you and the Primarch are working together. That would probably help."

"He's working with the Alliance. Not with me. But well, I can at least say that he is doing something. And I do it the way I do it."

"What are you thinking about, Admiral?"

"How much longer the council can hold... a revolution on Palavan. Palavan of all people. I would have guessed that last. Garrus, announce us to the primary. We are leaving today. EDI, get Normandy ready. I want to leave in an hour."

Liara took over the management of the office during that time. Actually Castis was supposed to take over, but it was about his home. Solana also came along, but would stay on the Normandy. The two men wanted her to be safe. Of course the young Turian didn't like that at all. Litavis understood her. Nevertheless she agreed with the men. Steve brought her and the two Turians down. There was a mass rush again. Quickly they hurried into the government building. The primarch was already waiting for them. There were no riots, no demonstrations, nothing to expect. Nevertheless, the situation was serious. Very serious. The news searched for culprits. And that was reflected again in the people. For Turians, the public expression in the hierarchy was already enormous.

"What are we to do, Admiral?"

"I don't know, Primarch. There is probably nothing you can say to convince them otherwise. I am not surprised that this happens. I'm just surprised that it happens so early."

"What do you mean, Admiral?

"The Council has known since 2183 that the Reapers are coming. Until my death, I did everything I could to make people believe me. I was portrayed as insane and crazy. After Cerberus restored me, I insisted again that something be done. Again it was fantasies. All the evidence was not clear. I committed a mass murder to buy us time. The only ones who reacted were the Alliance and your predecessor. We would have had over three years. Three years of preparation. At some point it had to come out."

"Three years? THE COUNCIL KNOW IT REALLY HAS BEEN THREE YEARS?"

"Yes. At the latest my death should have been proof enough. Was probably foolish of me to believe that the councilmen would at least do something unofficially."

"For three years... all the lives... I thought they were rumors. Someone would stir people up..."

"I almost wish it was. Then I could deny that. I can't and I won't. The only thing you can do is openly say that you had no idea and that there will be investigations. At the same time you should make it clear that the reconstruction has to go on, but you also do everything you can to clarify the matter. I can stand next to you and nod."

"Thank you, Admiral. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I will put everything in motion. As soon as possible, so that you can go back to your work."

Adrien Victus left the room. Shepard breathed deeply. 

"That was easy, Admiral."

"That was just the beginning, Officer Vakarian. The Turians get the ball rolling. The Council should get into serious trouble. I didn't want that. We can't afford that. We need stable conditions."

"We need new councilmen."

"When we have such a wide choice." 

They stayed that night on Palavan. At the Vakarians' home they watched the news. The primary's speech ran on all channels. Hopefully that brought something. She could only hope. Smiling, she sipped her beer. She never expected the Turians to have talk shows. Maybe that was a satire, too. Did they even know that? A Turian with red clan signs fervently pleaded for Admiral Shepard to be included in the hierarchy. One with white signs opposed. That would be absolute nonsense. The third one was a woman with red and white clan signs. She agreed that a human should not be included in the hierarchy. But the primarch was supposed to marry her best. Everyone knew that at home the women were in charge. Tradition would be done and still Shepard would be a part of Palavan. Her clan would donate part of their land as a wedding gift. Quietly, the redhead began to laugh. The family's gaze, on the other hand, remained serious.

"That's no joke?"

"No, Shepard. This is serious."

"You're kidding me, Sol. Nobody can mean that seriously."

"I'm afraid so, Shepard. The thought is very logical for our people. In the eyes of many you are clearly more successful than the Primarch. So such a connection would benefit everyone."

"Now you're seriously telling me that the Turians would love it if I stood behind Victus with the whip and told him how to govern? As his wife?"

"Yes."

"Definitely no. Don't you even think about it, Litavis."

"About what? Get me a crop?"

"To marry him."

"You just don't want to be my lover, just admit it."

"I don't want either. I will be your husband, nobody else."


	27. probra

Litavis walked with Urz through the Bachjret district. They had rebuilt whole streets. She turned from Traynor lane to T'Soni street. She still had to smile about it. The residents had put up street signs. The central square was called Shepard Square. From north to south the square was crossed by Vakarian Avenue and from east to west by Alenko Street. Her whole team was immortalized here. The refugees already called the area the Normandy district. Every morning she walked around the area, then went home, took a shower and went straight to the office. Garrus' family moved out. They now had their own small apartment near their office. Solana came by every day and brought the whole team something to eat. She was already an unofficial member. She and James got along very well. She seemed to shine every time he was there. Freshly showered, Shepard entered the office and looked around in surprise. Everyone just starts on the monitor.

"What's going on?"

"Councilman Sparatus is deposed. The hierarchy is already looking for a successor."

So that was the starting signal. Now the dam was broken. Others would take Palavan as an example. What would come now? Asari and Salarians. They could also replace the councilmen. Not to forget that also revolts against the peoples, which the councillors provided, were now possible. On the other hand, they were not informed either. But all that would only cause problems. A weakened Council could hardly act. They now needed strong leaders and they could no longer talk about them. She switched off the monitor. 

"We have work to do. The politicians should take care of it. That only means that we will have more work. So let's go."

That shouldn't have happened. At least not now. They really couldn't use that now. An incapable advice. Whoever had dug up all this could have waited a little longer. Shepard didn't care in the meantime that they had thought she was crazy. She was... no, she was not indifferent to being a traitor, but she could live with it. The admiral simply ignored the news. She also ignored all the paparazzi outside the door. Nobody could get past Grunt anyway. She went through the latest lists. All the destroyed colonies. Sighing, she controlled the population. Too little. Many colonies probably had to be abandoned. The loss of resources could only not be afforded by anyone. She tried to find a solution. Her transit ships were used frequently. If more refugees could return from the Citadel... but the supply stood on shaky legs. What if... She searched all her files. The next destination was fixed. If one would limit oneself first to some colonies? She had her team compile a dossier for her. Thus Litavis hurried to the human ambassador. After three hours the admiral was able to return. Even though Osoba was only a temporary solution, she preferred to work with him rather than with Udina. Maybe it was his gratitude, maybe it was just his way, but he was very open to her suggestions. She had some posters printed directly, which she personally placed in the refugee camps.  
A week later she was on Terra Nova with Kaidan and Garrus. The main part of the population was made up of humans, but other peoples were also represented. Asari, Salarians, Turians, Krogans and even Batarians. All single adults. As long as the infrastructure was not completely restored, Litavis did not want to resettle any children. This was an experiment. If it worked, new doors would open. She inspected the new deliveries. Food and building materials. Slowly, however, this work took its toll. She had been working every day for three months. She came first and left last. Every time she was outside, Shepard noticed. They returned to the Normandy. Tomorrow should arrive a new delivery and even more colonists. She wanted to supervise this before she returned to the Citadel. The admiral sat in her loft at her desk and continued working from there. Garrus came in in full armor. Worried, she looked at the Turian. Apparently there were problems. Shepard changed quickly and boarded the shuttle with him. Luckily they were a long way from the settlement. She looked around skeptically. There was nothing suspicious here. A lake glittered quietly in the sunlight. The grass and the leaves of the trees moved slightly in the wind. The redhead took a deep breath. Fresh air and the scent of flowers. Nothing unusual. Completely confused, she looked at her best friend. Why did he put his gun away now?

"What are you doing, Garrus?"

"You need a break, Litavis."

"What?"

"You need a break, and if I told you we'd use the time here for recreation, you wouldn't have come."

"You fucked me?"

"For your own good."

"Are you crazy? I still have to..."

Roughly he grabbed her by the arms and stared at her.

"No! You must recover. You're just working. It won't help anyone if you collapse. You eat too little, you drink almost only coffee and you sleep less than I do. You are committing predatory exploitation of your own body, Litavis."

"The galaxy..."

"Can wait. I don't trust the idiots to be able to ruin your work in a few hours. Your team is still there. The others will do it."

"Garrus..."

"Please. Just today."

Sighing, the redhead looked at him. He was right, but she just felt responsible. She had made so many mistakes. That had cost lives. Billions of souls. She just had to make it up. Had she been faster, smarter, more careful, more courageous... Trusting the advice had been a mistake. Trusting Doctor Kenson had been a mistake. And she knew exactly how many lives this mistake had cost. 305000 lives. Had she been more attentive with Cerberus, she might have noticed something. On Vimire, Tuchanke, the Citadel and Rannoch she had been too slow. That had cost Ashley, Mordin, Thane and Legion their lives. Had she not died and not been arrested, she would have had two and a half years more time. She bit her lower lip hard. She had to make amends. These thoughts were not new. They had only become stronger and stronger in the last weeks. She owed it to the dead and also to the living. She could not rest, she was not allowed.

"Litavis, you are exhausted. I can see that after all. You just need a break."

"You are so worried that you will fly with me to a lake?"

"Do you see how bad it is?"

"Yes..."

"Cortez won't be back for another four hours. So you have no choice."

"Great... and what do we do now in time?"

He grabbed her hand and led her along the shore under a tree a blanket and basket stood on it. A picnic? Garrus had organized a picnic? Shaking her head she sat down and looked at the lake. It was beautiful here. Quiet and idyllic. No rush, no noise, nothing. She took a deep breath.

"Beautiful here, isn't it?"

"Yes. So quiet."

"Have you ever thought about what you want to do after the war?"

"You probably know that better than I do. I can't imagine that it will ever be over. Even if we don't have to use our weapons anymore, there's still so much to do."

"That's not what I meant. What do you want?"

"I don't know. I've been on the job for so long, I don't know what to do with leisure time or a private life anymore."

"You don't know? That is new."

"I always improvise. Had I suddenly been free, I would probably have to try that again."

She was served a glass of wine and sipped on it. Garrus had really tried hard. The wine was good and so was the food. Satisfied, she finally leaned against him. He wrapped his arm around her hip and pulled her even closer.

"What are you going to do when this is over, Garrus?"

"I'll find a quiet place, somewhere, in a tropical place, and start a family."

"You want to become a father?"

"Yes, you think I couldn't?"

"Yes, you do. All you need is a suitable Turian."

"Who says something like that? I rather thought about adoption".

"There are now many small Krogans."

He looked at her and checked. He seemed to be waiting for something. She just didn't know what to wait for. The Turian looked deep into her eyes. Slowly he bent down. Litavi's heart was beating faster and faster. Her blood was rushing in her ears. His rough mouthplates lay on her lips. Garrus kissed her. He didn't kiss her because his father or sister were there. He kissed her because he wanted to. Shepard's hands lay on the Turian's neck. Sluggishly she moved her lips against his plates. The rough tongue penetrated her mouth and made her groan. His grip tightened. The long blue tongue turned around the pink and caressed her. Slowly she moved towards him and finally a fight broke out for dominance between them. Panting heavily she finally separated from him. She opened her mouth to ask him what that meant, and he kissed her again. Before the redhead knew it, she lay under the sniper. She clung to him like a drowning one. A short wheeze escaped her at his full weight on her. Quickly he supported himself next to her and caught the weight so clearly. The admiral looked up at the man with glassy eyes. He remained silent, just looked at her. Why didn't he say anything? Something. But he remained silent. . 

"Garrus?"

Again he sealed her lips together. She had understood. Don't talk. So she just snuggled up to him. Together they watched the sunset. They remained silent the whole time. Slowly it became cooler and she pressed closer to the Turian. It wasn't cold yet, but she knew only too well that sinking temperatures were a problem for him. Finally they were picked up again. Arriving at her loft, she dug into her pocket. She pulled out an extra blanket. As warm as Garrus was otherwise, he cooled down quickly. Narrowly she pressed herself to her best friend. As so often she began to paint his clan signs. That helped him unlikely to fall asleep. The redhead would have loved to ask him a few questions, but somehow she thought it was wrong. So she just looked at him. It had felt good. Her whole body had reacted to those kisses. To his closeness. But... she couldn't do that. He wanted to rest, peace, a family. Just happiness. And she... she had not deserved all that. Every day of her life she would blame herself. He had deserved better than she.


	28. insidiae

Shepard was annoyed. Although everything went very well in the colony Terra Nova, there were only small problems the colonists could take care of themselves, but there were new fires to extinguish. Allegedly a civil war on Sur'kesh was imminent. Daughters rebelled against their mothers. Nobody knew why. The hostilities against the Salarians could be a reason. Nobody really wanted to work with them. They were largely isolated. The companies gradually went bankrupt because all the other peoples withdrew their capital and there were no new investors. Valerns position was relatively secure. At least for the moment. He had turned against the Dalatrass and sent the fleet to war. Tevos, on the other hand, was wobbling. Her own people wanted to get rid of her. There was talk of exile. Therefore, she was little surprised that the Council wanted to see her. She just didn't know what the council wanted from her now. Should she deny the news? Or should she travel to Thessia and Sur'kesh? The admiral rose and left the office. Grunt accompanied her as usual. The redhead had gotten used to it. She hadn't made it to the council chamber for a long time. As always, it was really crowded here. Some people recognized her and approached her. Grunt immediately stood next to the redhead and held her back. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a shadow jumping at her. She took a step to the side, but bumped against the Krogan. Unfortunately, he also blocked her escape route.   
In disbelief Litavis stared down at himself. A knife was stuck in her stomach. Reflexively she threw the Salarian back with her biotics. The attacker ran away and a roaring Grunt ran after him. A Volus rushed towards her. Shepard sank to her knees. No! But it was too late. The little guy panicked and pulled the knife out of her body. She pressed her hands on the wound at the hedge table. Blood was pouring out between her fingers. Don't kill him, Grunt. She wanted to shout those words, but she simply lacked the strength. That's it now? She had survived so much and now someone put an end to her with a kitchen knife? That was ridiculous. Black shadows danced before her eyes. Somebody hectically spoke at her. Shepard didn't understand a word. She became cold. Now she heard several voices. But she still seemed to have cotton wool in her ears. Her vision got worse and worse. The redhead only noticed colored shadows. It did not hurt. That was not a good sign. Stay awake. Do not fall asleep. Do not pass out. Fight! She wasn't finished yet. A moaning escaped her lips. She had lost. The world turned black. It was over.  
Her eyelids seemed to weigh tons. She finally opened her eyes with a breathless sniff. Everything was white. A hospital. Oh, not at all. Slowly she tried to sit up. A whimper escaped her lips. Bad idea. Very bad idea. The pain drove her to tears in her eyes. Nevertheless the admiral was happy about it. Pain was good. Pain meant life. She looked at the window. Huerta Hospital, so. At least from the look. Good. Kashari worked here. She was in good hands. She looked to the other side and began to smile. Garrus sat next to her. Well, he hung. He was sitting on a chair, but had put his head on her bed. Tenderly she drove over his head. The Turian slept deeply. Now she was torn back and forth. Should she let him sleep or wake him up? On the one hand he had to be very exhausted when he slept so deeply. On the other hand, it was certainly uncomfortable and he would stop worrying. She shook him slightly. Nothing. The last time she had to tip water over his head to wake him up. Then she should probably just let him sleep. She had no water there. So she just interlaced her fingers and closed her eyes again. Hopefully Grunt hadn't killed that guy. She wanted to know who and why. Maybe also on whose behalf. But an assassin would never use a kitchen knife. On the other hand, it was a weapon you could find anywhere. Primitive but effective. Thane had told her that he had also been trained with knives. But he didn't like them. Not clean enough. He wanted to put a quick end to his goal. Had your attacker wanted her to suffer? That's why he stabbed her in the stomach? Or had he simply been untrained? A civilian who had no idea what he was doing? All these considerations led to nothing. It had no meaning and she just went crazy. But... after months she was quoted before the council again and on her way there... coincidence. There were enough people who wanted her dead. But you didn't go for a walk with a kitchen knife. He had been waiting for her. Or she was a random victim. Angrily the admiral snorted. Hadn't she just come to the conclusion that all this didn't help and that she should rather sleep? So she closed her eyes again. It took her a long time to get back to sleep.  
She woke up the next morning. In front of her room there was a single tumult. Garrus had disappeared. Maybe he was trying to keep things quiet outside. Maybe she should ring for a nurse. No... Litavis turned on the television. She had been here for three days? Very good. The news. Of course the attack on her was the hanger of the day. She switched over. News again. So the unpopular council should have commissioned an assassination attempt on her. On another channel it was Dalatrass Linron who hired the killer. After all, the perpetrator was Salarian. With the third channel the Batarians were to blame. At the fourth former agent of Cerberus. At the fifth, he had clearly been indoctrinated. Sighing, she switched off the television. Cerberus and indoctrination ruled her out. The Batarians would not hire anyone. They preferred to do things themselves. Outside it got louder and louder. What was going on there? She laboriously got up. She wore a bandage again. In the meantime she had got used to the sight. Shepard went up and down the room a few times until her movements became more supple again. Only then did she step outside through the door. There Krogan stood and blocked the doors. Paparazzi tried to get to the hospital. Were they serious? Of course. What was she asking so stupidly? 

"Garrus, what is going on here?"

"Litavis!"

Immediately he stormed towards her and hugged her tightly. She sucked the air in sharply. That hurt damn bad. Almost immediately he lowered his arms. His Mandibles twitched restlessly and without ceasing. He had been very worried about her. He quickly brought her back to her room and made her sit on the bed.

"How are you?"

"Shitty, but I'm alive."

"You should lie down again. "

"I lay in such a bed for almost a year. That's enough for the rest of my life."

"Please..."

Sighing, she lay down again. Garrus ran outside and finally came back with some water. She drank the glass greedily. Only now did Litavis feel how dry her mouth was. The Turian put away the empty bowl and sat down on the edge of the bed. Shepard slipped a bit so that he could make himself long. The bed was definitely too hard for him but he lay next to her and she put her head on his shoulder.

"Did Grunt kill him?"

"He tore him in two. Wasn't a pretty sight."

"Damn."

"Don't worry about it now. He has brought all his unity here. Nobody can touch you anymore".

"These puppies should take care of me? Great."

"Do you need anything?"

"My armor."

"I don't think you..."

"I'm not staying here, big guy. Three days must be enough."

"Litavis..."

"No. I'm going crazy here. You don't get well in hospital. I also survived a reaper beam. There's nothing like a stab at all."

"Under one condition."

"Which one?"

"We go home immediately and you rest."

"Okay."

"As soon as the doctors were there, we'll go, I promise. And you don't work from home. You don't do anything, understand?"

"Got it."

Kashari came in and smiled encouragingly. The sniper stood up and gave the Asari more room. She had been lucky in misfortune. The knife had penetrated deeply, but had missed most of the organs. Her bandage was changed and she was allowed to leave. The Turian went to them first and got her fresh clothes and armor. As soon as he was back, he helped her get dressed. As soon as she left the room, two Krogan stood next to her and escorted her to the next Skycar. The reporters ran after her and tried to get an interview. She was simply silent. What was she supposed to say? Litavis didn't know it herself. She would have liked to go to the office, but Garrus had her word. So she wrote a message to her team. As soon as she entered her apartment she was greeted by Urz. Smiling, she cuddled Varren. 

"Now you sit on the sofa and I'll fix you something to eat. You should take your painkillers after the meal."

"Okay. I'll just take off my armor."

"I'll carry you up. Climbing stairs is too exhausting."

"I can do it, big guy."

"I know, but you shouldn't."

"Okay... I think it's exaggerated."

So she let herself be carried up. Her best friend even helped her to take off the armor. Then he carried her down again. He really didn't let her do anything. Even if she bent forward to grab a glass, he was already standing next to her. Luckily he didn't feed her. Then she would also have freaked out. Just when they had eaten, the doorbell rang. Solana and Castis came in. The young woman embraced her directly. Again she sucked in the air hissing. But Sol didn't really understand that and kept holding her. Only after some time did she let go again. She had brought her chocolate. With this amount you could feed thirty Krogans. Fortunately Garrus stopped her when she wanted to cook her soup. After all, they had just eaten. But she could not be stopped from making tea. She pulled her brother into the kitchen with her. She had almost poisoned her once. Not really, but it had tasted horrible. 

"What was found out about the Salarian, Castis?"

"Not much, Shepard. Allegedly he was confused."

"What you don't believe?"

"No. If you weren't human, this sting would have been more dangerous. As a Salarian you would have died. As a Turianer, he would have hit sensitive parts..."

"And nobody goes for a walk with a knife. He has passed hundreds of people..."

"So you don't think you were a random victim either?"

"No, I don't think so."

"But who would..."

"I'm not a saint. I was never one either. I have done much that I am not proud of. But it was necessary in that moment. I am a mass murderer and I have worked with Cerberus. Just to mention a few reasons."

"You did what you had to."

"But not everyone has to like it. Neither do I."

"Bailey and Krios investigate. So far they haven't found out anything. If you don't mind, I'll interfere with the investigation."

"Thank you, Officer Vakarian."

"Castis. If my son does this right, you'll be my daughter-in-law."

"Okay... Castis."

Garrus and Sol came to them. Her best friend sat right next to her and she snuggled up to him. Even if he didn't like it, his father now brought her up to date. Fortunately her absence had hardly restricted the work of her team. Her work had probably not been the target of the attack. Then the attack would have taken place differently. She had been the target. A feeling of relief made itself felt in her broad. Towards evening the two Turians left her again. In bed Litavis snuggled up to the sniper again. It had already become a ritual that she painted his Klan signs until he fell asleep.

The next morning Kolyat came by and took her statement. Grunt stood right next to her. He had a guilty conscience that he could not prevent the attack. Litavis did everything in her power to calm him down. It was not his fault. After a good hour she had answered all of the young Drells' questions. She was even able to convince him that she and Grunt had taken a look at the perpetrator's apartment. When she arrived there, she discovered Castis. The Turian had probably come up with the same idea.

"Shepard, what are you doing here?"

"Same as you, Castis. Check whether nothing was overlooked either."

"Good. My son probably freaks out, but I understand you. What's certain is that he didn't get any money for the attack."

"Which doesn't mean he got the idea alone."

"That's right. No recordings of you were found either. Crazy fan leaves already times.

"Very reassuring. Something conspicuous in his news flow?"

"No. He only kept in touch with his patients and colleagues."

"He was a doctor?"

"Nurses. In a facility specializing in the treatment of post-traumatic stress syndrome."

"Can I see a list of his patients?"

"Here. Do you know any of them?"

"Corporal Toombs. I stopped him from shooting Dr. Wayne. He was sent into treatment. After I worked with Cerberus, he threatened me."

"So you think Toombs might have something to do with this?"

"Possibly. But Toombs was a soldier. He would take matters into his own hands. But it could be a reason."

"C - Sec should at least interrogate him."

"If they find him. Not so easy after the war."

"Feasible. We have his news. Do you notice any other name?"

"No. I don't know the others."

"So we would have a trace."

"To which clan did he belong?"

"Linron... oh... you think?"

"I don't know. She's not a fan of mine and there seems to be a civil war coming up. But what would she gain from it?"

"If that were true, it would be a political catastrophe."

"We don't even know if that's true. But investigations in this direction alone are already critical."

"We would have to involve the Salarians. Otherwise we will be accused of being biased."

"And if the salarians get involved, the investigations could be endangered or manipulated. On top of that, C-Sec could be accused of corruption."

"Damn it, Shepard. What now?"

"I don't know, Castis. Sur'kesh is already not winning a popularity contest. The suspicion alone can be enough to further aggravate the situation. If we don't say anything, it will have the same effects."

You came up with an idea. Litavis sent some invitations and left the apartment. Castis and Grunt followed her silently. The way led to the office of the human ambassador. He looked at the troop confused. The amazement increased even more as Bailey, Kolyat, Kaidan, Valern and Kirrahe entered the room. 

"Gentlemen, I have called you here together because the failed assassination has presented us with several problems. On the one hand, the perpetrator maintained contact with the former Corporal Toombs, who once threatened me. That throws a bad light on the alliance. On the other hand, he also belonged to the Linron Clan. Everyone knows how the Dalatrass relates to me. That's bad for the Salarians. Even if it has nothing to do with it, maybe it should look like it. It could have been a competitor to overthrow them for good. I have asked the part of the Council that is not paralysed at the moment to propose to them that a spectre be commissioned to carry out investigations. The accusations against the Council should soon fade away. That is why Kaidan is here. The whole galaxy knows that he and I are friends. So he won't be accused of covering anything up. Even if I think it's unlikely that Toombs gave the order, it should be investigated. He is not on the Citadel. Therefore C - Sec are the hands tied. Osoba would therefore have to file an application for an investigation with Allianz. Ambassador Valern and Major Kirrahe, I don't want to pour oil on the fire unnecessarily. Should investigations be carried out on Sur'kesh, they should do it themselves. That way the public could be reassured and we can take care of more important things. The galaxy needs us and a salarian with a fetish for kitchen knives and my blood must not ruin everything. If we fail now, that would be a real testimony of poverty."

"If the council gives its okay, I'll start right away, Shepard. I contact Hackett and track down Toombs. Everything I learn I pass on to C - Sec. I'll drag the guy by his hair if I have to."

"The STG is made for this investigation, Admiral. We are in no contact with the clans and can easily obtain information. A burning Sur'kesh would be devastating. We could share our results with Jondum Bau, who would pass them on."

The two councilmen agreed to the plan. As if they had had another option. She returned home. Garrus hugged her very carefully. Grunt and Castis said goodbye to them.

"Since when do you call my father Castis?"

"Since yesterday. He insisted."

"Wow, nobody has managed that yet. He's completely addicted to you."

"I can do the impossible."

"That's what you do. But now you are resting. I'll cook us something and then we'll watch some movies."

"Okay. Almost sounds like a couple's evening."

"I wouldn't mind."

"Neither do I."

His look made her smile for a moment. Without another word she sat down in the living room and turned on the TV. Shepard began to laugh quietly. Again the 300th Garrus really loved this movie. 

"Litavis..."

"Yes, Garrus?"

"What was on your mind during the attack?"

"Is that embarrassing. I survived all this shit and now a kitchen knife is putting an end to me."

"That's all?"

"Don't kill him, Grunt."

"I thought so myself."

"And..."

"And?"

"Shit, I'm dying without remembering everything."


	29. memoria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But we still made it to Christmas. Probably the chapter is not as hoped and expected, but I hope it pleases nevertheless. Have fun reading.

Litavis was annoyed. Her team had still prescribed her vacation. They did everything they could to keep her away from work. The blanket slowly fell on her head. Whatever she tried, the others blocked her. She just couldn't do anything. Standing still had always been too much for her. Badly she sparkled at her coffee machine. What took that so long? Finally the machine beeped and a sharp, unbearable pain shot into her head.

 

\---------------------

 

_"Oh, I'm ready for it, but I'm pretty sure we'll still need giant guns and lots of them."_

_"I can't argue with that."_

_"Yeah, so... is this the part where we... shake hands? Wasn't sure about the protocol on reunions, or if you even still felt the same way about me. The scars are starting to fade. I remember they drove you wild..."_

_She laughed._

_"...but I can go out and get all new ones, if it'll help."_

_I haven't forgotten our time together."_

_Well, I've been doing some more research on humen customs. I didn't want to... presume anything."_

_She bent over and breathed a kiss on the scarred side of his face._

_"That's the protocol on reunions."_

_"The vids mentioned it might go something like that. I had hoped it would. I mean, I didn't know..."_

_She grabbed his hands and pressed them lightly. She looked him firmly in the eyes._

_"I can't promise how things will work out, not with this war, but I missed you. Garrus, I thought about you a lot."_

_"Glad to know my romantic, uh... skills made an impression. Because it's going to take more than Reapers to come between this cross species liaison."_

_They were still talking about the Reapers, how he came to his post, his family, Palavan, the Primarchs and the war._

_"That's all for now. But stay close. We've got some catching up to do."_

_You know where to find me. And this time... I can afford the good stuff. There are a few perks to being an expert reaper advisor."_

_"Deal."_

 

\--------------------

 

_The docking bay had been converted into a temporary refugee camp. Everywhere containers were piled up, which served as accommodation. She looked at the surroundings. Maybe she could help here. In the last corridor she heard Garrus' voice. She went straight to him and talked to him._

_" I want lie, it's been rough. "_

_"Well, don't forget to come up for air. And not just because all these people need you. Because I need you."_

 

\--------------------

 

_She had received a message from Garrus. He wanted to meet her on the Citadel to do something together. That was unusual for him. She was looking forward to it. A little free time would not be bad for either of them. They should meet him at the docking bay. Arrived there she saw him standing at the Sky cars. He was already waiting for her._

_"Shepard. If you're feeling up to it, I thought we could do something fun for a change."_

_Smiling she walked towards him._

_"Shepard, glad you came."_

_"What'd you have in mind?"_

_"Something that doesn't involve fighting Reapers."_

_"I don't think they've conquered the bar yet."_

_"I already scoped it out. But then I thought, if this was my last day alive, I'd actually like to remember it."_

_"So?"_

_"So I had an idea..."_

_He ordered a Sky car and she got in next to him. Litavis was curious to see where he wanted to go with her._

_"Where we going?"_

_"Somewhere we're not supposed to."_

_"Now you're talking."_

_"Ever have that one thing you always wanted to do before you died, Shepard?"_

_"I've woken up with a turian next to me."_

_"Still trying to make me blush, huh?"_

_"Until it works. So what's your one thing?"_

_"The whole time I worked at C - Sec, I'd stare up at the top of the Presidium and say to myself: I want to go up there. But I never did. There was137 regulations telling me I couldn't."_

_"So you get them changed?"_

_"No. Now I just don't give a damn."_

_They reached their destination only a short time later. They got out of the Sky car and looked at the view. It was breathtaking._

_"Figured it's time to do something stupid just for the hell of it. Might be the last chance we ever get."_

_"It's incredible."_

_"I'd be liying if I said I didn't hope it would inspire a certain... mood."_

_"Something on your mind?"_

_"It seemed like you needed time to... figure us out. Are you ready to be a one - turian kind of woman?"_

_"The only thing that made leaving Earth bearable was knowing you were out there somewhere."_

_"I felt the same way. The worst part about the galaxy going to hell would've been never getting to see you again."_

_"Well here I am. Exactly where I want to be."_

_Her hands lay on his chest._

_"I love you, Garrus Vakarian."_

_Now he seemed a little embarrassed._

_"Wow. The vids Joker gave me... well, they never got this far. There was the part about sleeping together, but this... I don't exactly know what to do."_

_She leaned forward and tenderly kissed his scarred half of his face._

_"Who needs a vid when you've got me?"_

_His arms queued around her waist. Before Litavis knew it, he pulled her to him and bent down with him. Slightly surprised she looked up at him. The intense look made her shudder. His Mandiblis twitched briefly before bowing and pressing his mouth plates against her lips. He kissed her. The rough, blue tongue penetrated into her mouth and she was only too happy to meet it. Litavis' heart hammered in her chest. After a little eternity they separated and she stood on her feet again._

 

\--------------------

 

_They were looking for Leviathan. She had just rescued Doctor Ann Bryson and was on their way back to the lab. Like every time after a mission she went to Garrus._

_"Shepard, I admit I was worried about you on that dig side. Things got pretty hectic. Not used to feeling like that, you know. That's what love does. Turns a guy like me into a nervous wreck with something to lose and the aim to make sure he doesn't. Nobody better hurt you. It's all I'm saying."_

 

\--------------------

 

_She had found Leviathan and managed to leave the sea again. Shepard tilted out of the atlas without a foothold. She heard a fight, but her senses faded again and again. She tried to get up, but she just couldn't. Suddenly Garrus was there, carrying her more into the shuttle than running herself._

_"Litavis, wake up. She's freezing."_

_Coughing and after air-running, she got up and sat down on the bench._

_"Are you okay?"_

_"Yeah... yeah I'm fine. Hel of a headache."_

_"Never do that again."_

 

\--------------------

 

_Thessia had been a disaster. She was finished. Just exhausted and almost at the end of her rope. Again she entered the main battery to talk to her partner._

_"Any word from your family?"_

_"They made it off Palavan. It was tight, but they're okay."_

_"That's fantastic. That must be a weight off your shoulders."_

_"It is. Though this being a war, one burden replaces another."_

_"What happened?"_

_"I just had to make a tough call with the primarch. He said our fleets are being decimated. So I advised him to cease all offensive operations against the Reapers."_

_"A full retreat?"_

_"The only way to save Palavan now is to hold our ships back for the Crucible. But if I'm wrong... then a lot of other turian families won't be as lucky as mine."_

_"That's a hell of a gamble. No other options?"_

_"If there are, I can't see them. It all comes down to the Crucible now."_

_"And ruthless calculus."_

_"How are you holding up, Litavis? This all has to be taking a toll."_

_"There's only so much fight in a person, only so much death you can take before..."_

_"Before a certain turian with no romantic skills to speak of tries to cheer you up."_

_"Cheer? Coming from you?"_

_He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in._

_"Mood swings. Don't worry We'll get through this. We always do."_

 

\--------------------

 

_Great, great, great. Really great. She had a day off, met with Joker in a restaurant and got shot at. Now she fought her way through strange alleys, with a strange weapon and without armor. Simply great. And Brooks comments didn't make things any better._

_"Litavis? Can you hear me? You okay?"_

_"I'm fine. Might need a little back up."_

_"Lucky for you, Archangel is your boyfriend. Joker filled me in. I'm on foot. Be there as fast as I can."_

_Finally he was with her. Directly she felt better._

_"Nice outfit..."_

 

\-----------------------

 

_So they had to infiltrate a casino. She didn't feel very comfortable in the dress. But Garrus' side was there. As always when he was around._

_"Looking good, Litavis."_

_"I did the best I could without a carapace or a crest."_

_"Your best has my mandible on the floor. Damn'."_

_Back at the apartment she took a deep breath. That hadn't gone as hoped. But Garrus knew exactly how to cheer her up._

_"To borrow a phrase from Vega you looked smoking in that dress, Litavis. You got some looks. So did I, thought the ones directed at me said. 'How did a turian like that get a girl like her?' Hell if I know."_

 

\--------------------

 

_She was supposed to meet Garrus at the casino bar. The attempt of a first date, he had called it. That could be interesting. When her partner came in, he immediately attracted the attention of a Turian woman. Forget it, bitch. He is mine, it shot through the redhead's head. He came straight to her. A kind of role play. Well, why not?_

_"So. A turian on shore leave. You come here often?"_

_She gave her competitor a nasty look._

_"Is this that first date thing we talked about? Got it. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I come here often. Good place to blow off steam. Scenery's not bad either."_

_With these words he looked at the dancing Turian woman. She gave him a dark look. Such an asshole._

_"Though the view in front of me is even better."_

_She wouldn't make it that easy for him now. Now he had to write that himself. You could play the game in pairs. Actually she had wanted to make it easy for him, but he had lost the chance now._

_"That supposed to melt a girls heart?"_

_"No. But this voice is... I'm Garrus Vakarian. Codename: Archangel. All-round turian bad boy and dispenser of justice in an unjust galaxy. Also, I kill Reapers on the side. And you are?"_

_How he looked at her and bent closer to her. Exciting._

_"Commander Shepard. Alliance Navy."_

_"Shepard, huh? I might've heard a few things about you."_

_"Oh? Flatter me."_

_"Word is you're smart. Sexy. A wicked shot. So you kill Reapers on the side, too."_

_"Uh-huh. And do most girls fall for that?"_

_"Well sure. You know, this voice, and uh... and uh. I'm running out of banter here, Litavis."_

_"Make it up. Remember we just met."_

_"Right, I mean... Yeah, all the girls fall for it. Let me show you..."_

_He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dance floor. Directly she braced herself against him. That was a very bad idea. A catastrophic idea._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"It'll be fun."_

_"Oh, no. No, no, no, no... No!"_

_He was already holding her in his arm. His right hand was on her waist with his left he held her left hand. A tango? He was crazy. She couldn't dance. Stumbling she followed his steps._

_"Been taking lessons on the side."_

_"You're going to pay for this later."_

_"Promises, promises."_

_At the first turn from his arms he had to pull her back by the hand. The second turn went better. She had found her rhythm. Garrus was also a talented dancer. He led very well. She wrapped her leg around his and he took a step back. He held her weight without any problems. Of course this attracted the attention of all the other guests. Shepard now concentrated all his attention on Garrus. To give the lead was not easy, but with him it was easier than she thought._

_"Now you're getting it."_

_On the next turn she stood right in front of James. Seductively she looked at him. Garrus grabbed her hand and pulled it back into his arms. Finally the music ended and he bent it over behind._

_"So tell me: Think a girl would fall for that?"_

_"Oh, hell yes. I see you've been putting that reach and flexibility to good use."_

_"You know it. And it gets even better when you try it in bed."_

\--------------------

 

_The party went well. She looked around looking for her partner. He was hatching something with Zaeed again. Finally she found him at the entrance._

_"All right, Garrus, I gotta know. What are you doing?"_

_"Hmm? Oh nothing. Just, uh, admiring the polish on this glass."_

_"Try me."_

_"It's just, well... one man's decorative glass wall fixture is another man's explosive glass wall fixture."_

_"Explosive?"_

_"Micro filaments, Litavis. Tiny strips of explosives laid across the glass in a grid. It's your first line of defense. When an intruder enters, hit the switch and boom! They're shredded to pieces."_

_"Uh - huh."_

_"Litavis, sweetie... love of my life. Indulge your crazy boyfriend. I need to know you're safe."_

_"If it make you feel better, honey."_

_The next morning she woke up with Garrus in her bed. Satisfied, she snuggled up to him and was only too happy to be kissed._

_"Oof, what a night... but look who's here."_

_"Yeah, I hung out a lot places last night. Your upper body, your lower buddy... pretty much all the parts in-between."_

_"Turians certainly don't lack for a sense of direction."_

_"And you don't lack for places to get lost."_

_"Let's see if anyone else is up."_

_"So on the off chance you accidentally trigger an alarm you didn't know you had and you hear a timer start counting down... Then remember the code 'I HEART GARRUS'. Punch it into the keypad, preferably before the timer goes off. If you don't, well... blame Zaeed. And run like hell."_

_Again at the docks she looked at the Normandy. Her whole team came to her. Garrus stood right next to her._

_"So i guess it's back to the fight?"_

_"At least we threw one hell of a party. Probably the last one."_

_"That doesn't sound like my girl. You'll find a way to win. And when this is over, I'll be waiting for you. Best times of my life were spent on that ship. Been a damn good ride."_

 

\--------------------

 

_Cerberus headquarters... Those bastards would pay. She was sitting on her bed when Garrus came in. He was wearing civilian clothes. A rare sight._

_"Litavis. Thought you might be up here. You know what the best part is about a battle that decides the whole fate of the galaxy?"_

_"Winning it?"_

_"I was thinking it's a good excuse to remind the ones you care about that... well, you can care about them. Want some company?"_

_"You read my mind."_

_"Guess I'm getting pretty good at this. But some more practice wouldn't hurt..."_

\--------------------

 

_Earth. What was left. But all that was nothing, against what was now before her. The farewell to Garrus. She knew that she would not survive this. But she would do anything to make him make it. Even if she had to lie for it._

_"Litavis. So, I guess this is..."_

_"Just like old times?"_

_"Might be the last chance we get to say that."_

_"Think we're going to lose?"_

_"No, I think we're about to kick the Reapers back into whatever black hole they crawled out of. Then we're going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids. Maybe even find out what a turian - human baby looks like."_

_"I'm game. Though I think adoption's a better idea. Biology may not cooperate."_

_"Hmm... I suppose there will be a lot of little krogan around soon."_

_"We just have to beat the Reapers first."_

_"James told me there's an old saying here on Earth: May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. Not sure if turian heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there... meet me at the bar. I'm buying."_

_"We're a team, Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarian, so you better remember to duck."_

_"Sorry, turians don't know how. But I'll improvise. And Litavis... Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you... Come back alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you."_

_She kissed him. She didn't care about the looks of the other Turians. Should they look. Should they know they were a couple. It didn't matter now. He had to survive no matter how._

_"Goodbye, Garrus. And if I'm up there in that bar and you're not... I'll be looking down. You'll never be alone."_

_"Never."_

_Quickly she left the room. Shepard was close to tears and she didn't want him to see it._

 

 --------------------

 

_No! NO! He was hurt. He was badly injured. She had to get him out of here. No matter how. Finally the Normandy landed. She carried Garrus to safety and handed him over to Tali. She had to go again._

_"Litavis..."_

_"You gotta get out of here."_

_"And you've gotta kidding me."_

_"Don't argue, Garrus."_

_"We're in this till the end."_

_"No matter what happens here... you know I love you. I always will."_

_"Litavis, I... love you too."_

_"Go!"_

\--------------------

 

Slowly the redhead opened her eyes. She was broken. Blood ran out of her nose, her ears, and even her tears were bloody. He had said nothing. In all this time, Garrus had said nothing. Why? Did he not want her anymore? Was that it? Had he come to the conclusion that their relationship was a mistake? Had her death been too painful? She struggled her way up. She ran into her bedroom and put on her armor. She took her weapons with her and left the building with Urz. She had to leave. Just away. No matter where. Just not be here. Away from her team, away from her friends, away from him. Nobody had told her anything. She had demanded, begged, pleaded. None of her friends had told her anything. Litavis felt betrayed. At the docks she discovered Bray. He was on his way to Omega to get E-Zero.

 

"I'm coming with you, Bray."

 

"Shepard, you're bleeding."

 

"I know. Ignore it. I will, too."

 

They took off. The admiral was silent the whole time. Bray only looked at her now and then, but didn't say a word. Finally arrived she left the ship. The first thing she did was buy herself an Omnitool from the black market. She didn't want to be found. Shepard needed time. Time only for herself. She didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone, listen to anyone. Just being alone. There were enough uninhabited planets by now. She knew where she was going and luckily she found a pilot who flew her. She had enough provisions for two months. After that she had to think about something. Her team did well without her. The galaxy got along without her. Garrus managed without her.

When she arrived on the planet, she took a deep breath before she broke her knees and cried bitterly. Like a drowning woman she clung to Urz. Litavis felt as abandoned as not since Mindoir. No, that here was worse than Mindoir. She felt betrayed. Betrayed by her own family.


	30. persequi

Her breath was heavy. Litavis wiped the sweat off her forehead. She was more exhausted than she had been for a long time, but she felt so good. Freedom. That was the word she was looking for. Smiling she looked at Urz. The Varren looked up at her, wagging his tail. He also liked it on this planet. Her gaze wandered over the landscape. The lake glittered calmly in the sunlight. A pleasant, cool wind stroked over her sweaty body. Her camp was now completely furnished. She had repaired a Mako and brought it to this place with this material. The N7 survival training had real advantages. She had mainly been busy setting up her camp, collecting food and keeping the fire going. It was a stressful life. A simple life. Yes, it was primitive, but that's exactly what she needed now. Not to worry for a moment. Not to plan. Not to think. Probably she was searched meanwhile, at least she had disappeared since one week. They were supposed to. Good luck with that. Nobody would suspect her here. Eden Prime and Mindoir, they would search there. Not here. Nothing connected Shepard with this planet. Nothing at all. She undressed and got into the water. She just let herself drift. The redhead spent an hour of her day with it. From time to time Urz came into the water. Not this time. He waited on the shore. Satisfied, the admiral closed her eyes. From time to time she even had to fight with her sleep. Slowly she walked out of the water and sat down next to the fire. So all her memories were back. What did she get out of it? New pain and uncertainty. Quickly she pushed the thought aside. She was too busy surviving here. There she had no time for something like that. As soon as the water was completely dry, the path led into the small forest. New firewood had to be collected. Urz joined in every time. He proudly carried heavy sticks into the camp again and again. As soon as the reserve was replenished she went to the Mako and with it to a damaged shuttle. How she should leave this planet again... she hadn't thought about it. So now she tried to get this little spaceship afloat again. That wasn't a problem either. It was only slightly damaged. Much had been left behind during the Reaper attack. Or it had never existed the chance to use it. She had already deactivated the communication. She did not want to be located. Not yet. Maybe later. She had provisions for two months. Until now she had hardly had to touch anything. So she had more than enough time to think about when she would return. She couldn't tell yet if she wanted that at all. Maybe she should go back to Earth. She could not forgive her friends. Why had they told her nothing? Why only? The only one she could apologize to some extent was Kaidan. Alenko probably still had feelings for her. Probably he just didn't have the heart to tell her and give up his last hope. Still, it was selfish of him. She just didn't want it to be true yet. Why had they done that? Why had they said nothing? None of them... Grunt did not care. Wrex and Eve probably did not know. But the others... Liara, Tali, Garrus... angrily she threw a log into the fire. It began to dawn. The red of the setting sun colored the lake in the most beautiful colors. Shepard pushed her thoughts aside and simply enjoyed the sight. Tenderly she cuddled her Varren who purred immediately satisfied. When it was dark she put some logs in the fire and cuddled up in her shelter. With Urz at her side it was pleasantly warm. She listened to the sounds of the night for quite some time. The wind in the leaves, the chirping of the insects, the sound of the waves. She took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was so peaceful here. Litavis looked up calmly into the starry sky. Beautiful. Soon she fell asleep.  
She was hunting. She sneaked quietly through the undergrowth. Urz always at her side. The former livestock had gone wild. An ideal source of food. In front of her was a herd of goats. Her Varren loved the taste of her meat. Suddenly she heard something. A shuttle. What the hell was going on here? Shepard quickly ran into her camp. She put on her armor and took all her weapons with her. They could only be plunderers. Or this world should be colonized again. But so fast? She had only been away for two weeks and this planet hadn't been on her list. Not on any list. Silently cursing she stalked her way to the foreign shuttle. She had to leave her little paradise apparently faster than she had hoped. The door of the vehicle opened and her breath stopped. She quickly held on to Urz, who immediately wanted to storm forward to greet him. How the hell had he found her? As fast as she could she hurried back to her camp and extinguished the fire. She hid the Mako in the forest. Her camp was well camouflaged, but he was sure to find it. Too bad. She had liked this place. She quickly ran on. She did not want to be found by him. She was a better runner. At least over a longer distance. There had to be as much distance as possible between them. Damn, Shepard felt hunted. She ran through a small stream and followed its course. Sweat ran down her back. Her breath went rushed. That simply could not be true. Exhausted she stopped and listened. Nothing. It was quiet. All the work of the last weeks was now probably in vain. She could not go back. At least for some time. She breathed deeply. Had a branch cracked there? How petrified Shepard stopped and listened. It was quiet again. Nevertheless she continued to run. She marched for a few more hours. It was already dawning again. At night it was pitch dark in the forest. Only slowly did she make progress. Her stomach growled softly. She was not tired. The adrenalin was still shooting through her veins. Finally she sank exhausted against a tree. It was hollow, so she squeezed herself into the crevice. Urz followed her. Now it was damn tight in here, but pleasantly warm. With his visor this hiding place was ridiculous, but better than nothing. For a long time the redhead listened to every sound.  
As soon as the sun rose, she climbed out of her hiding place. She stretched several times to loosen her tense muscles. She was probably far enough away from the landing site. She should look for something to eat. But then she heard the breaking of wood. Damn it. That could not be true. She whirled around and ran off. He was too close. She ran faster and faster through the water. She was too loud, but she had to make distance. Behind her she heard fast steps. Quickly Litavis threw herself into the undergrowth and crawled under bushes and roots. He was too big and had to go around. Again she sprinted away. Sweat ran down the woman's body. Her breath went rushed. Don't stop. Again and again the red haired struck hook. That was ridiculous. but she didn't really run away from him. She ran away from her feelings. Shepard didn't feel ready yet. She was angry and would inevitably leave that out on him. Exhausted, the redhead finally stopped. She had been running through the forest for hours. She had to orient herself. She had run in a circle. That wasn't true. The admiral was exhausted. Urz looked at her. As soon as she kneeled he licked her face. Slowly she rose again. Slowly she trotted to the little creek and quenched her thirst. Quickly she threw some cold water into her face. She could go back to her camp. Not a good idea. If he hadn't discovered it yet, she would lead him straight there. Shepard quickly picked a few berries and swallowed them. He wouldn't give up. He had come too close to her for that. So back to the camp, pack up the essentials and then to the shuttle. That was it with her little paradise. Slowly she ran back to the lake. She looked skeptically through the thicket. He was not to be seen. Good. She left the forest and walked along the shore. One last look over the lake. How had he found her here? Where would she go now? She had come here to find herself again. To become clear about some things. None of it had reached her. She grabbed her emergency rations and threw them into a backpack. The blanket followed. That's all she had here anyway. With Urz she made her way to the Mako. There was no reason for secrecy any more. There she could also take the vehicle. With that she would be much faster at her shuttle. She had only repaired it three days ago. Fortunately for her. Now she needed this thing earlier than she thought. The Mako was already in sight. Suddenly her arm was grabbed and she was pressed hard against a tree. Instinctively she attacked her adversary with her Biotic and threw him back. She quickly suppressed the blue glow. 

"Litavis, it's me."

He struggled to get up and approached her again. She avoided his gaze. Suddenly she found herself in his arms.

"I was worried about you. When I got home, you were gone. Your blood on the ground and you disappeared without a trace. I've been looking for you for two weeks. We've been looking for you the whole time. What was going on?"

She remained silent. What was she supposed to say about that? That's what I thought. But I don't want to see any of you. I want my peace. I just need that now. I must become clear about some things and cannot use you thereby. All that was on her tongue, but she swallowed it.

"Litavis, look at me. What is wrong with you? Damn it, look at me."

"I remember everything..."

"What?"

"I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!"

His mandible twitched uncontrollably. His gaze became sad. His grip, however, was all the tighter. Angrily she pushed the sniper away. But he staggered and came straight back to her. Again she pushed him away. She didn't want that. She was angry. When he tried again she pushed him away again. This time the Turian flew a bit through the air. Her hands glowed blue. With all these feelings her Biotic went crazy. The blue gripped her entire body. Again he staggered towards her. 

"Let me..."

"NO! And if you tear me to pieces. No."

Despite the biotic field he embraced her again. It had to cause him enormous pain, but he wouldn't let go. He only drew her closer to himself. The redhead swore that Turians couldn't tremble, the sniper just proved her wrong. She forced herself to breathe deeply. Slowly the glow subsided before it completely ebbed away.

"Why, Garrus? Why didn't you say anything?"

"The doctors said that memories could be dangerous for you. That they would kill you."

"And that's what you believed them?"

"Not at first. I wanted to give you time. You were weakened. You were... so fragile..."

"FUCK YOU, GARRUS! That's just a doorway! You know exactly that I..."

"I've seen what the memories do to you, Litavis. I have seen that you suffer agony. You have bled. Often enough you screamed in pure agony. And all I could do was stand next to it and see. I have seen your memories literally torture you. You suffered, collapsed and I could only see. I couldn't bear the thought of being to blame for your torment."

"That was not your decision."

"Yes, it was. I have lost you so many times, Litavis. Too often. Even if the doctors were wrong, I couldn't take that risk."

She was still angry, but she understood him. At least in part. She sighed softly. Screaming at him would have been a lot easier. Much easier even. Great, now it even started to rain. At least now you didn't see her tears. The rain was freezing cold. Not good. So she grabbed his hand and pulled him silently towards Mako. Still without saying a word, she pulled the Turian inside and drove up the systems of the companion. The heating didn't work properly, but it would be enough. Urz curled up on the passenger seat and fell asleep. He already knew that. They were now stuck here for a few hours. Shepard took off her armor and sat down on one of the benches. Garrus sat next to her. Quickly the redhead took out her blanket and put it on the Turianer. Carefully he pulled her into his arms. He was cold. Colder than her. As hard as his people were, cold was their weak spot. Now she really pressed herself against him. 

"What if I had never remembered?"

"Had I tried to make you fall in love with me again."

"Oh?"

"Would have become difficult. I have no idea how I did it the first time. So repeating that would have been pure luck."

"You don't believe in luck."

"I don't either. But for you I would even pray to Liara's goddess if it would help."

" Weirdo."

"Your weirdo."

"How did you find me?"

"Thanks to Bray, I knew you were on Omega. I knew you wouldn't stay there. You like to be alone to think about it. That means you would have looked for a lonely planet. One where you can survive. A former colony, then. None where we have been before, because you don't want to be found. With it some fell away. You have a weakness for history. Shanxi was a logical choice."

"You know me too well."

"I can't know you too well."

Again they fell into silence. The rain pelt down on the roof of their refuge. It became noticeably colder. The sun must have set. She looked up at Garrus. He had fallen asleep. The cold hit him hard. So she moved away from him and climbed onto the driver's seat. She wouldn't make it to the shuttle in this weather. The Mako was too weak for this ride. She should have repaired more. So she drove back to her camp and got out. She opened the tailgate and opened the tarpaulin. She quickly picked up the dry firewood from her shelter and carried it under the tarpaulin.

"Litavis...?"

"I'm here."

He came up to her and watched her doings in amazement.

"What are you doing?"

"Fire drilling. A very old method of humans to light a fire."

"And that's supposed to work?"

Grinning, she looked at him as the first sparks ignited. After a short time her fire burned. A pleasant warmth flowed out directly.

"Primitive, but it almost always works. Provided you have dry wood and some tinder."

"Where did you learn that?"

"From my mother. During the N7 survival training you also learn how to make fire. But another method. This one works better. You need less".

"You people are really amazing."

"Large parts of the world are not as friendly as Palavan. We had to think of something."

"So why didn't you develop natural armor?"

"We chose fat cells and muscles to keep us warm."

"Point for you."

"And what's more, we used to live on trees. You have to be mobile there."

"You with fur on a tree, I would have liked to see that."

"Don't act like that. You would still have fallen for me."

"Probably."

She leaned against him. With the fire it was clearly warmer. Almost pleasant.

"And so you spent your time here?"

"Yes. A simple life. A hard one, but also a very satisfying one. I was only on my own and results can be seen very quickly here."

"That makes you happy?"

"For the moment. I didn't want to have to think about everything. I didn't want to face my feelings. Not yet. Problems that are easy to solve..."

"Excuse me... I..."

"Don't say anything. I can't say it's okay. That's not it. I feel betrayed. I understand you. That doesn't change the fact that I feel betrayed. From all of you."

He just looked at her, but was silent. Finally she felt the weight of his head on her shoulder. He had fallen asleep again. Litavis remained seated like this all night. From time to time she put new logs in the fire to keep it going. It was really cold at night. With the rain on top of that.  
Early the next morning the sniper awoke again. Slowly he straightened up and looked at her.

"Were you up all night?"

"Yes. The fire was not allowed to go out."

"Hmmm... it's still raining."

"Probably it still holds itself some time at it. In the first week it rained for three days."

"Oh great."

"Do you have any food rations with you?"

"In the shuttle."

"I'll go get them and get more firewood afterwards. You stay here and take care of the fire."

"Okay..."

She put on her armor and set off. Urz stayed with Garrus. After one hour she had reached the shuttle. She took all his equipment with her. His weapons, the food and a soft lower bearing. Turians couldn't just sleep on the floor. It would get wet, but there was no other way. She brought it all to the Mako and then went into the forest. It took her some time before she came back. She spread the wet wood near the fire. They ate together. 

"I'm sorry... now you have even more work."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it."

He took off her armor and snuggled up to her. Actually, she had wanted to go straight away to get more wood and some water, but rainwater did it too. She snuggled up to him under the blanket. His body temperature had risen considerably. That was good. She didn't want him to get sick again. She didn't have any medication for him with her. 

"Litavis..."

She looked at him questioningly. He put his mouthplates on her lips. Actually she wanted to push him away, but instead she pulled him closer. This time her tongue penetrated his oral cavity. Suddenly she sat broad-legged on his lap. She pressed closer and closer to him. Garrus hugged her tightly. Her kiss became more and more intense. She became unspeakably hot. Slowly the Turianer separated from her. 

"Could you please stop sniffing like that. That's real..."

"You know your smell drives me crazy."

"I know..."

His face was buried in her crook of the throat. He took a deep breath of her fragrance. He looked at her like a mist. Again they kissed. Slowly, however, Shepard withdrew. She wasn't ready yet. 

"Garrus..."

"It's okay, Litavis. I can wait."

"When I think about it, you've been waiting a damn long time."

"You're worth it."

"I should beat you for that spell."

"Go ahead."

"Okay... did I forget something else? Something that concerns our sex life?"

Quietly he started to laugh, but then shook his head. 

"No. You didn't."

"Really not?"

"No. Really not. I promise it."

"You don't hide anything from me anymore?"

"No. I promise you, Litavis."

"Good."

She just snuggled up to him for a while. Then Litavis started again and collected enough firewood for the next days. Then she wouldn't have to leave him alone tomorrow. Smiling she looked at him. He had warmed up her food and cooked tea. Inverted world. In the primitive times of her people it had been exactly the other way round. As soon as she stepped into the dry, he took off her armor and took her under the blanket. 

"If it didn't rain, it would be really nice here."

"It is."

"How long are we staying?"

"We?"

"I won't leave you alone anymore."


	31. reconciliatio

Quietly she began to laugh. As time went by it became louder and louder and she was really gasping for air.

"What's so funny about it?"

"You'd go insane here, Garrus. There's nothing you can calibrate."

"I can live without it."

"And what do you want to do then? Hunt with me, collect berries and firewood and otherwise just enjoy the peace and quiet?"

"That's what you do all day?"

"Exactly that."

"Then... yes."

"Turians aren't exactly made for camping, big guy."

"I don't care. Besides, I can do it already. I have everything I need. Unless..."

"Unless?"

"You don't want me here..."

She bent over and kissed him tenderly. He immediately returned this gesture and drew her closer to him. Litavis had expected something different, but she wanted him to stay. Alone, the thought of losing him again was unbearable. Slowly they separated again and she looked deep into his eyes.

"Don't leave me."

"Never."

They cuddled up on his underlay. He was so beautifully warm. Their blanket was just enough for both of them. Maybe they should fly to Illium and do some shopping there. With Garrus she simply needed more equipment. But they could still think about that tomorrow. Now she was tired. In the arms of her friend she fell asleep much faster. Here she felt safe and secure.  
She woke up late the next morning. Garrus just climbed under the blanket behind her again. He had apparently taken care of the fire. 

"Did you sleep well?"

"Very good. And you?"

"For the first time in two weeks, more than three hours."

"Was it so bad?"

"Worse. I smelled your blood and feared that another assassin would have made it. Only when I noticed that your equipment and Urz had disappeared did I realize that you had to be gone voluntarily."

"You're a cop after all."

"Apparently. And I kept my promise. I wasn't on Omega. I used old contacts to find your trail."

"Good."

"Nothing more? Only a good one?"

"Shall I praise you like Urz?"

"No. Then I'll take the good."

"You see."

"What do we do now actually the whole day?"

"Waiting for the rain to stop."

"That's all?"

"Eat, drink, take care of the fire."

"And cuddle?"

"I really influenced you. Turians don't cuddle at all."

"No, but I like it."

"Me too. You're nice and warm."

"And you're nice and soft."

She turned around and looked at him. As so often she now painted his clan signs after. Smiling, she looked at the sniper. He really enjoyed that. 

"You know that only very familiar couples do that?"

"No. You never told me."

"I'm sorry. I just like it too much. I only saw it at my parents'."

"You don't often talk about your parents."

"You don't talk much about yours either."

"What should I also tell there?"

"Something."

"My mother was the adventurer of my parents. Often enough she disappeared from the settlement with me for days and taught me how to survive. Making fire, setting traps, finding water and food, hunting, how to build a shelter... She always said it was important to be able to feed yourself alone. She taught me how to shoot and when my biotic showed up she practiced with me, although she had no idea how. She just found out and did everything she could to keep it from becoming public. She didn't want any authority to get me into her claws. She didn't really trust anyone."

"And your father?"

"Was the exact opposite. He was more adapted. He felt most comfortable in civilization. He loved music, books... He was simply more adapted than my mother. He believed in the people and in the authorities. Not blind, but he liked to follow rules."

"So you come after both."

"More like my mother, but yes. What was your mother like?"

"She was a bad Turian. She actually raised me and Sol alone. She did not believe in the war. She was convinced that a peaceful coexistence would be possible. She liked humanity. She found it amazing. That's why she gave her children names that are easy for humans to pronounce."

"So I would have to thank her for that."

"She often debated with my father. Actually she was in charge, even if she always left my father the illusion that it wasn't so. At least not so extreme."

"So our mothers were both rebels."

"You could say so..."

"Now, don't you say I remind you of your mother. I know that would be meant as a compliment, but that is the most unerotic thing you can say to a woman."

"Thank you for pointing that out. Now I almost made a mistake."

"Then I really should have waited a very long time."

"Idiot."

"That's how it is."

"Could be quite."

"You see."

Laughing she went back to the fire and added a few logs. It had to be noon by now. She put a pot on the fire and boiled water. After all, the sniper had to be much more careful than she was. Smiling, she looked up at him as he came to her and embraced her with the blanket. 

They were on Illium. Buy a few things. A bigger and more comfortable place for both of them. If it were up to Garrus, they would build a real nest there. In the last two days he had repaired the Mako completely. He had towed an abandoned living container to the lake and wanted to furnish it now. A little luxury was allowed. She was actually against it. She had enjoyed sleeping with him in the Mako, but she also realized that it was very uncomfortable for him. At least the Turian didn't want to buy a real bed. Fresh food and bottled water were okay. Smiling, she bought them both some clothes and some alcohol. Back in the shuttle she sat down on the copilot place.

"And did you inform the others?"

"I told them I had found you and you were unhurt. But I don't know when we'll be back yet."

"Okay."

"Too much?"

"No. Just right. I just don't want them to show up all of a sudden." 

"They won't. Your father-in-law gives them enough to do."

"Really? My father-in-law?"

"His words. If it was up to him, I should have proposed to you long ago. I still don't know how you did it."

"Relationships have always been a mystery to you, big guy."

"Thank you. Let me die stupid."

"You'll figure it out."

"If you haven't noticed yet, I always need you for the heavy stuff."

"You don't. But I like how it sounds."

"I write it on the list of successful compliments."

"You have a list?"

"You're the improviser, not me."

They landed and carried the stuff into their new realm. Besides their nest and supplies it was empty. Shepard took off her armor and put on a bikini. Since the Turian was with her, she didn't want to swim naked anymore.

"I'm going into the water."

"But don't dive for so long again. Last time I almost had a heart attack."

"I should have bought some water wings, then you could have come with me."

Grinning, she went into the lake and let herself drift again. She hadn't really got any further yet. How should she behave towards the others now? Were they still her friends at all? Could she still trust them? She had never concealed anything from them. Even if it was painful, she had always been honest. To each of them. She wished Anderson was still there. Even if it was strange, he had been her surrogate father. He would surely have some advice now. Maybe she should talk to Kolyat... No. He was not Thane and it would be unfair to push him into this role. Even if he had so much in common with his father. Mordin's way of thinking would also be very welcome to her now. He would have told her everything directly, even if it had come over quite sober. No matter how she turned it around, she had to go back. One more week...

"FUCK!"

She scared up and swam back as fast as she could. In front of the container she saw her friend kneeling. He had broken the fire drill and was bleeding. Relieved, she breathed a sigh of relief. She had feared worse.

"I'm sorry. Now you have to build a new one again."

Smiling, she just shook her head and crouched next to him. She reached for the injured hand and carefully pulled the splinters out of the wound. Finally she carefully pressed her lips onto the injured flesh and began to suck. So she caught the last foreign body.

"Litavis..."

Asking, she looked up at him with bloody lips. A frightened sound escaped her as he suddenly snatched her and kissed her hungry. He had pulled so hard on the redhead that he now lay on his back and she on him. Her kiss became more and more intense. The two tongues fought more and more for dominance. Finally Litavis penetrated the foreign oral cavity. Garrus subvocals overturned. A constant change of growls and purrs. Panting heavily, they separated again.

"I'll get you Medigel."

The growling was now clearly a sound of disappointment. Nevertheless she stood up and went inside. She quickly treated him and then built a new fire drill, with which she quickly ignited a new fire.

"Your skin is much softer than mine. Why do I hurt myself every time?"

"You're just too tender for that."

"Great... I can't even make a fire."

"You can cook better for that."

"So I become a houseman?"

"I didn't mean it that way, but if you say it that way..."

"Fine with me."

"WHAT?"

"Admiral Shepard is a must-have for the galaxy. If I took a post, we'd hardly see each other anymore."

"We work together, don't we?"

"Then I won't say that anywhere, neither at home, nor at work."

"If you're sweet, you can have the say in bed now and then."

"Damn it, Litavis. Only you always disarm me so quickly."

"I know. I like it."

"At least you don't do it in public."

"I would never do that, big guy."

"I'll cook us something."

"All right, my house-husband."

They ate together and watched the sunset silently. Then they cuddled up in their new nest. That was really comfortable. So it was a good idea after all.  
Early the next morning Shepard crept out. Here Garrus often slept longer than she did. Together with Urz she set off for the hunt. That was no longer necessary, but her Varren loved it and also she missed the expeditions. This time they had fast success. Nevertheless the hunt had been exhausting. The adrenaline shot through the body of the redheads. She felt alive. This time she completely left the prey to Urz. The prey was a native predator. They were inedible for her and Garrus. To his misfortune it had been too close to their camp. Exhausted she returned. Litavis frowned in the container. Her partner was still lying in bed and he was lying on his stomach. Something was wrong. Not at all.

"Garrus?"

"Everything okay."

"Sure? Did the wound get infected?"

"No..."

"Garrus, what's going on?"

He sparkled angrily at her, but then looked shocked.

"Litavis, you are full of blood."

"It's not mine, don't worry."

She took off her armor and carefully stroked his neck. She really worried now. His behavior was definitely not normal. Again and again she drove her hand along his neck and back. He didn't feel warmer than usual. Good. Slowly he turned and pulled her tight.

"Do you know what day it is today?"

"A few years ago today was the first time I met a charming Turian."

"What?"

"Today I became a spectre and met my first charming Turian. He was investigating Saren."

"You remembered that. The day we met?"

"Yes. Like I said, I became a Spectre too."

"That sounds good. But I didn't think of that."

"I know. The collector ship destroyed the Normandy."

"And you died."

"Yes."

"I wasn't there. I should have been there. I should have..."

"Can't do anything, Garrus. Nothing at all."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. I wouldn't have let myself be deterred from saving Joker."

"I could have helped you and..."

"And I would have put you in the escape unit just like I did him. Nothing would have changed. Except you should have seen me die, Garrus."

"You..."

"I'm here now. I'm with you. Exactly where I should be now and want to be. Stop thinking about it."

"Wrex drank with me for two weeks to keep me from stupid ideas."

"Revenge?"

"Death wish."

"What?"

"You already understood me. I could have strangled Kaidan when he just went on like that. On Horizon it almost was so far."

"Now you should give him a gift basket."

Before he could continue to speak, she kissed him tenderly. Her hand wandered to the sensitive spot on his neck and began to massage him there. He immediately pulled her closer and intensified the kiss. He conquered her oral cavity and this time Shepard did not resist. She caressed the foreign tongue only with her own. The sniper's hands ran along her back, causing pleasant shivers. He opened her bra. His touches alone hardened her nipples. Shepard licked the intact part of his mandible and finally shifted her action to his neck. His right hand got caught in her hair. So she had found you the right place. The deep growling of his subvowals only gave the redhead more confirmation. Suddenly she found herself under the Turian. Shortly he buried his face in her neck bend. After a deep breath he bent down and licked her erect right nipple. Shepard escaped directly with a short wheeze. He carefully kneaded the other breast. Her fingers cramped in his neck. Involuntarily she began to rub against him. He wandered down her body deeper. Licked over the faded scars on her stomach. The sniper's fingers caught in her panty and slowly pulled her down. The admiral gasped again excitedly and closed her eyes. Finally he had arrived between her thighs and spread them playfully. Shepard bit her lips hard as the blue tongue glided over her wet gap. With his fingers he pulled her labia apart and now circled around her clitoris again and again. The redhead threw herself into the hollow back and moaned loudly. Sweat came out of her pores and her breath became heavy. One of his fingers penetrated her. Immediately her muscles contracted uncontrollably. He let his finger rest in her wet cunt and instead kept licking her clitoris. The clitoris swelled more and more and became more sensitive. The fingers of the redheads sought support in the soft underlay. Again and again a moaning escaped her lips. When he finally pushed a second finger into her it had happened to Shepard. Her whole body cramped and the orgasm collapsed like a wave over her. He didn't give her a break. The rough tongue only pressed harder against the sensitive plexus. Her swollen clitoris glided briefly even between his mouth plates and she screamed excitedly. The sniper came up to her again and kissed her hungry. This time the admiral had nothing to oppose him. Her hand wandered along his body in time. She gently stroked the hard phallus. However, her partner only grabbed her hand and pulled it away. He placed her legs on his hip. Litavis lifted her pelvis slightly. With a single push he penetrated her completely. They both moaned hoarse. She moved slightly towards him, but he remained completely still and tried to collect himself. Tenderly she drove over his cheek. Only to groan loudly the next moment. His blows were firm. Each time he hit her G spot and let her see stars. As soon as the growling of his subvocals became louder her legs got caught behind his back.

"I'm not allergic, Garrus."

With a hard blow he penetrated her again completely. A loud moan escaped him and he collapsed on her. His cock seemed to get even thicker. Her partner was still trapped by his orgasm. She became hot. Really hot. His sperm seemed to set her on fire and yet she wanted more of it. She moaned quietly as Garrus slowly straightened up. Without saying a word, he lifted her legs to his shoulders and pushed her hard again. She was now completely at his mercy and Shepard enjoyed it. His shaft stretched her more and more and made her scream. Only weakly she could move towards her partner. Her lower bodies met again and again clapping each other. Her muscles contracted uncontrollably again, drew him even deeper into themselves, whey him properly. Her world turned white. When she could see clearly again, he lay next to her, breathing heavily. They were still connected and she snuggled into his arms.

"I love you, Litavis."

"I love you too, Garrus."


	32. rebellio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally made it. Twice my computer died and once it was my own stupidity... now, after the fourth attempt, finally the next chapter. Should anyone have heard several shattering cries during the last days... I was the poor lunatic.

She was back in her office. Only one week ago and already she wished herself back to Shanxi. She played hide and seek with her team. She avoided Joker, Liara, Traynor and especially Kaidan. James and Javik only received new orders from her. She completely renounced private conversations. Litavis was still unspeakably disappointed. With Grunt she had also tried it, but it hadn't really worked out.  
She and Garrus had just returned from Shanxi, when the Krogan had stormed her and hugged her. Grunt had just hugged her. That hadn't even been the strangest thing. He had apologized, he should have been more careful. Her hypothermia had even made him insecure. The little one had been standing in front of her apartment for two days. He hadn't slept, he hadn't eaten and he hadn't drunk either. Garrus had finally brought him in and Grunt had followed her through her apartment until it burst out of her. He had no idea that the thing with her partner was so important to her. He also hadn't understood that she and Garrus were a couple. But what he could understand was that she felt betrayed. He had betrayed her without knowing it. He had committed a crime against his combat master, as he put it. What this meant for him only became clear to her when he asked her for forgiveness on his hands and knees. Krogans did not humiliate themselves so much. Never. They were more likely to choose death. She had pulled him back to his feet and told him that she needed time. The plan had also backfired. Wrex had once again invited her to Tuchanka. She had flown there with Grunt and Garrus and had talked to Bakara for a long time. Some women wanted to leave Tuchanka. They wanted to visit other planets and live there for some time to learn. Terra Nova would offer itself for that. Together with her they had arranged everything. Shepard liked the idea very much. The Krogans hadn't really been isolated, but a real exchange had never taken place. Already now. In between Eve had talked to another Krogan again and again. Finally she had told her that Grunt had been beaten up for hours. As soon as they had arrived at the scene, the redhead had frozen. Twenty Krogans beat him for the tank birth and he didn't fight back. When she tried to intervene, Bakara had held her back.

"He asked for this punishment, Commander. Very few people are allowed to interfere without losing face. Among others Wrex, but he is on his way at the moment."

"I am his combat master..."

"That's you. But that's not enough."

She didn't care after all. Litavis flew into the turmoil. With the help of her biotics she fought her way to Grunt. He looked bad. Garrus' shouting made her realize that he soon went crazy because he didn't come to her. She gave the next Krogan, who was too close to Grunt, a head-butt. She would regret that for days, but now it didn't matter.

"Come too close to my son and I'll tear you to pieces."

They disappeared. Litavis swirled around directly and knelt down next to the little ones. He looked really bad. He had only looked like that on Utukku. She gently stroked his head.

"Your son, combat master?"

"Shut up. I'll probably never get closer to it."

"HA!"

They had taken him to a doctor and had him treated there.  
Now he guarded the door to her office again. Castis came in and brought her a cup of coffee. In her absence he had taken care of everything and he had been very successful. Only there were the next catastrophes by now. Tevos had disappeared. She had been dropped off and sent into exile. That in itself was a problem, but actually one that would have been easy to solve. Replacements were already available. But now came the real problem. It had leaked out that the Asari had kept the Prothean Beacon hidden for generations. They had not shared their knowledge and had thus decisively influenced the course of the war. What would have happened if... This accusation could not be dismissed. It was true... Now the Asari stood as accused before the entire galaxy. All relief supplies for this people had been frozen. Nobody wanted to work with them anymore. Even the enterprising Volus preferred to forego profit rather than help them. The Asari embassy was blocked by demonstrators, their businesses boycotted on the Citadel and workers laid off. Litavis felt that all the matriarchs had gathered in front of her office and wanted to talk to her. But she had not yet found a solution. 

"There were requests for help again from the Asari, Admiral."

"Thank you, Officer Vakarian. Anything new from this direction?" 

"No. At least nothing good. The situation continues to escalate. Voices are being raised that want to banish all Asari from the Citadel. The Council seat should be recognized from them."

"And to whom next, the Salarians, the humans or the Turians?"

"The Turians reacted quickly. Quentius is inexperienced and many speak of a transitional solution, but the Turians are still the safest after the humans."

"After the humans?"

"It became known that at that time Ambassador Anderson wanted to make your warning public. The other councillors voted against it. So he chose unofficial channels. Unfortunately, no faith was given to them. And... you are a human being. That makes even more difference."

"Too stupid that I am no Asari. Then my father could be a human being, my grandfather a Turian, my great-grandfather a Salarian and so on. We would all be one big, happy family. Anything else?"

"No. May I speak frankly?

"Sure."

"How are you, Shepard?"

"Better, Castis."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"What happened?"

"All my memories came back."

"And that was too much for you?"

"Yes... no... I would have been okay with that. That my team hid something so important from me, that threw me off course."

"Was it very important?

"For me, yes. Nothing that would have restricted my actions, nothing that would have influenced my decisions, but an important part of my life. I felt, or rather still feel betrayed."

"Is that why you avoid them?"

"Yes."

He walked around the table and... hugged her. Castis Vakarian embraced her. That was unbelievable. At that moment Garrus came in and stopped in the door with his mouth open.

"If I do something wrong, say it. Humans want to express their support with it.

"And their affiliation... among other things..."

"Then it's right?"

"Yes. Thank you, Castis."

He stepped back and left the room. Garrus still looked at her in disbelief. Shepard also had to gather briefly. To buy some time she drank her coffee.

"What's on your mind, big guy?"

"That I need to buy a ring and urgently practice kneeling."

"Very funny, Vakarian."

"That wasn't a joke. Spirits, Litavis, how do you do it?"

"How did I do it with you?"

"You were just yourself."

"You see. I am no different with your father either. But back to business, why are you here?

"The snake of the Asari is getting longer. I have requested some of Grunts troops. Not to drive them away, but to protect them. The mood is tilting more and more. Can't you do anything? Just improvise."

"If it is so..."

"Litavis?"

"It could be that simple. Send a message to Thessia. I want to talk to all the matriarchs who knew about the beacon."

"Will be done. Are we going to Thessia?"

"You say it."

"With the Normandy?"

"No... Bray's on the Citadel right now. We take the crap details. Let Liara know. I need her on Thessia."

"Will be done. Who else?"

"You, Grunt and Armada."

"Okay. And Litavis..."

"Yes?"

"I'll keep Liara away from you on the flight."

"Thank you, Garrus."

She sent her fleet away again except for Bray. Also the Normandy. Now she could explain why she didn't come on her ship. Not everyone would like it, but she just didn't care. Suddenly Kaidan entered her office. Damn and she was now alone with him. That couldn't be true.

"Shepard I..."

"It's Admiral, Major."

"Excuse me, Admiral. We found the man who ordered the assassination."

"Let the council take care of it."

"The Council is incapable of acting."

"Then the alliance. I can hardly do it myself."

"That could lead to political disputes, Admiral."

"Damn it, Major. Then you do it. You're a damn Spectre and you're acting on behalf of the Council."

"I don't know how."

"Damn it! It can't be that hard. Who was it, Major?"

"A daughter of Dalatrass Linron. It should look as if Valern and her mother had their fingers in the pie."

"The evidence is conclusive?"

"Yes, Admiral."

"Inform Valern. When I get back from Thessia, I want to talk to him. Kirrahe and Bau should be ready then, too."

"Understood, Admiral."

Garrus had probably noticed Kaidan and entered the room. By chance he stood right next to her. She almost waited for him to kiss her before Alenko's eyes, but he did not. Too bad, actually.

"Garrus, we'll take Normandy. I have to get back quickly and then to Sur'kesh."

"As you like, Litavis."

"Anything else, Major?"

"May I speak freely?"

"Denied. Dismissed."

Depressed, the Canadian left her office. She took a deep breath and leaned briefly against Garrus.

"Everything okay, Litavis?"

"It's all right. We have to go."

On the Normandy she only gave the necessary orders and then went into her cabin. The messages of her friends on the terminal she simply ignored. She lacked the time and especially the nerves for that. She also ignored everyone at her door. Only Garrus was allowed in. He sat silently on a sofa and waited patiently until she was finished and came to him.

"Kaidan, you've done well."

"Do you think so?"

"No. You held yourself back. But it should be clear to him that you are mad at him. Just like the other one."

"They have to come to terms with that."

"Don't you want to tell them what's going on?"

"No."

"Litavis..."

"They've been keeping quiet about a year, Garrus. They stole me... they stole our time. Since the war, they should know how precious every second can be."

She found herself in his arms and snuggled up to him. It was strange how much she enjoyed being allowed to be weak. The sniper would catch her. Again and again. Slowly she reached up and kissed him. Since Shanxi this happened more and more often. Garrus also tried hard to get close to her again and again. Not in the office, but as soon as they got home, he took her in his arms more often. 

"I saw you had plans for a new colony."

"I did."

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Which one?"

"Not Shanxi."

"I wasn't planning to either. But why not?"

"I... it... I like the thought that we could go back there. Just you and me. Our planet, so to speak. Spirits, that sounds terrible."

"It does. Put it on the list anyway. I like it."

Now she was stormily kissed by him. Their planet. Just the two of them. No worries, no duties... just celebrate. Only with Garrus could she imagine that at all. To run away with him was tempting. Only unfortunately not her kind and his also not.  
Arrived on Thessia she entered with Liara, Grunt, Armada and Garrus a large meeting hall. On her way here she had seen the suffering of the population. The Asari were in a bad way. Damn bad. There was an upswing to be felt everywhere, now it went drastically downhill. Thessia was in free fall and that after not even two months. The matriarchs greeted her formally and then began to lament her suffering. The galaxy isolated them and their own people slowly started a revolt. Slowly she rose from her chair. Directly it became quiet in the hall.

"The solution to the problem is simple, albeit frightening, and I can't assess the consequences for Asari society. Each individual in this room resigns. They make room for the next generation. The whole galaxy knows that most of the Asari knew nothing about the Beacon. The new leadership must consist of such Asari. Perhaps there are some matriarchals who could be considered for this. Maybe not. Then matrons or virgins would have to take over. This step is radical, I know that. Probably the thought alone is unimaginable. And many will say that the new leaders are too young. You wanted a proposal from me and I am much younger. That is the solution I can offer. Take it, or seek another."

Litavis had deliberately turned to the cameras. Her speech was broadcast throughout the galaxy. It was risky, but it became clear that she personally had no grudge against this people. Immediately after her words she said goodbye and left the hall. The assembly had to consult and they needed it, they did not. Only at Normandy did she breathe a sigh of relief. It went directly back to the Citadel. Liara wanted to talk to her. Of course she wanted that. There she had to go through now.

"What is it, Liara?"

"The idea is radical, but good, Shepard. My informants on Thessia report that the population has broken into cheers. Many went home shortly after your speech, instead of demonstrating further."

"Scream until someone listens to me, so I still can."

"Yes, but the meeting is still in session."

"That should take even longer."

"I'll let you know when I get something new."

"Good."

"Shepard, I..."

"I'm busy. Now I have to convince some people to help the Asari again."

The redhead quickly left the room. As already mentioned, she just didn't have the nerve at the moment. She went into the communication room and talked to Doran, Hackett, and Victus. The three were the most sensible leaders. Hackett made sure that the relief supplies from the humans arrived for Thessia. Doran spoke with the businessmen. He also noted that Shepard could wish the Volus what they wanted. Thanks to her, the people were getting better and better. Some even wanted to make her a goddess. Fortunately, the proposal was not taken seriously. The Turians also agreed to help again. He sent her some more messages. Back in her quarters she called the Sniper to her.

"Garrus, do you have time? I need you."

"You need me?"

That sounded dirty. She could already imagine his gaze. A pleasant shiver trickled down her back. Not now.

"News from Palavan. I need a translator."

"Too bad. I'm right here."

He had really hurried to get to her. The Alliance's news that there was no difference between marriage and bonding among humans had led in many cases to her receiving additional bonding requests. With his subvokals her boyfriend made a dark growl. Immediately he put his arm possessively around her hip. The next news were country gifts. This made Shepard an official citizen of Palavan. Garrus was much more happy about it than she was. Shepard had intended to refuse, but the Turian had explained to her that it was tantamount to an affliction of the individual clans. She should probably go to Palavan soon.

"You have another message."

"I know. It's from Adrien."

"Since when do you call him by his first name?"

"He asked me to."

"And what does he want from you?

"Nothing special. Soon there will be some competition and he has invited me."

"You should take part in it?"

"No. He said that would only demoralize his people. I should only see. As his guest."

"You don't do that."

"Why not?"

"This invitation is the Turian version of a date."

"Nonsense. Why should he..."

"Litavis. He wants something from you."

"Certainly not. Why all of a sudden? We hardly know each other."

"How often do you talk to him?"

"Once a day. That's about it."

"And you call, or he?"

"He. But it's always about the reconstruction."

"Or he flirts and you don't get it. What do his subvocals do?"

"Hard to describe... a kind of humming. No, that doesn't quite fit. But so similarly."

"He flirts."

"Maybe that doesn't even apply to me."

"He's flirting with you, Litavis."

"Are you a little jealous? Already forgotten? I am a one - turian kind of woman."

They had arrived. Garrus kissed her briefly and then turned to walk.

"Where do you want to go? I briefly meet Valern, collect Kirrahe and Bau and then it goes immediately to Sur'kesh.

"I have to buy a damn ring."

"Very funny, Garrus."


	33. anulum induere

The plan was there. Litavis leaned back in the seat and looked at the group calmly. Kirrahe, Bau, Valern and Nasorm Aeu, another Salarian Spectre accompanied her. Garrus was again unhappy that he was not allowed to accompany her, but he understood. They came unannounced and entered the meeting place of the Linron. She went to the top and let her appearance take effect for the time being. Only then did she step aside and let Valern go.

"We are here to arrest in the name of the Council the patroness of the assassination attempt on Admiral Shepard, Savior of the Galaxy, Honorary Citizen of Earth, Mindoir, Tutchanka and Palaven, Heroine of the Volus, Protector of the Elcor, Honorary Admiral of Rannoch, Siha of the Drell, nara and rebekha of the Asari and first Spectre of the Humans. Bau, Aeu, Detol Linron arrest immediately. She is transferred to the Citadel and brought to justice there by the Council and all the ambassadors."

Respect. She would have had to take a breath several times to name all her honorary titles. She probably would have forgotten one or the other. The Salarian was immediately seized by the two Spectres and handcuffed. Valern seemed to be more than relieved. Then Kirrahe stepped forward. 

"Dalatrass Linron. According to the laws of the Salarians, you are complicit in your daughter's crime. As leader and mother, you should have known about your daughter's machinations and prevented them. That did not happen. In the name of our people I arrest you and surrender you to the jurisdiction of the Alliance."

Very quickly the Dalatrass was also handcuffed.

"That is not necessary, Major. Please release the Dalatrass again."

"Admiral?"

"There is no such law among the humans. So the Dalatrass would not be condemned. There wouldn't even be a court case, because all evidence only refers to her daughter as the perpetrator. So it is unnecessary to handcuff her and publicly humiliate her."

"Whatever you say, Admiral Shepard."

He released the Dalatrass again and left the place. Litavis quietly looked her former adversary in the eye. Her gaze made one thing clear. You belong to me, Linron. All alone with me and daring even to undermine my efforts, then... calmly she left the square and flew back to Normandy with the others. In her quarters Garrus immediately took her in her arms. Hectically he sniffed at her.

"Nothing happened to me, Garrus. You won't smell blood."

"Thank the spirits. I don't like it when you leave me behind."

"I don't like it either if you don't cover my back."

"Good to know. How are you?"

"Good. I'm a little tired and tense. A close fight against a brute and a banshee is not as exhausting as diplomacy."

Garrus helped her out of her armour and went to bed with her. Actually, she still had work to do, but that was just too pleasant. Satisfied, she fell asleep in his arms.  
Two weeks had passed since her little trip. And a lot had changed. The Asari were no longer offside. They had a new guide and a new councilwoman. And the Salarians... now the Linron overturned with the delivery of relief supplies. Jondum Bau only flew back and forth between Sur'kesh and the Citadel. The Bachjret district was further developed and only one third of all refugees had to sleep in containers. For the first time in a long time it was almost quiet in the office. Of course the planning continued and they had more than enough to do, but no catastrophe stood in their way. The redhead was almost happy. If they could keep up the pace, the worst would be over in five years and their office would no longer be needed. If she had been an optimist, she would have written a big five-year plan on a blackboard. But Shepard wasn't an optimist. She began to smile easily when the door opened and a young Asari came in.

"Councillor, Kashari. What can I do for you?"

"Shepard, I'm sorry to bother you again. The job just overwhelms me. The Quarians want an ambassador. The Turians and the humans are for it. The Salarians are not sure and my people prefer to think long-term. Tevos would have observed the matter for another fifty to one hundred years."

"You are not Tevos. You have your own opinion, your own strong will and you have a feeling for the right thing. If it were up to your more experienced colleagues, I would still be in hospital. Still locked up in this room. You prevailed because you knew it was wrong for me. So, what does your feeling tell you? What is right for your patient?"

"The Turians need the help. They are dependent on them, like some are dependent on painkillers. So they are biased. The Salarians stand on shaky legs. Without a walking aid, nothing works for them. So they don't take a step on their own. So the humans remain... they don't need anything from Rannoch. They would have no advantages and decide freely. Would I still be a doctor... it's that simple, Shepard?"

"It's that simple, Kashari. You are still a doctor. Your patient is now just the whole galaxy. Just imagine it the same way. Do you need anything else? I have to go straight to Palavan."

"No, that's all I need. Thank you, Shepard. I promise I'll do everything I can to heal my patient."

"Good.

"And if I do something wrong, you can kick my ass."

"Agreed."

Grinning she looked after the Asari. In a good mood she left her office. Kaidan would do her job, as Garrus and Castis would both accompany her to Palavan. Solana, of course, also came with them. Garrus' sister took her all through the flight. On Palavan she was immediately received by Victus and invited to the shuttle. She briefly looked at Garrus and smiled for a moment. He really didn't have to worry. In an official ceremony, various clans presented her with gifts. It was always a part of her country. The primarch then declared her a citizen of Palavan and the people present burst into rejoicing. Afterwards she talked briefly with each clan representative. She would have liked to have Garrus by her side now, but he was probably somewhere in the crowd. Slowly the conversations became unpleasant. More and more, the single sons were being talked about. Suddenly the Primarch stood by their side. Fortunately. Help approached.

"We must now say goodbye. The admiral and I are expected at the games."

What? Not good. Not good at all. She couldn't expose Victus in public by simply cancelling. Hopefully Garrus was wrong and he didn't see it as a date. On the shuttle, she tried to find out a lot about the competition and finally grinned. So it was like paintball. A hobby on earth and a serious sport for the Turians. Very amusing. At the venue she sat next to Victus on his own grandstand. The audience cheered for them.

"Almost like the gladiator games in ancient Rome. You even have the same place as the emperor." 

"You'll have to explain that to me right away, Shepard." 

He opened the games and they sat next to each other. She was even served wine.

"In antiquity there was the kingdom of Rome on earth. Very powerful and military very strong. Turian customs often remind me of it. They have also built large arenas in which different entertainments were offered. Mostly very bloody. The highlight were the gladiators. Slaves who fought against each other or against wild animals."

"And the emperor was something like a primarch?"

"Something like that. Would take too long to work out the differences now, but yes."

"Too bad my people are so poor in history."

"Yes. Really a pity."

"And the emperor was also elected?"

"No. At least that wasn't what was planned. Usually one of his sons became his successor. Or his son-in-law. Oh... I'm sorry, Victus. I did not want..."

"It's okay, Shepard. But call me Adrien. Please."

"Power of habit, Adrien. I'll try."

He made that noise again. She quickly looked into the arena and sipped her wine again. She had to admit she liked it. It sounded damn good. Like a promise. Only unfortunately it came from the wrong Turian. Why had Garrus never done that for her? But maybe it sounded different with him... The competition was really interesting. Always new scenery appeared and bit by bit more and more participants retired.

"How do you like it?"

"Good. It's exciting. I admit I'd like to be down there now."

"Am I so unbearable?"

"No. I'm a soldier. When I see a good fight, my whole body cries out to be part of it. And I always want to be one of the best. My finger has been flinching at the imaginary trigger the whole time."

"I can well understand that. I was in my youth also gladly down there."

"I would challenge you, but I'm not sure how your reputation would suffer if I kick you in the dust."

"So sure of victory, Shepard?"

"Absolutely, Adrien. You wouldn't stand a chance."

"Okay. Then we'll wait until the competition is over and everyone's out."

"Is that possible?"

"Sure we can."

"Then gladly."

"What do you think of a bet to make it all more exciting?"

"What do we bet?"

"The winner may choose something."

"As long as you don't want the Normandy, in case you win by accident."

"Are you getting scared, Shepard? I'm interested in a lot of you, but the Normandy certainly isn't."

Adrien was much more aggressive than Garrus. She proved her boyfriend right after all. Victus was interested in her. For a moment she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He radiated pure dominance. He knew what he wanted and surely he got it often enough. But certainly not from her. If she showed him that she was also an alpha animal he probably lost his interest. She had to show him that he was no match for her. That she and only she had that to say. He would certainly not be able to cope with that and she had her peace. Finally the winner was chosen and the arena was empty. With the weapon in her hand she stood on a free surface.

"What then, Adrien? I wait."

She heard an approaching ball and quickly built up a biotic field. That would have been a smooth hit, but so the paint only burst on her shield.

"Damn!"

"Is that all? That's all you've got?"

Slowly she went in his direction. He was good. He changed position and attacked the usual weak points. But she wasn't a common biotic. Litavis had always been strong, but thanks to all the implants she could keep this shield up forever. Finally, she had pushed the Turian into a corner. With biotic shackles she made him unable to move and even forced him to his knees. Smiling cool, she lifted her pistol, aimed at his helmet and pulled the trigger several times.

"I said yes, I would win."

"Damn it, Shepard. I saw you in action. I saw you in the videos and still I had no idea how dangerous you really are. Well, you won. What do you want?"

"Another bottle of the wine. It tastes really good."

"I still have ten bottles of it. They all belong to you. But now please let us leave the field of my shame."

They boarded the shuttle and flew together to his residence. The redhead followed the Turian calmly. She would pick up her prize and then fly home to Garrus. She looked forward to her partner. Even in her thoughts, she was frightened when the older man suddenly grabbed her and pressed his mouth plates onto her lips. She felt a strange tongue begging for admission. Litavis pulled her head back.

"Adrien, stop."

"I'm... sorry, Shepard. It was stupid of me."

"Yes, it was. But it's okay. Probably I also sent the wrong signals without wanting it."

"A few maybe. But it was really stupid of me to think that you were on Turian..."

"Adrien, it's not because you're Turian. Not at all. Apparently I even have a weakness for your people. But just for one very special."

"You have a..."

"A partner, yes. Garrus and I have been a couple since the war. It started before that."

"And yet you didn't accept his proposals."

"That's what his father put in for him."

"So he hasn't asked you yet? After all this time?"

" Humans like to take their time with marriage. He understands that."

"You realize that it is in my nature to keep trying until you are bound?"

"And you realize that I will always refuse you?"

"I will try it anyway."

He was much more offensive than Garrus... but still he had no chance. Finally she had arrived at the Vakarians. Already outside she heard Castis talking to his son.

"She's alone with the primary and you're in your room all day watching movies, Garrus?"

"Dad, I..."

"ARE YOU STUPID? After what you told me..."

"He has no chance with Litavis."

"And you are sure about that? You know him. You know how it affects women."

"They hardly know each other."

"He is a soldier, like her. He is a leader, like her. He carries the hope of a nation on his shoulders, she the hope of the galaxy. The two have damn much in common, Garrus. He can lay all Palavan at her feet and he won't hesitate to do it."

Louder than necessary she stepped into the room. She walked right up to Garrus and kissed him. His tongue took her in only too gladly and wrapped around her for a long time. Smiling, she looked at her partner. He carried her directly into his bedroom. His nose plate trembled.

"You..."

"He tried to kiss me. I said no."

The sniper started to run up and down the room. Only after a few minutes did he suddenly stand in front of her again.

"What is it, Garrus?"

"I watched a thousand movies. I should go skating with you, I can't. Then I should spend the night with you in a snow-covered, isolated mountain hut, I can't stand that. Then I should do it on the beach, at sunset, I'll definitely drop it and never find it in the sand again. I am to take you to dinner and let him hide in your food or in a glass. What if the waiter is wrong and someone else gets this? But what if you do get him and then swallow him? You could choke on it. I'm supposed to get on my knees before you, but if you fall over I can't catch you like that. You don't fall down..."

"Garrus, what are you even talking about? I don't understand a single word."

He sank to his knees in front of her. What happened now? Was he sick? Drunk, perhaps. In his hands he held a small box. It took some time for him to open it with shaky hands. A ring? Litavis' heart stopped.

"Marry me... I mean... Oh, spirits help me... you want me... also wrong... I love you, Litavis. I don't want to spend a... second without you. You are my life. Become my partner... my wife... my... please... marry me."


	34. sponsalia

Garrus proposed. He really proposed to her. Her feelings were really overflowing. Her heart was pounding almost painfully. A part of her cheered. However, the analytical part of her was working at full speed. She had never wanted to get married. She thought this custom was antiquated. That was all nonsense. She didn't need a document to prove her relationship. Why should she take someone else's name and why should he take hers? All those ceremonies, the congratulations, the... just all that was superfluous. She could lead her relationship without all that. And why now? Why did he ask her now? Did he want to claim any possessions? Show every man that he should keep his hands off her? Make it clear that she was forgiven? Would Garrus also ask if no other man was interested in her? But then he wouldn't have asked here. Not when they were alone. She just stared at him. The sniper was still kneeling in front of her. She had to answer him... how he looked at her. Desperate and yet hopeful. The admiral had to swallow hard. Her body simply did not react. Shepard's mind actually made fun of her. That was crazy. To be precise, stupid. She as a wife. Her role as a diplomat did not suit her. She was squeezed in... like everything else in the world she was supposed to fill the role as a wife. Not one... his wife. Garrus' wife... that was something completely different. He would never think that he owned her. Garrus wanted to belong to her. That was it. Quite simply. Her mouth was dry. She licked her lips several times. She just didn't get a sound out. Several times she cleared her throat and with every sound he flinched as if she had beaten him.

"Yes. Yes! Every damn yes, in this galaxy, Garrus."

The Turian jumped up and literally tore her to himself. He pressed their mouths so tightly together that it hurt, but it didn't matter. She didn't care if her lips burst open and she could taste her own blood when she kissed. She didn't care that he pressed her so hard that her bones groaned. None of that mattered. She kissed her fiancé. Only that was important. Slowly he let her go again. Finally the redhead got some air again.

"Sorry. I was something..."

"boisterous."

" Spirits, Litavis... I thought you'd say no. I thought I was watching the wrong stupid movies. I thought... Fuck! The Ring!"

He let her go quickly and crawled on the floor. He had dropped the box and the ring had rolled out. Without wanting it, the redhead started to laugh. All the tension dropped from her. Garrus growled only quietly and searched further. Finally he had found the small object and stared at her hands overtaxed. Smiling, she pointed to the left ring finger. It fitted her. 

"Luckily, you rejected the beach idea from the start, big guy."

"I told you I'd drop it..."

Gently she put her lips on his mouthplates. The Turian looked incredibly happy. Really relieved. He lifted her slightly and conquered her mouth. The admiral's hands lay down in the neck of her fiancé's and held on there. To call him so in thought alone made her infinitely warm. After a little eternity she felt firm ground under her feet again. He grabbed her hand and wanted to pull her out of the room.

"Wait. I know you want to tell your family right now. But I have no idea how it works with Turians. Your father finally likes me and I don't want to offend him."

"Oh... sure. I hadn't thought about that at all."

"You see. Afterwards he is happy and I ruin everything."

"You couldn't do that at all."

"Garrus."

"Yes... uh sequence. The families meet and gifts are exchanged. Then it is negotiated to which clan the children belong afterwards, where the new family lives, the community has to be informed and a new house is built by both families. If that is the case, a ceremony will be held... damn it, Litavis..."

"Exactly. I don't have a family. This with our children could become biologically really difficult and even if I would like to do it for you, I can't live permanently on Palavan."

"How's it going with the humans?"

"With us there is no fixed time schedule. We could get married tomorrow, in a week, in a year, in five years, or even later. That's for both of us to decide. We can even decide how to marry. We both go to the appropriate office alone, sign a document and are married. Or we take people with us and celebrate or we get married twice. Once officially and once according to the model of a religion."

"That's the one with the white dress, isn't it?"

"You mean the wedding dress? You can wear it whenever you want."

"Oh..."

"Let one thing be clear. If you want a wedding dress on our wedding day, you have to put it on."

"I would do that for you. But it has to be a pretty dress."

Quietly she started to laugh and shook her head.

"No. Well, really not."

"Good, even if it's a pity."

"You would have loved to put on a dress, Garrus?"

"No! I would have liked to see you inside."

" Weirdo."

"With you there are in principle no rules at all. How did you imagine your wedding then?"

"Honestly? I never intended to get married. I always found the thought absurd. Until you asked me."

His Mandibles twitched slightly and he just looked at her perplexed. Suddenly he ejected the same tone as Adrien. He just sounded much better with him. A pleasant shiver ran through her whole body and she snuggled into his arms. Calmly they stood there. He remained silent the whole time. Had she said something wrong?

"Garrus?"

"I'm sorry. I just can't believe you said yes to marriage anyway."

"I said yes to a marriage with you. How did you always imagine that?"

"I can tell you what I always feared. That my father would eventually choose a woman for me. That I have nothing to say about it, get married, witness two children and finally have my peace."

"Okay... how did you imagine your bond?"

"I... not at all. Until you died, I couldn't even have imagined that I'd find a woman I wanted to be with. Then it was too late. When you were there again I would never have imagined chances, in the war I didn't think about it again and then..."

"My memory loss..."

"Exactly..."

"So neither of us has a plan."

"And I thought the hardest part was the stuttering."

"Is there anything important to you? Any tradition that means something to you?"

"The vow of attachment... we always promise to be there for each other, to take care of each other... a promise for eternity."

"Sounds beautiful."

"Yes only it probably doesn't mean that much to humans."

"Garrus, this promise of yours will mean everything to me."

"I love you, Litavis."

"I love you too, Garrus Shepard."

"Hey! Sounds good... somehow."

"That was a joke, big guy."

"I know. But I don't expect you to take my name."

"What do you think of double names? We would then be Litavis and Garrus Shepard - Vakarian? Quite long, but what the hell."

"I like the idea of the humans."

"We have arranged two things. We are making progress."

"Is there something important to you?"

"The honeymoon."

"The what moon?"

"Honeymoon. Vacation. Just you and me."

"Sounds good. How about Shanxi?"

"I was thinking more of a hotel where I wouldn't let you out of bed for two weeks."

"Oh? Oh! Is one of those offices still open?"

"Do not tempt me. Your father will never forgive me if I run away with you."

"Run away?"

"That would be the wedding, just you me and our signature."

"And what if we get married twice?"

"We have problems all of a sudden."

"I mean... once we let my father do what tradition demands and once only us."

"What about the bonding ceremony?"

"Let's just associate it with a marriage." 

"Sounds damn good."

"Do we have everything then?"

"When?

"Oh... damn..."

The Turian suddenly raised her on his arm and sat with her on the bed. Satisfied, she snuggled up to him. That was really hard. Supposedly it was such a dreamlike moment. They were clearly too problem oriented. Slowly he freed her from the rest of her armor. He had darkened all the windows so that the low sun would not burn her.

"What if we tell my father that we're going to take care of the galaxy first and then make an appointment?"

"Is that what you want? Wait that long?"

"I would wait for you for eternity, Litavis."

"Definitely put that on your list."

"I will."

"Shall we tell them then?"

"Yes."

"Just wait a minute."

"Is there anything else?"

"I can't get down naked very well."

" Yeah, fine with me."

"Asshole!"

She put on a tracksuit and they went down together. Solana had just finished cooking. That could probably wait. The food tasted really good. Garrus had labeled every spice so that his sister wouldn't confuse salt and sugar again. Sol had even made her her some pudding. At least there was something to celebrate. How right she was. Smiling, Litavis grabbed the hand of her fiancé. The young Turian stares at her ring finger.

"Spirits... Spirits! SPIRITS!"

She jumped up and ran around the table. Castis looked at his daughter as if she had gone mad. Laughing, Solana embraced her.

"Welcome to the family, big sister!"

Smiling, she stood up and hugged Sol. A glass broke and Shepard gave a short frightened scream, but then laughed. Castis had run around the table and just lifted her up. She pushed him hard.

"Welcome, daughter."

Garrus looked at the whole thing calmly. The redhead stood between Sol and Castis. They never let her go.

"Congratulate my son. Great job, big brother..." he growled quietly.

Shepard laboriously freed herself and breathed a kiss on his mouth.

"Congratulations and great job, my fiancé."

Satisfied, the sniper began to purr.


	35. toto pectore

The night had been very short. Castis and Sol had insisted on celebrating the engagement. The alcohol was flowing. And now they were on Normandy again. Castis had an insane hangover and hissed painfully at every little noise and Solana lay on Shepard's bed begging for mercy. Litavis herself and Garrus were fine. They both watched the spectacle in their quarters amused. Sol on her bed and Castis on the sofa. It was funny how they begged each other not to breathe so loudly. She finally went to Mass with the sniper. Should the other two recover. She needed her coffee now. It was pleasantly quiet on board. In rest she sat down and looked around. The admiral had to grin briefly. Garrus didn't seem to be doing so well after all. Not as bad as his family, but the sound of his subvocals betrayed him. So she rose and got him a painkiller from the medical station. She had never really noticed alcohol, but since she had been put together for the second time, she had no problems at all. Her body had changed enormously. Not only had she received new body parts, but her organism had also changed. She should inform probably times more exactly what Miranda everything with her had organized. If she understood it then. Smiling she handed her fiancé the pain killers. Again on the Citadel Sol still brought home. Castis could not be dissuaded from it into the office to want. They had to work and who could celebrate, could also work. Grinning, she looked after him as he walked in front of her. If he wanted to. Litavi's fingers stroked over her collarbone. Her engagement ring hung on a thin leather band around her neck. Garrus had made her the chain this morning. The ring was impractical under the gloves of her armor after all. In her office she made the delivery with Kaidan and went back to work. Sizzling she sucked in the air and quickly put her cup down. Her right arm and legs began to hurt. Always that day... the first time she panicked. She thought her body would repel the new limbs. But that was not it. Tomorrow was an important day for the galaxy. Tomorrow was the anniversary of the victory over the Reapers. Happy N7 Day... that's what it was supposed to be called. At least if it were up to the alliance. Happy Victory Day, if you listened to the Council. If you listened to the people, then tomorrow was Shepard Day. But it wasn't true. Today was the anniversary of the decisive blow. Two years ago today she had used the crucible. Two years ago today she had exchanged half of her body for a future. The severed limbs reminded her that they had not agreed to the exchange. Phantom pain... But that was okay. Maybe they would keep her from sleeping. Every year the same nightmare. She watched her body dissolve. She fell for an infinite time and had unspeakable pain. Even in Garrus arms she was not safe from this dream. Sighing, she grabbed the cup with her left hand. Meanwhile she was almost as skilled with her left hand as with her right. She had had to practice it long enough. Slowly she went through the reports. Finally she gave up and came up with some painkillers. Kashari had given it to her some time ago in case it happened again. She didn't like it very much. She then felt so slow. The others always claimed that you wouldn't notice it...but Shepard wasn't so sure. After a few hours Armada came in and presented her with new reports. The Geth had become an important part of the galaxy. They supported the populations and demanded nothing for it. Everywhere you went you saw this people. That still sounded strange... if they would ever get a embassy on the Citdel? Another item on her to-do list. It would only be fair, after all, if it were so. 

"Shepard Commander, may I speak freely?"

"Go ahead, Armada."

"Is the assumption correct that this is now a free conversation?" 

"The assumption is correct. However, I would call it a personal conversation."

"Thank you, Shepard Commander. I'm still practicing."

"So, what's going on?"

"I don't understand the question."

"What do you want to talk to me about?"

"I see. I observe you and I noticed a strong deviation from your other behavior."

"About the fact that you observe me we speak immediately. What kind of deviation?"

"Your behaviour towards other people. You behave differently towards your team. The Normandy crew. From Legion's notes and from my own observations I know that you normally act differently with them. You have often spoken to them personally. You have maintained close contact, especially with food intake. Several team members stayed longer in your office on average. You made that collective noise. Laughter together is what it is called. The quiet version is when you pull the corners of your mouth towards your eyes."

"Smile?"

"Yes. You don't smile much anymore, Shepard Commander. With Creator Kenn, the other new members on your team, you do it now and then. And the two Turians, Garrus and Castis regularly. I don't understand why."

"Armada... it's not easy to explain... I was in your collective and I saw the stored data. After the victory over the old machines I was defective... my body was destroyed and... much of my memory, my memories, no longer tangible."

"The data was erased."

"No. There was only one damn good firewall. I knew the data was there, I just couldn't get there. And my crew had free access to it. But they denied it to me."

"They withheld knowledge from you?"

"Yes. They thought that this knowledge would overtax me, but that was not their decision, it was mine."

"What kind of knowledge?"

"My last memories were just before the jump to collector base."

"That is not much."

"For a collective, no. For an individual, it's a whole lot. And there are dates that are more important than others."

"Correct."

"Do you agree that these data were very important, even if there weren't many?"

"Yes."

"And in that amount of data were also pieces of data that were very important to me. My past does not determine who I am, but it shapes me."

"I don't understand".

"It's hard to explain... An example. If I had not met Legion, I would not have made such an effort to make peace between you and the Creators. I would have tried. But... I trusted Legion. In the past he has shown me that I can trust him. Without this knowledge, I would never have let him upload the code."

"You acted not only because of the current data, but also because of your memories?"

"Exactly and according to their priority. I had several data I could access. I had the data about the Heretics. They worked with the old machines. I had the record that Geth and Heretics are not the same and don't want the same. Then I got the information that the Geth were now controlled. Which made most of the programs, in my eyes, Heretics. The only thing that contradicted your destruction was the data I had stored under Legion. It was illogical to give you a chance. I did it anyway."

"Without your memories of Legion, you would have reluctantly destroyed us, but you would have."

"Exactly.

"Understand. Were the memories so important?"

"For me personally, yes. It wouldn't have led to the destruction of a people but... Unlike you, Armada, time is my greatest enemy. I have this one body and it ages. If your consensus is not destroyed, you can live forever. Not me. And if I then have to waste my short time collecting data again, then..."

"I see. So that means you're disappointed in someone."

"Yes. That's exactly what I feel. I feel disappointed and betrayed."

"Time is precious for organic life. They have taken away time that you wanted to use differently. You'll never get that time back."

"You understand organic creatures very well by now."

"I'm still learning."

"Does that answer your question?"

"Yes, Shepard Commander."

"Good. Now explain to me why you're watching me."

"We are now individuals. We were Geth, now I am Armada. It's complicated to be an individual. I have no experience, no data I could access. I learn by observing, by imitating. Many Geth try that. You are not uncomfortable when I observe you. You do not change your behavior. That makes it easier."

"But if you imitate me you do not become an individual."

"I don't understand".

"If you do everything like I do, then who are you? Are you Armada, or Shepard Commander?"

"Copying is the wrong way."

"You must decide what is right and wrong for you, Armada. That makes you an individual."

"I understand, Shepard Commander. It's hard to be an individual."

"And often illogical."

"I understand organic life better now and Legion better now."

"Legion? Why Legion?"

"He said you are important. He said if anyone defeats the old machines, it's you. And if you survive that, we should follow you. He said Shepard Commander is the heart of the galaxy. The galaxy is not a body. I thought he had a malfunction. That assumption was wrong."

"Armada I..."

"I'm leaving now. You're in a lot of pain and you need a break."

Perplexed, she looked at Armada. This Geth surprised her again and again. Smiling, she shook her head and continued to work. She now had much less to do. The Geth seemed to sort a lot of information more precisely and to pass a lot on to Castis. Suddenly Garrus stood next to her. He locked the door and simply lifted her up. Litavis looked at him questioningly when she found herself on his lap. He took off the upper part of his armor and pulled her against his chest. He ejected a deep purr. She knew the sound. He had always done it for her when she was in great pain. Exhausted, Litavis closed her eyes and just snuggled into her fiancé. 

"You know me too well."

"Pure self-interest. Today is another shitty day. I almost lost you again a few years ago today. And that's only because I couldn't really take cover."

"The first time in the war... I really panicked."

"I didn't... I often thought I had to drop dead because you were in danger again."

"We made it."

"That's what we did. And now you're here."

"And you with me."

"And I never leave again."

"Sounds good."

"Don't you want to go home? You're in a lot of pain... you could lie down."

"No... I don't want to. I don't really want to sleep that night." 

"Nightmares?"

"Yes."

"I hold you. All the time, I promise."

"Even if it works otherwise, you can't protect me from this nightmare."

"Then I stay with you the whole time. After all, we can sleep all day tomorrow."

"You don't want to celebrate tomorrow?"

"I'll celebrate five days later."

"Why?

"My personal Litavis Day. They found you there. Found you alive. And then there is the second Litavis Day seven months, three weeks and four days later. Then you woke up and it became clear to me that you would survive."

"The things you remember."

"It's about my future wife. I remember everything."

"I didn't know you could be so sweet."

"I am not sweet."

"You're my sweet fiancé, Honey."

"Again disarmed. You're killing me, Litavis."

"Let's go home."

"As you like."

She got up and Garrus dressed again. He supported her slightly. At home her partner took her off and helped her into a tracksuit. She snuggled up to him and they watched some movies together. Quietly she started to laugh. Again the 300th. She could have played in the movie.

"For Halloween, I'll put you in Spartan armor, Garrus."

"Sure doesn't suit me. But to you."

"I'm supposed to go to a party with my upper body naked?"

"I wasn't talking about a party..."

She started purring quietly when the sniper started massaging her. Her aching muscles relaxed more and more. He took care of her all day long. They drank lots of coffee and Garrus really stayed awake all the time. They watched a lot of movies. Finally, the Turian turned on the news. No matter where they went, documentaries about her came everywhere. Most of them were just ridiculous. She could only laugh. She found the fewest contributions bearable. Her fiancé had a lot of fun. Again and again he raised her. He found the documentary from Palavan less funny. People who wanted to marry her appeared all the time. Humans, Turians, Drell, Asari. Suddenly Garrus began to growl. Works of art were shown. What was so bad about that? Good in many paintings, she had really little on, but she didn't care much.

"Those are just fantasies, Garrus."

"But do they have to be such?"

"I thought you didn't have a problem with nudity."

"We don't either. But I know that it is different with humans. Besides..."

"Just because we're naked doesn't mean we think about sex all the time. We find naked bodies aesthetic. We just like to look at them. The missing plates are more of a problem for you, aren't they? With humans it can go fast..."

"You keep seeing through me... it's still weird. I've never seen anyone who just looks at a naked Turian because he thinks it's aesthetic."

"I could look at your naked body all day long."

"Litavis..."

"What is it? I find your naked body very appealing. Well, when I see you naked, other thoughts usually come to me as well."

"You just want me to blush."

"You become blue, not red. I know that by now."

"I... I still don't like the fact that I have so much competition. You are the most coveted woman in the galaxy. And..."

"And soon your wife. Do you want to make it public?"

"What?"

"Our engagement?"

"No... your private life is nobody's business. And I will deal with it. If it gets too bad with my jealousy, then tell me."

"To be honest... I like it when you're a little jealous."

"Seriously? I thought you hated it when you claim property."

"That's right. Only I don't have the feeling with you that you defend your property. You defend me".

"I love you, Litavis."

"I love you too, Garrus. Let's go to bed."

"What about the nightmare?"

"As long as I wake up in your arms tomorrow, this nightmare can't touch me."


	36. rosae

Litavis opened her eyes again. She lay alone in bed. Someone had been at the door and Garrus had got up to look. Grumbling she got up. Why wasn't he back yet? Quickly she dressed and went down. The Turian stood in the kitchen typing hectically on his Omnitool. Again and again he hummed quietly. He was looking for something and that sound was clearly a frustrated one.

"Hey, what's the matter, big guy?"

"Someone sent you vegetables. The messenger said somebody would like you very much and that I should take care of the plants quickly. That would be a shame. So I'm assuming that it's very rare vegetables. But I can't find a recipe with the best will in the world. Since chocolate was also there, it's probably prepared together. You really have a funny taste." 

That's why she knew the smell. She had already wondered. Quietly she started to laugh.

"That's not a vegetable, Garrus. They are flowers. Roses to be exact. You don't eat them. A gift. You look at them and some like the smell. A woman's thing that was always too high for me. Every flower has a meaning. Don't ask me which one. This is not my world. But you usually get red roses from your partner, or someone who would like to be."

"You have to tell me something like that. I can't watch these stupid movies all the time. All those movies to see humans propose were enough for me. Only one more and my body would have changed at decisive points. I could have hoped then that you still wanted me as Garra."

"That would have been a change. And I didn't tell you because I don't like flowers".

She examined the bouquet. No card. Also with the chocolates nothing was thereby. Great... now she had a secret admirer. That became more and more nice. On the other hand, it could also simply be a gift for the N7 day. The Sniper looked at her. Apparently he also thought about what kind of gift it was. The redhead got out a vase and put the flowers in the dining room. They were too good to be thrown away and they were very rare in the room. They wouldn't bother here. Back in the kitchen, she took a coffee. Her Omnitool flashed continuously. Reporter... She had refused all interview requests, but the idiots just didn't give up. Only Diana Allers and Emily Wong had let her into her office once. Wong's obituary for Anderson had been really good. And Allers... she had made it her business to point out to the galaxy that it wasn't all over yet. There was still a lot to do. So she was one of the few reporters who put her fingers into this wound. Asking she looked at the Turians. He still looked at her silently. Calmly the admiral returned the look. What was wrong with him? Apparently he noticed his behavior and lowered his head.

"I still can't believe you're here."

"Today is really not your day."

"No... it is... always on these days. We've wasted a lot of time."

"But we still have a lot of time."

Gently she kissed him. Her hands drove into his neck and gently stroked him there. Immediately he began to purr. That was so perfect. He showed directly when he liked something. Even if it was mostly his body that betrayed him. His hands rested on her butt. She made a contented hum. She had gotten used to making sounds too if she liked something. That made things a lot easier for her fiancé. Normally the Turian pulled his hands back when he realized where he was going. It was strange how shy he could be. He was still afraid to hurt her. Once not paying attention with his claws... Garrus reproached himself again and again. She, on the other hand, didn't mind that much. 

"Sol asked if we wanted to have lunch with them. To celebrate the day."

"Typically my sister. I'm going to get ready."

"I canceled her."

"What?"

"I meant to celebrate the day, I would spend all my time in bed with my fiancé."

"Great... and I get up because of vegetables."

"Flowers."

"Never mind. Plants somebody sends you."

He carried her back up again. He quickly took her off and cuddled her back into bed. Shepard's fingers gently stroked over the softer skin on Garrus' neck. Satisfied, he purred open. They kissed him hungry and let their tongue slide along his neck. How she should bite through this skin she had to think about. But not now. Now she had something completely different in mind with her fiancé. Slowly she kissed her way down to his sensitive hip. The sniper lay completely still. He didn't really know what to think. She licked the soft flesh firmly. Garrus threw out a deep purr. She even bit lightly. Sizzling he sucked in the air. Grinning she wandered down deeper. The Turian seemed somehow overwhelmed by this situation.   
Her fingertips touched the still closed plates. Gently drove over them and explored them. As soon as she had felt the edges she licked over and over again. The tongue chased shivers through his body and almost made him whine. A contented smile appeared on the redhead's face as the plates began to move apart. Gently her tongue pushed into the gap and exerted more pressure. He opened himself more and more for her and Litavis had to admit that she liked the sight. She had never seen him like that before. The rumble he cast out was a mixture of desire and insecurity. She looked closely at the Turian's body. The skin between the plates seemed to be very sensitive. Shepard's lips lay on the soft skin. Carefully she kissed him there and then let her tongue glide cheekily into the slit. A dark, uncontrolled growl was her reward. Her tongue penetrated deeper and deeper into him. Shepard suddenly felt one resist. She tilted her head slightly, licking the entire underside of his cock as it slipped out of the opening. Garrus' hands clawed into the bed sheet. But his gaze was really insecure. Her hand wrapped itself around the hard shaft and pumped it, while her lips and tongue continued to ensnare him. His growling became louder and louder. Now her tongue slipped from his opening up to his tip. Their eyes met. As her lips opened, the sniper hissed in the air.

"Litavis???"

Calming, she looked at him. Slowly she put her rosy lips around his tip and sucked gently. He cried out, softly. Litavis paused directly and waited. His chest fluttered. But then he calmed down again. Slowly she moved her head up and down. Her hands stroked over the part of his dick that was not in her mouth. Shepard felt his tip bumping against her thumb. Slowly she retreated, but Garrus bucked hard at her. Her hands quickly grabbed his waist. Lightly she pushed him down again. Growling he looked at her but then held still again. She took a deep breath and moved her head down again. As soon as the tip touched her palate again she started to swallow. The hard cock continued to penetrate her throat. His subvocals rolled over as her nose bumped against the soft leather of his loins. Her muscles cramped, her lungs burned, but she stayed the same. The strong contractions in her neck imprisoned Garrus. Slowly she withdrew. Back at its peak, she took a deep breath. Shepard heard an animalistic growl. His fingers went into her hair and scratched slightly over her scalp. Despite this situation, he tried hard to be very careful. She lowered her head again. His hand cramped in her hair. She let the dick slide deep into her throat again. Her throat rebelled against this treatment, yet she now moved back and forth. Let him fuck her mouth. The Turian now rocked her hard. His blows became harder and harder. Litavis had to concentrate on not going back. Her lungs screamed for air. Her saliva dripped together with blood into his crotch. Garrus screamed her name. Over and over again. Finally she withdrew again. The penis twitched strongly. Panting heavily he lay on his back and tried to collect himself. Broad-legged, she slipped on his lap. Directly she took up the twitching penis. Litavis gasped briefly. Before she could move, Garrus grabbed her and pinned her under him. Directly he stabbed her. Litavis held on to his neck. After a few blows, the Turian collapsed on her and struggled for breath. With a little effort she turned him around and snuggled contentedly into his arms.

"That was... that was... wow."

Laughing she looked at him and then kissed him briefly.

"You are not at all..."

"It's okay. Just lying in your arms is perfect right now."

At some point her fiancé stood up and fetched them something to eat. They really managed to spend the whole day in bed. And strangely enough it wasn't even hard for them. They were both workhorses. 

"And that's how you imagined our honeymoon?"

"That's about it."

"I like it."

"Good. I'm not sure we can stand it any longer."

"We just try hard. We can do something in between."

"Shooting exercises on honeymoon, big guy?"

"Would suit us. What do you do on your honeymoon?"

"You just spend time together. Go for a walk, look at the area. Something like that.

"We could look at brochures. It won't be that easy with both of us".

They connected their Omnitool with the television and looked at different places. Everything on Palavan fell away already times. Just as everywhere where it was too cold. But it wasn't allowed to be too warm for her. Suddenly Garrus turned off the TV. 

"It's just like the wedding. Nothing but problems."

"We'll just reserve a hotel room on the Citadel."

"You always find a solution, Litavis."

"I'm trying."


	37. initiatio

Shepard rubbed her eyes tiredly. How did she come up with this stupid idea? Finally everything had calmed down. The Elcor and Volus recovered well. The air pollution of Palavan was contained, the values improved more and more. Thessia and Earth made great progress. In the meantime they even took care of the colonies again. The Geth and the Quarians had received embassies. She had much less to do. Even three quarters of the Bachjret district had been rebuilt. Instead of taking it easy she threw herself into the next big project. Rakhana... it had to be possible to save this planet. Tuchanka had recovered. Now even more. The new capital could compete with many cities on other planets. In some points it even surpassed them. There was no more child-friendly city than Litavia. Bakara had finally prevailed in the naming. Well, Wrex had the choice between Litavia and Mordinia. Of course, his decision was clear. But back to the home planet of the Drell. Armada had made some calculations. The pollution was to be got under control. They already had a few solutions. The local population had already agreed and first tests started. Since her conversations with Thane at that time the fate of the Drell went to her no more from the head. By the just still averted loss of the earth and the return of the Quarians to Rannoch, this request burned still more strongly under her nails. Drell were not made for the homeworld of the Hanar. They became ill there. Heavily ill. Besides there was still the pact there. She had become unspeakably angry when Thane had told her about it. So if there was a possibility to give the Drell back her home, she would take it. At least she had to try. Sighing, she looked into her empty coffee cup. She would have liked to get a new one, but something was going on out there. Liara, James, Kaidan and Tali were standing alternately in the office all the time. Tali had written to her that she was on the Citadel. The redhead had ignored the message. Actually, she had wanted to call it a day earlier today. That would probably give nothing. Garrus and Castis were invited to a reception by the Turin ambassador. So they could not help her. Litavis simply kept the door of her office locked. She could survive without coffee. She just kept hurling herself into work. After all, a lot had to be considered and new values from the ongoing tests just came in. So she spent a few hours. At some point Armada stood in front of the door. Shepard opened the lock and let the Geth in. He had brought her coffee. Armada now came to her office regularly and practiced small talk. Litavis liked that Armada wanted to develop further. Often the topics were a bit strange, but if it helped him. Or her... Armada thought about an optical change of his unity. Less like a Geth, more like EDI. After all, he was not bound to his outward appearance. She left this decision to him alone. It was his body. Now he had chosen some models he liked. The Volus had designed many new units. The Geth could now slip into almost any role. Apparently only Armada was interested in these infiltration units until now. He acted the whole time on the Citadel. There was a choice of a Drell, a Turian and a human unit. All male stature. Admittedly all very lifelike. But the Drell was quickly sorted out. He wanted to adapt. And Drell were rarely on the Citadel. 

"I want a unit with an additional gripper arm. I find the positioning unfavorable, but if your species looks like this."

"Which grab arm?"

"The grab arm, between the legs."

She couldn't help herself and started laughing. Tears were already running down her cheeks and she held her belly. The admiral could not stop for several minutes. Then she slowly caught herself again. Just this thought... it was a pity that Garrus had not heard that. He probably would have laughed with her. Or would have become embarrassed.

"That is not a gripping arm, Armada. Search the extranet for reproduction of Turians or humans."

"Start search... oh! No gripping arm. I understand. It seems... brutal."

"Brutal? What are you looking at?"

"Capture more data... I correct. It's very physical. Do you and Garrus Vakarian do that too?"

"Yes.

"Why? You can't reproduce. Not together."

"For some species, sex is more than just reproduction. It fulfills many purposes.

"Search... understand. My mistake. Why do the Volus design units with genitals?"

"Perhaps to give the Geth the opportunity to experience this. We have known each other for years, Armada and I still don't understand many things. I have no idea if and how you feel. By that I don't mean sensory perception. Maybe the developer thought it was possible for a Geth to fall in love and then want to experience the whole thing around it."

"Interesting. I need more data."

"The extranet should be full of it."

"I need more accurate data. More extensive. I need to take measurements."

"Don't just observe any couples having sex, okay?"

"Of course not."

"Good."

"If I have questions, can I come to you, Shepard Commander?"

"You can. As long as you don't ask me explicit about my sex life, it's okay."

"Thank you."

Grinning, she looked at the Geth as he left her office. Again she devoted her full attention to the reports. It was getting late already and the four were still loitering outside her office. Now Joker, Steve and Traynor had joined in. Annoyed she twisted her eyes. Otherwise the office was already empty. It was probably time to face them. She just still didn't really want it. Her fingers played restlessly with the chain around her neck. Finally she pulled the ring out and looked at it. Smiling, she loosened the chain and put it on her finger. The leather strap disappeared into her pocket. Strange how good it felt to wear it. One last time she breathed deeply and left the room. All eyes rested on her. Tali dared to be the first to speak.

"Shepard, we want..."

"No. I don't care what you want. You didn't care what I wanted either."

"You know..."

"Yes, Kaidan. I know everything again. I remember everything and that not thanks to the help of my supposedly best friends."

"The doctors..."

"Oh, please, Liara. Don't give me that! The doctors? I know what the doctors said. If it was up to the doctors, I'd probably still be in the hospital. You should know how I am and what I can stand. I was always honest with you. No matter how painful it was. None of you had the right to keep my memories secret from me. I begged you. I told you that it drove me crazy. I'm just disappointed and have no idea if I can ever trust you again. Now you have your answer."

So she left the office. Since Garrus wasn't at home yet anyway, she just put on her sports clothes and flew with Urz to the Bachjret district. She walked with him again through the newly built district. So she was able to power off and see the progress at the same time. Afterwards she visited Solana. After all, she had been alone the whole evening. Together with the young Turian she went to the Armax Arsenal Arena. There they met Jack. Of course she was there right away. The poor Sol was first overtaxed with all the biotic attacks, but then she had real fun. She was happy every time Jacks and her attack met and it ended in a small explosion. The audience did not come out of the cheering at all. Then they went to the casino. To be more precise, they went to the bar. Her new little sister made the mistake and tried to keep up with them. Finally she fell asleep at the table while Shepard continued to drink with Jack. But then Litavis finally brought her home. Carefully she put Solana to bed and then made her way home. Garrus was still not there. Litavis took a shower and cuddled to bed. It was already damn late and tomorrow she had to get up early again.  
The next morning she woke up early. Her fiancé lay sleeping next to her. He was still fully clothed. Quietly she stood up and turned off the alarm clocks. He should sleep quietly. Quickly the redhead flitted into the bathroom. After the shower she dressed and put the chain back on. After a quick coffee she took Urz to the office. He wouldn't let the sniper sleep for long. Yesterday it must have been really exhausting. Even her future father-in-law was three hours late. She said nothing about it but just grinned. Finally, in the afternoon, the sniper also came to the office. He looked worse than his father. He briefly breathed a kiss on her lips and went to work. But not for long. Silently, he served her a coffee and then lay down on the couch in her office. He wasn't feeling well at all. The admiral covered up her fiancé and continued working. Finally Armada came back in. Again with a cup of coffee. According to his observation, the intake of food somehow belongs to a personal conversation.

"Shepard Commander, do you remember what we talked about yesterday?"

"Do you mean genitals, reproduction or sex?"

Immediately Garrus sat up straight and looked at the Geth in disbelief. His subvocals gave a short growl.

"What are you talking about with my fiancée?"

"A misunderstanding, Officer Vakarian. I was mistaken and Shepard Commander drew my attention to it in a very amusing way. This led to a further deepening of this topic. It's interesting how much importance these activities have for different species."

"Um, yes... you really want to know everything..."

"Don't worry, Officer Vakarian. Shepard Commander has already mentioned that there are topics on which she does not grant me any information. I won't ask her any personal questions about that."

Litavis really had to stifle a grin. She briefly sipped her drink and then looked at Armada.

"What kind of questions do you have, Armada?"

"If sex is about both reproduction and pleasure, isn't it counterproductive to bind yourself to just one partner?"

"If you see it that way, then yes. But when feelings come into play, it's something completely different."

"You could have many sex partners, Shepard. In 1983 alone different Turians expressed interest. 1854 mating requests from Kroganer and 675 Asari became very... figurative in their messages. The data of other species I have not yet captured. Nevertheless you stay with Offiver Vakarian. Because you love him?"

"It is exactly the case."

"I understand. I should do more research on feelings. Thank you, Shepard Commander."

Armada left her office again. Garrus mumbles quietly.

"Great... 4512 people want to sleep with my fiancée and those are just the figurative requests..."

Litavi's stand and sat on the Turian's lap. She gently kissed him and looked him straight in the eye.

"But I only want you."

"I love you, Litavis."

"I love you too, Garrus. Where were you so long yesterday?"

"On the way home I was intercepted by Tali and Liara."

"Oh dear... I can imagine what they wanted."

"They were both really at the end. I listened to their grief and that they had a guilty conscience... I'm not telling you what to do."

"But?"

"No but. I also told them that I can't do anything and I won't do anything. That is your decision all alone. Just do me a favor."

"Which one?"

"Warn me soon. Two crying women are overtaxing me".

"How will it only be when we have children?"

"You really want children later?"

"I don't rule it out at least not."

"Then I become a nervous wreck. The happiest nervous wreck of the whole galaxy."

"When I get home from work and the kids are in bed, I can rebuild you."

"Watch out, Litavis. I like it better and better."

Laughing she got up and sat down at the desk again. Her fiancé stayed in her office all day. Somehow it was pleasant. In the evening they went back together. In the apartment Garrus started cooking directly. She put on headphones and listened spellbound. Silently she moved her lips. Only when Garrus sat next to her she looked up again and turned off the recording.

"What are you doing?"

"Practice."

"And what?"

"My turian is really horrible. I doubt that they understand me at all. And I must admit, I find it extremely strange. I almost got excited about it until I heard the end."

"What are you talking about?"

"Ita meus animae, a'condonia talus."

Unbelieving Garrus just stared at her. Had she pronounced it so wrongly? Damned, rigid lower jaw. She had to practice more. Who knew what she had just said. Shocked, she looked up at the sound of his subvocals. A mixture of purring and whimpering. Almost miserable.

"You... you learn the oath of allegiance in my language? You make me the happiest man in the galaxy, Litavis."

"He is important to you. Of course I learn him. But tell me, the sound just... did I make you cry?"

"Better now than at the wedding."


	38. in familia esse

Shepard was breathing out slowly. The reception at the embassy was annoying. Discussions about the new councillors broke out everywhere. Kashari was well received by all. She was accepted as the new councilwoman. Valern retained his seat on the Council. Osaba and Quentius, on the other hand, were still seen as a transitional solution. What she and Garrus didn't like was that their names often fell. Especially her fiancé was often suggested. They stood at the same table as Adrien. He talked to her the whole time. Her fiancé stood next to her the whole time and kept surprisingly still. He remained silent the entire time. It was just not easy for him either. Adrien was the primarch. Almost the first of all Turians. His superior. Someone to whom he had to pay respect. And yet he was also a man who wanted to be his competitor. Litavis took care to stand close to the sniper all the time. She wanted to make it clear who her heart belonged to. In public, they both always kept a low profile. They were not a couple holding hands all the time. Garrus didn't put his arm around her and they didn't kiss in public. Very displeased to Castis. Also that she wore the ring around her neck and not on her finger caused trouble to her future father-in-law. The interest of the primary did not make it better. Finally Litavis changed tables and talked to Kashari. She had finally accepted her new role. There were many ambassadors talking to her. After half an hour she finally went to the Volus Ambassador. Again and again she changed the table. Finally she stood with the ambassador of the Geth. The conversation with him was exhausting, but he really tried to communicate with organic creatures. But Armada had much more practice in it. Finally she could return to the Turian table. She had done her duty and could spend the rest of the reception as she wished. And she wanted to spend the time with Garrus. With her new project she had a lot to do again and their time together was very limited again. Even though this was no real free time, they both enjoyed it very much. Garrus got her something to drink. Adrien bent over to her directly when they were alone.

"So you're engaged now, Shepard?"

"Yes, Adrien. Me and Garrus are engaged."

"But not married yet."

"Stop it, Adrien. You have no chance."

"Surrender is not in our genes, Shepard."

"I know. Then you should learn that urgently. Understand it as retreat. I'm going to marry Garrus."

"Can you imagine how hard that is, Shepard?"

"No. But it could be a lot worse."

Laughing, he shook his head. Garrus returned and handed her a glass of whiskey. She smiled at her fiancé and stood close to him again. So they spent a few more hours before going home. The two Turians had started a drinking contest and of course she had taken part. This they continued now in their apartment. The two men sat down on the couch and continued drinking. Grinning, she sat next to them and snuggled up to Garrus. She also held a glass in her hand again. Now they were at home and here there was no more reason to do without closeness. Directly the sniper wrapped an arm around her. Adrien watched them both very closely now. He increased the speed. Tomorrow her fiancé would have a hangover again. The older one seemed to tolerate more than Garrus. But as was explained before, giving up was a foreign word to her. She watched the spectacle amused. Adrien finally got her another bottle. Garrus' head sank onto her shoulder. He had fallen asleep. She gently put her arm around him and pulled him closer to her. He should sleep quietly. The primarch pointed to the small recording device lying on the table.

"What's on it?"

"The oath of allegiance. I'm learning it. Even if my lower jaw steadfastly refuses. I simply miss the movable mandibles. The click sounds are impossible for me and this noise that you produce with your teeth when you rub the mandibles against it is also not imitable. I sound terrible."

"It'll make him happy that you're doing this for him."

"I hope so."

"Definitely even. After all, you do that only for him. If you want, I'll practice with you."

Laughing, she looked at him and drank her glass empty again. The Turian pulled along and looked at her all the time. His subvocals made that particular noise all the time. The subvocals were hard to control, she knew that by now. The offer had something. Sol had already offered it to her. Only her new little sister was too nice. She knew she sounded terrible, but after Solana her pronunciation wasn't so bad. Shepard disagreed. Checking she looked at Adrien. 

"And that would only be an exercise? Not that you explain to me later, we would have made the commitment now".

The Turianer laughed darkly. He filled their glasses again and they both drank. Litavis saw the first signs of tiredness in him. That was interesting for this people. Many of them simply became more honest when they had drunk. More directly. Only a staggering Turian was rarely seen. When they had enough alcohol they simply fell asleep. He stood up and sat next to her. Sitting between such warm bodies was really pleasant.

"If it worked that way, it would be a lot easier. It would really be just an exercise. I know that some of our sounds are impossible to reproduce, but it might be easier for you. And I am certainly honest. If you sound terrible, I will tell you that."

"Thank you, Adrien."

"Gladly, Shepard. How do you like that oath?"

"First I thought you were nuts. I mean what the dominant part demands and the other one just agrees. I want your body to belong to me. I give you my body. That's not necessarily something you like to hear. At least I don't. Until the end I really thought it was very one-sided."

"Similar to humans, our culture was once very gender-specific in the distribution of roles. I find it rather amazing that humans always had several systems at the same time. Patriarchy, matriarchy... Are you sure you're learning the right passages? If Garrus told me about you... well... you always seemed very dominant."

"He told about me? Now I really get curious, Adrien."

" On Menae. If you sat together during the breaks for fighting... well..."

"Soldiers together. I know that. I am a soldier myself, Adrien. There are not many topics that distract so well. Humor or sex."

"He never went into detail and he never mentioned your name either. Well, yes, but not when he spoke of this woman."

"Now tell me."

"Better not... it only became clear that he accepts you as a dominant part completely. Likes to leave you in charge and follow you blindly. In all areas of life. Such an admission is rare."

"With equal rights, you have your problems in relationships, don't you?"

"Yes... no... how the couples handle the private is up to them. Only one always leaves the clan and joins the clan of the other partner. So there must be a more dominant part."

"I don't have a clan."

"You people make it really complicated. But now for the practice lesson. What makes you the most problems?

"a'condonia... I just can't get that click sound between a and condonia. And I fear that the word acondonia also exists, but it has a completely different meaning."

"Put more emphasis on the con and take a break between the a and the condonia. Just say it harder. If you make the sounds deeper into your throat it comes as close to clicking as it goes. Then you will be understood."

"Thank you, Adrien."

"Gladly, Shepard."

They continued to drink and suddenly the primary's head rested on her other shoulder. Now she sat here trapped between two sleeping Turians. It could be worse. At least it was pleasantly warm. She lowered her head against the back and closed her eyes.   
The next morning she woke up. The two men were still lying in her arms. Grinning she woke the two. At least until she could get up. She made two different coffees and still put a cup of coffee on each of the two men, grinning.

"What are you grinning at, Litavis?"

"From now on I can say I woke up with two Turians in my arms."

Laughing she went up to take a shower. Suddenly Garrus stood behind her and snuggled up to her. Directly she warmed the water and then leaned against her fiancé. Silently they just stood there. The primarch had already gone. Enjoying, she closed her eyes as the Turian began to wash her hair. That degenerated into a real head massage. She ejected a quiet purr. Slowly his hands wandered deeper and massaged her neck and shoulders. That felt really outrageously good. Smiling, Shepard turned around and breathed a gentle kiss on the Turianer's mouthplates. She reached for the coarse sponge and washed his back. The satisfied purring made her smile. Normally she would have spent much more time in the shower with her fiancé. That he voluntarily got under it with her was at least rare. Unfortunately the work called. They both dressed and she gave the Turian a worried look.

"Stay calm here, big guy. I can see how bad you are."

"No... I can do it."

"Hey... you'd sleep on my sofa for half a day again."

"When I'm there, the others will leave you alone."

"Good argument. If you absolutely want to go with us, then let's go."

Arriving at the office, they both went straight to work. In the afternoon Solana came by. She had brought food for the whole team. The redhead looked at it and checked it out. Garrus' sister and Grunt talked longer and longer. And they really talked. Grunt had been talking for two minutes. That was absolutely amazing for him. Since Sol looked neither shocked nor disgusted, it couldn't be fight stories. Now she even laughed. In front of Garrus and Castis she wouldn't talk to her little sister about it. Both men could really exaggerate her protective instinct. And if only a friendship developed, the two could still make it difficult. Finally Solana came to her office and they ate together. After the meal Garrus took her sofa under fittings again. She gently touched his forehead and pulled the blanket over him. Adrien, however, had really tolerated a lot. Garrus lay quietly suffering in her office the rest of the day. From time to time he stood up and fetched her a coffee. Just as he was outside Castis came in.   
"Is my son sick?"

"No. He drank with the primary yesterday."

"Nobody has managed that yet."

"Your future daughter-in-law already, father."

"Are you really a human being, daughter?"

"I was reassembled twice. I don't know exactly. On earth there are the stories of zombies. Dead people who rise from their graves and continue to walk around. I don't eat other people, but if I were dead, it would probably be a good explanation."

"You've defeated a Krogan in a drinking contest before, too."

"Okay, that's true."

"Shepard... I... it's about your and Garrus' wedding. I understand that you have other things on your mind right now and I also know that you want to take your time. There's only something that doesn't leave me alone…"

"Seen that way I am a clanless one. A bare face."

"If anyone ever calls you that, I'll slay him personally... I'd like to take you into my clan. Without all the gifts. Without all the oaths and certainly I don't want to manage all your lands on Palavan. I just want you... you have no family, you are all alone... I just want you to have a family."

She stood up and walked around the table. As soon as she stood in front of Castis, she put her forehead to his chest. She had often observed this gesture at Sol. Hopefully she did it right now.

"Now you have to tell me if I'm doing something wrong, Castis."

"You're not."

"It should only be a challenge to get the clan signs on my face."

"And if I have to take art lessons for that, I can somehow get it right."

"Thank you, father."

"Not for that, daughter."

He went out again and she first sat down. That was just a bit much after all. Smiling, the redhead looked up when the sniper came back in and sat next to her. 

"What is going on?

"At the binding ceremony, you have to add a sentence."

"Which one?"

"Adiunctus meus gensae. I am joining your clan".

"You really want to become a Vakarian?"

"It is very important to your father. And I like the thought. I insist on the double name, but... or don't you want that?"

"I just never thought that you wanted that. You only realize that you will later be married to the clan leader?"

"You mean you will be married to the clan leader. How did Adrien express that yesterday? You accepted that I was the dominant part?"

"Ouch. Me and my big mouth. I feel slowly castrated."

"Very bad joke."

"Okay. Okay. It's a lie, too. I really enjoyed serving under you. Or kept your back free."

"Admit it, you liked the good look at my butt."

"That too."


	39. vestis nuptialis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, I can't describe dresses. I am very sorry.

Shepard was sitting at the Apollo sipping her coffee. Liara and Tali sat opposite her. She looked at the two women calmly. They had been apologizing to her for half an hour. Actually she had wanted to meet Solana and Kashari here. She urgently needed support for her next project. She wanted to use the time when Garrus was on Palavan. Unfortunately, the two were late. Liara and Tali discovered her at the table and shyly went to her. Somehow she felt sorry for them. They really struggled on the chairs, searching for words and just seemed overwhelmed. A few weeks on Shanxi would probably do them good. Well... probably not. But something like that. Except for Kaidan, everyone had been looking for a conversation with her until now. The first had been EDI. Followed closely by Joker, Steve and James. EDI had decided not to tell her based on the data. She understood the risk of further brain damage and had been convinced that she would get all her memories back if she was physically and mentally ready. She had often played certain music in her quarters, or enriched the air with certain smells. As far as she could, she had tried to help her without putting her in danger. A logical approach. Something she could accept in EDI's case. Joker had heard from EDI about the brain damage and had just panicked. She was more than his commander and he had been terribly afraid for her. He had been alone since the war. His family was dead and she was all he had left. He had seen her die before. That, too, was acceptable to her. Steve and James... well... Joker's panic had infected them. But she had only asked them once. James had seen her even less than Steve and both had assumed that she was fine. She could hardly remember Traynor's apology. She had cried so much that the admiral had hardly understood a word. And now Tali and Liara were sitting here. Litavis waved to the waiter and had another coffee brought for her. She wouldn't get away that quickly. She was probably the most disappointed of her two closest friends. Tali had been through everything with her. The hunt for Saren, the fight against the collectors, the damn war... All this time they had stood side by side. Even when she had worked with Cerberus, the Quarian had finally joined her. And Liara... with her it wasn't much different. She hadn't been hunting collectors with her, but nevertheless. She was one of the reasons why she lived again. Inside, Shepard shook her head. She tried to convince herself that they were still friends. So were they. Only not like they used to be for a long time. She kept quiet the whole time and just listened. Finally the two women fell silent. Sighing, she put her cup down.

"I would have expected more from both of you. You know me best. You have not seen what the memories do to me... You of all people should know..."

Sighing, she broke off and sipped her coffee again. She was just wasting time. That was clear to her. But just it was necessary. She was still so disappointed.

"I would like to trust you again. Just like before. But I can't do that right now. I don't know how. Maybe with time..."

Your Omnitool contacted her. She answered and looked surprised into Castis' face.

"Shepard, there was an accident on Palavan. Garrus was injured..."

"What happened?"

"A building collapsed. He was taken to the Citadel and is undergoing surgery."

She jumped up and ran off. Castis had told her the name of the clinic. Completely out of breath she arrived there. Castis sat in the waiting area and she went straight to him. Firmly the redhead pressed the Turian to herself and simply held him tight. Only with difficulty could she suppress a tremor. Solana arrived a little later. She also took her little sister in her arms. Finally, a doctor came to them. The injuries were not so bad. Only her fiancé had broken both legs. He was now in his sick room and one could come to her. Her future father-in-law just nodded to her and she went off. Arrived in the sick room she sat down quietly on the chair next to his bed and grabbed his hand. Tears ran down her cheeks. He was fine. The sniper slept a few more hours before slowly opening his eyes.

"Garrus?"

"Litavis. Sweetie, love of my life, you are there..."

"Of course I'm here."

"I love you, my sunbeam."

"Honey, you're high."

"Yeah. Feels good, sweetheart."

"Can I do something for you?"

"Yes. Take off your clothes and come to me, dearest."

"You have two broken legs. I doubt that would be a good idea." 

"Mean! But I need a lot of love now."

"You'll get it too. Only not physically."

Shepard bent over and kissed him tenderly. The hand of the sniper rested on her butt and kneaded it lightly. She quickly grabbed it and held it. Smiling she shook her head. She moved out of his reach.

"I'm going to bring your family in now."

"No. Better get naked. I'll lie still too."

Smiling she brought in the two Turians. Garrus was now silent the whole time. That was probably also better. She held his hand all the time. Later they were all asked out. The visiting time was over. Shepard stayed. The sniper had fallen asleep again sometime and she made herself comfortable on the chair. The next morning he woke up again. A soft groan escaped him and she called a doctor directly. Her fiancé was examined. The operation had gone well. The bones needed time to heal. His two legs were plastered. Actually, he could be released today.

"Funny, doctor. How am I supposed to cope with that? I can't even stand."

"Then I carry you. We'll take a wheelchair and then you can go home."

"Litavis..."

"You did this for me for months, Garrus. Now it's my turn. No back-talk."

They got a wheelchair and she lifted up her fiancé and moved him. So she brought him home. There she put him on the sofa and started cooking for him. Solana came by and gradually her whole team came by. Litavis stayed at home all day taking care of her fiancé. Towards evening she carried him up the stairs and helped him in the bathroom. According to his subvocals, he didn't like it at all, but he had no choice. Grumbling, he lay in bed looking at her.

"How'd you keep it up so long?"

"You know that. Thanks to you."

"You shouldn't have to carry me around."

"Would you prefer a mech?"

"No... I just feel so helpless."

"I know, Garrus. I'd like to tell you something else, but first things get worse before you get used to it."

"Well, great. So I lie around all day or sit in this wheelchair. I can't do anything alone."

"You get practice. Then you can do it with the wheelchair."

"And what should I do?"

"Enjoy your fiancée taking care of you."

"Maybe it has its advantages after all..."

"There you go. Need anything else, my sunbeam?"

"What did you just call me?"

"Like you called me yesterday."

" Spirits, I was high. What else did I do."

"Nothing bad. You only gave me a few nicknames. And you wanted to sleep with me."

"But we were alone, weren't we?"

"We were."

"Good.

"Do you need anything else?"

"Cuddle."

Laughing, she undressed and snuggled close to the Turian. Tenderly she drove along his clan signs and smiled when he fell asleep soon afterwards. The night was very restless. Again and again she woke up when the sniper tried to turn. She helped him every time.  
This had been going on for a week now and the admiral was in a bad mood. Really bad mood. Soothingly Garrus stroked her back as she sat next to him.

"What's the matter, Litavis?"

"Your stupid doctors just don't tell me anything. And you don't tell me everything either..."

"There are no complications, the surgical wounds heal well, and I have no infection."

"But you have pain."

"That's normal."

"But it doesn't have to be. They could give you painkillers."

"I can take it. Besides, I don't have pain all the time."

"Garrus..."

"What else is going on, Litavis?"

"...I wasn't informed...your doctors ignore me...it just feels like shit."

"I know that feeling well."

"I don't want to wait anymore..."

"With what?"

"With our wedding. I just... I'm sorry, just forget I said that."

"No!"

Firmly she was pulled to him. Without any problems his tongue penetrated her lips and he kissed her hungry. Litavis couldn't help but cling to him. Panting heavily, she separated from him and looked deep into his eyes.

"As soon as I can stand again, we go to the office and get married."

"I'll marry you in a wheelchair, too."

"And how shall I carry you so over the threshold?"

"I could carry you. Or sat on your lap."

"But I want to look you in the eye."

"Then I sit down on a chair next to you."

"I can't fit the cast legs in any of my pants."

"Then we'll buy a new one."

"I... um..."

"What's the matter, Garrus? You're looking for excuses."

"I was... I was looking forward to the wedding night."

"Okay. I think we could do that, or wait, but if you'd rather wait."

"I just want it to be perfect."

"Okay. Then we wait until your legs heal." 

"Thank you."

"Not for that, Garrus."

Again he kissed her. Happy, she snuggled into his arms. They watched some movies again. He flinched briefly. Litavis climbed behind him and gently massaged the unprotected part of his neck. The Turian purred deep and closed his eyes enjoying himself. Shepard got out of the bathroom and got some oil. She let Garrus warm it up and spread some on her hands. So the massage worked much better. She devoted herself to every muscle she could reach. Finally, only his waist was left. But she wouldn't do that now. At least the whole thing could have other effects on him. She smiled and toiled at his neck again. His purring became louder and louder. After two hours she finally stopped and sat down next to him again. He really leaned against her.

"How do I get rid of the oil now?"

"I'll wash it off for you right away."

She first washed her hands and then carried her fiancé up the stairs. There she put him in the wheelchair and pushed him into the bathroom. She took his sponge and carefully washed off the oil. She dried him with a coarse towel. Again and again he purred contentedly. It was nice when he enjoyed her contributions. The redheads laid her fiancé in bed and then went down to make them something to eat. She returned to him with it. Dinner in bed. This had been her ritual for a week. As soon as he was full, she brought you things down and cuddled up to him again.   
Unbelieving, Shepard looked around. Castis took care of his son today. She already felt uncomfortable in this shop. There was only one logical consequence. Tactical retreat. Solana grabbed her hand and held it. She just wanted to leave. That had been a stupid idea. A very stupid idea. What was she thinking? She was completely out of place here. Kelly, Liara, Tali, Miranda, Samantha, Gaby, Kashari, Kazumi and even Jack were already there. The saleswoman approached them radiantly. 

"What kind of dress did you want, miss?"

"I have no idea..."

"Don't worry, we've got something for every bride."

She was drawn to the others and they stormed her excitedly. How did she get in here? Desperately she looked around. They all looked the same. 

"Why don't you just pick something? If it were up to me, I would paint my armor white."

Directly the women stormed off. Only Jack stayed next to her. She pulled two bottles of whiskey out of a big bag.

"I got something for you, Shep."

"I love you, Jack."

She took a heavy sip and looked at the other women who came to her excitedly. Tali held an A-line satin dress with a strap in her hands. Kelly Also an A-line but lace, no way! Solana and Miranda held a huge ball gown in their hands. The corsage was quite nice. Heart neckline, gathered, she would have probably almost a wasp waist in it. But the skirt... she would look like a cupcake. Liara, Samantha and Kazumi had sheath dresses with them. Definitely not. She was too muscular for that. She would look like a guy in it. Gaby had chosen a trumpet dress and Kashari a mermaid dress. Really great. First she was put into one of the sheath dresses. Luckily Jack started laughing right away.

"Shep, you look like James in that dress. If it doesn't work out with Garrus, I'd take you."

"To laugh at me all the time, you mean."

"Exactly."

Next up was Solana's and Miranda's choice. The salesgirl laced the corsage pretty tight. But she liked the top. If only it wouldn't glitter so much. But the skirt was terrible. This train was much too long. Everyone was thrilled. Only she wasn't really. It wasn't that. She tried on one dress after the other. Finally she wore Kashari's choice. The mermaid dress was made of Regency Organza and snuggled tightly to her body. The corsage made a very slender waist and unfolded over her knees. Beaded straps met a low-cut sweetheart neckline decorated with lace. The three narrow shoulder straps were removable. The bodice was gathered. The wedding dress ended with a long train. Asking, she looked at her friends. Everyone agreed. Only in the evening did she return home.


	40. dolere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally halfway healthy enough to be able to continue writing.

Litavis was exhausted. Garrus' left leg was inflamed. He had been lying in dirty water for some time and had caught an infection. Unfortunately, the pathogen was immune to many drugs. She had finally procured the sniper with Castis' help a new doctor. Miranda took care now of her fiancé. He had lain now three days in a hospital. The redhead did not give way a second from his side. Today he should go home again. The infection had been contained and Garrus did not want to stay in the hospital. He didn't really feel better here either. Hospitals made him sick. If one followed his own statement. She would have preferred to have known him longer in the hospital, but he just didn't want to. And she had no say in it. She tried to convince him to stay a little longer, but the admiral could understand the Turian as well. She had also hated being tied to a hospital bed. But at the moment the sniper was asleep. The medication was always a problem for him. Smiling, she looked at the sleeping face. She went to get a cup of coffee and then sat down by his bed again. In the afternoon the Turian was finally transported home. She took him directly to her shared bedroom. As soon as his head touched the pillow, he fell asleep again. The redhead took the chance and got into her shower. She had to stink terribly. Shepard closed her eyes enjoying herself. The warm water relaxed her muscles. Three days on this uncomfortable chair had left their mark. Her skull boomed and her neck hurt terribly. Litavis stood under the hot water jet for a quarter of an hour. With fresh clothes she quietly entered the bedroom again. Garrus was still asleep. As quietly as possible she went into the kitchen and made him his favourite meal. As soon as it was ready she went up again. As soon as she entered the room her fiancé opened her eyes. Smiling, she put the food on the bed. He ate directly. At least he hadn't lost his appetite. He even ate more than usual. That was good. After all, he needed more energy. Very carefully she put his left leg a little higher. Deeply Garrus sucked in the air, but said nothing. Gently she painted his clan signs. Directly the Turianer began to purr. Without grumbling he took his tablets. Shepard lay down next to him and grabbed his hand. Finally lying again. The sleep was still not really restful. She awoke as soon as the other one moved. Again and again she touched his forehead or helped him to turn around. Every time she had to reposition his left leg. Early the next morning she dragged herself into the shower. Litavis was optimistic about the situation. If they really wanted to adopt later, then she already got some practice. The warm water did her good again, but the temperature turned much colder. Afterwards she went to make herself a coffee. She finished her breakfast and went to work. As long as her fiancé was asleep, she could help her team a little. Armada sent her a full report every evening. It wasn't bad to see her team doing very well without her. So she could really think of a longer vacation. Well, not now. Only the Geth was not satisfied. He lacked the private conversations. Although he tried to talk to others, this was not so productive in his opinion. Often the questions were unpleasant for them and they refused to answer them. Unfortunately they did not give him a sufficient explanation why. She heard something from above. With the finished breakfast she entered the bedroom. First she carried the Turianer to the bathroom and then back to bed. He looked better. His fever seemed to have dropped, but that was every morning. As soon as they had eaten, the nurse came to their home. He changed the bandage with her. The wound looked good. It was dry and seemed to heal well. The wound edges were smooth. She applied the medigel to the wound. She was a lot more careful than the nurses. She used the time to wash the injured leg before applying the new bandage. The nurse seemed very satisfied. He informed Miranda directly and injected the Turianer afterwards still another kind of antibiotics. Quickly he left the apartment again, as soon as his work was done. Shepard covered the Sniper again correctly and handed him a tea. Her fiancé was in a really bad mood. Which was only too understandable. He hadn't received any pain medication yet.

"I'll get you your pills right away."

"It always makes me so tired."

"I know, but they will help you."

"Oh yeah?"

"You have no pain."

"Oh, great."

"I know that doesn't seem like much to you."

"I oversleep all day."

"That doesn't matter."

"I hate something like that."

"I know, honey."

"If you call me that, I know I'm being stupid."

"No, don't, honey."

"All right, all right. I'll take the pills."

She got him the painkillers and sat next to him. Again she painted his clan signs until he had fallen asleep. The admiral went back to her study. She took care of the reports. Rakhana was a really big challenge. But it was doable, as the tests showed. But it was still far from good enough. They would need too much Geth to stabilize the planet. She couldn't ask them to do that. The Geth already did more than enough. It was still hard for her. Even if it was only her opinion, the pact between the Hanar and the Drell reminded her of slavery. On top of that, the Drell on this planet got sick. Finally she got up and did a little round with Urz. As soon as she came back she cooked lunch. Just as she entered the room Garrus woke up again. They ate together. Litavis took the dishes away again and then went back to the Turianer. Shocked, she gasped as the sniper pulled her to bed.

"You look tired, Litavis."

"It's all right, Garrus."

"Nevertheless. You should also rest sometime. You take care of me all the time."

"I like to do that."

"But not if you spend so much time on it."

"But also then. Just accept it like that."

"But..."

"No but, Garrus. You took care of me for months."

"But I need less sleep."

"And I get by with less sleep for a few weeks. Stop worrying."

She snuggled into his arms. Now he purred contentedly. Smiling, she breathed a kiss on the mouth plates. They watched TV together until the sniper had to take his medication again. Solana came by and she practiced the oath of allegiance with her. She spoke with Adrien every day. He really helped her. It was strange to practice with him, but Sol always complimented her on getting her pronunciation better and better. And that seemed to be really serious to her. After a few hours she left again after helping her with dinner.  
So two more weeks went by. Finally the infection had completely disappeared and Garrus got therapy at home to slowly rebuild the muscles. She knew only too well how painful that was. Stretching the shortened tendons and muscles alone could mean hell. During training she left the room every time. Litavis would have liked to stay with him, but viewers were simply not needed. As soon as the stranger Turian left the apartment she went to the sniper. Without saying a word, she lifted him up and carried him to the shower.

"I know you don't sweat. But showering after training is just a relief."

"How did you keep it up so long? I want to kill this guy. And what's worse, it hardly gets any better".

"It just takes time, Garrus. As soon as your tendons and muscles are supple again, the strength comes back."

"Why do you always leave the room directly?"

"I hated it when someone would watch me do this. That wasn't me. I didn't want to be like that. Nobody has to see that."

"Thank you, Litavis."

"You don't always have to thank me, Garrus. You will be my husband. I am always there for you, as you are for me."

"Sounds good."

She helped him wash himself and then dried him properly. Then she carried him down to the sofa. Quickly she ran up again and came back with the massage oil. Very carefully she massaged both legs of her fiancé. She listened to every sound he made. He just purred contentedly. She gently loosened the tense muscles and stretched them slightly.

"You're good at that."

"You've always done that for me, too."

"You weren't as snivelling as I am."

"Only significantly angrier and often enough obnoxious."

"Actually, it worked."

"You know you're a bad liar."

"I know. But for your condition it was actually still possible."

"That sounds already clearly more honest."

She massaged him for several hours. Finally she washed his legs. Together they saw some more television before she put him back to bed. At least he didn't have to stay in bed all day. After another week the Turian could already walk with crutches. Stairs were still a challenge, but with Shepard's help it was within reach. He accompanied her on one of her walks through the Bachjret district. They walked very slowly. Urz walked quietly next to them. 

"And what do you say?"

"The district looks good. Do all the refugees now have shelters?"

"Ninety-nine percent. The last houses will be completed this month. Then the Citadel is officially refugee-free and unofficially, too."

"And what are the colonies doing?"

"They hardly need our help anymore. Our colony is doing well. Meanwhile it is taken as a role model. It looks as if they are now thinking about opening the colonies to all peoples. Soon there seems to be no more pure colonies of humans. Neither do the colonies of other peoples."

"They will finally listen to you."

"It almost seems so."

After a short round they went home again. Garrus was exhausted. Also the short walk had tired him already very much. Together they cuddled up on the sofa. Litavis carefully massaged the heavily strained legs again.


	41. quies

Smiling, Litavis looks at her fiancé. They walked together through the Bachjret district. Garrus was still running on crutches, but was much faster now. Urz liked the higher speed much better. They came to a secluded area of the district. On earth one would have spoken here of a suburban area. The houses stood individually and all had a large garden. The sniper stopped in front of a large, empty property. It was very quiet. Would be the ideal place to start a family. The Turian seemed to have a similar thought. Quietly he looked at the property. But he did not say a word. Calmly they went on. They walked for another two hours and then made their way to the office. Garrus would work again today. At least for a few hours they wanted to support their team. Her fiancé sat down at his desk and began to work. She also went into her office and jumped at the reports. Castis came to her and told her about all the events of the last week. She nodded contentedly. Her ships had just returned from various missions and were directly given new instructions. Most of them had really become a shuttle service by now. Only their initial fleet was still securing resources. Armada came after a short time with a cup of coffee. They talked for about an hour. The Geth really seemed to have missed her. Litavis was still not quite sure if the Geth could feel feelings. But at least it seemed so. Or they imitated feelings very well. Probably reactions could always be calculated better in advance. Maybe she did them wrong. They were so damn hard to understand. But both sides really tried to understand each other. Armada left her office again. She continued to work. In the afternoon she went home with the Turian. Carefully she laid her fiancé's injured leg on the sofa. She took the oil and took it off completely. With a lot of patience she released the tension. At least he still had therapy and that was even more painful with cramped muscles. As soon as she was done, she went showering with Garrus and helped him get dressed. Together with the therapist he went into the lower bedroom. Shepard walked into her study for so long. There were some problems with pirates. Nothing serious, but annoying. It itched in her fingers. She would have loved to go hunting herself with Normandy. Only Garrus had priority. Besides, he would freak out again if she went on a mission without him. Therefore she had sent James on this mission. He would be able to handle it. Alenko was also on the road with the Normandy as support. She wanted to see how James could cope with this situation. He was now an N7 and should be ready for bigger orders. After all, she was still his superior. If it went after the population of the earth but not for long. The calls became louder and louder that she should take over the representation of the humans on the Citadel. Councilwoman Shepard. She did not like that at all. She did not know what to do in the future when her office was no longer needed. She only knew that she didn't want that. And this time she would assert herself. Moreover, if her fiancé became a councilor, they could really get into trouble. Their marriage would be a red flag for many. Sighing, she answered a message from Hacket. She refused this offer. It wasn't official yet, but if they made it official, they would get the same answer. That was supposed to stop them from really trying. Actually. That was always one of those things with the Alliance. Solana finally came to pick her up. The sniper would still be busy for two hours and she could use the time to go for a fitting. She was still uncomfortable in the wedding dress shop. She quickly slipped into the dress. It fitted. Solana examined her from all possible perspectives. She was more than satisfied. And Litavis was happy that she didn't have to wear a veil. She already felt uncomfortable in the dress. She just wasn't the type for dresses. Sol had chosen a few high heels for her. She was tall for a human but Garrus was significantly taller. She was still smaller with the heels, but he loved it when she wore high heels. As soon as they were finished, her little sister took these things home with her. At least the sniper shouldn't see the wedding dress. It was a surprise. Back in the apartment she was already waiting for a message from James. He had found the refuge of the pirates. At the moment they were gathering more information. He urged to go on a mission like this again, but she wouldn't do it. Admiral Hackett expressed his regret at her decision and asked her to reconsider at the same time. She would be very qualified for the job and could achieve even more in this position. Litavis saw it differently. The whole bureaucracy would only block her. The fast task force she had built up was inappropriate for a councillor and would probably meet with little approval. A council member that I actively interfere with everywhere could soon be seen as a despot or tyrant. That was not very helpful for peace in the galaxy. Finally the therapist left her apartment and she went to her fiancé. He lay panting heavily on the bed. Shepard stepped up to him and helped him out. Gently she just held the Turian. She could hear his fast heartbeat. The sniper kept making a sound of dissatisfaction. The redhead knew all too well how hard all this was. He hardly saw the progress. Now and then he wanted to give up and no longer work with the therapist. Shepard had simply looked for a new one and found it. Nevertheless, her sweetheart seemed to be about to need a new therapist again. He had been so patient with her. But with him it all looked completely different. Encouragingly she smiled at him. Silently she brought him to the sofa and then went into the kitchen to cook. The sniper was completely exhausted and rolled up properly on the sofa. Without further ado, she covered him up. The admiral took his time cooking. She even chose an extra pure recipe, which took a lot of time. Should her fiancé sleep a little longer. He just needed the rest. Only after three hours did she wake him up and they ate together. Then she cleared the table and started washing up. The Turian kept his silence and looked at the TV. The red one cleared the things away and made her partner a tea and took out his medication. She sat next to him and put the things on the table. Satisfied, she leaned against the sniper and this hum slightly. She quietly returned the sound. More and more this happened between them. They communicated with noises. This was much more natural for Garrus and she also enjoyed not having to speak now and then. She talked the whole day with different diplomats, not having to do it at home was relaxing. Happily she cuddled up in her strong arms.

"The therapist is a bungler."

"I'll find you a new one."

"You're not trying to talk me out of it?"

"Why should I? It was pointless for me, too."

"You were lucky with Kashari."

"And I trained alone, too."

"Is that a discreet hint?"

"You know what it's best for you."

"Where have you been today?"

"Get something with your sister."

"And what?"

"You'll find out later."

"When is later?"

"When you can stand on both feet again."

"That's not fair at all, darling."

"I know, honey. But you wanted it that way."

"I wanted it that way?"

"Yes, you wanted it that way."

"Great..."

Laughing, she gave him a kiss on the mouth plates. Her gaze drifted back to television. The hierarchy was looking for a new, permanent councillor. 

"I received a message that I was on the list of possible candidates."

"I received a similar message from Hackett."

"So, what are you up to?"

"I refused."

"You don't want to be in the council?"

"With all the bureaucracy? Certainly not."

"Good point. What do you want to do later?"

"I think I'll live off the video revenues and start my own business."

"And how?"

"I'll kick Aria's ass and become the ruler of Omega."

Laughing, he kissed her.

"It would suit you. Shepard the infamous pirate. But now seriously."

"I don't know, Garrus. I don't want to be on any committee, I don't want to be on the council, I don't even want to be an admiral. I don't like to send people into combat if I can't storm away in front."

"Then I guess we'll have to start a mercenary group."

"Don't tempt me."

Her Omnitool flashed and she leaves the message surprised.

"What's wrong?"

"Something's going on in Bachjret County. The property we looked at this morning has been sold. Allegedly, a lot of Turians are falling on it and building like madmen."

"Probably a clan would like to gain a foothold on the Citadel. Or it will be the accommodation for the new councilman."

"Then in this district of all places?"

"You have rebuilt him. Your name has weight on Palavan."

"Everything for prestige reasons?"

"You know my people."

" They better not start colonizing Shanxi. "

"Absolutely not. This is our planet."

"Still sounds strange."

"That's right. Still won't tell me what you bought today?"

"No."

"That is really unfair. I need to train more".

"Now you have a goal."

A month later the Turian was much better again. He could walk short distances without crutches. Litavis was in her office again. Garrus sat at his own desk and tried to write a letter. He wanted to be removed from the list of possible councillors. The sniper did not want this post. He was even less bureaucratic than she was. His father sat next to him and helped him formulate it. Castis would have supported his son accepting the post. After all, he would have such a quiet job and could come home every evening. On the other hand, he also understood him. If both of them were offered these posts, it could cause resentment. Litavis processed some new requests for help. This was rare in the meantime, but now and then resources were needed as quickly as possible. She would also soon take the Normandy for a sightseeing flight and see the progress on the different planets. The Batarians had also started to rebuild their home planet. So far they tried to do it alone, but soon they would collapse. So far, no people had made it alone. Everyone had had to learn that the hard way. Probably they would not turn to their office. At least it would be very surprising. Shepard knew that she would never be accepted by this people. That would also be a miracle. If she had met with Batarians, it had never ended peacefully. She would not like to cooperate with a mass murderer. She went into the communication room and spoke to Adrien. In a good mood she came out again. Meanwhile her fiancé and his father despaired of the letter. Fortunately, Solana came in and brought something to eat for all of them. As always, she sat down with her family in her office. They ate together. She watched her future husband closely. He already seemed slightly exhausted. After dinner they would go home. Of course, he would argue against it first, but that was just a fake. She knew him well enough by now. She sat down next to him on the sofa. Garrus leaned slightly against her. That was a clear sign. As soon as they had eaten up Solana said goodbye. She informed her future father-in-law and then went home with the sniper. Like every time she started to massage his strained legs. The Turian purred contentedly and even fell asleep. She covered him up and went to her study. As soon as he stirred again she went back into the living room. She sat down next to him and made herself comfortable in his arms. Spending the evening like this had already become a habit and the redhead liked it. Which probably surprised her the most.


	42. necessitudo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Latin's really gone bad. If anyone finds any decisive mistakes, please tell me.

The redhead smiled soothingly at her fiancé. They were in the Osoba office. Quentius was also present. After all, they needed their signatures. Apart from them, only Sol and Castis were present. There was no ceremony. No oath. Not what really reminded of a wedding. It was really just about their two signatures. The great celebration would follow if they did their duty to the Turian tradition. For Castis sake. The sniper signed the document and she followed his example. The two ambassadors had sworn to remain silent. Smiling, Osoba congratulated them. Castis embraced them first. Solana followed him immediately afterwards. Smiling, she leaned against her husband. 

"I have something to do quickly. Don't worry. I'll be back in half an hour."

"It's all right. Quentius will take a little longer anyway before he's ready to lead the ceremony."

She left the office with the young Turian. Kashari had her office decorated. Her wedding dress was already here and a large dressing table was ready. Her little sister helped her out of uniform and into the white dress. Litavis was nervous. She looked at herself in the mirror again. This was all a stupid idea. Solana danced around her. She had already helped her into her dress and was just lacing the corsage. The Turian exaggerated it a little. But it worked. Turians loved a narrow waist and Garrus especially with her. Hardly sat the dress, she sat down on the chair and closed her eyes. Solana had been taking lessons for weeks. Only for this day Sol did more work than she and her fiancé. Shepard concentrated on keeping quiet. She never put make-up on. She thought it was a waste of time. In addition, an eyeliner did not make her more effective in combat. So she left it to the other woman, who visibly enjoyed it. The redhead couldn't tell what was spread on her skin, but it felt good. She kept hearing the clinking of small containers. She just kept her eyes closed. She simply trusted the younger woman. Finally she felt two hands in her hair. The sniper was also always fascinated by it. He could spend hours playing with her hair. Something very soft on her body that was completely strange. That was also something completely unique. Only the humans had hair. Garrus had freaked out the first time she had loosened her braid in front of him. Smiling, she remembered the scene.

\-----------------------

The Turian had once again calibrated the macro. She had stopped at his place as usual and had helped him. After a few hours her ponytail had simply disturbed her. Without thinking about it she had loosened the hair tie and continued. Suddenly the sniper had stood behind her. There she had felt his claws on her skin for the first time. He had taken off a glove and had driven very carefully over her skull. He curiously stroked the entire length of her hair. Garrus even had a strand of hair wrapped around his fingers. All this had happened in silence. She had just stood there and let him do it. It had taken a long time until his curiosity had been satisfied and he had withdrawn. Only then had she turned around and curiously examined his hand. They had done that more often. Whenever they had worked together, they had remained silent. The chemistry between them had simply always been right. Actually even from the first second on. For hours they had also worked together in their spare time. Actually it was strange, but already after one month they had behaved like their best friends. If both of them had dared to do it earlier, a lot of things might have been different. But to think about it now would only be wasted energy. Nevertheless more and more memories came up.

Often they had simply worked silently on the macro. At first their conversations had always been superficial, or they had talked about the missions. Only when he had told her about Doctor Saleon did things change. Privately. His face when she gave him the HMWSR Master line of Sniper Rifle. Garrus had just stared at the gun in disbelief. Shortly after, he was really happy. She had never seen the Turian like that before. More and more often they just sat in the macro and just talked. A four-eyed conversation on the Normandy had not been so easy. Nevertheless they had found a way. They had always spoken more freely with each other and Garrus had asked her more and more about human habits. Just as they had talked more and more about anatomy. She had wanted to find out Saren's weaknesses and the Sniper had simply become curious. Most of the time they had not been able to hold their own with laughter. When she had sacrificed Ashley, the Turian had waited for her and pulled her into the macro. He had gotten whiskey from somewhere and just sat there with her. She needed a break. He had made sure that nobody got too close to her. Garrus had just sat next to her and held her hand. She had been uncomfortable at first, but he just wanted to show her that he was there. As soon as Kaidan had looked for her, the Turian had sent him away. He had claimed she was not there. This lie had even been credible.   
Litavis had been infinitely sad when he told her he wanted to start back at C - Security. Somehow she had assumed that he stayed with her. That Tali left her had been clear to her. She had to end her pilgrimage. Wrex's return to Tuchanka did not surprise her either. Throughout the journey, she had talked to him again and again about the future of his people. He had always reacted very disparagingly, but she had quickly noticed that he listened to her and was influenced. Well, influencing was the wrong word. He had listened to her and let himself be infected by her hope. If the Krogans did not fight for themselves, who would do it? She had been happy about his decision. Just like about Liara's request to stay on Normandy. That Garrus went was like a slap in the face. But she hadn't let it show. Her grief, her disappointment... But she had understood it too. For her best friend it was the best. The Turian would have found some way to get to her in space. If not to save her, then at least not to let her die alone in nothingness. Even if it meant his own death. It was strange that in all this panic she had thought of him anyway. Not Kaidan.   
When she found him again on Omega, she would have loved to have fallen around his neck. Of course this had been impossible. But she had sat at his bedside for days anyway. She didn't care about the reaction of Cerberus. She had only wanted to be there for him. It had taken a long time again until it was like before her death again. Only after she had been hunting with him again. And Horizon had also contributed to it. There Garrus had protected her again. 

\-----------------------

It had been a long road. And a much longer way lay ahead of them. But one they wanted to go together. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked into the mirror. Solana had only painted them very discreetly. Her hair lay open on her shoulders. They had become really long. Actually, she was supposed to have them cut soon. But as I said before, Garrus loved her hair. Slowly she stood up and looked into the larger mirror. The wedding dress looked good on her body. She looked very feminine. At least by her standards. 

"You look beautiful, big sister."

"Thank you, little sister."

"How do you feel?"

"Strange. I would feel more comfortable in uniform."

"But your sight will knock my brother out."

"I hope so. After all, I wear the dress only for him. When he's seen all those kitschy movies because of me."

"I would have liked to hear him stutter like that. I don't know him like that at all".

"Forget it, I'm the only one allowed to see him.

"Are you nervous?"

"Yes. I'm afraid I'll say something wrong."

"You don't do that. You have practiced. Over and over again."

"Nevertheless I think... but we should probably go now. After all, he has been waiting long enough in the hall now."

"Oh, he can still wait a little longer. You are worth it."

"Thank you, Sol."

"I also arranged for you to be picked up from the ambassador's balcony. It's enough if we secretly have to take you through the embassies."

"You're the best, Solana."

They made their way back. The younger woman always took a few steps forward and hid them from curious looks. Finally they had made it back to the office. She still stayed behind Sol. She sucked air deep into her lungs. She was more nervous than ever before in her life. Only hesitantly she stepped out of the shadows. Her husband stared at her with his mouth open. Directly she felt better. The whole effort had been worth it. Slowly she walked towards him and stood next to him again.

"You wished for a white dress."

"Wow... wow... I never thought... just wow..."

Smiling, she grabbed his hand and just looked him in the eye. With furious hearts she turned briefly to Sol and Castis. Both nodded affirmatively. Garrus also grabbed her other hand. She turned to him again and tried to calm her racing heart. Her mouth was terribly dry. Garrus look was full of love and that helped her immensely. Quentius spoke a few words she didn't understand, but it didn't matter. Her world was shrinking. Only she and Garrus still existed in it.

"Da mihi animam tuam, per omnia saecula.."  
(Give to me your life, your spirit.)

"Ita animo ac vita mea, ego do vobis"   
(Thus my life and spirit, I give to you.)

"Volo sensus vestri erunt."   
(I want that your thoughts should be mine.)

"Sic animus meus, ego do vobis."   
(Thus my mind, I give to you.)

"Volo ut corporis mei."   
(I want that your body should be mine.)

"Haec mea dedi vobis."  
(Thus my body, I give to you.)

"Itaque meo et dabo spiritum meum corpus meum. Adiungere, ut una cum gente mea."  
(And thus I give to you my life and spirit, my thoughts, my body. Join, be one, with my clan.)

Garrus pressed his mouthplates onto her lips. That wasn't part of the tradition, but they both didn't care. She wrapped her arms around his neck. The redhead had to laugh quietly when Castis stepped up to her and painted the clan signs on her face with highest concentration. It felt strange. The sniper was purring all the time. Solana watched the whole thing skeptically. But finally she nodded contentedly. Her husband pulled her close and looked at her face in love. Litavis knew that Quentius said something else, but she didn't notice. Only her opposite was important right now. Finally the sniper painted her clan signs. She returned the gesture. A shuttle stopped in front of the window and Garrus just pulled her there. Smiling, she got in with him and snuggled up to him.

"We're really married."

"We are. Doesn't your family want to go?”

"No. Today belongs only to us.”

"Sounds good."

In front of her apartment he lifted her up and really carried her over the threshold. As soon as Shepard's feet touched the floor again, she kissed her husband hungry. His hands rested at her waist. Litavis didn't know how long they just stood there. She couldn't talk the Turian out of taking a few more photos of them both. 

"I'll go change then."

"Not nevertheless. You look great in that dress."

"But I didn't intend to travel like that?"

"Travel?"

"I thought a week of Shanxi would be nice."

"A week just us two?"

"Exactly."

"Then I go pack."

"Already done. Your father takes care of the office and your sister takes care of Urz. We also have enough provisions with us".

"One week in bed."

"If you want, my husband."

"Say that again."

"My husband."


	43. placide fremere

Shepard took a deep breath. They were back on Shanxi. Their living container stood untouched by the lake. The sun glittered in the clear water. A light wind went. The leaves in the trees moved slightly. It was pleasantly warm. Smiling, she looked at her husband. They crossed their fingers and just enjoyed the peace. There were no other people on this planet. They were completely alone. Just them and the animals that lived here. Nobody who wanted anything from them. Together they unloaded the shuttle. The packed water for Garrus they brought in first. She had also bought a treatment plant, which was now installed by him. Smiling, she continued and unloaded the provisions. The sniper stopped working directly and helped her carry it. That wouldn't have been necessary. The things were not so heavy. The redhead began to stow everything. She went to her Mako and controlled him. The Turian had done a great job several months ago. Even though the plan was to spend a week only at the lake, she did not believe in it. Both of them were not made for that. Probably they would make one or the other trip. Since her husband would still be busy for some time, the admiral went to collect firewood. At least at night they needed a supply of them. Meanwhile it was summer on this planet. If there were seasons here. Litavis had to admit that she didn't know. But it didn't matter either. After a few rounds in the forest she entered the shelter again. Garrus just sat next to the processing plant with a pair of trousers and tried to check some connections. She quickly got out of her armor and squeezed herself into the narrow gaps. It was much easier for her to get to all the entrances. As soon as she came out, the sniper pulled her in and kissed her hungry. Satisfied, she returned the kiss. Litavis went out and shut down all the systems in the shuttle. They wouldn't need that the next week and they both didn't want to be found. This week should belong to them only. Nobody else. The galaxy wouldn't go down just because they had a day off. However, someone could open fire on them. If they didn't come under fire, it would really be a miracle. Her husband probably thought the same. There weren't many couples who brought their armors and weapons with them on their honeymoon. In a good mood she entered the living container again. Garrus seemed satisfied with his work and gave her a gentle look. She breathed a kiss on his forehead. She placed her weapons near her nest. Litavis put on a tracksuit. It was dark blue. She liked the simple blacks better, but her husband loved blue. It sounded strange. Husband. But good, at least they had only been married a few hours. Two strong arms queued around her waist. Satisfied, she let herself sink back against his chest. She listened contentedly to his dark purring. Shepard would never call it purring in front of him again. He didn't like this term. Turians called this placid. It meant soft. She had noticed that this was just like in Latin. And placide fremere meant to purr. When he had looked that up, he had found out that this meant purring of a cat. He hadn't been offended, but close. Slowly she turned around and hugged him. Tenderly his fingers drove over her painted clan signs. It felt strange. Not unpleasant, but unusual. For Turians this gesture was important. Meanwhile the redhead knew that. She gently stroked his scarred half of his face before painting the signs as well. Directly his purring became louder. The grip around her waist became a little tighter. Quietly she began to hum. His mandibles twitched contentedly. She put her lips on his mouth plates. Only hesitantly she separated again from him and stepped out. She prepared the wood and lit a fire. At the look of her husband she had to laugh quietly. Fire drilling was simply not his area of expertise. He simply despaired of this task. Silently the Turian went back in and came out with pots and various rations. The redhead watched her partner cooking. The sun was already setting and the lake glittered peacefully at dusk. As soon as he was finished, she snuggled herself close to him before she went in and fetched wine for both of them. To celebrate the day it was allowed to be a good wine. They both weren't really the wine drinkers. Only when it was dark did they go back inside and cuddle up in the nest. Garrus didn't do anything. He just lay still next to her. Did his people not know the wedding night? Tenderly she stroked his breastplates and bent over him. Again she kissed the other one. Her tongue penetrated his oral cavity. The sharp, pointed teeth always made the thing very tingling. As soon as she penetrated his domain the blue tongue came directly towards her. Again and again her tongues nudged each other and ensnared each other. Quietly she gasped as his arms snaked around her. Her fingers drove over the soft spots on his neck. Directly he rumbled up darkly. Her fingers circled massaging over the sensitive areas. Despite the darkness she could see the twitching of his nose plates. She kissed his neck with a delicate touch. Slowly she slipped deeper and kissed her way further down. Her husband lay still. His hands just drove into her hair and gently scratched her scalp. Otherwise he kept completely still. Finally the redhead had reached the Turianer's genital area. His plates were still completely closed. With a little more pressure she let her tongue glide over the gap. Garrus' breath accelerated slightly. Very slowly the gap became bigger. Cheekily her tongue slid into the gap. The leather touching the tip of her tongue was warmer than its surroundings. The muscles of her partner twitched slightly. Finally the opening was wide enough for her to slide her tongue into the slit. Hungry, her husband growled. His pelvis lifted up towards her. Gently she kissed the tender flesh. A quake ran through the body of the sniper. Slowly his penis slipped a bit out of the opening. She licked his tip firmly and made him moan. The more his dick pushed out of the opening, the more she had to pamper herself. Her lips and tongues glided along the sides of his cock. Gently she put her hand around the hard Dick. Firmly she started to pump him and kissed his wet tip again and again. The grip in her hair became a little tighter. Carefully she put her lips around the twitching tip. She began to suck easily. The man threw his head in the neck and moaned loudly. Slowly she glided down deeper, then moved back again. Again and again she moved her head a bit lower. As soon as his penis hit her palate Litavis withdrew. Garrus growled louder and louder. The hard cock in her mouth began to twitch. Shepard was about to move her head down again, but her husband seemed to have other plans. The grip in her hair became firmer. Sizzling she sucked in the air as he pulled her up and kissed her hungry. She swung one leg over his hip and now sat on him with her legs apart. Gently she embraced the hard cock and slowly pushed herself up. Her body trembled as the dick penetrated between her lips and slowly forced itself into her opening. A tremor ran through her entire body. Slowly her entrance expanded. Litavis gasped quietly. The sniper wanted to sit up, but she pushed him back into the soft camp. Slowly he slid deeper into her. The claws of her fiancé drilled into her hips. Shepard groaned loudly as he rested completely inside her. Slowly she pushed herself up again and let herself sink down again. Garrus hands drove to her breasts and gently massaged her. Her movements became faster and faster and more rhythmic. Finally the sniper sat up and licked her neck. Moaning she massaged his neck. His hands lay around her waist supporting her movements. The moaning of the redheads became louder and louder. The blue tongue finally licked over her erect nipples again and again. Her muscles pulled together spatatically and she moaned loudly in her husband's name. Exhausted, she sank into his arms and struggled for breath. The Turian gave her the time she needed. Only when her body had recovered a little did he turn around with her. Now she lay under him. Her thighs rested on his hip spurs. Sluggishly she returned the next kiss. The admiral whimpered softly as her partner slowly withdrew from her. Only the upper part of his tip rested between her labia. Inch by inch he returned home. Her fingers clawed his neck. Again and again he repeated this game. Suddenly he stabbed her firmly. With a loud growl he surrendered deep inside her. Litavis trembled. Her body was still screaming for him. Every time he took her so slowly, he touched something inside her that made her see stars. A strong arm pushed under her back and pulled her up. At the same time her partner sank back. Now she sat on him again with her legs apart. Breathing heavily, she looked into his blue eyes. Again they kissed and Shepard moved her hips in circles. Immediately her partner answered with a dark growl. Only when his hands grabbed her waist again did she move faster. After a short time he bucked hard at her again. In this position her clitoris rubbed over his plates every time. It didn't take long and her body cramped completely again. Garrus stood up with her and pushed her hard against the wall. Litavis was now sitting on his hip and was completely at his mercy. A slight shiver ran through her body. Her husband's subvocals now seemed much more animalistic. This time she completely left the lead to the Turian. Unstable she clung to his neck and could only moan his name again and again. Firmly he stabbed the narrow body again and again. Again she heard a deep growl and felt a violent stream of his sperm in herself. Again in the nest he drilled himself firmly into her body. Finally she could no longer say how often they had loved each other that night, she could no longer say in which positions she had been, that the only thing she knew was that the sun was already rising again when they cuddled together exhausted and finally fell asleep. The star of the day was already high in the sky when she opened her eyes again. Smiling, she looked at her husband. 

"Slept well, Honey?"

"And how. I woke up next to my wife for the first time."

"That sounds damn good."

"And feels even better."

"True indeed."

"You stay down, I'll make us some coffee."

"That's sweet, but I have to make a fire."

"Damn. Maybe it's still glowing."

Smiling, she looked after the man. After some time she got into a panty and went out. She sat down next to him and lit the fire again. Hardly the flames blazed high she rose again and went to the lake. She glided in briefly and washed the traces of yesterday's hustle and bustle off her body. Litavis sat next to the fire to dry. Garrus took her directly in her arm to warm her additionally. He had cooked directly for them both. After the meal they went back inside. The redhead slipped into a tank top and hot pants. Surprised, she looked at the Turian. He wore only one pair of trousers. She liked it. The sniper pulled her in and kissed her again. Hand in hand they walked around the lake. Again and again she took a deep breath. Fresh air. Natural air. She spent far too much time on the Citadel. Her husband seemed to enjoy it just as much. The rustling of the leaves in the wind had a very calming effect on her as always.

"We should really consider moving here, Litavis."

"Maybe we'd rather have a holiday home."

"Is it too quiet for you here?"

"It's not a place to raise children..."

"Kids?"

"We thought it over, didn't we?"

"Yes, we did. Do you want to?"

"With you, I can imagine. Not now directly. But maybe someday. At least I don't want to rule it out."

"Sounds very good. And you think we can' t do that here?"

"For one thing, there are no other children here. And what is even more serious, can you imagine that our children would grow up here among wild animals?"

"We would kill all predators."

"Exactly. That would be it then however also with our small paradise. We would only walk around armed."

"You are right. We would freak out."

"However... I would like a colony better than the Citadel."

"Me too. Terra Nova maybe."

"Maybe Palaven will."

"The sun would be too much for your skin."

"After Miranda it would be no problem. She modified me further when she put me back together again."

"Perhaps it would not be suitable however for our children."

"Small Krogan would get along with it."

"Small humans however already."

" Humans?"

"I imagine that at some point we will have three children. A human child, a Turian child and a Krogan child." 

"Three at a time?"

"Just such a thought."

"We still have to talk about the number. But at least we both want children."

"First of all I want to spend time with my wife."

"We had really little time as a couple."

"Damn little. But we make up for it all."

"I'm sorry, Garrus..."

He stopped and looked at her questioningly. Then he suddenly pulled her over and just held her tight. He gently stroked her back and finally kissed her. Tenderly he drove over her face. The painted clan signs had disappeared by now, but he painted them anyway.

"You came back to me twice, Litavis. Twice you have defeated death. You had amnesia. You can't help it. You worked so hard to regain your memories. There is nothing to be sorry about. Nothing at all".

"But..."

"No but. You're back with me. The rest doesn't matter. You are here. You are with me. You are my wife. The rest doesn't matter. No guilty conscience, okay?"

"Okay."

He put his arm around her shoulder and went on with her. It took them several hours to get back to her container. Without much effort she started the fire again. This time she cooked with her husband. Like yesterday, they watched the sunset together and then went back inside. In love she painted his clan signs. Purring, he fell asleep within a very short time. Shepard quickly followed his example. The next morning the admiral was awake earlier. She made breakfast and waited outside for him. Today it was already damn warm. She got a message she had been waiting for for some time. Absent the redhead looked at the lake. Finally she was embraced from behind. Satisfied, she sank backwards against her partner's chest.

"What's the matter?"

"I received a message from Miranda."

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Don't worry. It's all right. I just wanted to know what she changed all about me."

"And that she sends to you only now?"

"No. She sent me that before. I only had one more question."

"And what did she change?"

"The implants are stronger. They do with adaptability. Not like the Vorcha, but my body adapts faster. That's why I could live on Palaven now."

"And your biotics are stronger."

"Exactly. And she thought of us."

"About us?"

"She made sure that I could also feed on dextro-based food."

"Practical."

"Yes..."

"What else?"

"Nothing. Well... she changed something."

"Litavis, what's going on?"

"I don't know how she did it, but maybe we could figure out what a turian - human baby looks like."

"What?"

"I just got the message from her."

"That... that... we could..."

"It's highly unlikely If anything, there's a ten-percent chance."

"But we could..."

"Yes."

Hungry, he kissed her. It came as a surprise, but somehow she was happy about the possibility. Even if it was very unlikely. But suddenly her husband froze.

"I have no condoms with me."

Now she began to laugh loudly.

"I am in the birth control. Otherwise combat operations would be more exhausting. I still get these injections. So you don't have to worry."


	44. in imbri

Grinning, Shepard looked back. She went running every morning. This time Garrus had come along. At the beginning he was clearly faster than her, but with time she caught up more and more. Humans were made to cover long distances. Long running didn't bother her. Finally she had circumnavigated the lake. Her husband arrived a little later. Smiling, the redhead handed him something to drink and sat next to him. She was sweaty, but she felt damn good.

"I don't understand how you can like it that way."

"The running?"

"Yes."

"Something that I have from my mother."

"Are you telling me?"

"I already told you that she liked to be outside. In nature. Out of civilization."

"You did."

"We often marched for days. As far away as possible from everyone else. When my Biotic showed up I got problems in school. I always had to lie to everyone. Comments about biotics made me angry... I got into trouble more often."

"In trouble?"

"At school, a younger boy suddenly had a biotic outbreak. He didn't know he was a biotic. He was straight away beaten up by one of the elders. He hit and kicked him. I flew in between and beat this asshole almost to death. My father freaked out. My mom was more relaxed. She took me out of school for half a year and flew with me to Earth. We did a backpack tour. We marched through Africa. Far away from other people. Half a year we walked every day. I loved it. This peace. Just my mom and me. She trained me and nobody disturbed us. I felt free again for the first time. Really free. Nobody wanted anything from me. Nobody judged me, nobody watched me. I could be me again. When I feel the burning in my legs, I remember that feeling again".

"And now you are under constant observation again."

"Since I started screaming that the Reapers were coming. It never really stopped. And I don't believe it's going to change."

"Do you think it will ever change, Litavis?"

"I don't know, Garrus. I hope when everything has calmed down... when no symbol is needed anymore. Change of topic. What have you done with your parents?"

"Shooting training with my dad. Over and over again. My muscles hurt, I didn't hit and he showed no mercy. When I came home, my mom made me a tea and cheered me up. She often told my father that he was exaggerating. Of course he disagreed. Often enough I could hardly move. At some point she also trained me. But with more patience. She praised me more often. With her I made faster progress."

"You never told your dad that, did you?"

"No. She always said she'd stay out of it."

"So it was your secret."

"Yes. I was grateful to her for that. It calmed me down to know that I wasn't so bad. She also asked me if I wanted that at all. Whether I even wanted to follow my father, or whether I wouldn't rather do something else. She supported me in that."

"You wanted to learn how to paint."

"You could have forgotten that."

"When we have children, you come to paint."

"How?"

"I will paint with our children. Have my parents also done with me. You won't be able to avoid it."

"I won't."

Laughing she snuggled up to him. It was just wonderful on Shanxi. They spent most of the day together. Only when she went swimming or running were they briefly separated. Litavis wiped her forehead. She had to wash herself urgently. Slowly she rose and took off her training clothes. Garrus simply lifted her up and carried her into the water.

"You're coming with me?"

"At least a bit."

When the water reached up to his chest he let her down. He probably wouldn't go further into the water. But that was okay. After all, he only came into the lake for her. Shepard stretched out and kissed her husband. Gently he held her tight. The redhead just loved the water. The sniper was looking for her all the time. After a short time they went back into their container. There she pushed the Turian under the installed shower. After all, he had to watch out for water. Laughing, she snuggled up to him as soon as he pulled her back. They behaved like a couple in love. After all, they were also on their honeymoon.   
Sighing, Shepard watched the sunset. Only tomorrow... then they had to go back again. The Turian sat behind her and held her tight. Satisfied she leaned against him and just enjoyed his warmth. Today it was quite cool the whole day. Nevertheless they had made a trip with the Mako. In this area there were no more signs of civilization. And so also no destruction. It was idyllic and they both just enjoyed it. Their small, whole world. They had explored the surroundings of the lake. Only to stay in bed had been their plan, but as feared they had not kept it up. They had wanted to recover. That had also given nothing. If they didn't hunt, hike or shoot, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. She could no longer say where they had united everywhere. It didn't matter either. 

"Hard to believe we'd have to pack tomorrow night."

"Unfortunately yes... But at least we had a week just for us."

"I'm curious to see how the others will react when they find out we're married."

"They'll be offended that we didn't invite them."

"They can come to the wedding organized by my father."

"You want to invite them all?"

"Why not? After all, they belong to your family."

"But then we have to invite a lot."

"Okay, that's right."

"The crews of the nomandys, the occupation of our office and a few others."

"Like who?"

"Kolyat, Orlana, Eve..."

"He reminds me very much of his father."

"I have often spoken to him with the wrong name..."

"You and Thane..."

"We were just friends, Garrus. Good friends. We got along in ways I never thought possible."

"I get jealous."

"You have no reason to. He could simply understand my problems. It's still hard to explain. And I... he slowly suffocated. With full consciousness. I knew the feeling."

"And I wasn't really there for you at the time."

"You had your own problems."

"That's just a bad excuse. He was about to die and still spent more time with you than I did..."

"Garrus... you lost friends. I got that. Stop blaming yourself for me."

"And between you it never got more serious?"

"I only had eyes for a hot Turian."

"That calms me down again now. I always had the impression that he would have wished for more."

"He has done nothing in this direction. And as I said, I only had eyes for another."

"You didn't do anything either."

"I first had to see that you talked to me normally again. After Horizon it started and then we had to find Sidonis. Not to forget that I had to look after it to lift your mood again. You would have hit me best."

"I would never have done that."

"Don't lie, Honey."

"I am not lying. I was a little disappointed at first, but then I understood it very quickly. It wasn't about Sidonis, it was about me."

"Still, you kept away from me."

"Hey, every time you came to me, we talked normally."

"Exactly. Whenever I came to You. Never the other way around."

"You were my superior."

"You were just too shy or too cowardly."

"I'm not a coward."

"Then shy."

"You're doing it again."

"Speechless you? I know."

"Would you have liked me to do more offensive?"

"Any offensive would have been nice. I thought I'd have to be more direct."

"I had no idea what I should do at all. I would have loved to have kissed you on Omega."

"I would have found it good."

"Would you?"

"When I died, my last thought was for you."

"You want to make me blush again."

"Your signs shine. So I made it again." 

It began to rain and Garrus carried it into the living container. They snuggled together into the nest and listened to the crackling of the water drops. Shepard found that very reassuring. She loved rain. That was also something she missed on the Citadel. Did children who had never been to a planet before get scared of it? For sure. Rain, wind... all that was missing on the station. Humming she pressed herself to her husband. 

"You love rain, don't you?"

"I still prefer thunderstorms."

"Thunderstorm?"

"Yes. Many on Mindoir were afraid of it. I never. Often my mother woke me when a storm raged. She wrapped us both in a warm blanket, we sat down at a window and watched the lightning. Even when it was late, she always woke me up. I should respect the forces of nature, but not be afraid. If it only rained I jumped into every puddle. I was covered over and over with mud. My mother caught me laughing and my father put me in a warm bathtub. Then we cuddled up and my dad read me his favorite books. It was especially nice when the electricity went out and we sat in front of the fireplace. My mom had built it."

"Our future house needs a fireplace."

"I'd love that."

"You had very loving parents."

"I did."

The sniper again gave out a deep purr. She, on the other hand, drew his clan signs again. Her husband fell asleep before her.


	45. inventio sui ipsius

She took a deep breath. The air was dry. Litavis' gaze wandered through the surroundings. It reminded her of a stone desert. It really reminded of some deserts on earth. Checking she looked at Kolyat next to her. The young Drell seemed to be captivated by the sight. Rakhana was not really his homeworld. Litavis wasn't sure if the Drell called this planet home at all... But this was their origin. Somehow this always remained something special. She wasn't from Earth either, yet this planet triggered something in her. Every time she saw the earth from outer space, she felt connected to life there. Kolyat had to have a similar situation. Silently they just stood there and looked at the landscape. Did he now also have to think of Mexico? It reminded me very much of those deserts there. Slowly they went on. Still silent. Their steps were the only noises in the surroundings. It was different than on Shanxi. There the noise of the wind in the leaves, the trees, had always accompanied her. There was no silence on the Citadel. You could always hear something. This silence was almost unnatural in the long run. But well, what else could she expect on a dead planet? The air quality was good, although a little too dry for her. They were already running through this nothing for some time. After all, they had reached a sea. Shepard took a water sample directly. It was still a little too sour. But not as sour as feared. The cleaning efforts bore first fruits. Also the soil quality was clearly better. She still didn't know how the Geth did it. Some of them seemed to be in full bloom when it came to agriculture. She had discussed with Armada the difference between profession and vocation. Vocations were for individuals. That was the view of Geth. Something that was a new experience for them. They made their way back. Kolyat followed his thoughts. He still seemed overwhelmed. The way to Leesa Heth would take three hours. She had consciously decided to walk. So the younger one simply had more time. She breathed deeply and wiped the sweat off her forehead. Shepard concentrated only on the distance in front of her. She wouldn't look at him all the time now. If he wanted to talk to her, he would take the first step. The redhead blinked slightly. The temperature kept rising. She felt reminded of her wanderings with her mother. In the beginning, she had often complained about the heat. At some point she had been too tired to do so. Finally she had resigned herself to it and also enjoyed it. They had both stunk, like a polecat. But it had been beautiful. Suddenly Kolyat stopped and looked around. Maybe she should not have taken him with her. Maybe she just overtaxed her. Litavis gently pressed the man's shoulder. He kept blinking with his inner eyelids, but remained silent. Probably he was just thinking of his father. This environment simply provoked remembering.

"Do you think of your parents?"

"You can read minds, Siha."

"No. I had to think of my own mother. And the surroundings remind me of Mexico".

"It was peaceful there. The air was good for my father."

"Peaceful... I personally think it's a little too quiet here."

"It's very quiet."

"Yes. Humans can survive almost anywhere, but if I have the choice, I like drinking water nearby."

" Humans need a lot of water. "

"Way more than you guys, yeah."

"Thank you for trying to distract me, Siha."

"Gladly, Kolyat."

"My father said that you are good at that."

"Distract someone?"

"Yes. He said, whenever he got restless or scared, you suddenly came into the room to talk to him. As if you felt it."

"I was told more often that I had a sixth sense. But I think your dad was used to me being there."

"You mean he always got restless just before your dates?"

"Something like that. Then there was just someone who was there. I gave him a feeling of security. If you have that, you can let yourself fall."

"You talked a lot."

"We were two living dead. It's not often that two zombies can share their experiences."

"Zombies... the comparison would have made him laugh."

"I think he would have philosophized about how much this idea is in line with your idea. After all, with zombies only the body is alive."

"My goodness! You're right. He loved to philosophize."

"I wonder what he would say here? I always had the impression that he was very attached to the Hanar."

"That was him. He always felt it was a great honour to be chosen. I still believe that he would have admired and supported your efforts. Why are you doing all this, Siha? You take care of everyone."

"I try, Kolyat. We all fought for a future. Then we all deserve a chance. Kahje offers no future for the Drell. At least not really. I never understood why the Drell didn't populate a new planet long ago. And if we are honest... who wants to stop me at the moment? It's not exactly great, but in war and afterwards there are chances. I can try to change what I never really liked."

"You're using the chaos, Siha?"

"Exactly that. At least for some time. But if this works, it'll be my last project of this magnitude."

"Why that, Siha?"

"I'm not only using the chaos, I'm afraid I'm also doing a lot of things. I've weakened the council, intentionally or not. I intervened directly in Asari politics. I blackmailed a few salariarians. I have great influence on embassy seats... For one person I have clearly too much power, Kolyat."

"With you this power is in good hands."

"Do you really think that? Many forget how we got here. I murdered to stop the Reapers. In the war I was the right one, but if we want to ring in a new time, then also with new leaders."

"And you think you can do that?"

"To say goodbye to all the power? At least I try. That's why I don't want to accept any more posts. If something doesn't suit me, I start screaming again."

"It will be funny when you are no longer seen everywhere. But you have earned it. You are right, others can also do something sometimes. Can you imagine staying here? When everything has been put in order".

"I'm afraid it would be clearly too warm here. Garrus should like the climate here already rather.

"Rakhana is probably really nothing for humans."

"There would probably be people, who would come here rightly. I could also live here, but if I had the choice... I love water and forests. The wind in the leaves of trees, the sound of raindrops... All this reminds me of Mindoir."

"Do you want to go back there?"

"No. I want to build something new with Garrus somewhere. Start from scratch. On Mindoir old spirits would haunt me. Besides, Turians don't do well there. What about you? Will you stay on the Citadel?"

"I don't know yet. First of all yes. But it's nice to have the choice. After all, this is our planet."

They went on. The sun had already passed the zenith. They would probably arrive shortly before dusk, if not later. But that wasn't bad at all. So she had time to think further. Cleaning the seas and the ground was not enough. Many species were extinct and had to be replicated. Fortunately the salarians were really good at it. Again she wiped the sweat off her forehead. The young Drell looked at her only briefly, but said nothing about it. Thane had always worried at the beginning. Drell also sweated, but clearly less than humans. Litavis reached for the backpack and pulled out a canteen. This piece was almost antique. Her grandmother had already heard it. One of the few things she still owned from her family. Without looking she passed the bottle on to Kolyat. Thankfully he grabbed it and drank a sip. 

"I was once here with my mother when my father was on the road. She called it..."

"A self-discovery trip. My mother also made one with me. Also through a desert. She said that nothing clears your head. You focus on your inner being, not on your surroundings."

"My mother also said something similar. But she also said that I should know our origin."

"Shocking. Apparently our mothers were soul mates. My mother walked with me through Africa. The cradle of mankind".

"You even know the region where your species has developed?"

"Roughly."

"Do you want to do that later? With your children a self-discovery trip?"

"If it should be necessary. Is only the question where I make this migration then."

"But you want to become a mother?"

"At least I don't rule it out. But I have already spoken to Garrus. We take our time with it. At the moment we wouldn't have any time for children. Besides we want to build ourselves a home first."

"The same what you seem to wish for all nations. A home."

"Not only for all nations. For everyone. For every refugee. After Mindoir I had no home for a long time. Only again on the Normandy."

"Yes, I know the feeling. You're going to be a great mother, Siha."

"Thank you, Kolyat. I'm just afraid Garrus and my child are going through a lot."

"Why?

"Imagine how he and I react when someone hurts our child."


	46. Invictus

Admiral Shepard unlocked her gun. Grunt and Wrex looked at her perplexed. She was actually on Tuchanka to look at a clutch of eggs. Her little tank birth would become a father. At first she had been surprised, but then she had reminded herself that things were different with Krogans. He had no feelings for the mother of his children. The clutch of eggs lay in a remote area. She found that strange. Some custom was followed. Only a few women lived in this area. Her two companions had been relaxed the whole time and had even been in a really good mood until she had drawn her gun. Something was wrong. All her senses sounded the alarm. Her neck hair straightened up, her heart beat faster and her whole body seemed to be preparing for a fight. The two Krogans rose and prepared to fight as well. Neither of them spoke. They knew her well enough to know that she was doing her `Shepard thing` again. She often felt an opponent before she saw him. Garrus liked to call it her sixth sense. Just now her husband wasn't with her. He would never let her travel alone again. The Mako stopped and they got out. Litavis held her weapon at the ready. It was quiet. Too quiet. Almost like Rakhana. This settlement consisted of only one large building, but it was still too quiet. Slowly and carefully she walked towards the building. Slowly, the redhead squatted and put her hand on the ground. She felt a slight vibration. She looked at her two companions and formed the words with her lips without making a sound. Tresher Maw. Such a beast so close to the clutch... that was not good. Slowly she looked around. They had to lure the cattle away here. If it was only one thing. But how... it had not reacted to the Mako. She almost feared that it was not hunting because it was full. She took a deep breath and rose. She stomped a few times before running away from the building with far reaching steps. Shepard hoped that the hunting instinct would prevail after all. Her two comrades immediately followed her. They asked no questions. The trampling of the Krogans seemed to have a just too hypnotic effect. She took a look over her shoulder. That was unusual. The beast's back was far out of the sand. It wasn't as big as Kalros, but by far bigger than the other Tresher Maws she had fought so far. She ran as fast as she could. Finally her feet hit solid ground. Stone, that was good. At least here they couldn't be attacked from below. Litavis quickly threw herself behind a high stone and took cover. Her gaze wandered to her teammates. Both Krogans nodded. They were ready for the fight. That was crazy. They needed some Makos. A few ships would not be bad either. But who needed an army? She had two Krogans. Finally the enemy showed himself. Holy shit! This beast was gigantic. Directly they opened fire. Again she changed her magazine. All their common firepower didn't even seem to itch to the Tresher Maws. Again and again she took cover and also pulled her comrades to safety. That didn't make any sense at all. They would rather run out of ammunition than anything else. She pulled the Collector Particle Beam. Litavis didn't know why she had taken this weapon with her, but she was perhaps her salvation right now. She waited until her opponent hurled his acid again. She hit right in the mouth. The enemy had felt that. Wrex and Grunt now concentrated on getting the Tresher Maw to spit. Grunt was hit. Again Shepard aimed. The projectiles went on the journey. At the same moment she realized that she too would be hit. Raising a shield would be pointless. Quickly she threw herself aside. Unbelieving she looked at herself, she was still intact. But she heard Grunt moaning. He had thrown himself between her and the acid. The redhead crawled towards the younger one and tore the armor off his body. He was badly injured and had to leave quickly. But how? How would she get him away from here? Angrily she sparkled at this miserable worm. She unleashed her biotics and now stopped the enemy's mouth. Again and again she fired. Litavis heard the click of the weapon. No more ammunition... but that wasn't bad anymore. The earth beneath her feet trembled as the tresher Maw hit the ground. Wrex lifted up the other Krogan and carried him back to the Mako. She took another path. Hesitantly she entered the building. The stench was terrible and even strangled her. Slowly Shepard looked back as footsteps sounded behind her. Wrex was alone. Slowly she shook her head. The clutch was completely destroyed as far as she could see. Inside the building, there was a big gaping hole. From the Krogans ... parts were to be seen. There was nothing more left. 

"I send the Mako away. He should bring the little one back. Another Mako should then pick us up."

She just nodded and left the building once more to take a deep breath. Litavis breathed deeply and waited for Wrex. He had already told the other Krogans. Poor Grunt... Together with the older one she stepped inside again. There were some broken eggs. But not as many as expected. What had happened to the rest she could imagine with the big hole. Together with Wrex she silently searched the chaos. The Krogans here must have been completely surprised. They had no chance. She was not allowed to think that what was crunched under her boots were eggshells. Unborn children. They had been combing the building for hours. The Mako had arrived. Resigned, Litavis stood up. Was there really nothing left? Suddenly she heard a miserable sound. Directly she ran around the hole and tried to find the place where the sound came from. She rummaged through the rubble and finally something grabbed one of her fingers. Carefully she cleared the obstacles to the side and discovered an infant. It was tiny. His skin was very soft. Different from the skin of the adult Krogans. The baby looked at her with big blue eyes. Carefully she took Grunts son on her arm. She didn't know if she had to support his head, but she did. She left the building with the little one.

"Wrex! I got one."

The head of the family came right at her. 

"Shepard, he's strong. We take him to Litavia. Bakara will take care of him."

She just nodded and climbed into the Mako. There she handed Wrex the baby for a moment. Quickly she laid out the upper part of her armor. Quickly followed her shirt, which she wore underneath. She wrapped Grunts son in it before getting dressed again. Carefully she took the little one back. Without wanting it she began to hum a lullaby. Arrived in the city she moved very carefully. After all, she was carrying a newborn. Arriving at Wrex's home, Bakara was already waiting for her. She took the little one and he immediately began to roar. Depressed, she looked after the other woman before she went to Wrex.

"How is Grunt?"

"Our doctors take care of him. Chakwas is there too. She'd rather take him to the Citadel."

"Then we'll do it."

"Nonsense. He needs..."

"He's coming with us, Wrex."

"Whatever you say. Our doctors can take care of him, too."

"Yeah, sure."

She heard the baby scream all the time. She took a deep breath and called a shuttle. She went to Grunt and sat down next to his stretcher. Soothingly, she stroked his head. He was really badly hurt. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked at her tiredly. He seemed to have no illusions.

"You killed the cattle, fight master?"

"I did."

"Ha!"

"I found your son, Grunt."

"My son?"

"Yes. He survived. He's with Bakara now, yelling everything together. If you come from the Citadel, you can take care of him."

"Is he strong?"

"He survived. So, yes. He is strong. He squeezed my finger pretty hard."

At that moment Eve came in with the baby in her arm. He was still yelling. Shepard helped the younger one sit up. He looked at the baby skeptically. It just didn't stop roaring, even when he took it. Without hesitation he passed his son on to her. Immediately the little one stopped. Litavis stretched out her fingers to him, which he immediately clasped. He chewed eagerly on her index finger.

"I think he's hungry."

"He thinks you are his mother."

"What?"

"You were the first one he saw, Shepard. You saved him."

"Still, I'm hardly his mother. His grandmother, maybe."

"Raise him, fight master."

"Are you stupid, Grunt? He is your son!"

"He needs a mother."

"Bakara..."

"Grunt's right, Shepard. The kid picked you out."

"But..."

The baby laughed cheerfully. She couldn't just... But, it was so cute. That was not an argument. She was not ready for it. She had no experience. She still had so much to do. She had to talk to Garrus. They had no idea what little Krogans needed. All these thoughts were wiped away by a soft laugh.

"I don't know at all... I will need help."

"I'll explain everything to you, Commander. You will manage that. Krogans are tough. Come with me, I'll pack you some while Grunt is taken to the shuttle."

Still overwhelmed, she followed the other woman. The baby still on her arm. That was just incredible. She couldn't just do it with the baby... Litavis couldn't say exactly how she came up with the Normandy. She asked EDI to send the reports to her office. Shortly afterwards she received a call from her husband. Shepard had him put in the communication room. Smiling, with the baby in her arm, she looked at her husband.

"Litavis! Are you all right? Is everything... is that?"

"That's Grunts son... well... our son."

"Our what?"

"He wants me to raise him... so us... I know something's coming suddenly..."

"Our son... I have to buy diapers and a bed and toys and powder and... I just buy the whole store empty."

"Good idea, Daddy."

"Daddy... that sounds so damn good, Mummy."

"I'll see you in three hours."

The admiral could imagine what the Turian was going through. With the little one she went into her loft and fed him there. A porridge of meat... no mother's milk. That was good. They could buy the food for the baby on the Citadel. As soon as the ship docked, she took the sleeping child and all the bags. She looked again at Grunt. This one would be taken to a hospital. Her husband was already waiting for her at the dock. The sniper rushed towards her and wanted to embrace her stormily, but then he stopped and looked at the little Krogan. Tenderly he stroked his head.

"Our son..."

"Yes. Our son. Let's go home."

Once there, Shepard wasn't badly surprised. The whole living room was full of baby stuff. Garrus had already built a cradle. Instead of putting the baby inside, she put him in the Turian's arms. He strained his muscles immediately. You could have put a Reaper on it and he would have held it. The little one looked at him with big eyes.

"That's Daddy then, my little one."

"Hello, my son. What do we call you?"

"How do you like Invictus?"

"Invictus? A Turian name?" 

"He has a Turian father. Invictus Shepard."

"A very strong name."

"He survived the attack of a giant Tresher Maw. He needs a strong name."

"That's true, though."

Carefully, he put their son in the cradle. Together they started to build all these things together. He had bought two beds for the little one. One for the bottom and one for the top. Garrus had even bought a safety gate for the stairs. But it was a little too early for that. Tomorrow she would visit Grunt. Shepard was worried about him. He was only injured because he had protected her. Today, however, Invictus needed all her attention. Her day consisted only of feeding and wrapping. Towards evening they went to bed. She did not put Invictus in the cradle, but took him to bed. He lay between her and her husband and grumbled contentedly. He lay snuggled close to her breast and fell asleep quite quickly. Smiling, she looked at the sniper, who took her in his arm to protect her.

"Will you stay home tomorrow?"

"Yes. I'll take a vacation first. Your father has everything under control."

"I guess I'll tell him he's a grandfather."

"Poor Castis... first a human being as daughter-in-law and now a Krogan as grandson."

"He will bear it."

"He will."

Tenderly she kissed him and closed her eyes. She was just exhausted. After a few hours Invictus began to whine. He was hungry. Directly she opened her eyes, but the Turian was faster. Quietly he stood up and lifted the baby up. Shepard sat up anyway.

"Sleep on, I'll do it."

"Okay."

She lay down again, but stayed awake until they came back. She quickly embraced the baby again, who was smacking contentedly. Quietly she hummed another lullaby while her husband purred soothingly. That happened again that night. The sniper stood up again.  
Early the next morning Shepard got up. She took Invictus and went down with him. She let Garrus sleep. She wrapped the baby and fed him again, then put him to sleep. She cleared the tracks from last night and took care of the baby. The Turian came down a few hours later. She just held Invictus in her arms and smiled at him.

"I love this picture."

"I thought something else was coming now."

"I'm sorry... I love you, Litavis."

"I love you too, Garrus."

"You look beautiful."

"If you go on like this, I'll turn red this time."

"If I could do it once, I could die happy."

"Then I'll delay this for another hundred years."

"Agreed. Do you now want to Grunt?"

"Actually, yes. But it is still a little early. The visiting hours haven't started yet."

"You are Admiral Shepard. Who wants to stop you?"

"That's true again. Do you want to come?"

"I'm coming with you. I have to thank him for saving my wife."

"I have already packed a diaper bag. We'll have another cup of coffee and then we'll be on our way."

She held the baby in her arms the whole time. Only in the Skycar Invictus came into the child seat. At the hospital she picked up her son and looked for Grunts hospital room. Quietly she entered it and sat down on the edge of the bed. Directly the Krogan opened his eyes and she smiled encouragingly at him.

"How are you, kid?"

"As if that little bit of acid could hurt me, fight master."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Your skin is softer. The acid could have killed you."

"Just like the Reaper beam. I'm not that easy to kill."

"Ha!"

"Invictus is doing great."

"Invictus?"

"Your son. My and Garrus' son."

"You call him Invictus?"

"That means undefeated. I could recite the poem of William Ernest Henley to you now."

"Shoot, fight master."

"Really? Ok.  
Out of the night that covers me,   
Black as the pit from pole to pole,   
I thank whatever gods may be   
For my unconquerable soul. 

In the fell clutch of circumstance   
I have not winced nor cried aloud.   
Under the bludgeonings of chance   
My head is bloody, but unbowed. 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears   
Looms but the Horror of the shade,   
And yet the menace of the years   
Finds and shall find me unafraid. 

It matters not how strait the gate,   
How charged with punishments the scroll,   
I am the master of my fate,   
I am the captain of my soul."

"You are a strange people, but the statement is good."

"I thought you might like it."

"The name fits."

"You see."

"You're a good mother, fight master."

"Grunt..."

"I know it, Shepard. You'll take good care of him. Better than anyone."

"Garrus wants to visit you, too, kiddo."

He just nodded and she left the room with the baby. She had hoped Grunt would react differently to the baby. But there was no reaction at all. In front of the door she waited for her husband. Together they went home again. They invited Castis to dinner. He should get to know his grandson in peace. Laughing, she watched her husband change diapers. Litavis sat down on the sofa with Invictus and sang to him quietly while Garrus took care of their food.


	47. Infans

Invictus made a happy hum all the time. Only when he was hungry or full of diapers did he become a little weepy. Litavis was convinced that the little one should sleep more, but he only slept when she walked him around the apartment. She put an enormous distance back into her apartment. Garrus looked at her smiling all the time. He prepared a real feast. Would Solana be happy about her nephew? Certainly even. Quietly she sang one lullaby after the other to her son. The mouth plates of the sniper moved soundlessly. He seemed to learn the lyrics. Did Turians also have lullabies? Probably not. Her husband's people did not like singing or poetry. She had to buy some children's books. So that Garrus could read something to their son and she should urgently talk to Eve. She needed a collection of stories. After all, her son was a Krogan. He should know his people. But probably she just thought too far. After all, Invictus was only one day old. She heard Garrus laugh softly and looked at him confused.

"You worry too much, Litavis."

"I know, but this role is completely new."

"It is not at all. You've always taken care of others."

"Only they were all grown up already."

"I'm not so sure about that. Liara was quite naive and unworldly before she met you."

"And now she is the Shadow Broker. Is that better?"

"She can take care of herself now. But well, another example. Tali. She's an admiral now. You helped her with the pilgrimage, made sure that she could stay with her people and helped her to give her people back their homeland. James is with the N7 thanks to you. Steve wants to live again thanks to you. Wrex believed again in the future for his people. Jack leads an almost normal life. Think of the Geth, Grunt or the Rachni. Even you raised me somehow."

"I raised you? That sounds dirty, Honey."

"You know how I mean that. You can do that."

"Thank you, Garrus. You can just calm me down. I'm still worried."

"I know. But just look at him. He loves you idolatrously. When you look at him, our son really shines."

Litavis stepped up to her husband and breathed a kiss on his mouthplates. Invictus sniffed interestedly. She warmed the porridge and fed it. The sniper sat down next to her on the sofa and watched her. Her son was very hungry. She wrote a message to Bakara. She calmed her down. Krogans always ate a lot when they could. And their babies grew fast. So she had to be prepared for him to become mobile within a month. 

"If he continues to eat like this, we will need new food and diapers in two days."

"Of course. That's almost normal."

"Human babies grow slower. They eat less. And just mother's milk."

"You are really helpless at the beginning of your life. Like the Asari."

"We'll catch up when we grow up."

"Yes, yes. From helpless to crazy. What a development."

"Crazy enough to mess with reapers and win."

"True again."

"I'll go change and Invictus put on a fresh romper. After all, he should look good for his aunt and grandpa."

The admiral went upstairs with her son. There she changed him and then herself. From below she heard the doorbell and then voices. Castis seemed to have come alone. Solana had flown to Palavan this morning and would unfortunately come back tomorrow. That was a pity. She probably would have been happy and infected her father with it. Now he had to overcome the shock alone.

"How is your wife? The tresher Maw, is said to have been over 200 yards long".

"She is well. Grunt has got something, but he will again."

"That's good. I am happy that she is well. Just make sure you're always there soon."

"I don't think she'll let us go on missions together."

"Of course... you are now married. That could cause problems."

Shepard slowly came down the stairs. Invictus on her arm was completely silent. Smiling, she looked at her father-in-law and embraced him gently. He returned the gesture and examined the little Krogan. The sniper stepped next to her. So close that their bodies touched. He gently stroked the baby's head. Castis was silent for a long time. But finally he took the baby from her. He ejected a deep purr.

"Hello, my grandson."

"Invictus Shepard. Your grandson."

Pure relief spread to Litavis. Also from Garrus the tension seemed to fall off. Invictus didn't start screaming on his grandfather's arm. He looked at him briefly and then looked back at his parents. He hummed quietly. Her son was highly satisfied. Finally Castis gave him back to her. Without saying a word he went to the upper floor. He came down again and held in his hands the blue color he had given her. Carefully he painted the clan signs on her face again. Finally he painted them in Invictus' face. It took him much longer, although the baby kept very still.

"Finally finished. I should best learn to paint our signs on all faces. If I become a grandpa again, it shouldn't take that long again."

The admiral gave her son to her husband. Firmly she embraced Castis. He returned the gesture. He even took his grandson on his arm during the meal. Invictus was silent the whole time. He just didn't want to let him feed him. For this he came back to her. The whole time he hummed contentedly and finally fell asleep on her arm. The conversation of the adults didn't bother him in the least. Castis said goodbye after three hours and they both went to bed. The baby lay in bed between them again and enjoyed the warmth of his parents. Like the night before, Garrus got up as soon as the baby was crying. Shepard wanted to get up every time, but her husband just wouldn't let her. But she got up earlier in the morning and made breakfast. The little Krogan lay asleep in his cradle. The sniper slowly came down the stairs and snuggled up to her. Like every time they were tired, they only communicated with sounds. A growl and a purr. Only after eating and two cups of coffee did she feel awake enough to talk.

"I actually wanted to go to my office with Invictus today. So that he could get to know all his aunts and uncles."

"Could you postpone that for another day? I'd like to introduce him to Sol first. After all, she's his real aunt."

"All right. If you prefer it that way. I'd say you just call Sol. If she should be there, we'll get ready. I visit Grunt first and then we go to Solana."

"Agreed. On the way back we can still go shopping. After all, our son is a little wolverine."

Garrus accompanied her to the hospital. She had made another stop. Smiling, she entered the sickroom and put a bottle of Ryncol on the Kroganer's bedside table. He opened his eyes and began to grin.

"Just like that?"

"I got you out of the tank today, Kiddo. Almost your birthday. Just make sure I don't have to get you out of C-Sec again."

"Was nevertheless funny."

"Of course you can also call it that. But the acid caused quite a bit of damage."

"That's just a little something."

"It's not, Kiddo. It's not a hit from a reaper beam, but it is."

"How did it feel?"

"I thought I was breathing lava. My whole body seemed to burn. But it wasn't the worst thing that happened to me. What followed was worse. I can't remember it. Still not. But I often dream about it. The feeling of falling and individual body parts dissolving. I can watch how the skin detaches from my body. I still wake up screaming when Garrus is not there."

"So bad, fight master?"

"You saw me, Grunt. What was left of me."

"You continue anyway."

"I'm like a shark."

"They die if they don't move."

"Exactly."

"Teach that to your son."

"He is also your son."

"I never intended to claim paternity."

"Which does not change the fact that you are his father."

"Shepard..."

"No, Grunt. You are his father and he needs you. I don't expect you to raise him with me. But I expect you to be there when he grows up. Garrus and I will die significantly earlier than you. On top of that he will behave like a Turian - human mongrel. He needs a Krogan. Besides, Invictus is a Shepard. That means he needs a very good trainer. If you want, take on the role of a big brother. But I won't let you disappear from his life. Do you understand?"

"You will not accept a no."

"Definitely not."

"Then I have probably no other choice, fight master."

"All right, Kiddo."

She stayed half an hour before she left the room. The sniper had waited the whole time outside with Invictus. Smiling, she walked towards him. Her son started humming happily as soon as she was back. Deeply he sucked the air in. She must have just smelled like a Krogan. Gently the little one was put back in the child seat and they flew to another district. Garrus stood very nervously in front of his sister's door. Finally the door was opened and the young Turian stared at them in disbelief.

"Hello, Aunt Sol."

"I'm an aunt..."

"Yes, sis. This is our son Invictus."

Laughing, the youngest let her in and immediately made a tea. Even in this unknown environment the little Krogan remained completely silent. He also remained calm on his aunt's arm. Solana was radiant. She didn't want to give the little one away anymore. The whole time she purred quietly. Litavis didn't know whether Krogans could hear this at all. But maybe he could feel the vibrations and that seemed to calm him down. Only when he got tired did he get restless and stop growling when he lay on Shepard's arms again. After several hours they said goodbye. They went shopping as planned. The infant slept the whole time. Garrus even insisted on buying a pram. Gently the admiral put her son inside. The little one simply slept on. Back home, they placed the baby in his cradle. They both took the chance for an extensive shower. Then they cuddled up on the sofa and watched some more TV. After Invictus was fed again he cuddled contentedly with his parents. As soon as he got tired again they went straight to bed. This time the redhead gave her husband the order to remain lying. He should sleep through the night again. The next morning she packed the diaper bag and made breakfast. It was cute how much her husband had adapted to her rhythm. For a Turian he slept a lot. Even though she knew that he was often awake for a few hours at night. He kissed her tenderly and helped her make breakfast. They ate together and fed their son. Finally Garrus put the baby in the pram. She would have carried it to the skycar, but Garrus probably saw the goods as a new toy.

"You haven't calibrated it yet..."

"Our Skycar? Of course I did."

"The baby carriage."

"May I?"

"Like you're gonna let it stop you. A holder for our weapons would be good. And armour."

"A very good objection. When we get back home, I'll go straight to work. Our son should be well protected."

"Exactly."

She put the baby in the child seat while Garrus packed the pram. They flew to her office. Like every time, a queue had formed in front of it. Not all of them wanted help, some just wanted to see her. She activated her camouflage. EDI came out and announced that Admiral Shepard was not present today. Directly most of the waiting people disappeared. Garrus let some time pass before they went to the office. Only inside did she deactivate the camouflage again. Samantha approached both of them first. Litavis lifted her son out of the pram and held him. She wanted him to feel safe among all the strangers. All the women gathered around her and all looked at the little Krogan. He just pressed a little closer to his mother.

"Just look, the little fingers and the tiny toes. He's cute."

Liara stroked Invictus over his head. He only briefly distorted his face, but remained silent. Finally everyone came from the office. Castis also joined them. Litavis now stood between the two Turians. It almost seemed as if they both wanted to protect her. A typical behavior. Both for Turians and for humans. Some captains were also there. James also came along and immediately grabbed the small hands. Invictus pulled his face slightly.

"He has a firm grip."

"Of course, he's mine and Garrus' son."

"His proud grandfather has already told us."

Garrus looked at his father too reproachfully. Litavis himself could only grin. She had already thought so. It would have been probably also too much expected. For her this was a good sign. He seemed to be really happy about his grandson. Finally Invictus began to hum again. She took his food out of her pocket and sat down on a chair to feed him. All the women of her team had gathered around her and watched enthusiastically. Even EDI watched the baby closely. Eventually Armada showed up next to her. 

"Shepard Commander, I have a question."

"Sure, Armada."

"After some research, I learned that it's customary on Earth to have a baby party for expectant mothers. Assuming that this will still be valid, I have already invited all female crew members. The same goes for the former ones. I also invited your sister-in-law. The father-to-be usually goes out for a drink with family members and friends. As Geth I miss the sex. Can I still come to the baby party? This custom would interest me."

"You did what?"

"I'm organizing a baby shower."

Still completely perplexed, she stared at the Geth. The others, however, were on fire. So she had no choice but to nod.


	48. Insomnia

Litavis was incredibly tired. Invictus had hardly slept the last four nights. Garrus sat next to her and was just as exhausted. Now her little one lay in the cradle and slept peacefully. She didn't know what was wrong with him. Maybe they needed other food for him. Completely exhausted, she closed her eyes. Tomorrow was the party and she had no idea how to do it. Bakara also found his behavior unusual. Normally little Krogans only became more restless at the age of a few months, as they needed much more food. Maybe it was Grunts genes. After all, he was a tank breeder and who knew exactly what was done with him. He grew much faster. When she had freed him, he had actually been a baby. Hopefully her son didn't grow as fast. Slowly the redhead dawned away. At the slightest sound of the infant, they both jerked up and hurried to the cradle. He was hungry again. They fed him directly. As soon as he was full, he fell asleep again. The two adults lay down on the sofa and closed their eyes. The admiral pressed firmly against her husband. The Turian immediately wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. They slept only for a few minutes. Invictus simply left them no peace. Shepard was firmly convinced that she was on autopilot. With the sniper it didn't look any different. When it rang at the door, it took them some time to get that sound right. She shuffled to the door and opened it. Solana stood in front of it and smiled at her.

"Litavis, big sister, you look tired."

"Hello, Sol. Your nephew just won't sleep..."

Staggering she went back to the sofa and sank powerlessly on it. Garrus only raised his hand in greeting. They were both used to sleeping little, but that just tugged at their powers. She was terribly cold and she continued to seek her partner's closeness. Sol laughed quietly at the sight. As soon as her nephew stirred, she went to him and took care of the baby. 

"You both go to sleep now. I'll take care of Invictus."

That they both didn't crawl up the stairs on all fours was already everything. At the top she just fell into her bed and slipped under the blanket. Garrus lay down next to her and held her again. Snuggled close together they fell asleep. The next morning Litavis awoke again. Garrus smiled at her and pulled her into the shower. The warm water was a real boon. Freshly showered they both came down again. Solana greeted them in a good mood. Invictus lay humming in his cradle chewing on his hand. Litavis lifted up her little darling. Directly the little one laughed cheerfully. Her new sister was a real blessing. Together they made breakfast and ate together. In a few hours all her female acquaintances would come by. Litavis didn't feel the slightest desire to do so. Sol, on the other hand, was totally excited. Maybe she was just too exhausted. The young Turian jumped up directly after the meal and began with it the dwelling to decorate. Shepard saw in her husband's face that he was not enthusiastic either. But he had the easier task. He only had to go for a drink with the others. She envied him for it. Sol, on the other hand, was full of energy. The couple still used the time to recover. They cuddled on the sofa with their son and watched Sol prepare. It blossomed out. Little by little the men passed by and collected Garrus. He kissed her goodbye.

"Are you looking forward to the party?"

"Not really, Sol. I'm still pretty tired and you know me. All the girl stuff is not mine. The whole party is screaming for it. I also don't know how Invictus reacts. He is so restless at the moment anyway. If now also all the strangers come here... I just worry."

"You have a very strong protective instinct."

"I've always had that instinct. With our son it only became stronger."

"That's a good thing. That's how mothers are. You simply worry. That is quite normal. And nobody who appears here wants to do anything to him."

"The logical part of my brain knows that. The instinct-controlled part sees a threat everywhere. That I don't file off Garrus' claws and teeth when he sleeps is a real miracle."

"I can just imagine it figuratively."

"I trust your brother blindly and yet I worry. Now guess what my hormone-controlled brain puts into my head for pictures. So many biotics. Tali has a very firm grip, Samantha can be quite clumsy and Jack... By the spirits, Jack!"

Laughing, Solana shook her head. Shepard knew she was ridiculing herself, but she felt that way. Together with her sister-in-law she went upstairs and washed Invictus. Satisfied, the little one grumbled. She rewound him and put on fresh clothes. After all, he should look good for all his aunts. Back down she laid him on the sofa. Urz jumped right next to him. Now the baby couldn't fall down. The Krogan preferred to lie on the sofa than in his cradle. Solana prepared something to eat for the celebration. Litavis had to laugh when she realized that there was chili. She made an extra pot for herself and Jack. They both loved it spicy. Gradually all the guests arrived. Liara gave her a monthly ration of diapers, Samantha had a teething ring for her son. Shepard was not sure if it was an animal toy, but Invictus chewed on it with satisfaction. Miranda brought a large bag full of medicines for Krogans with. Litavis couldn't count how many rompers, diapers and toys were piling up in her apartment. Tali came in and lifted Invictus up immediately. The little one did not cry, but began to growl. He didn't like it when everyone lifted him up. Only on his mother's arm did he humm contentedly. Tali had developed a drone especially for her that could constantly monitor her son's vital function. A high-tech baby phon. Finally Jack showed up. Shaking her head, she looked at the gift.

"A shotgun? Isn't he still a little small for that?"

"He's a Krogan and a Shepard. That means he's guaranteed to be a tough asshole, and you can't arm them soon enough."

Her son grumbled in agreement. The rifle was a really nice weapon and not exactly cheap. To Shepard's surprise, Jack also lifted the baby. Right away he started growling again. The biotician just lifted him a little higher and held her forehead out to him. Laughing he knocked his head against hers. Only after a few minutes did the redhead get her son back. Last came EDI and Armada. They both carried almost three hundred pounds of food for her son. Directly, he got a greedy expression on his face. So she made him something to eat and everyone wanted to feed her son. But she wouldn't allow it. Afterwards there would be a fight. Finally different games were played. It was shocking who took part. Even Armada and EDI painted a romper. She and Jack just looked at it.

"I brought us whiskey."

"Very tempting, but I can't. Garrus is out for a drink and one of us has to take care of Invictus."

"So you pulled the ass card."

"That's how you can say it. We just catch up. Then Garrus is on baby duty and I get to celebrate."

"Sounds good. Do you at least have something sensible to eat?"

"The little pot is for us. The chili is much hotter."

"Well, at least."

The party went on for hours. Little by little everybody said goodbye. Solana helped her to clean up before she also left the apartment. She went straight to bed with her son. The little one directly sought her physical contact. She held him firmly in her arms. The whole today had probably exhausted him very much, because he slept through for the first time. Early the next morning she woke up. Garrus lay asleep beside her. Apparently the night had been hard. With Invictus on her arm she went down. She wrapped him up at the bottom and then made them breakfast. For her husband, there were both vitamin-rich and greasy dishes. He would have to fight with an animal hangover. Brabbeling, the little Krogan lay on the sofa next to Urz. Smiling, she went to him and just watched him for some time. Suddenly he turned on his stomach. All by himself. Laughing, she stroked his head and turned him back. Almost immediately he corrected his position again. He preferred to lie on his stomach.

"Garrus!"

A heavy rumbling was heard from above. He quickly came running down the stairs. He looked at them in panic. Soothingly, Shepard smiled at her husband. She showed him what her son could already do. Laughing, he lifted Invictus.

"My big boy... Ouch my skull."

"Come on, give me our son. You take a nice shower, get dressed and then the hangover breakfast is ready."

"Every now and then I can't tell you how much I love you."

"I love it when you try."

Longingly she looked after her husband. It was kind of frustrating. They were newly married and yet their last time as a couple was weeks ago. But they were now just parents and that fulfilled them immensely. Just as she had finished setting the table her husband came to her. Now she could see him suffering. The alcohol always left traces on him. There was now a cure for him. Silence. As so often they fell into silence. The Turian would need half a day to get fit again. Invictus seemed to feel that his father was not doing very well. As soon as he sat down on the sofa with him, the baby began to growl deeply. Apparently he wanted to help his father. Shepard put everything away and sat next to him. This time the TV didn't play. They just cuddled up with each other. That was only interrupted to feed Invictus. 

"I'll finish him off now and go for a walk with him and Urz."

"I'm coming with you."

"Are you sure? You can hardly look straight ahead."

"I can do it."

So they got ready and went for a walk. Some Geth units followed them with proper distance. Armada had insisted. After all, she was now a mother. Either Geth or Krogans appeared again as her bodyguard. The Krogans were more amusing. They were clearly louder than the Geth and the younger ones among them were constantly playing with Urz. He was Shepard's Varren, so he was something special. They went to the Bachjret district. Here it was much quieter than on the strip. Also much more child friendly. Maybe they should look for an apartment here. On the other hand... she liked her apartment. She had it from Anderson... Moreover, it was much closer to her office. Nevertheless, this was a beautiful area. There were many children here. But she would still prefer a home on a planet. Now not necessarily Palavan. Invictus would be the only Krogan there. Not good for her son. Inside, the redhead shook her head. She thought too much again. As always, her son fell asleep during the walk. 

"You want to go back to the office tomorrow?"

"Actually, I do... but I don't really know yet. Maybe only for a few hours."

"Do you think I can't cope with our son alone?"

"I don't think I can stand it long without him. Have you actually already spoken to Adrien?"

"The primary? Why should I?"

"You wanted to let yourself be exempted after all."

"I only need the okay of my superior. So yours."

"Aren't you just subjecting me to formula?"

"No. Ever since I started working for our office, you've been my direct supervisor."

"And you're only telling me this now? Shame on you."

"I'll do what you say anyway."

"Then I will probably inform Victus."

"Thank you."

"For what? That I would take care of the bureaucracy?"

"That you call him Victus again. I know you're friends or something... I'm just still jealous."

"We are married, Garrus. You don't have to worry at all."

"I know... it's still strange."

"I love only you, you know that."


	49. Pirata

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is relative, short. I apologize for that. I had to create a transition. It is primarily a passage for the next chapter.

Shepard walked up and down her office. She was not surprised that this happened. She had expected it, but that it happened so early... she had hoped something else. That had been naive. Pirates, or mercenaries, raided ships. They had even tried to plunder Terra Nova. That had gone wrong, but still. Litavis took a deep breath. They needed patrols. The armies had to guarantee the safety of the colonists. But the losses were far from balanced. Everything was still missing. She had taken care of the reconstruction, but had completely ignored the military strength. Most of the fleets were integrated into the reconstruction. The rest took care of the security of the homeplanets, or the itineraries. It could not be that such a problem, such a chaos caused. They knew too little about the attackers. She did not like that. She could send some of her ships into the sector, but her fleet did not consist of combat ships. They were well armed, but the risk was too great. She would have liked to have flown off directly with the Normandy, but that didn't work. Her new title did not stop her from actively participating in combat missions. But she was now a mother. She had had to tell Garrus that she didn't go it alone anymore. She licked her dry lips. Liara tried to find out more about her opponent. The redhead looked at the clock. She should have been home two hours ago, but she just couldn't get away. Now Kashari had announced his arrival. The Asari had lost their position as leaders, and the new councilwoman did her best to minimize the damage. But the offer surprised her. The Destiny Ascension was to be sent to Terra Nova. A massive battleship to contain the threat. Before anyone wanted anything from her, she made her way home with Urz. Four Krogans followed her this time. As soon as someone came too close to her, a huge body pushed itself in between. Finally she arrived home. Already from outside she could hear Invictus screaming. She breathed deeply and entered her apartment. Smiling, she looked at her husband. He was trying to feed their son. But he didn't want to eat. She took the little Krogan on her arm. Immediately he became quiet and even smiled. Apparently his taste had changed again and the sniper tried to find out what the baby wanted now. Ten glasses were open in the kitchen. Together they tried out what the little one wanted. Finally they had found a porridge that was eaten without grumbling. She carried her son through the apartment and sang to him. Finally her son fell asleep and she put him to bed. Suddenly she was kissed by her husband. She returned his deep purring with a deep hum. Together they went into the kitchen and prepared something to eat. It was funny how quiet they were. That she didn't walk on tiptoes through the apartment herself was actually a miracle. Litavis let her arm circle again and again while eating. Garrus looked at her directly worried. He knew her too well. As soon as they sat on the sofa she got rid of her top and her husband massaged her.

"What happened?"

"There was a raid on Terra Nova."

"Bad?"

"Well... they didn't expect so much resistance. When more than 50 angry Krogans and other colonists rush towards you, many get to deal with the fear."

"We would call it target shooting."

"We do. But the attacks are increasing. I made a mistake, Garrus."

"You can't rebuild everything, Litavis. You have taken care of the population. The military clout has never been your task."

"I know... it still annoys me."

"Do you already have a solution?"

"The Asari are using the Destiny Ascension to secure Terra Nova."

"Kashari?"

"Exactly. She has all this on. The ship is useless as a convoy and too big as a transport ship."

"What is being done about the attackers?"

"Not much. The means are lacking."

"Will you send your fleet?"

"I have no warships."

"The Normandy?"

"Without me and you? Who should I entrust it to? James lacks the experience. If I were there and could attack..."

"You're not an admiral..."

"No. If I can't throw myself in the line of fire, I don't like sending others into battle."

"I know. That's how you are."

"I'm bad, I know."

"Because of this kind I fell in love with you."

"Because I'm insane?"

"Yes."

"I like that."

"Goes straight to the list."

Laughing she shook her head. Now and then the Turian was really crazy. He massaged her until her tense muscles had loosened. As soon as Invictus moved, the sniper jumped directly up and took care of him. Litavis never thought he would be so happy with this life. Garrus had been home for a month now. He no longer worked, but took care of their child. He seemed really happy with it. Nevertheless, she thought about it. Was that really enough for him? He beamed happily at her and her concerns were wiped away. Invictus was laid on the sofa and turned around immediately. With his arms he slowly pulled himself forward. The small legs were kicking wildly in the air. As soon as her son had reached her, the admiral lifted him up and turned him around. Immediately he pulled himself to his father. They repeated this game several times. It was just amazing what the little one could do. Bakara had told her that everything was developing normally. He was even more developed than the children of the same age. Yawning, the Krogan rolled up and fell asleep on the sofa. Litavis took her son in her arms and snuggled up to Garrus. Like every evening, they watched the news together. The mercenary attacks and pirate actions were the main topic. Her mood sank directly. She had already seen the videos. Nevertheless, she tried to memorize the video again. Maybe she discovered something new after all. Any hint. If it were one of the large groups, she could get information on Omega. But deliveries to and from Omega were also attacked. Aria wouldn't be that stupid. 

"They're good."

"Military training?"

"An outdated Turian attack tactic."

"That... you're quite sure?"

"Absolutely. A tactic from the first contact war." 

"Why didn't anybody notice?"

"I have occupied myself for a long time with Saren. I studied him."

"You are in love with detail."

"Yes."

"I wish you were still in the office."

"I'm a househusband."

She gently kissed her husband. Invictus became a little weepy. So they went to bed. Litavis put her son up in his own bed. From time to time he still slept between them, but then he became restless more often. Garrus held her tightly in his arms and held her tight.


	50. separatio

The admiral looked at her son smiling. He crawled loudly through the area. The little Krogan was incredibly active. When he hit an obstacle, he would give head bumps or try to pull himself up. From time to time he even managed to stand up, but then landed on his butt again. Finally he crawled towards her again and stretched out his arms to her. Quickly she lifted him up and gently pressed him to her. Immediately her son began to smile and grumbled contentedly. With the baby on her arm she read the next report. Castis came in and immediately picked up his grandson. Invictus was the star of her office. Everyone stopped working when the little one came to them. This solution was not optimal. She had never wanted to take her child to work, but there was no other way at the moment. She was a single parent. She quickly wiped this thought aside. She would only boil with rage again and that should not happen if her son was in the same room. Her father-in-law looked at her anxiously. The redhead just shook her head. She didn't want to talk about it now. She was about to take care of deliveries for Terra Nova. The defense urgently needed to be strengthened. There were some veterans in the colony who could take care of the necessities if they got the necessary resources. Shepard was worried. The raids had increased. Garrus' observation had turned out to be true. Several had noticed the Turian tactics. Immediately the Turians had declared it their business. Something was not right at all. The hierarchy made a big secret of it. They had sent several battleships and drafted some soldiers. Only those with active combat experience. But there was no more information. No matter what she tried, she met a wall of silence. Even Liara found nothing. This information was completely sealed off. Litavis became more and more restless. She had hoped that the peoples had learned something. The Turians had seemed so reasonable to her in recent years. Apparently she had been wrong. These secrets were dangerous, they should know that. Castis Mandibles flinched unsteadily. He was now able to interpret her facial expression well. She was called into the communication room and left her son with his grandfather. The conversation went well. Her contact man was a Volus. This people had great confidence in her and she fervently hoped not to disappoint anyone. So far she had succeeded as an admiral. At least something. Professionally everything ran smoothly. After half an hour she left the room again. Five of her ships would provide the resources and the Normandy would fly with her as escort. She left this task to James. It was only a short mission. Relatively harmless. Besides the Destiny Ascension was also in the proximity on the way. Again new reports arrived. Attacks on human ships. EDI and Armada agreed that humans were the actual target of the attacks. Not from the quantity of the attacks, but from the quality. Some victims seemed to be collateral damage, while others were deliberately executed. The attack on humans, the old tactic that all pointed to experiences from the First Contact War. She wondered whether it was really a protagonist of this war, or whether it should just look like that. At least there were enough clues to make the hierarchy very nervous. And it didn't look better with her. The fact that she was excluded almost drove her mad. She wasn't a Turian, of course, but she was a citizen of Palavan. She was a member of a high-ranking clan and all that counted for nothing. Even Castis got no information. She did not believe that her father-in-law was hiding anything from her. Solana came by every day with the meal. Invictus literally threw himself on her plate. She quickly intercepted her son. He slowly got used to solid food and was completely neglected. He didn't really like his porridge anymore. He preferred to chew on a piece of meat. So she cut a piece of her steak and handed it to the little Krogan. He chewed it full of verve. But then he got some porridge again. When he had eaten some spoons, he got a piece of meat again. Solana and Castis were simply enthusiastic about Invictus. They now saw him every day and Solana swore every week that he had grown a good bit again. Litavis only knew that she had to constantly organize new things for him. She regularly got clothes for Invictus from Tuchanka. Bakara made fun of sending them black rompers again and again. After all, he was supposed to match his mother's armor. Krogans had a strange idea of style. Fortunately he didn't have his own armor yet. At the end of the meal their son had eaten half the steak. Carefully she laid her son on the sofa and he fell asleep almost immediately. So she could still work for two hours. She was finally ready for today. She picked Invictus up and left the office. The little one didn't want to lie in the pram anymore. So she carried him on her arm. Grunt was fit again and had taken over the management of her bodyguards. Again and again he looked at his son. If he looked at him for too long, the little one began to growl. Her son had courage. The steps of the redhead did not lead home, but into the Armax Arsenal Arena. She finally had to be a little active again. Just to get really active again. And where better to do that in her situation than here? And with whom would it go better, than with her all dearest asshole... Grinning she looked at Jack. The biotician seemed to be waiting for her. So she gave her son to Grunt. He just stared at her confusedly. Litavis quickly disappeared with the other woman downstairs. Jack and she had a lot of fun playing this game. Again and again they started a new round. As crazy as they both were, as perfectionist as they were. If they didn't break the highscore, both were not satisfied. Breathing heavily, the admiral finally stood in the locker room. The good thing about Jack was that she didn't want to talk all the time. She contacted her, asked if she had time and Subjekt Zero was already ready to make hell break out with her. Back up she immediately went to Grunt. Her son clapped his hands and laughed joyfully. Back on her arm he began to shine.

" Mummy boom, boom, boom!!!"

"Yes, exactly my darling."

"He can already talk?"

"Yes, Grunt. At least these two. Boom is his favorite word, though."

"A real Krogan."

"Bullshit. A real Shepard."

"You're right, fight master."

"Then let's go. Invictus must go to bed."

With her son she arrived in her empty apartment. She put the little one on the floor and went into the kitchen. She quickly made her son something to eat. Without grumbling he ate his porridge. The day had been exhausting for him. Smiling, she carried her son to bed. Shepard had changed the mattress. She had always preferred a hard mattress. Invictus also seemed to like that much better. As soon as he had fallen asleep she took a shower. After that she went down again. Her private terminal flashed, but she ignored it and preferred to look for new reports about the robberies. There were a few reports, but nothing tangible. Disappointed, she went to bed and her son snuggled up contentedly.   
The next morning she was back in her office. Invictus lay asleep on the sofa. Castis came in and brought her a coffee. Thanksgiving, she took the cup and wanted to get back to work, but her father-in-law sat down.

"Garrus didn't reach you yesterday again."

"I was on the road yesterday."

"With Invictus?"

"Of course. He is very active and bored quickly. He prefers to be outside for hours. I will travel with him to Tuchanka for a few days soon."

"He should like that."

"He is growing fast.

"You send Garrus photos."

"He should see how his son develops."

"But you didn't answer any of his messages, and if he wants to contact you directly, he won't reach you."

"Say what you want to say, father."

"Do you really not want to talk to him?"

"No. I don't want to talk to him." 

"He has an obligation..."

"He has a duty to his family, Castis. He has a son and he has promised me."

"I know it's hard, but..."

"Castis, I'm a soldier. I know what it means to serve and I would also like to be out there. I should be out there. Every fiber in me screams for it. I stayed here. I stayed with him because I promised. He didn't talk to me about it. He confronted me with faits accomplis. There are only two reasons for that. Either it is something personal. Which would make me damn angry. Or he thinks he has to protect me from something that would cause the same reaction. I am no longer his superior. I am his wife and I would react the same way. I would yell at him and we both know that he can't use that in the field. I'll yell at him when he gets back. I'll probably beat him, too, but now I'm silent."

"You're worried."

"It never turned out very well when we separated. He almost died and I..."

"I shouldn't have interfered."

"You are his father. It's your duty."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I wait. But if I do find out something... I don't know. I shoot myself in the knee not to rush off."

"When we hear something, I take care of my grandson and you go kick your husband's ass. Then you can finish the mission together."

Castis left her office. Shepard looked after her father-in-law. He seemed better now. She didn't. She had done everything not to think about it, but now... She breathed deeply and closed her eyes. The eyes of the redheads began to burn.

\-----

"YOU DO WHAT?"

"I've been entrusted with a mission."

"Garrus, you don't have to go."

"I must, Litavis."

"No, you don't have to."

"I've received the order."

"I'll talk to Victus."

"No, Litavis. I have to go. It's important."

"No! Your family is important."

"Litavis, I have to do this."

"Don't you have to..."

"I'm leaving. I'll get back to you every day. I love you, Litavis."

She was silent.

\-----

She shook her head angrily. Don't think about it. Her son needed her. She could not afford weakness. Another reason to get angry. He had taken her, her safe anchor. That was not fair and she cursed herself for that thought. Invictus began to moan. Directly she lifted him up and carried him through the rooms. Slowly he calmed down again. Or rather, she calmed down and so did her son. Maybe she should leave for Tuchanka soon. Diversion did them both good and here she was doomed to do nothing anyway. Maybe she should take Solana with her. Her little sister was a source of good humour. It was almost impossible to be gloomy when the young Turian was around. So the plan was there. Without the little Krogan she would have drunk much more. So however she did not have this possibility. Only two days later four of them were on their way to the homeworld of the Krogans. As always, Wrex greeted her exuberantly. Invictus raved with the other children. Even if the others were bigger, he rammed them down. Crawling he was as fast as the others on their legs. Smiling she watched her son. He would sleep well that night. Sol looked at the whole thing rather surprised. Krogans were already as small children very wildly and also extremely physically. When he was knocked over, he immediately got back on his feet. He then looked briefly at his mother. Shepard just nodded and the boy threw himself back into the turmoil. 

"Your son is amazing, Commander."

"Thank you, Bakara. I'll do my best."

"That can be seen. That's why you humans have so little offspring, you put all your strength into the few you have."

"Evolution proved us right."

"That's true. He does not give up, even if my sons are taller."

"My mother told me: A Shepard only gives way to gain momentum."

"Your mother made you a fighter."

"I hope I can pass it on to Invictus."

"You will."

"Thank you for sending me all this stuff for him."

"I'm happy to do that, Commander. Not many would take care of a strange baby."

"More than you probably think. Adoption is not uncommon with us."

"But just a Krogan..."

"You know I have a weakness for your people."

"That's based on reciprocity."

They talked all day long. Only in the evening did their son cuddle up to them again. She fed him and then brought him to bed. Solana and Urz also slept in the room. The Varren lay down at the foot of the bed and behaved very quietly. He was apparently already very exhausted. He was not used to so many children. Tired, Shepard closed her eyes and fell asleep.


	51. pugna

Kolyat kept looking at the little Krogan. Invictus crawled beside his mother at an amazing pace. The boy fought his way through the sand for half an hour and just didn't seem to get tired. Shepard, on the other hand, always looks at her son with a soft smile. When the little one got tired, she lifted him up and put him in the sling. Invictus gladly put up with that. He pressed himself against his mother and looked at the surroundings. Rakhana hadn't really changed, but the values were getting better and better. They had returned to the sea and the redhead took a deep breath. The young Drell took the sample this time and analyzed it. It was not really necessary to come here. Litavis simply took the chance to bring her son to a planet as often as possible. He should get to know nature. The first time rain had almost been a challenge for him. She had already thought about spending some time with him on Shanxi. But had quickly discarded the thought again. This planet was simply too dangerous. 

"How are you, Siha?"

"I've been better before, Kolyat."

"Do you miss Garrus?"

"I'm worried, angry and incredibly tired."

"You can't sleep without him, can you?"

"No. I have nightmares again, but it doesn't matter. I should take care of him."

"You really worry."

"I don't know where he is or what he's actually fighting against."

"That must be difficult for you."

"That will be fine. I'll concentrate on kicking his ass when he gets back."

"My mother would never have done that."

"Your dad reacted well to that."

Now the Drell began to laugh. He shook his head and they went back. Halfway Invictus wanted to crawl again and she let him. Kolyat took a picture of them both. That would send her to Garrus. It looked good. She with her black, dusty armor and long red hair blowing in the wind and next to her grunt in small with his black romper and highly concentrated facial expression. Whenever he couldn't wear it anymore she wore it. Back in the capital she fed her son. Now he had already adjusted himself completely to solid food. The Drell were amazed at how much the little one devoured. 

"My father always wanted that for you."

"What?"

"That you would become a mother."

"I often feel misoccupied."

"You don't have to. He loves you more than anything."

"Thank you, Kolyat."

"Too bad he's not my little brother."

"You can come by any time. But... um... what do you mean?"

"Have you never noticed that?"

"No. Your father and I were good friends. He literally pushed me in Garrus direction."

"Did he?"

"At least he kept asking me how I stood by him, how I felt, that I should take the first step."

"That's what he did?"

"Yes. He knew he was dying and he wanted me to be happy."

"So you knew it after all."

"No. I first believed that he felt something for me, but then his whole behavior spoke against it."

"What did he advise you then?"

"If you wait for him to take the first step, you spend the rest of your life waiting, Siha. Be more offensive, more aggressive. Think like a Turian. At first I thought he was making fun of me. After all, that was a discreet hint..."

"A subtle clue?"

"Have you ever seen Turians in combat when they want to relieve stress?"

"No."

"They ask directly if the other wants to fuck them."

"Oh... are you worried about that too?"

"No. Garrus would never do that."

"He's Turian."

"He is. But he is Garrus. We are bonded. I don't have to worry about that. Besides, it would be his death sentence."

"Mama, boom, boom!"

"Exactly, my darling."

"Mommy, Daddy broken!"

"You're a smart boy, Invictus."

"Boom, boom! Ha!"

Kolyat laughed quietly. They said goodbye and went back to Normandy. Again in the shuttle the Krogan became directly sleepy. On the Normandy she brought him to her loft and put him to bed there. She sent the photos to her husband and then went to the bridge. At some distance she discovered a Turian ship. Something was wrong with it. She gave Joker the order to stay away. EDI started scanning the ship, but could not find anything conspicuous. Nevertheless, her fine hairs stood on her neck. Her heartbeat accelerated. 

"Ready to fight!"

"Shepard, the other ship is raising weapons."

"Joker evasive maneuver! EDI lame these assholes! Grunt, Liara..."

"Already on the way, combat master!"

"Be right there, Shepard!"

"No! Go to the loft and protect Invictus!"

"But..."

"GRUNT!"

"Got it."

"Got it."

They avoided the first shot without any problems and EDI returned the fire immediately. The last time she had been in such a fight was during the Reaper War. She wanted to go directly to her son, but she could not help him. Here on the bridge she could do more. EDI had finally managed to hack the other ship. It was completely immobile. Litavis was boiling with rage. They dared to attack their son? These bastards dared to...

"Steve, get the shuttle ready. James, EDI, get ready."

"Shepard, what are you up to?"

"I'm gonna kick their ass, Joker! And I want answers!!!"

She took a deep breath in the shuttle. Actually, she was supposed to inform the Turians now, but first she wanted answers. If the others insisted not to share their knowledge, then why should she? EDI was hacking more and more of her opponents' systems. Apparently these Turians were not state of the art. That would make things easier. Directly, Shepard threw herself into the turmoil. She and her team understood each other without words. Something was not right here at all. Many of the Turians had implants or mechanical body parts. It reminded her of Saren. But that was impossible. This one was dead. Litavis' goal was the bridge. If there were answers, it was there. James' fighting style had changed a bit. He didn't push so far forward anymore, but always stayed by her side. EDI made fun of locking up a lot of opponents. Locked doors showed her the way. Getting to the bridge was easier than I thought. James and EDI took out the other opponents while she herself caught the captain in a biotic field.

"Shepard..."

"Ah, you know me. Then we can skip the show."

"You killed Saren."

"Not directly, but by and large."

"The Turians own the galaxy."

"Fascinating."

"We are the leaders, not you!"

The field closed tighter around him and the Turian began to scream. Maybe he would be more willing to provide information now. His ideological babble was not very helpful. Slowly she loosened the grip again. But he didn't answer any of her questions. At least not really. Again and again she only heard that the Turians owned the galaxy and not the humans.

"EDI, what did you find?"

"Some data on ship movements and commands. Not much. They seem to operate in independent cells. I'm copying the data to analyze it."

"Lola, there's another ship coming."

"EDI?"

"A ship of hierarchy, Shepard." 

"Contact them."

"Done. They're coming aboard."

"We're leaving."

"What about the captain?"

"Let them take care of it."

"Desolas will take revenge on you, Shepard!"

Ah, a name. At least something. James tied up the captain and they set off on their way back. On the way they met other Turians. Soldiers of the hierarchy. She knew the leader well. It was Garrus, her husband. The heart of the redheads made a relieved jump. At the same time she became angry again. What should she do now? She wanted to hug him, kiss him, beat him... all at once. Instead she walked past him.

"Litavis..."

"Invictus is all right."

In the shuttle her hands began to tremble. James grabbed them and held them. Smiling, she looked at him, but then pulled her hands back. Back on Normandy she hurried first to Invictus. Already outside the door he heard his cheerful boom and Grunts laugh. Liana hugged her briefly and gave her, her son. Firmly she pressed her son to herself. With him on her arm she went back to the bridge.

"Joker, departure. EDI, open a channel."

"I call Palavan."

"No. Castis. I'm in the communication room. James, you take over."

Quickly she hurried off the bridge. The little Krogan sniffed the whole time at her and beamed. She gently breathed a kiss on his head and waited until the picture of her father-in-law appeared in front of her.

"Litavis, what's wrong?"

"It's all right, Castis. We were attacked, but nothing happened to anyone".

" Spirits. I tear them to pieces."

"Your son should be doing that right now."

"Garrus is there?"

"He's leading the Turian ship."

"But that's why you didn't call."

"No. EDI copied the pirates' data. What does the name Desolas mean to you? He must have something to do with Saren."

"Desolas Arterius. His brother. During the First Contact War, he found an artifact. The Arca Monolith. He changed Turians. Today we know that he transformed them into Reaper units, but he could apparently control them. He was probably indoctrinated. Saren gave the order to destroy the temple and the artifact. Desolas died."

"Do you know what that means?"

"He seems to have survived the attack."

"And if that's all true... there could still be reapers out there."

" Spirits... "

"Castis. Make sure our fleet is ready for battle. Have the ships rearmed, inform each team member to warn their people."

"Will do. What are you going to do?"

"I fly to Palavan and kick Victus' ass. Then I'll come back and inform the council. EDI sends you the data. Put all capacities on it."

"Copy that."

She went back to the bridge and set course for Palavan. With Invictus she went back to her loft. Now that all this was over she could only with difficulty suppress a tremor. She became unspeakably sick. Samantha came in. She quickly pressed her Invictus into her arm and ran into the bathroom. After a few minutes she came back. Her son had been in danger. He still was. If there really was another Reaper out there... She would hunt him. She would destroy him. Her son pressed against her leg and she lifted him up. Castis would take care of him. He and Solana would protect him. She would equip the two and... Shanxi. Exactly. Shanxi was uninteresting for an attack. Grunt would go with them. She had to protect him. She had to... she had to. She got really sick again. Her eyes were burning and she thought she was suffocating. Quickly she fought against the panic.

"Shepard, a message from Garrus."

"Arrival at Palavan, EDI?"

"Ten minutes."

"I'm going into shuttle bay."

"Who shall accompany you?"

"I'm going alone."

"Shepard..."

"If I tear the primary into pieces, I don't want anybody else getting angry."

"Then I'll come with you. There are no laws for AIs yet."

"Good. Let's go."

Samantha took her son. She quickly breathed a kiss on his forehead and left the ship with EDI. On Palavan she went directly to Victus residence. She had arrived in the middle of the night and she would probably find him there. The guards just let her through. Apparently they were a little overwhelmed by her performance. Finally she was in the primary's sleeping quarters.

"Shepard, if you..."

"Shut the fuck up! I want answers! And I want it now!"

"Shepard, I..."

"Enough, Primarch! I was attacked! My son was attacked!!! What is it with Desolas."

"That's secret."

"I found some data. I'll give it to the council and I'll step in front of the damn cameras and scream again that there might be another reaper. And I will say that the hierarchy knows longer. How do you think the galaxy will react? You saw it with the Asari."

"That would bring chaos to my people!"

"Then you know where you stand now! So, TALK!"

"Desolas is dead. His body was salvaged and identified. So it can't be him."

"Do you still have his body?"

"Yes, why?"

"I was dead too."

"It can't be him. We found no signs of Reaper. Otherwise we would have long ago..."

"The same excuse as the Council. We lack the evidence! I want all the data."

"Do you get..."

"When I'm on the Citadel, I'll inform the council. So you still have a few hours to do it yourself."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'll hunt him down like a rabid dog and kill him."

"We can..."

"You can be careful not to get into my line of fire!"

Furiously she left the room and returned with EDI to Normandy.


	52. praeparatio

The council knew. Shepard was relieved that this time it went much faster. All nations had already been informed and fleets prepared. Everyone was now looking for these pirates. The redhead went back to her office. There she pressed her son tightly to herself. The little Krogan was completely silent. He felt his mother's restlessness. What was she going to do? Everything in her cried out to protect her son. It was just a question of what the best way was. Taking him and bringing him away was her first instinct. But she knew there was no safe place in the entire Milky Way if there really was another Reaper out there. She couldn't get him to safety because there was no safety. That meant she had to provide security. Detect and eliminate the danger. She had to leave her son behind. She walked restlessly up and down her office. Hot tears shot into her eyes. Garrus... why wasn't he here now? Why wasn't he with them? He was the only one who could calm her. He should be here now. He should be here! She stopped trembling and closed her eyes. Her husband was not here. Slowly, much too slowly, the logical part of her brain gained the upper hand to the emotional part. She breathed deeply. Invictus began to babble in agreement. Firmly, she left her private office again and went into the shared room. Her entire staff stood ready, even the captains of her ships were present. Wrex had left Tuckanka and was among her people. Reluctantly she passed her son on to Solana and looked into the tense faces. 

"You know what we found out. I don't know if there really are Reapers out there. I just know we have the first clues and this time they won't meet us unprepared. We need more information and I will get them. The Normandy will be fully manned. Every battleworthy ship in our fleet goes in search of the pirates. You will not attack a ship alone you will only report and observe. Alone you have no chance. The rest of you stay here and coordinate the information. I want to know everything."

Armada stepped forward and waited briefly until she nodded to him. The Geth always waited for her approval before he spoke.

"Shepard Commander, three Geth, are currently on the Citadel and want to join in to process the data faster. As a prime model, I am designed for direct combat. So it would be logical... I would like to go to the Normandy. There I would be more effective." 

"Agreed, Armada. And thank you."

"Battlemaster, I hate it, but I'm staying here. I protect your family. Even though I think Baby Shepard can take on most Reaper units alone."

She would have loved to hug the tank birth now. She knew how hard that had to be for him. Nevertheless, he volunteered to protect her son. Maybe he just knew she wouldn't really give him a choice.

"You need a Krogan, Shepard. I'm coming with you."

"Wrex? What about Tuchanka?"

"Bakara will take care of it. Besides, if there really are reapers out there, my people are in danger. My children are in danger. This time I am there from the beginning. Not that I still miss the fun."

"Agreed."

"Shepard, the Spes isn't ready for action yet. Even if I do, I'll stay on the Citadel."

"What's that, Javik?"

"If it's the old enemy, he'll come right here someday. The Spes will stay and if it comes to that, I will evacuate your family."

She could only nod. Everyone made themselves ready for departure. The admiral went into her office. Close followed by Castis and Solana. Her father-in-law wanted to embrace her, but she fended him off. She was on the verge of collapse and if someone would now give her support, it would be over. She could no longer hold back her emotions. Fortunately Castis seemed to understand that and left her alone. Garrus would not have done that. He would have forced her to surrender to those feelings. To allow them and only then throw herself into battle. Quickly she shook off the thought.

"I will take care of everything here, Litavis. As soon as we learn something, you will know."

"We will protect Invictus, Litavis. With our lives".

"Thank you..."

Her voice trembled miserably. Sol passed Invictus on to her father. In contrast to him, the young Turian did not let herself be fended off. She embraced her and held her tight. No matter what Shepard tried, the grip around her body remained firm. Finally she began to sob. The tears she had stopped for so long came out and her knees just gave way. Solana kept her silent. Just held her tight and remained silent with her throughout the outbreak. The redhead didn't know how long it took her to calm down. Finally she stepped back and roughly wiped her crying eyes. Gratefully, she looked at her little sister. One last time she took Invictus on her arm and kissed his head.

"I love you, my son. Never forget that, your Mommy loves you."

She quickly handed him Castis again and left the office.

"Get the asshole, Litavis. Kill him if you have to. And after that, you come back with my son."

"Mommy. Mommy! MOMMY!!!"

Litavis hurried home. There she got her things and also Urz. On the Normandy all were already ready. Completely perplexed, she looked at the Drell standing at the entrance waiting for her.

"Kolyat, what are you doing here?"

"You're missing a sniper."

"Kolyat, this is a combat operation. Your father did everything he could to keep you away from here."

"And yet he would approve of this, Siha. He could no longer help you. Now he is no longer there. But I do. Either I come with you on this ship, or I go to another one and fight there. You have the choice, Siha. I will fight."

"Then come with me. But you do exactly what I say and when I say it. No questions, no but only react."

"Understood, Siha."

On the bridge she stepped next to Joker and looked out. Once the sight of the universe had always touched her. The view into infinity. Now he didn't trigger anything in her. No reverence, no curiosity. Nothing at all. Her first target was near Omega. Allegedly there was a small station nearby which was used by the Turians. During the whole flight the redhead prepared herself. Steve would bring Kolyat, Wrex and her to the station. She had to catch young Drell fighting. Having a Krogan with you was never wrong. Especially not if it was an experienced warrior like Wrex. Kolyat was far better than she had thought. Nevertheless she was not allowed to make the mistake of confusing him with his father. The defenders had little to oppose her rage and an attacking Krogan. EDI hacked into the station and withdrew all information. Then they informed the hierarchy. Should the Turians take care of the rest. She had little interest in taking care of these lunatics. An enemy ship approached as soon as they were back on the Normandy. Now it was Joker and EDI's turn. The primary goal was to render the ship unmaneuverable. They needed the information. This time she took Armada and Kolyat with her. Wrex was soon offended, but understood that she had to see what her new team members could do. Armada's fighting style was very different from Legions. He often sought close combat. It took longer to advance to the bridge. As expected, the captain was not very helpful. But there was more data to capture here. As soon as a ship of the hierarchy appeared they retreated and moored at Omega. The analysis of the loot took some time. Shepards made use of the stopover and went to the Afterlife. Maybe there was a source here she hadn't tapped yet. Without any problems she reached the Asari and took a seat on the sofa.

"Shepard, what are you demanding this time?"

"What does the name Desolas mean to you?"

"Nothing."

"It could be an indoctrinated Turian."

"What?"

"You already understood me, Aria. So what does the name mean to you?"

"Really nothing."

"What do you know about the pirates?"

"Rumors..."

"I don't have time for these games! I almost shredded the primary, what do you think I'll do with you, Aria?"

"Are you threatening me again, Shepard?"

"I'm not threatening, I promise, Aria. So, what do you know?"

"Alleged bases, ship movements, camps. Something like that.2

"Give it to me."

"As you like. You owe..."

"Bullshit! If there's another reaper out there and I stop him, you owe me, Aria!"

After the transmission of the data was finished she got up and went out. When one of Aria' s men tried to get in her way, she just knocked him down. She had no time for that. Again on Normandy Kolyat wanted to talk to her. So she went straight to life support. The smell of tea struck her against. So she sat down on her chair and grabbed the cup.

"What do you need, Kolyat?"

"You need a break, Siha."

"I'm fine."

"Physically determined. You are separated from your child. You are angry and sad. You need a break."


	53. interficias me

Shepard was squatting behind a box in cover. Skeptically, she looked around the corner and quickly retracted her head as she was fired upon. She looked back at the collapse. Behind it she heard Wrex raging. She had been separated from her team by the collapse of the ceiling. Now she was here alone with some Vorcha and Krogans in this part of the facility. She radioed Armada to find another way. She quickly took the next Krogan under fire. If they came too close to her, it was over. So she poked from cover to cover. Her trigger finger got no break. As soon as the big chunks were finished she concentrated on the Vorcha. Just those with the flamethrowers were a problem. Actually she made these guys turn and Garrus took them under fire. The thought was absolutely ridiculous and just not helpful. Finally it was done. She collected the ammunition of her opponents. Although she had been prepared for resistance, she had not foreseen that she would have to deal with so many enemies alone. Wrex reported that they were moving forward in a parallel tunnel. So she advanced further. Now she met only a few enemies. The progress was now much easier. Finally she reached a locked room. EDI gave her access from the Normandy. The door seemed very battered. Someone had really wanted to get in here. The defenders here seemed to have attacked the base themselves. Carefully she entered the room. It looked almost like Okeer's lab. On the walls were some rows of tanks. Inside were terribly deformed Turians. The first lacked the lower jaw and instead of arms he had legs. The creature in the second tank was twisted and looked collapsed. To recognize it as a Turian was unspeakably difficult. The tank next to it contained a figure whose abdominal wall was missing. The organs floated freely in the liquid. Shuddering she turned away. She sent a drone to scan the entire room. What were these lunatics doing here? Litavis quickly went to the terminal and looked at the data. Was Desolas trying to create the perfect Turian? Like Okeer with Grunt? Or were they just soldiers, like the other tank births? But why? Turians were not threatened like the Krogans once were. This just didn't make sense to her. Of course the data was encrypted. Their knowledge as technicians was only rudimentary. Garrus and Tali had taught her a few tricks, but it wasn't enough for a long time. Armada and Wrex were still looking for a way to get to her. So she connected the terminal to her Omnitool and granted EDI access. They would not have been able to decipher the entire quantity on site anyway. She looked at the data, which was not encrypted, and couldn't understand a word. She could still see the mapping of DNA strands, but nothing more. She wished Mordin was here. He could have done something with it directly. The redhead looked impatiently at the computer again. It had to be a gigantic amount of information. On top of that, EDI downloaded everything to an isolated memory. If there was a virus or something similar in the data, they wanted to play it safe. This of course made the analysis even slower. Shocked, she whirled around and pulled the gun. That couldn't be. She had secured the room, the drone didn't sound the alarm, she was definitely alone. There it was again. The sound of claws scratching over the tiles. She looked around the rear table. A rattle... from the left. Perplexed, she stared at the open door. She had overlooked the next room? That couldn't be. She had looked at the whole room, there had been no door. On the other hand, a door did not just appear out of nowhere. In front of the admiral's eyes the door disappeared and a normal wall appeared. The wall flickered and gave the view of the passage again. A hologram? A really good one. Whatever was behind it, it should be well hidden. With a slight vibration her Omnitool reported. EDI was finally ready. With her gun drawn, Shepard went to the door. The room behind it was completely dark. She quickly pressed against the wall. Against the light in here, her silhouette was clearly visible. If someone was waiting for her in there with a gun, she was offering him the perfect target. The redhead sent the drone in. No signs of life? That was impossible. She heard something. The thing must be defective. Well at least it could switch on the light in the room. The room was tiny and it stank terribly. A single large metal table was here. And then... Litavis staggered back. A thing. It had one leg completely twisted, the other missing. No skin, she could see the naked musculature. His arms were short. Tiny, straight to. But the fingers... his hand lay on the edge of the table and the talons reached down to the floor, causing the scraping noise. The tongue was much too long and too thick. Black, it swept out of his mouth and lay on the table. And it lived. This thing was alive! His eyes circled wildly. Then she met his gaze. Shepard's skull exploded. The stabbing pain drove into her entire body. Before she knew it, she took two steps towards the table. No. With all her strength she resisted the impulse to get closer. The pain got worse. Unbearable. Groaning she took another step. But this time back. She saw pictures. Her memories. That thing was in her head! She sank to her knees without support. No... No! NO! The pressure eased. She struggled to get back on her feet. Her implants seemed to glow. Lightning kept twitching through her entire body. She knew how overloading implants felt. And hers were just about to explode. Her own body would blow her to pieces. Supposedly the whole life passed by the inner eye when one died. It had never been that way with her. She always saw only one thing. Garrus. But now not only him, but him with her son on his arm. Suddenly it stopped. It was simply over. The deformed Turian threw out a soothing hum. Groaning, Litavis held her head and just stared at the creature. What the hell...

"Shepard."

Her eyes widened. It couldn't possibly speak. That was anatomically impossible. Telepathy. She was facing a telepath. She swallowed dryly. How was that possible? Again pictures appeared in her head. Not her memories this time. DNA strands. Many. Almost every race. Even the DNA of protheans. They were all mixed and injected into an embryo. The little Turian grew in one of these tanks... Implants? Changed Reaper Technology? The child still had them inserted in the tank. Pain, so much pain and dead. The pictures broke off. So that's it? They wanted to make the Turians the leading species? By all means? Shepard began to tremble. That was outrageous! That had to stop. Immediately! She would stop that son of a bitch. Again her body began to glow. Moaning, Shepard sank to her knees. Something happened to her. She heard a slight crackle inside. Pain distorted she moaned. Her body seemed to boil. She could smell the smell of burnt flesh. Then it was over again. Something was different with her. Her senses seemed sharper. 

"Interficias me..."

What? Apparently he could communicate in pictures and in his own language. For his wish, the pictures seemed to be missing. Interficias me... what did that mean? Me was me. Interficias... Interficias... Kill! Kill me? An approving buzzing was to be heard. Shepard pulled her pistol and walked towards the table. She hesitantly put her left hand on the Turian's arm. She pressed the barrel of her gun against his temple. Unrelated, he looked into her eyes. Her trigger finger flew back, the shot was fired and it was over. Quickly she left the room and stepped back into the hall. She looked one last time into the room with the tanks and made a decision. So the admiral reached for her granets. She quickly armed the weapons and threw them into the room. She ran as fast as possible to create as much distance as possible. The explosion made dust trickle from the ceiling. She heard something again. Stomping steps. At some distance Wrex and Armada appeared. Confused, Litavis shook her head. She could see Wrex heartbeats. She could smell him and Armada. The... something was not right at all. They pulled her out of the plant. In the shuttle she breathed deeply several times. She could smell Steve and see his heartbeat. Through the seat! She quickly closed her eyes and shook her head. But when Shepard opened her eyes again she could still do it.

"EDI, blow up all firewalls. When we get on board, inform security. I'll be tied up and isolated. All my accesses will be closed until further notice."

"What's going on, Shepard?"

"I don't know..."


	54. sensus

"So we may soon be dealing with an army."

"With enough tanks, we'd have to assume that."

"So we have less time than we thought. All stations have to be searched again. If one should meet living mutants, they must be liquidated immediately. They are dangerous and not necessarily well-disposed towards us."

They all got ready. Kashari and Miranda left the Normandy again. The redhead went back to her loft and locked the door. A cold shower would do her good. Suddenly her body trembled again. Garrus stood in front of the door. She quickly checked the lock. He wasn't allowed in under any circumstances. Her inside was a mess and her husband didn't make it any better. Every fiber of her body screamed for him. That wasn't normal, that wasn't normal at all. 

"Litavis?"

"Go."

"Litavis, please. Let me in."

"Just go, Garrus!"

"Please, I'm worried."

"You don't have to. I'm fine. Now please go, Garrus."

"I'm not going. I must see you."

"EDI, Armada, throw him out."

"Are you sure, Shepard?"

"Yes, EDI!"

She took a shower. There she squatted, turned on the water and closed her eyes. She wanted to see him. She wanted to flee into his arms, be held by him, feel him... None of this was possible. She was not allowed to do that now. She had to stop Desolas, she had to protect Invictus. She could not fight when she acted like a teenager. And she could not explain it to him. Not now. Her husband would worry and not want to leave her side. If he thought she was angry with him, it would be better.


	55. damnatio mortis?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sick, vacation and sick again...  
> But I am back! Finally the next chapter is finished. Death sentence, await you.

Tired, Litavis rubbed her eyes. They stepped on the spot. No, that wasn't right. Desolas lost ground. More and more ships and stations were taken over or destroyed by them. Nevertheless, they didn't get any closer to their real goal. Always new information, which they sent on, but again and again it was a disappointment. She felt as if she was chasing a ghost through nightmares. Almost every third station contained a room full of tanks. There were no viable mutants left, but the Turians in the tanks were frightening enough. More and more, and their faces burned into her memory. Every single face would haunt her for the rest of her life. Wrex watched her anxiously. Since her body had changed, her team always looked at her with great concern. She could understand it. The redhead also worried herself. If Karren did not numb her sleep was impossible. She often sat in complete darkness in her loft and tried to get used to her infrared vision. Meanwhile she had her eyes better under control. She couldn't name every vision, but it was helpful. She could see in the dark, see bodies behind walls, see heartbeats... often the admiral had to think of the old film Predator. That's about how she felt at the moment. What really bothered her was her sense of smell and her hearing. EDI let the air filters in her quarters run at full speed. That helped, at least a little. Her hearing was harder to trick. Armada and Wrex only moved on tiptoes when she retreated. Still, she just heard everything. It was a constant murmur. A constant murmur that swelled and then went down again. Often enough she almost drove this background noise into madness. In action it was something else again. Shepard had feared that every shot would tear her apart. That wasn't the case. She heard where the enemy came from, she heard the footsteps, the breaths, the heartbeats, but it wasn't disruptive. Only in peace did she get problems. Chakwas came in and gave her the injection. Sighing, Litavis sank back and huddled together on the bed. A few hours of rest would help her. Karren had even found a narcotic that could prevent nightmares.  
A few hours later, the redhead woke up. She stretched out extensively and took a shower. Then she took a look at her terminal. Castis and Solana regularly wrote her messages and sent her photos of her son. He grew so fast. Litavis missed him tremendously. She ignored the news from Garrus. She had only sent him one message. She was fine and he should concentrate on his mission. The Primarch had tried to give the Normandy an escort ship. She had refused. The Normandy was and remained the fastest and most agile ship in the galaxy. She could use a block on her leg better than an escort ship. They shared information and notified nearby ships when they attacked. They had reached their next destination. With Liara and EDI she combed the facility. It ran as usual. They fought their way through and recovered new destinations again. The admiral was furious. She was really angry. Again they didn't really get any further. Again on the ship she waited on the bridge for the analysis of the data. Her eyes flashed. A large station appeared on the map. At the edge of the Milky Way. In the middle of nowhere. The perfect hiding place. She would have liked to have stormed right away, but she set course for Omega. They needed resources and small repairs. The Citadel would also be possible, but it would take too much time. Litavis sat on hot coals all day. She walked restlessly up and down her room. Chakwas had stunned her again in the meantime. Kolyat had tried to distract her. They were already drinking the second cup of tea. This smell calmed her down somehow. It was pleasant. Covered up all the other smells. The Drell was silent all the time. He tried to teach her how to meditate. So she should come to rest. Unfortunately she needed some rest. She had to relax and that just didn't work at all. Her thoughts were constantly wandering around. All the information she had was analysed without interruption. In her thoughts everything went through again and again. Finally Kolyat had even embraced her. The Drell was pleasantly cool. Did Garrus feel that way when he hugged her? The redhead tried to concentrate on her breathing. The young man smelled pleasantly. Of sand and dry grass. It reminded her of the desert. He smelled of his homeland. Garrus on the other hand smelled of leather and metal. Every people seemed to have an individual smell. The heartbeat of the other hammered like drumbeats in their ears. Litavis concentrated entirely on the rhythm. She could not hide the sounds, but when she concentrated it became more bearable. Finally Kolyat had let her go again and tried further meditation. It was not a full success, but she was calmer. After one day everything was done and they finally set off. Litavis had other ships informed. If they needed reinforcements. The redhead inspected her weapons and prepared herself. She would take Wrex and Armada with her. But... if they met mutants there,... she didn't know. Telepaths probably couldn't become dangerous to an AI. On the other hand, he had been able to access her implants without any problems. Then a synthetic life form would probably be even more vulnerable. Liara... as Asari she had abilities that she could perhaps use. So Liara and Armada. She needed a melee fighter. Wrex wouldn't like that. He would not like it at all. Finally they reached their goal. Steve really had extreme difficulties flying them to the station. Joker and EDI deflected the station's guns as best they could and fired back. The resistance inside was stronger than on any other. The Turians here were almost an image of Saren. They had so many implants and artificial limbs that they really looked like the former Spectre. More and more waves hit them. That they did not run out of ammunition was a pure miracle. After all, they had a break. Very slowly and carefully they moved forward. Her new senses were really helpful here. She saw the next enemy before he came too close. Cover was the most common word used by the admiral. Litavis felt as if they had been here for hours. They had found a locked door. Some Turians had tried to open it, but in vain. Whatever was in there seemed to be defending itself. Armada immediately set about hacking the lock. It took some time for him to succeed. Shepard entered the room alone and looked around. Suddenly a Turian stood in front of her with her gun drawn.

"Take it easy. I'm not gonna hurt you. I am..."

"Admiral Shepard, I know."

"You have an advantage."

"I'm Alna Kryik."

"Kryik? Are you related to Nihlus?" 

"I am his daughter."

"What are you doing here?"

"A long story..."

"You're helping Desolas?"

"Yes... no... I..."

"Start at the beginning."

"During the Reaper War, we formed a squad to fight the invaders. We wanted to protect our people. Desolas was our leader."

"I thought he had been indoctrinated."

"That Desolas didn't."

"This Desolas? A clone?"

"Yes. Saren... that doesn't matter. You survived something that was impossible. You have power. The humans rise to be rulers of the galaxy. Under your guidance. You are a danger."

"You think it's a trick? The Reapers use me?"

"Yes."

"They would have won. The victory was for sure. So why would they do that?"

"That's what I asked him. But he said we had to be careful. He became more and more extreme. He did things... that was..."

"I saw it. I felt it. I know it!"

"That's not right. I tried to stop him. Talked to him, begged him... he doesn't want to stop. He just keeps going."

"You are his partner."

"I was. But there is nothing left of the Desolas who meant everything to me. He wants to do that with our son."

"He wants what???"

Alna dropped the gun and stepped into a corner. As she turned around, she held a tiny baby in her hands. Turians were tiny, as babies. They fit into one hand. It would be hard to believe that this little creature would one day become so big. Shepard froze completely when she suddenly held the little creature in her arms.

"I will protect my child, Shepard. He must be stopped. He's gone mad."

"Mother feelings change everything..."

"Yes... I can't fight him. You do."

"I'll stop him... For our children."

"I'll help you from here. Only bring Nihlus to safety."

"Armada!"

Carefully she gave the small being to the Geth and sent him to the shuttle.

"Thank you, Shepard. I'll do what I can from here. If it has to be..."

"I'll stop him."

"Good luck, Shepard. My father liked you. Now I know why."

With Liara she now advanced further. Without Armada they progressed much slower, but it was the right decision. The Geth was able to get back faster. Again and again doors closed and others opened. Alna showed them the way. From EDI they were told that other ships had appeared. Asari and Turians also stormed the station. This explained why they now encountered less resistance. Finally they reached a long corridor. There was no cover here. So their biotic had to protect them. She could hear the fights that took place at some distance. As soon as she stepped through the door, it closed. Before Litavi could find cover, several shots hit her shields. She was surrounded. Her shields wouldn't stand that long. So the admiral fired salvo after salvo. She had to reduce the number of enemies quickly. Her shields failed. The impacts on her armor made her groan. She could have formed a new shield, but she preferred to use her biotics to attack. Attack was the best defense here. Only Desolas was left. They aimed at each other, but both weapons gave only a soft click. No more ammunition. Litavis quickly threw herself aside when the Turian attacked her. She was exhausted. Her biotics no longer obeyed her. She quickly unfolded her universal blade. A close-combat. Now it would turn out how good her husband was as a teacher. The Turian used his reach and Shepard had all hands full protecting her face and throat. They both bled from multiple wounds. Her breath went heavy. The admiral was only one millisecond too slow. Deeply, the other's blade drilled into her right thigh. Instead of going back, she hit her handle into the unprotected stomach of the other. Both fell to the ground. Desolas sparkled at her and crawled to a terminal. The redhead couldn't get up. She became dizzy. With her last strength she formed a thin biotic barrier just above the wound. She screamed painfully, but the blood became less.

"My mutants are free, human. They will win."

"Alna? Alna, do you hear me?"

"Here, Shepard... wounded... nothing can..."

"Self-destruct?"

"Alna, no! We win!"

"It was an honor, Shepard."

A metallic voice announced that the self-destruct had been activated. They had five minutes left.

"This is Admiral Litavis Shepard, Council Spectre. All units, retreat immediately. I repeat: Immediate retreat. Liara, go!"

She laboriously sat up and looked at the Turian. They would both die here. Even if these doors were to open, she wouldn't make it back.

"You're dying here, human."

"And you lose, Desolas."

A violent noise made her flinch. Something hammered against the locked door. Someone seemed to hit it with a metallic object.

"LITAVIS!"

"GARRUS?"

"I'LL GET YOU OUT!"

"GO! GARRUS, GO! PLEASE!!!"

"EDI, ARMADA, OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR!"

"GARRUS, THERE'S NO TIME! FLEE!!!"

"NOT WITHOUT YOU!"

"Detonation in 3:59." the computer voice sounded again.


	56. suspirium

Her senses faded. The constant hammering against the door remained. Garrus would not leave. He wouldn't leave her here. She had to do something. Anything, otherwise her husband would die here with her. She was so terribly cold and she was so tired. So incredibly tired. She just wanted to sleep. Just a short moment of rest. But if she did that now, Garrus would die. He would never leave her here alone. Shepard tried to fight the powerlessness down. She laboriously straightened herself up further. Her gaze wandered through the room. Somewhere it had to be here after all... if Desolas had locked the door from here, she had to be able to open this thing too. With trembling hands she pulled herself up at a console. Her injured leg immediately gave way under her weight and she had to lean heavily on the console. Desola's laughter sounded hollow and weak. The redhead fought her way forward infinitely slowly. Her vision blurred again and again. But finally she had found the right console. But the door opened a little. The last power escaped her tormented body and Shepard collapsed. She wanted to shout to him that he should disappear. He had to disappear here. She saw the Turian pushing his way through the door. He fought his way through with all his strength and finally kneeled down in front of her.

"Litavis..."

"I can't walk..."

"Then I'll carry you."

A scream expressing pure agony escaped her throat. The pain was monstrous. Garrus ran with her on her arm through the ship. They wouldn't make it, he was too slow with her on his arm. The redhead looked around laboriously. The shuttle was out of reach. She pointed to the left. There were the escape pods. Maybe they had such a chance. Behind the next corner was something. But before she could say anything, they were already bent around the corner. There were four disfigured mutants. 

"Don't look them in the eye, Garrus..."

Her husband immediately lowered his gaze. So Desolas had been right. They were really free and able to survive. Shepard breathed deeply a few times. They still had ninety seconds. Their goal was so close... At the end of this walk. Strongly she started to tremble. Garrus pressed her to protect her. The compress she had formed around her leg disintegrated. Immediately a true stream of blood shot out of her wound again. She didn't have much time. She formed a large biotic shield. Like Jack in the collector base. Garrus understood her immediately and he trusted her blind. Without hesitation he ran right through the mutants. They reached the escape pod. Her husband threw himself on the seat and continued to hold her. The capsule started. There was a violent explosion. The flash of light hurt her eyes tremendously. The shock wave shook the small capsule. Their helmets hit each other hard. Litavis lost consciousness. She felt incredibly light as if she was floating. It was quiet. So calm. Now she could finally sleep. Everything was fine. Reality came back as a stabbing pain. The sniper tied off her injured leg. Hot tears rose into her eyes. She struggled for air, but then stopped it again. This capsule was only designed for one person. Their oxygen supply would run out very quickly. Garrus stroked her soothingly through the sweaty hair. Tired, she leaned against him. 

"How are you?"

"Not good."

"We can do this..."

"Ships nearby?"

"No. The explosion shook us up pretty bad and drove us a long way..."

"If they're even looking for us."

"Of course they'll look for us."

"Do you think?"

"Sure. They won't give up."

"They won't. It's just a race against time, and it's against us."

"We have a lot of time."

"No, Garrus. There's two of us sitting in a rescue capsule that's designed for one."

"That is, instead of two days the oxygen is enough for one..."

"Exactly. If we're lucky."

"That's a lot of time."

"All they have to do is search one system..."

"I'm sure EDI and the Geth will calculate where we are by now."

"If they think we made it into a escape pod."

"You doubt it."

"What makes you think that?"

"You're angry at me. If you thought we were gonna survive, you'd yell at me."

"I'm dizzy, I'm cold and the loss of blood is killing me."

"Oh... I was able to stop the bleeding."

"Hmm..."

"Litavis... how bad is it?"

"Bad... I'm dizzy."

"Fuck... Litavis... you don't have a day left."

"Take it easy, Garrus. You stopped the bleeding... that gives me time."

"Still... we have to... what about your medigel?"

"Medigel doesn't help with such a wound, you know that."

"Yes... I... can I do anything else?"

"Stop talking. We consume oxygen unnecessarily".

"I love you, Litavis."

"I love you too, Garrus."

He gently put his mouth plates on her lips. Shepard returned this gesture and tried to smile encouragingly. Silently they sat in the narrow capsule. Her husband held her tight all the time. One of his hands rested on her neck. He probably wanted to monitor her body temperature and pulse. Her eyes kept looking for the rescue capsule's surveillance systems. The oxygen content of the air dropped drastically. They had been floating in the nowhere for a long time. 

"Are you afraid, Litavis?"

"What from?"

"You are already once... so..."

"This time... it'll be different. We just fall asleep. Or pass out. We won't feel it."

"There is worse."

"Right."

"And we are together."

"Yes. We are."

Again he kissed her and pulled her even tighter. Shepard's thoughts drifted to her son. Hot tears rose into her eyes. Her husband seemed to feel the same way. His grip became even tighter, almost painful. She gently put her arms around his neck and held him tight. Castis and Solana would take care of Invictus. They would raise him, give him everything he needed and most importantly, they would love him. He had a loving home. She gently stroked the Turian's neck and finally drew his clan signs again. His gaze was full of love for her and she felt much lighter. Time went by fast. The sniper had fallen asleep at some point. The oxygen content was dangerously low. With much effort she pulled Garrus his helmet on again. The survival systems in his armor would give him a few hours. She gritted her teeth together and loosened the upper part of her armor. Now she could still connect her systems to his armor. Now he had much more air. Her suit had a huge hole... it wouldn't help her. If she had told him about it earlier, he would have given her the air in this capsule... You would have gained some time... now he had much more time. Shepard reached into her wound. With her blood she wrote one last message on the wall. 'Save him'. Her world turned black.


	57. Tempus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally made it. Actually the chapter should come sooner, but well, it usually comes differently than we hope.

Voices. She heard voices. Had she seen anything? Yes... She had seen something, only shadows, but she had clearly seen something. Legion and Thane. Not good, not good at all. She must have been wrong. If she had seen these two... Shepard listened inside herself. She felt very light. She floated in deep darkness and felt nothing... nothing at all. No pain. She did not feel it, no pain at all. Again the thought came to her: That was not good. Carefully she pulled on her injured leg. Again the pain failed to appear. Shepard gradually moved each of her limbs. That felt normal. The redhead took a deep breath. Did she really breathe? Or was that delusion? She should have pain. Quite clearly. She had to be in pain. On the other hand... Garrus had tied her leg. No blood had flowed for hours. It was probably dead below the compress. Phantom pain... when was the last time she felt pain? When she woke up? No. The pain had always been in her consciousness. Miranda had needed a long time before she had found the right narcotic. But Karren knew what remedy she needed. She was a good doctor, always worried about her patients and she would never let any of them suffer. But there was a problem. When she was treated by Karren, the others had found her... The admiral listened tense. She had to hear something. Her hearing drove her mad at the moment. Now she could use it. All the admiral heard was deafening silence. Maybe they were still drifting through space in the escape capsule. Her husband wore his helmet, so she couldn't hear his breathing. But his heartbeat. She didn't hear him! Calm... no panic. She did not hear her own heartbeat either. Also not her breaths, or the sound of her blood. Another dead end. Litavis wanted to scream. She turned in a circle. Okay... What did she know? She had some clues, now all she had to do was put them together. She had no pain and she heard nothing. That might indicate that she was unconscious. A deep unconsciousness. That was logical. However... she had heard voices and seen something. This could be misdirected information from her brain. Like a déjà-vu. That was logical. So she could explain it. But this information could also be interpreted quite differently. She had seen Legion and Thane. Why these two? They were the last two she had lost. No, that was wrong. The last one she had lost was Anderson. So why... Kolyat and Armada! Maybe she had confused the two. That had happened to her before and in her condition... Acute oxygen deficiency... she could also have hallucinations. There were too many possibilities. She didn't get any further. Maybe she should just wait. But what should she wait for? What if she was running out of time? If she had to do anything to wake up again? Only what? Again and again she screamed at herself. She had to wake up. Okay... so that wasn't it. Wrong approach. What else could she try? Again she moved every single part of her body. If she could move, she could walk. Litavis walked through the darkness. Did she ever come from that place? She had no points of orientation. After a felt eternity she stopped. She was not out of breath, she was not sweating, she was not exhausted. Slowly Shepard let her gaze wander. Nothing. No change. None at all. There was just nothing she could walk on. Again she listened. Silence. She breathed and did not hear it. Did she really breathe? No. Now no new questions. She wouldn't find the answer anyway. There were no answers here. There was nothing here. Anger and despair spread through Shepard. Only with difficulty could she push back these feelings. Anger would no longer make her think clearly and despair no more. She just didn't have much except her clear mind. That only apparently didn't help her here either... no, no, no, no, no. She was not allowed to think like that. Not yet. Until now she had tried to analyse everything. She had not made any progress with that. She had yelled at herself in her thoughts and had tried to find an exit. Always the same result. So she did not get any further. What else could she try? Maybe the solution was quite simple. Litavis sat down on the floor and made herself comfortable. Just wait. That was the only possibility she could think of at the moment. She closed her eyes. If she fell asleep here, she might have woken up. Loony logic. But she clung to every straw. This action was also unsuccessful. What else could she try now? Maybe she just needed patience. Unfortunately, Shepard had lost all sense of time. She kept tapping her foot. There was no noise either. Again she took a deep breath.

"Hello?"

That would have been too easy. Nevertheless she listened. Maybe she got an answer after all. So she could hear her own voice. Was that now a progress? Litavis simply booked it as such. So she could still hear. If she could still hear, she wasn't dead. Was that a fallacy? Could you still access your senses when you were dead? Did you know you were dead? Did you still have your body? Angrily Shepard shook her head. She had already noticed that that didn't help. There was a noise. Quietly, but there was clearly a noise. Immediately the admiral jumped up and ran in the direction where the noise came from. Was she approaching? It was quiet again. What had that been? A noise? A voice? 

"HELLO?"

From the left! Again she ran off. That was ridiculous! She didn't even know if she was moving at all. But the noise had been louder. So she had to approach. Further, further and further. Three more times Shepard shouted as loudly as she could. Suddenly she fell. Her right leg gave way under her. That was good. That was even very good. The redhead laboriously straightened up. Slowly she limped on. It was a hiss. She knew this noise. Somewhere she knew this noise. Only from where? It had to come to her mind. It had to be... a breathing apparatus? Yes. That was definitely a breathing apparatus. She was being ventilated. With this realization also the pain twitched through her leg. She was alive! Pure relief spread throughout her. She lived. But she was trapped here. Coma or waking coma. That was the most likely. What did she know about the effects... death, massive brain damage... because she was alive... That was not good. Oh damn it! Her brain had clearly suffered. She thought the same thing over and over again. Her thoughts went round in circles. 

"Come back to me, Litavis."

Garrus! That was Garrus. He was alive. Hot tears rose into her eyes. She did not cry with grief. That was pure relief. He was alive and well. Invictus still had his father. 

"Litavis, don't cry, darling."

Wait... she was really crying? When her husband saw her crying, she could control her body. Slowly she raised her right arm. No reaction came from the Turian. So that didn't work. The other arm? The legs? No... her head. If she could cry, then the head would be the logistical one. Not either. Time seemed to pass differently for her. She had heard very even breaths from the Turian twice. He must have fallen asleep. And he really needed little sleep. The despair pushed itself ever further into the foreground. With much effort the redhead fought this feeling down. She could not lose herself now. She had to keep control.

"Please, Litavis. Please come back to me. I need you."

"I AM HERE, GARRUS!"

He didn't hear her. There was nothing she could do. Nothing at all. Tormented, Shepard pinched her eyes together. Light. There was a light. As fast as she could, she limped towards it. Pain distorted she cried out as she went to the ground. Her leg seemed to become a single wound. Panting, she straightened up again. She had to go on. Step by step she went on. It became lighter and lighter. Suddenly she stopped. She had never belonged to any religion. All this had never meant anything to her and she thought it was superfluous. Of course she had picked up some things anyway. Wasn't it always true that you saw a light when you died? Then it was not good when she walked towards the light. On the other hand, the pain became almost unbearable. Shepard closed her eyes and took the last step. She fell. She fell into infinity and struck in pure agony. The admiral had to cough. Immediately the Turian jumped up and screamed for Karen. Directly she got rid of the hose. Bright light hit her pupils. Doctor Chakwas asked her some questions, but she couldn't answer.

"Water..."

Her husband held a cup directly to her lips. Greedily she drank a few sips. That alone was damn exhausting. It took her a few minutes to recover. Her voice was damn scratchy.

"The others...?"

"Everyone's fine, Litavis."

"Nihlus?"

"With the spirits, how am I supposed to do this a third time?"


	58. videre

What the hell did he mean now? What did he want to do a third time? Shepard pinched her eyes together as another wave of pain literally rolled over her. Sizzling she sucked in the air. Immediately her husband's grip became a little tighter. Doctor Chakwas rushed straight to her and controlled her vital signs. Her pulse shot up drastically. Her implants seemed to glow again. She thought she was burning and her skull seemed to explode. She got a terrible headache. A needle penetrated her arm. Litavis became dizzy and her eyelids heavy. Very heavy. She didn't want to sleep. But she had no chance against the medicine. The admiral fell asleep.  
When she woke up again, she looked around skeptically. Directly the redhead twisted her eyes. This was clearly a hospital room. She was in hospital again. An annoyed sound escaped her. She struggled laboriously into a seated position. She should be shocked. She should cry, she should scream... None of this happened. Everything was going through her head was: I've lost one leg again. Litavis hit the ceiling to the side. Disinterested she looked down at herself. The stump had something familiar. That was sick. She was supposed to change her life drastically. Sighing, Shepard sank back into the pillow. What was she deluding herself of? She would never change anything. She pulled the thin blanket over her body again. The sound of the door made her look to the side. Garrus came in. He looked at her so lovingly. Tenderly he grabbed her hand and stroked a strand from her face. 

"Garrus..."

"I'm here, Shepard."

"Well..."

"Thanks to you, I survived. That was damn dangerous. You could have died. What were you thinking?"

"Hmm..."

"Litavis... I..."

"Garrus..."

"Yes?"

"WHAT DO YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU LEFT ME AND INVICTUS ALONE!!!"

"Litavis..."

"OH NO! NOTHING LITAVIS! WHEN I'M OUT OF HERE AGAIN, I'LL BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!!! HOW CAN YOU DARE TO JUST DISAPPEAR? HOW CAN YOU JUST BREAK YOUR PROMISE LIKE THAT????"

The Turian jumped up and simply pressed her to himself. He laughed. How could he... Yet she returned his embrace. But when he wanted to kiss her he got a slap in the face. He still beamed at her. 

"I love you, Garrus. But I am angry."

"And that's one of the best things that could happen to me."

"Oh?"

"If you're angry, then you're fine. And that is just incredibly beautiful. I thought you'd lost your memory again."

"Nihlus. The baby! How is he?"

"He is fine. Armada certainly brought him to Normandy. The doctors are examining him."

"We have to find his family. His clan."

"I've already taken care of it."

"Good."

"Miranda and Kashari will be here soon. Get some rest." 

Consistently she obeyed. Apparently she was even fallen asleep again. When she opened the eyes again the two women stood at her bed. Her husband had held her hand the whole time. She was clearly warmer than the rest of her body. Waiting, she looked at them both. Miranda seized first the word.

"Shepard... that was terribly scarcely. Whatever the mutant did with your implants, that saved your life. The brain damages were enormous. You were almost dead."

"I should look for a new hobby."

"Absolutely, Admiral. I've never seen anyone with such brain damage..."

"Okay, was I dead or almost dead?"

"We don't know, Shepard."

"You don't know?"

"No. There's nothing more of the brain damage on the new scans."

"That explains my headaches and burning."

"Your implants are constantly overheating. You have burns, Admiral."

"Okay. I've had brain damage, I've got huge headaches, burns and I'm missing a leg again. So, what now?"

"Painkillers, we'll treat your burns and I'll give you a new leg."

"When do we start?"

"Now. We're preparing you for surgery."

"She's only just awake."

"It's okay, Garrus. Then I'll get out of here faster. Let's get started."

Her husband wasn't very enthusiastic, but he didn't say anything. She was taken to the surgery area. She really had routine with it. That wasn't good. She could see Garrus on the other side of the window. Even though she was angry, she gave him a reassuring smile. The burning in her arm ended all thoughts.  
Shepard had a pale taste in her mouth. She barely opened her eyes when she felt a glass on her lips. Carefully Garrus instilled some water in her. Skeptically she looked down at herself. Underneath the blanket lay two legs. She licked her dry lips. She was supposed to yell at him again so that he would know she was all right. But then the door opened.

"Mommy!"

"Invictus. My darling."

Castis handed her her son. Firmly she pressed the little Krogan to herself. He had grown again. Humming he cuddled up to her and she could only hold him. Tears ran down her cheeks. Finally she held her son in her arms again. All the pain was forgotten. At least for the moment. Her father-in-law smiled briefly and then left the room again. She moved slightly to the side. Her husband understood the clue and lay next to her. But her son ignored his father completely. He preferred to snuggle up devotedly to his mother. Tenderly Garrus stroked his head and took her right in his arms. He put another ice pack in her neck.

"You're almost as warm as I am."

"I hope you are exaggerating."

"A little.

"Mommy..."

"Yes, my darling?"

"Bad men boom, boom?"

"Yes. The bad man is dead."

"No more gone?"

"No. I'm staying with you now. And so is your daddy."

"Good."

"But Daddy spends a lot of time on the couch now."

"Not bed?"

"No."

"Oh damn it. Are you serious, Litavis?"

"Yes, Garrus. This is my full serious." 

"When you get out of the hospital, you're gonna need help."

"I can call you."

"I have to earn the bed again?"

"Yes."

"Then I enjoy it now."

Laughing, she breathed a kiss on her sleeping son's head. Satisfied, she cuddled up to her husband again and fell asleep.


	59. Conatus

Invictus clasped her weak leg. Whenever she lifted it, he took two steps and pulled it forward. Then he fixed her knee so that she could pick it up left. That wasn't necessary anymore and she progressed very slowly, but she let her son go. He wanted to help her. It was simply amazing how fast he grew. He was only one year old and compared to a human child... she would equate him with a four-year-old child. The little Krogan stopped in front of a bank and Litavis sat down. Invictus sat right next to her. Tenderly she breathed a kiss on his head. Satisfied, her son smiled at her. Grunt approached her and the little Krogan growled angrily. Grunt returned this gesture before laughing. She sent her son to her loft with the other Krogans. Without grumbling her son followed this wish.

"How are you, fight master?"

"Quite well. My leg is still weak."

"Not as weak as your son thinks."

"He wants to help and I leave him."

"Did you do that to me too?"

"Never, Kiddo."

"Good."

She didn't try to grin now. Slowly she got up again and let the other help her. 

"How did it go here?"

"The old Turian kept everything running."

"You can rely on Castis."

"Was it a hard fight?"

"No. What I saw was harder to bear."

"The tank breeding."

"I don't know what they were, Grunt."

"I told you, tank breeds."

"If that's what you want to call them."

"They were weak."

"Grunt... one of them could have killed me without even moving."

"What?"

"I guess nobody told you that?"

"No... how?"

"If I knew that. He only looked at me and I was very close to death again."

"You are always close to death, fight master."

"A bad death. I could have died in bed then, too."

"I thought, people want that."

"Yes... I am first and foremost a soldier. If I'm going to die, it's spectacular."

"Ha! That's right, fight master."

"But let's be honest... I beat the Reapers. I don't think anything more spectacular will happen in my lifetime."

"Probably not. Everything okay, fight master?"

"The implants... I'm just done, Grunt."

"I'll take you home and you'll rest."

"Invictus..."

"I got this."

Grunt really took her to her bedroom. As soon as her head touched the pillow she fell asleep. Shepard couldn't tell how long she had slept, but she felt a little better. The redhead was hungry. She was often hungry at the moment. She heard voices from below. Garrus had come home. Groaning, she turned around. Miranda came by every other day to examine her. She made good progress, only she was still in pain. 

"Invictus, now let me nevertheless up. I only want to look after her."

"Mommy ouch, Mommy sleep."

"I just want to check on her."

"You not bed."

"I don't want to go to bed. I just want to check on Mommy."

"Mommy sleep."

"Garrus?"

"Mommy calls me. Can I go up now?"

"Yes. Me too."

A short time later the two of them came into the room. Her son immediately climbed into her bed. Smiling, she took him in her arms. Her husband carefully put his hand in her neck. His hand felt warm. That was a good sign. Everything seemed to be working normally today. Tenderly he stroked a strand of hair from her face. 

"How do you feel?"

"Weak and hungry."

"I have dinner ready."

"Sounds good."

"Do you need help?"

"I'm helping Mommy."

"I can carry your mommy down. Then she doesn't have to make an effort."

"All right."

Laughing she looked at the Turian and let him lift her up. At the base the admiral was set down on the sofa. Invictus immediately put a blanket over her legs. Everything his father handed him he proudly brought to the table. They ate together and the sniper brought the little one to bed afterwards. As soon as he sat next to her again, she snuggled up to him. Directly he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her right to himself. Tired, she closed her eyes. It was nice to be held by him. 

"Anything new in the office?"

"Terra Nova is completely independent. They don't need food supplies anymore."

"That's wonderful!"

"Yes, your colony is a complete success."

"It's not my colony."

"You know how I mean that."

"I know, but..."

"Bad choice of words."

"Yes."

"I'll never do it again. How are you, Litavis?"

"I feel weak and emaciated."

"Miranda already mentioned that you need more nutrients. I got more of those biotics shakes for you."

"Thank you, Garrus."

"Not for that. It's part of my job to take care of you."

"Have you remembered?"

"I guess I deserve that. And you will always remind me of it."

"Of course I will."

"Do you think I'll forget when I have to sleep on the sofa?"

"Oh? The sofa reminds you of that? Actually I wanted to let you back into bed today, but if that's so..."

"No, no, no, no. I remember it even without the sofa."

"Are you sure?

"Sure."

"If that is so... I think about it. And besides, you don't sleep on the sofa at all, but only in another room."

"I would sleep nevertheless rather with you."

She looked at the television again. Her stomach growled again and her husband got her a shake. After that she felt better. Sometime Garrus took her legs on his lap and began to massage them. At some point she just fell asleep. When the Turian lifted her up she woke up again. She put her arms around his neck. Carefully she was set down on the bed and undressed. Smiling she looked at him. 

"Come to bed, Garrus."

Immediately her husband undressed and lay next to her. As soon as she lay in his arms he began to purr. The redhead traced his clan signs until he fell asleep. The next morning, of course, she woke up after the sniper. Litavis took her time to take a shower. The warm water was just too pleasant. When she finally came down the stairs, she had to laugh. Invictus sat on the kitchen counter and explained to his father how to boil the eggs. She sat down on a stool and watched them smiling. 

"Would you like to visit Nihlus in hospital again today?"

"Has his clan still not contacted you?"

"They are still discussing. They lost almost everything during the war."

"That's an excuse."

"It is. But they can just refuse."

"I don't understand why."

"Neither do I. Probably his father is the problem."

"He can't help his ancestry."

"You know how the Turians are."

"I know."

They had breakfast together and then she went to the hospital together. She visited the little one every third day. He was lying in a kind of incubator. Sighing, she took the baby out and laid it on her breast. Invictus sat on her lap as soon as she sat in the rocking chair. Her husband was there for the first time and looked at her in surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"The little one is in this thing all the time. He's completely isolated. Our son and I give him a little body contact."

"He seems to like it very much."

"Actually, I'd put him on naked skin, but I'm too cool for that."

"On naked skin?"

"I... thought too human, or Garrus?"

" A little. But I think it's great that you care so much about him. And I think the little Turian looks good on you."

"Do you hear that, Invictus? Your daddy wants you to have a little brother."

"I had that now actually... are you thinking about it?"

"No. He has a family."

"One that doesn't seem to want him."

"We will see. Maybe they are still thinking about it."

"Do you really believe that?"

"At least I hope so. Unfortunately, I can't force them."

"You could probably convince them."

"As I convinced Victus? Better not."

"Would you really have done that?"

"Probably. But now it doesn't matter."

"It is."

"What will happen to Nihlus if his clan doesn't accept him?"

"We also have orphanages."

"His grandfather was a Spectre and his mother helped to stop Desolas. Besides, he is so sweet. How can one not want such a small being?

She noticed a barely audible purring. That was from the little one. Invictus started humming directly. One of the nurses came in and put some meat porridge on the table. Directly Litavis grabbed it and fed the little one. He ate well. At least if she fed him. Finally, the redhead put the little Turian back in the incubator. Invictus clung to her new leg again and helped her walk. They sat down in a cafe and their son got a big ice cream.

"Do you go later still to Miranda?"

"I do not think. She says to me anyway always the same. I must spare myself. For my conditions I spare myself yes".

"True also again. If I should take myself free, then I can help you with Invictus."

"No help. Papa away."

"I think our son hates me."

"No. He doesn't hate you. He just needs some time."

"I'm not going away again, Invictus. I'll stay with you."

" Mommy aua. "

"I know your mother is in pain."

"You Mommy ouch."

"No, Invictus. It wasn't me."

"You gone. You Mommy ouch."

"Come here, my darling. Your dad wanted to protect us, so he left. That wasn't very smart, but he had to do it."

"Really?"

"He wanted to prevent us from getting hurt."

"Not done."

"But he tried."


End file.
